We (our general age group) are all looking for a potential significant other who is an adult. Ask anybody what his or her ideal qualities in a girlfriend/boyfriend are, and nobody’s going to say “immature” or “childish.”
But then our generation has this whole weird “prolonged adolescence” thing going on. Each guy has to ask himself, “If I am looking for someone who meets a certain standard, am I at that level yet?” For me, half a year ago, that answer was a resounding no. I was a child. I was steeped in sin and darkness, hiding my shame from the world, like a person with a silent, deadly disease searching for a cure while on the outside doing my best to look healthy. I remember going to church every week and praying for God to remove the sin in my life, to convict me and show me how pornography and masturbation was evil, because at that point, even though I knew it was bad in my head, in my heart I couldn’t see it. I wasn’t hurting anyone. I wasn’t REALLY defiling or hurting myself. What was the problem except that the Bible said it’s bad? Yet through it all, God always provides a way, and sometimes, it’s not what in a way that we would expect at all.
Near the third quarter of the first year of school, I was browsing reddit, and on the front page was a post from the nofap subreddit about the negative effects of pornography and masturbation. Somehow, it had made it all the way up there. I wish I had saved it, because it laid out everything so clearly. Here’s what the benefits of not fapping (and trying to improve my life and grow as a person in other ways) have given me:
- Less brain fog: I used to feel like I was sort of a zombie, trying to get by each and every day, being exhausted, always asking people what was going on, what we had to do, not being in the present. That all started to clear up once I started putting together strings of 4-10 days. Sometimes, I feel like I’m not all there yet, because I still often feel so tired. Despite that, I am now capable of having a razor sharp focus on whatever I’m doing, and am able to be better aware of my surroundings. I can’t wait till I reach the heights of what I’m capable of doing. Maybe once I can get my sleeping schedule under control and as I get more organized and efficient…. Watch out, world ☺
- More energy: I feel a little more alive. This has to do with things I listed when I was describing having less brain fog, but I really do also feel like no matter how tired or sleep deprived I am, I can just keep plugging away and draw on what seems like a vast reserve of strength and energy to get through the day. Prime example of this: A couple weeks ago, my classmates and I had a huge round of midterms, I studied hard for like a week, and the day before our last one, right after the second to last one, I asked my friends if they were going to study. “No,” they said. “I’m going to take a nap.” But I felt totally fine. All I needed was some caffeine and I was good to go and be ready for the last one!
- Adding value to my surroundings: No more a freeloader at school, getting help from a lot of people and never giving anything in return, sometimes people ask me questions and I give them good information! It feels good. I also take less help from others, which is nice. I feel more proactive as well. My parents and sisters used to needle me about the fact that I’m the kind of person to just stand there and not actively help them sometimes. I was like, “well that’s because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do!” I don’t struggle with that so much anymore. I feel a lot more useful.
- More confidence/nerves of steel/less social anxiety: What can I say? I feel all these things. It’s not like I never feel nervous or scared, but I’m no longer afraid. I walk around with the confidence to look people in the eye in a way that shows that I want to hear what they have to say and get to know them better. The times when I’m starting something new, and think, “I have no idea what I’m doing,” don’t matter so much anymore, because I allow myself to feel that, I recognize it, and move on and just do things. I am capable of just letting my brain take over and be like a machine, just putting one foot in front of the other until I’m done. When I feel in over my head, I can get even more in over my head and be fine, because I know that I can do whatever I set my mind to, be successful with it, and learn from it. I feel more engaging and able to talk to strangers as well. These are leaps and bounds above where I was before, and I’m super happy about it.
- More respect from others: Could it be because of eye contact? Pheromones? Posture? Being more in shape? More outward confidence? Who knows? But I do feel like I command more respect from my teachers and peers, and it’s absolutely fantastic.
What I’ve done besides committing quitting fapping To reboot, this is a crucial step. If you stop doing one thing, you have to replace it with something else. You have a certain amount of hours in your week. You can’t just throw them away and replace them with nothing!
• Working out more and eating healthier: This is an important one. Exercising boosts testosterone and dopamine levels, which are biologically important to recovering. Train your body and your mind will follow. You have to break the hormonal and neurological hold pornography and masturbation has put on you, and you do this by re-sensitizing your testosterone and dopamine receptors. Exercise (once a day, three times a week, whenever) can go a long way in all these things.
• Cutting out video games: I stopped playing games. This is a huge thing for me because it’s something I’ve always struggled with. But quitting games has been vital for me. Once I stopped playing games, I realized how narrow my horizons were and how shallow my goals were. I looked at my life, took away games, and I was shocked at how little there was left. I was also forced to confront my own feelings of boredom, depression, and loneliness. But hey, it only sucked for like a week. Now, I’m excited to see what new goals and activities I come up with (hopefully, one of these includes a girlfriend, but we’ll see)
• Started getting more involved in church and community: This is super important. Paul wrote to the Corinthians to expel the immoral brother. While the individual in question was committing incest, Paul very clearly demonstrates that those who are obstinate in their sins are cut off from fellowship. Stopping from sinning has made me healthier and better to engage in community, and connect with everybody in my community group in prayer, fellowship, studying the word, and being a friend. In addition, I’m now able to volunteer to help set up before church. It’s super awesome to show up a couple hours before service, serve the LORD and the church, work hard, and hang out with everybody else on the set up team. Starting there is what helped me feel more confident about myself, because I noticed that I was soaking in all the instructions that I was getting, asking the right people about what to do next, and just always noticing little things that I could do to help the team set up. I can also feel like I can commune with God more clearly. Unhindered by sin and shame, I can genuinely and happily connect with him and just see him. • Started listening to music a little more: It just sounds better. A lot of people have experienced the same thing. I don’t understand it, but it’s cool.
• Personal hygiene, grooming, style: It’s much better. I used to walk to school looking like an absolute mess every day. Now, I don’t. Yay.
So there you have it. In many ways, I don’t fully feel like a full-fledged adult yet, but I can feel myself growing up a lot. Quitting pornography and masturbation was a crucial catalyst for that. Looking at the current version of myself and comparing it to the past version of myself, why would I ever want to go back? Keep fighting the good fight in faith and remember that you owe it to yourself and others to break the habit. Here’s an encouraging quote I found on reddit about nofap: “They feel like superpowers but its actually finally feeling normal for once, its a big leap. People who already feel normal dont feel the difference. That transition is so great that you feel really good like finally being able to walk after after having broken legs. And you wonder why no ones is running as fast as you.” So yeah. Go. Run. Do. Be a new person. Grow up. Every step more capable. Every step more sure of yourself. And pretty soon, you’ll find yourself sprinting down the hills and valleys of life, uphill and downhill, marveling in their beauty and wondering why nobody is running as fast as you. ☺
PS: I can’t wait to get to the point where I fully feel the greatest point of our so-called “superpowers.” Also, if anyone has any advice on how to get a girlfriend, feel free to give it to me lol.
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