[Responses received]
Why abstaining from PMO is “good” for me:
- I feel Sharp and Energised, able to do any chore, sport, activity without the feeling of “ugh, this takes so much effort”.
- Joy comes from a broad range of activities now that my brain is regulating dopamine properly.
- Empowerment – I am not a slave to addiction, a slave to impulses, but the master of my life who decides in each moment whether or not I let an impulse guide my next action.
- So much free time for Activities!
- Self-confidence – I no longer have the constant mental nag of “Ow no, what If they find out about who I really am, what I really spend my time doing!”. Instead I can cultivate Character and let it shine honestly and authentically without needing to be constantly guarded.
- I am surrounded by beautiful people 24-7! OMG I didn’t realise that everyone is so pretty! I am once again sensitive to reality, not numbed to it by constant extreme fantasy.
- People relate to me – I am no longer guilty-shy, just shy-shy, and instead of noticing my guardedness and avoiding me, people act to bring me out of my shell, which I enjoy.
The thoughts/feelings of desire to PMO “just this once” or “because It’ll end my boredom” etc. Never go away. But they pop up less often and it gets easier to let them pass without attaching to them/acting on them.
Why PMO is “bad” for me:
- It’s addictive – When I say to myself “Okay, that’s enough for the week” I will break that promise to myself when I next get the urge with “Just this one time but NEXT time will be the last…”
- It wastes a lot of time – I don’t just spend 30 minutes at it, I spend as much time as I can in a row, a whole free day if possible, a whole week when I fall into a negative spiral!
- It is draining (literally and) emotionally – I feel apathetic about the world, I feel permanently tired, and guilt/shame about wasting time and doing something “naughty/harmful”.
- Nothing is as rewarding as the dopamine injection from PMO – I enjoy movies, friends and family, reading etc. much less when regularly PMOing, I am always thinking “When will this be over so I can get back to doing what I enjoy: PMOing”.
- It generates false expectations and entitlement – of what women should look like and of how sex should be performed. Not every woman is permanently caked in make up with flawless bodies, and sex is not so violent or one-sided. I miss the subtle beauty in people and the delicate intimacy of sex.
- Edit: Lost empathy for others, and couldn’t get very hard for sex, only reached full hardness when PMOing.
I’m 25yo. Trying for about 2 years. Success follows the pattern of 1-2 great months off, followed by falling for temptation, followed by 1 bad week of PMOing, repeat. I feel PMO led to the ending of my relationship, as I didn’t have the energy to be the partner I wanted/needed to be because I lost it all PMOing, leading her to seek fulfilment elsewhere.
The strongest advice I have to not fall for temptation is to Objectively Observe the sensations of the Desire to PMO. Where is it felt in the body? How does this sensation evolve? What emotions come with it? Do I feel I am missing out? going to die? hunger? etc. And also, fill your day. The easiest time to fall for temptation is when I’m alone on my PC with time to kill. So don’t be alone, don’t be on a PC. Be social, be active. Read, hobby, sport etc. Party, outing, shared meals etc. This allows you to detach from it, as the desire is not you, it is just a guest in your consciousness. Let it rise and then fade away, without you falling for it, without you thinking that you Need to fulfil the desire. “This too shall pass”
- Mostly because I wanted sex to be more satisfying with my girlfriend than it has been. In reality I haven’t noticed porn really destroying my life or anything, but the best sex I’ve had with my girlfriend (for both of us) was when I had been off of porn and almost completely off of the internet for 3 months. Honestly in general we connected best then, which amazed me for 3 years into a relationship to have some new highs. We’re in a distance relationship now which makes it more difficult, but it definitely makes the payoff better because I can really make those times when we’re together count. Plus I just feel less creepy; I find myself objectifying women way less.
Another commenter:
- Porn ruined my life. I only desired women for how they could sexually please me, and they became like objects to me. My brain was foggy. I lost my impeccable memory. I lost my zest for life. Sex became my most important need. I only cared about myself. I didn’t let other people into my life. There are many more, but those are the most significant ones.
Another commenter:
- i think this one [immediately above] really is the one i think i am assosiating now the most. i feel like back when i wanked it to porn, i only noticed girls, who were attractive but felt “oh she is not kad cute/hot” obviously setting up a comparison with the Imaginary harem i hold on my PC and on porn sites. now i see women, and think they look very adorable, i don’t think she is “perfect” or “oh shit she is good”, but rather i think, “such a lovely woman, and she is perfectly imperfect, so adorably attractive woman.” I don’t know, its like i’m starting to see women as people, humans with insecurities, imperfections, shortcomings and victories, emotions and shit, instead of the objectifying of “well women i want to bang the shit out of her and just throw her away,”, just looking at them like meat humans to put my dick in it, now i think ” i do want to bang the shit out of women but i still want to feel her body, get to know her, be cool around her.” More pair-bonding over a “i just want to pump and dump”
i love women now more than ever! the funny thing, i don’t really feel intimidated anymore at girls ( i do get a bit nervous but its not panic like before), i hold eye contact, i smile at them, i seem to be more enthusiastic and energetic around conversations (not only with women but with men) convos go a little bit “smoother”, instead of a stutter-er and bitch i was, i feel more genuine, i laugh at things i actually find funny over that kiss ass shit i did before, i focus more on myself and what i want, instead of the validation seeking porn-watching bitch i was. Really guys you should at least try it once, a 3-6 month round and see how it works out.
Another commenter:
- Porn induced erectile dysfunction
Another commenter:
- There are so many, but here is an interesting one. Women become more beautiful to you. Porn desensitizes so when you go a long time without it, the beauty of women in real life is more noticeable. I love that.
Another commenter:
- Sadness, depression induced by drugs and masturbation, anxiety, no goals in life, always taking the safe road, couldn’t orgasm without porn, addictions to cannabis, porn, video games, food and other instant gratifications, desentisation.
Of course im not going to be some kind of madman and blame everything above on porn/masturbation, but it played its role in the circle of evil i was stuck in. I could not have made this journey to where i am today without quitting porn/masturbation.
Another commenter:
- There’s better things to do with your life than consume junk all the time, even if it’s only a few hours a week still over a couple of years you could have become good at something useful in that time
Another commenter:
- I am ashamed how much time I have wasted on it. Sometimes hours on the same day. Just watching and edging, some days not even orgasming. Masturbation doesn’t seem to be the issue for me, which is why I don’t try do to nofap as well. Though, the urge to masturbate without porn so far hasn’t been that big.In addition I am afraid how it clouds my view of women. I can’t hardly look or talk to a female human being, without having extremely perverted thoughts about her. I feel it has gone beyond normal heterosexual urges towards the other sex. Especially because as my porn usage grew, I started seeking out more and more women-degrading stuff to get myself turned on. It frightened me how far it got.
Another commenter:
For myself, I hate the simple fact that I’m in some way contributing to the degradation of these women. Even if it’s them agreeing that it’s just a career or not. Seeing women in public and finding myself eyeballing the wrong parts and sometimes almost verbally saying some stupid comment to myself like, “Damn, Holy sh**, etc. It just feels good to see a woman as a woman again.
Another reason why I’m trying to fully quit this garbage is simply because it makes me feel like complete crap. I use because it “rewards” me, it’s my go-to comfort zone. Almost like it’s the girlfriend I can use whenever I please, without all the extra baggage. It also keeps me from talking to people, having full confidence, and really makes life feel like it’s a monotonous rut.
Autorius - Nandos787
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