I posted my ‘origins’ story here back in November the 12th, 2016. The title was “78 days of Hard Mode” if you want to look it up. For those that can’t be arsed, in essence I was becoming addicted to P. Having spent twenty years of my life MOing with the latter 5 or 6 years or PMOing I had become rather numb to genuine sexual encounters with women. It was terrifying.
I had visions of buying those pills online (can’t name them apparently) and sneaking them down. I truly believed I had hardwired myself into a new weirdly asexual state where only a phone screen could get me going. Saying that, even daily PMOing had lost its allure with not much “action” downstairs. It was like my sexual self was dying. I even avoided a couple of proper sexual come-ons, fearing I wouldn’t be able to perform.
Cut forward and I did 99 days of NoFap. I went through all the trials: flatlines, blueballs, heavier flatlines, doubt and despondency. I also experienced some fantastic benefits: spontaneous erections crept back into my life and I began to realise how powerful my mind was – once upon a time not MOing for 2 nights would have been considered an achievement. Going for 99 days (100 nights) was like climbing a mountain. For me, it became easier after the mid 60s. Indeed, the only trouble I had psychologically towards the end was deciding whether I would persist for longer… Ultimately I decided that with the complete death of P in my mind (gave that up a while before cutting MO) along with the spontaneous arousal, I was ready to reinitiate MOing in a healthy manner. I recognised that I would probably experience a ‘chaser effect’ the first couple of nights, which I did, but I wasn’t worried. After that I managed to maintain a loose rhythm of MOing once every few days. I made sure I was present during the experience, focusing on sensations and positive sexual memories, not fantasy or P etc. It was like being a young teenager again, with no hangups or physiological problems. I truly believe MO is healthy for us; it allows us to connect to our sexual selves when perhaps we are too isolated to connect with someone else, it can destress and it can be fun. The problems arise when it becomes a dependency and a barrier between ourselves and real life.
Cut forward again.
I am now in a healthy, loving sexual relationship with a beautiful girl, both inside and out. A big factor in this success was actually being honest about my issues from the start. I won’t lie, the first week of sexual intimacy with her was horrendous in some ways. Because I had no idea whether my NoFap journey had ‘worked’ or not, I freaked out everytime we took our clothes off and it killed me downstairs. Worrying I was still hardwired the wrong way became a self fulfilling prophecy. We spoke about it a few times however, and eventually the fear left me. I was just happy to be with her (remember, being sexual with someone doesn’t have to include full blown sex). As the fear left, my body came back to me (if you get my drift) and the problems left.
Some advice: do NoFap if you fear you are becoming hooked to PMO or even just MO. It was 2 weeks between me finishing my NoFap streak and finding union with my girl. I’m not for a minute saying that was causal, but I do know that the newfound confidence I had (at least with my clothes on) allowed me to be more open and at ease with her during the first phases of our relationship. Had I been PMOing nightly in my lacklustre, self loathing fashion, I’m sure this would not have been the case. Moreover, as we are doing long distance for the next couple of months, I know I can handle not being with her for fortnight stretches – what’s 14 days vs 100!
Another tip, be open with people about NoFap (without being creepy). I told my best mate about it nearly half way in. He told his wife (another very close friend) and we had a very non-awkward adult conversation about it. I didn’t go into much detail, just that I was wanting to kick P and that by cutting out MO as well I stood a better chance. Funnily enough his wife told my now-girlfriend about this so for all I know, it is a turn on for women to hear your are trying to take control of your sexual life and be more present! Who knows?
Another pointer, recognise the patterns of NoFap so they don’t unexpectedly drag you down. You will most likely flatline. Doesn’t mean you’re broken or asexual. It’s temporary chemistry. You may well get blueballs which are painful but worth it, seeing as they don’t persist forever. You may not feel any different for a long time; no worries, your NoFap streak may need to be longer than the arbitrary 90 days. You may not experience the superhero effects some guys are reporting. I certainly didn’t, and as a cynical scientist I would dispute a lot of them as psychosomatic anyway.
My final, final tip. Try not to overfocus on NoFap. The first few weeks lying in bed, were really difficult for me, as were the blueballs. However, I overcame that and reached a point where it was much easier. I didn’t log into NoFap much at all (maybe 5 times throughout) and I stopped counting the days for much of the middle stretch. I believe that over-focusing creates too much pressure…
Sometimes I still get fleeting, niggling doubts that I’m going to let myself ‘down’ in the bedroom so to speak, but I let them pass, enjoy myself and allow it to happen naturally.
