…I was doing things that were no longer considered moral. I started to go out to fetish parties. things became worse when I started to question my own sexuality. I had gone to see a therapist in the LGBT community and they were trying to feed this ideology that I have always been trans and that I should start taking hormones ASAP to show the world who I really was and be happy? Thankfully I never fed into it and walk away from it. I stopped my drug use because I started to see how it was corrupting me slowly molding me into something that I wasn’t…
Geschicht
I started masturbating at the age of 13; I was in 8th grade. It quickly evolved into one of my worse addictions I’ve ever developed, I could not continue my day if I didn’t masturbate. I craved it like morning coffee ☕️ I had to get something or peek just for one second to get in through my day. I started looking at Rule 34 things the things that would ruin your childhood after seeing it in a sexual way, then I got tired and started to watch lesbian porn videos I enjoyed it but I kept digging further into the rabbit hole I convinced myself what I was doing was normal. Im this young kid looking at porn like other young kids my dad said it was normal and that he also did watch VHS Cassettes and Magazines when he was young. This continued till I was a senior in high school. Porn was my outlet to satisfy my self through the day…I spent most of my high school weekends laying in bed watching porn from the moment I woke up at 9am and fap till it was 3pm and, on the weekdays I would watch porn while doing my hw. I’d have tabs open in the background while I did my papers and have in between porn breaks to keep satisfied. Since I was 13 I’ve been watching porn everyday for about 5-8 hours a day… 11 years of re-living in this recycle ♻️ bin of what I called life…
When I was 16, while spending hours and hours searching for some new material to wank too , I found Transen Porn. It was unlike anything I had ever come across by the shock and the arousal from the dopamine I craved for it for years I grew accustomed to that particular type of pornography, weather it was fakes of a celebrity or even making fakes of someone I knew with that particular category in mind… Futa Fakes
Boredom turned into addiction. I was in college now exploring more deep into this category I would open my computer and spend hours locked in my dorm searching for and downloading these videos, just looking for the next “best” thing. I had convinced myself that what I was doing was ok. I created so many different accounts on websites – sites with only shemale pornography. I created accounts on Reddit, Instagram, tumblr, Pinterest for the sole purpose of stock piling, uploading, and sharing videos and photos from the paid sites that I followed. I dedicated my self to building this community of people like myself I had over 55k followers on my tumblr that promoted this filth…I was like a doomsday prepper hoarding porn in my dorm bunker.
Fast forward to when I had turned 19 and I had bought my first car on my own and this is when the addiction took a toll on my life. I was desensitized from being a normal person after watching so much crap I wanted to act out on it, At this time I was also experimenting with drugs, weed, lsd and mushrooms. I also started selling them and taking them heavily, everything spiraled out of control. I was doing things that were no longer considered moral I started to go out to fetish parties things became worse when I started to question my own sexuality I had gone to see a therapist in the LGBT community and they were trying to feed this ideology that I have always been trans and that I should start taking hormones ASAP to show the world who I really was and be happy? Thankfully I never fed into it and walk away from it. I stopped my drug use because I started to see how it was corrupting me slowly molding me into something that I wasn’t…
Fast forward to last year I started using dating sites and did meet some cool girls however I had developed PIED which is porn induced erectile dysfunction. I couldn’t get it up and I had no idea why this was happening to me and met this girl she was a dime and I was so embarrassed and guilty to why it wasn’t working properly. She lost interest in me and even questioned if I was gay or didn’t like women and the night ended. I felt like crap and so I came back to my old ways and started to watch more Tgirl porn and I was depressed and stayed in my room for hours.
In the beginning of NYE January 2020 I jumped back on tinder and I matched with this girl who happened to be over in town for spring break we went out for drinks and this girl also didn’t tell she was trans until we were about to do it and I felt so much guilt and shame that I was about to do it with someone that was all a figment of my imagination. Years and after years of watching >!Transporn<! here it was put for me on a sliver platter to see if I’d go along with the test. I knew what I was about to do was very wrong and I would regret it for the rest of my life I simply couldn’t do it. I went home that night and lost it. I live with my room mates and they caught me going into my most fueled rage I had ever been in I came clean and I told them my whole addiction problem and how it started.
I deleted all my social media accounts that associated my self with. We made a Molotov cocktail and threw it at my WD 16TB external hardrive we watched it burn down to the ground and then ran it over with my buddy’s pick up truck it was like 1am and everything flashed before my eyes my past my future I balled my eyes out in mixed emotions I was happy that I came forward and told my room mates about my addiction and how to solved my hard drive problem and I was angry at my self for destroying it I had TB’s of porn that I had collected it was nearly full , for nearly a decade. It was the hardest thing to ever give up but then I asked my self what if my parents had found that drive my dad being an IT for a major tech company could easily decrypt my files say he had to use that drive one day. I would have been mortified probably even disowned if he had discover such things were in that drive…
My roommate told me a story about how my life relates to his cousin, he had to collected porn for years on a hard drive however his escalated to collecting CP and anime CP which i also encountered in my early days of viewing thankfully the course didn’t take a turn for the worse if I had continued god knows what would happen to me…
A lot of us are suffering, struggling with this masturbation addiction coming out here and sharing our stories and motivating each other to suppress this side is one ☝️ of the most awesome things I’ve ever seen/heard of on here it’s a brotherhood and I want to be a better me than I was before it’s like being the Hulk and tackling on a bullet train 🤜🏼🚅 💨 !!
Yes you will relapse and you will see your mistakes because I have with each relapse and it has shown me clarity in my mind where I’m weak. I relapsed in the beginning of January for a week straight couldn’t get a grip on getting past Day 2 heck even Day 3 until I started to write down and learn my triggers, I’m currently 3 weeks into my journey and things have become so much better compared to my old self I have time to do the things, time is endless it moves so much slower to where days would fly by I enjoy and for me that’s editing and making graphic designs i recently designed a logo for a local coffee shop in my city and it makes me happy to see my creativity every time I drive by that shop. Had I spent all those hours into designing I could have been a master at it by now, time flys by faster than you can count, make your future worthwhile don’t be me I spent 5-8 hours a day watching porn for 11 years that’s equivalent to 20,020-32,032 hours of life that I put for pleasure rather than investing in my self…
I have faith in each and everyone of you, you can and you will rise from you’re struggles !!
LINK - 16TB Gone , 11 years of collecting, 50k tumblr followers **My Story (Male 24)
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