This isn’t my first streak, but it is my longest. In a couple of months I’ll be 18. I started NoFap a year ago. When I started, I struggled with anxiety. I felt impending doom in regards to the future – being forever alone, getting shit grades etc.
Whilst hanging out in groups, I could think of nothing to say, getting incredibly stressed out. Self-conscious, red in the face, scared of talking.
I spent most of my time at home. Gaming, reading books and manga, watching anime, wasting time on forums, watching porn and hentai. That sort of thing. Not going out to meet up with friends.
Doesn’t feel great recalling this stuff.
So. Where does NoFap come into this? I stumbled across NoFap, with all its tales of ‘superpowers’, extreme confidence and getting girls.
Like a moth to a flame, I blindly looked to NoFap for help, believing that it would solve all my problems. This would be my salvation, my panacea (despite the FAQ’s contrary statements). All the positive anecdotes overwhelmed me.
Got to 30 days, went to a house party expecting… something. ‘Something’ never happened. I came home depressed, couldn’t sleep, fapped. Feeling betrayed my NoFap. By my own stupid expectations. Of course it wouldn’t work. Nothing works. I stopped NoFap.
In the next few months, I left the social group causing me stress (and confessed to a crush in that group, in an excrutiatingly cringeworthy manner), attended counselling sessions, and got good grades – then an offer from a fantastic university. My self-esteem improved. None of this had anything to do with NoFap.
Fast forward to 90-ish days ago. I have my final exams in June, which will decide the Uni I attend.
How did I start my current streak? I simply made a decision: I’m not going to watch porn anymore. It’s bad for me. Fuck NoFap, fuck superpowers. I’m only doing this because I can’t be assed to watch porn anymore. I’m doing this for ME.
In the past 90 days, I’ve been journaling, working out regularly, doing kegels, as well as cutting out sugar and anime. Spending more time with good friends. More recently I’ve started stretching, taking cold showers, meditating, taking walks, and practising oratory. Cold showers, man. THEY SUCK.
Meditation’s great. Pretty relaxing, though makes me feel a bit zonked out. Journalling is fantastic.
A combination of all these new habits has made me more relaxed and willing to explore new things. I let things roll off me more easily. It is easier, and necessary, to forgive myself for messing up.
Opgepasst: This report is longwinded and mildly aimless. Brevity is not my strong point, and I am writing this mainly for myself.
TL; DR – Reconstruct yourself to become who you want to be. Don’t rely solely on NoFap for improvement. Nofap is just one of several tools to do this. Build up a plan of what to replace porn (and gaming, internet, whatever) with. Stick with new habits. Make a list of new things to explore when you have time. Get out of your comfort zone. SLOWLY. Start small, and take baby steps.
LINK - 90 Dagesbericht
by Oshii
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