Fight the good fight, Try to love life, Peppo
LINK - True Success Beyond NoFap
by Peppo
POST FROM 3 MONTHS EARLIER – 78 days of Hard Mode
Lurker turned poster here.
I decided to share my story (going against my natural internet tendencies) in the hope that it may bolster others out there struggling. If you like, skip my history as it could trigger you. I’ve included it nevertheless as it helps give a fuller picture of my success thus far.
MO= Masturbate to orgasm
PMO = Porn and masturbation to orgasm
ED = Erektiel Dysfunktioun
WD = wet dreams
***HISTORY***
I started MOing before the age of 10. That means I’ve been doing it on a near daily basis for nearly 20 years. In the last 5-6 years this has become PMO (I was late to the Smartphone thing). I was forced to get a Blackberry by my friends, and a whole netherworld of porn opened up. Obviously I had come across this stuff before, but when you only had access via a family PC in the open plan lounge, it was sporadic. My phone now accompanied me to bed EVERY night. I reckon I spent perhaps 360 nights of every year since 2010 PMOing. Being generous, I’d say that was at least 15 minutes a throw (more like half an hour). Doing the maths, I think I must have spent at LEAST 3 solid weeks of my life using porn. This doesn’t account for the times I watched it prior to Mr Blackberry appearing, nor does it account for the numerous binges along the way. Base level – 3 weeks, absolute minimum… Now, I am a sexually active man, but I have not been in a long term sexual relationship for 8 years. Sexual encounters since then have been relatively spaced out. In other words, my primary sexual outlet is by myself with a phone for company.
A few months ago, I was in a sexual situation with a girl, when I noticed I was not really standing to attention so to speak. This was rather embarrassing for me, and it was obviously putting her on edge as well. All in all, a toe curler of a situation. This was when I REALLY started paying attention… In the next few days, I noticed that my porn use had not changed, but my physiological response had. I can’t be bothered trying to talk around this: my erections were lackluster, even with familiar material I knew I loved. Moreover, if I tried a simple MO instead, I took ages to get it up at all. This properly terrified me. I had never had a problem with this sort of thing before, and my sexual imagination had always been very strong. Now I was lifeless without some hardcore porn, and even with that, it was nothing to write home about. Worse still, forcing myself to MO with an inattentive member was physically damaging me. Think death grip, bruising, friction lesion etc (the shame). Thinking that I must have some sort of physiological erectile dysfunction, I went online. And that was when I discovered NoFap.
I have given up porn once before. Two years ago, the end of 2014, I decided that with the prevalence of revenge porn, and the uploading of videos without both partner’s consent, I wanted out. The pro-porn never floated my boat, and now that amateur stuff’s morality had been called into question, I opted to give it all up. However, I continued to MO daily ( at this point I had no ED problems). The first couple of months were easy (probably as I had two sexual encounters to tide me over). Then things got difficult. I realised my sex drive was waning. Horrified, I thought that quitting porn had killed my libido, so I started phasing in soft stuff on Youtube(erotic music videos, massage techniques and so on). This worked but it was such a faff finding anything suitable that by about 10 months I chucked it and went back to the porn. Had I known about NoFap at this point, I would have pushed on through… This brings us back to the present day, and I am 78 days ‘clean’.
***PRESENT DAY***
I gave up PMO in late August 2016. This coincided with a holiday away to visit friends, which was perfect. An unfamiliar one bed flat with paper thin walls on a freezing cold blow up bed definitely helped to dampen the urges. That week was actually pretty easy. I didn’t miss P at all, but I will say that going to sleep each night with no MO was odd and a little tricky. Returning home, I caved and MO’d, with a chaser night the next day. However, this was without P. And then my current streak began…
I wish I had kept a diary now, but at the time I wanted to think about the abstinence as little as possible. I’d actually recommend this strategy to you all as well. If you are ticking off the days, it becomes a pressure situation. If you relapse, you may take it harder. By over-focusing on the challenge, you also make it more difficult as it is often at the forefront of your thoughts. Here’s what I remember:
***FIRST TWO WEEKS OR SO***
Very difficult. My daily habit has been PMO just before I go to sleep (and prior to P it was just straight forward MO before sleep). Lying in bed each night with no post-PMO stupor to jettison me into the land of nod was bizarre. All I could think about was MO. Those nights were tough. I was shocked at how deeply ingrained my ‘routine’ had become. ‘Going to bed’ had become a trigger. Also, I had incredible blue balls. For those that don’t know, this feels like your balls are being gently squeezed to the point that it’s uncomfortable, constantly. The blue balls were so persistent throughout those days that I genuinely considered giving up the whole thing.
***MIDDLE WEEKS***
Blue balls thankfully vanished. Libido was low, but still present. I thought this was a flatline. Going to bed with no MO was still challenging but I didn’t miss P at all. I had quite a clear shot at a potentially sexual situation with an old flame but passed it over, mainly because I feared I was too early in my reboot and wouldn’t be able to perform. I wanted to give myself the full 90 days before I got back in the water.
***AROUND DAY 60***
REALLY flatlined. What I thought was a flatline before was nothing in comparison to this. It was like someone ran my sex drive over with a monster truck. If this had been without prior knowledge of ‘the flatline’ I would DEFINITELY have gone back to PMO. This lasted around a fortnight but it wasn’t depressing as I knew this could happen, so waited it out.
***ABOUT TWO WEEKS LATER***
Tangibly felt like I had pushed through some barrier. Felt like something had ‘clicked’ so to speak. Then I had two WD in one freaking night! For me this is a huge deal. Prior to NoFap this year, I had had two WD in my entire life. Both of these occurred years apart, and were linked to periods of high sexual stimulation with a couple of girls I was seeing but hadn’t slept with. Since the start of September (the start of my proper hard mode streak) I have had 8 WDs! Interestingly, they have become more common as the challenge continues. The first month I had just one. Now they seem to happen every 7 to 12 days or so. Still can’t believe I had two in one night though. Perhaps this is my body physiologically ‘leaving’ it’s P dependence behind. Some people argue the rhythm of your WD signifies the rhythm you should be MO’ing. This is not scientific, but it is interesting.
***DAY 78***
Feel good. I’m pretty certain I will manage 90 days now; the end is in sight! I am actually considering doing a longer reboot as when I do become spontaneously aroused, I sometimes snap back to old P scenes I enjoyed. This has lessened, but its continued presence suggests I could go deeper into the reboot. Also, lying in my bed, I still have an urge to grab my phone. I usually do, and then fart about on Facebook. Perhaps it is kind of a unconscious surrogate. I don’t look at titillating stuff by any means, but the action is eerily similar to my old PMO routine. Going to sleep without MO has become more normal but it continues to be a weaker point in the challenge for me. Nevertheless, it is massively easier than 78 days ago.
SOME OBSERVANCES:
I’m pretty sure a lot of anecdotal reports on NoFap are steeped in Placebo effect. I can only speak from my own experience, but things like my self confidence and emotional state remain unaffected. I don’t believe that doing this will automatically make you a happier, sexier, testosterone-fueled superhero version of yourself. A lot of those effects are tied up with a rats nest of other psychological co-dependants. In other words, NoFap will affect each person differently, interacting with their existing baggage in unique ways. This is not to knock the placebo effect; it’s a strong and indisputable phenomena that is often harnessed by the medical profession. I’m just saying go in with your eyes open and try to be sensitive to your own issues and reasons for doing this. Personally, I have become more forthright with girls now, as I realise they are the only way I will have ‘fun times’! If you close the door on self pleasure it kind of forces you down that route. This could be scary for some, but perhaps needed.
One thing I am worried about is how sexual stamina will be affected. If I go 90 days without MO, the next time I get lucky I’m surely going to blow my wad in 2 seconds. We can laugh about this, but that could be seriously humiliating and potentially knock me back into PMO mode. Hopefully not.
Lastly, the ED. I now wake up with morning wood every day and get frequent ‘twinges’ at fairly innocuous stuff. I haven’t tested myself as this is heartily un-reccommended by everyone in the know. I’m trying to avoid sexual encounters till the 90 day mark as well. The ocurrence of WDs excites me as it suggests you truly can achieve O without any physical stimulation. One day I’d like to explore this with a willing woman. Maybe even tantric sex. This is important. Have plans for the future BEYOND NoFap. If you make this the pinnacle of your sexual journey, you have missed the point. NoFap is there to get you back on the right tracks so you can have an healthy, enjoyable sex life. It’s not there to make you a militant anti-orgasm monk.
Who knows what the future holds.
Prost
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