My 90 days of change.
Hello my fellow Fapstronauts! I hope you're all doing well in your journeys and remember the small successes allow for the big ones. With all that being said today is my 90th day in my own journey. It truly was a freeing experience and at the same time one of the hardest things I have done. I'm not sure how long this will end up being, but I hope that whatever I say maybe useful to someone in their journey.
I must be honest first off because during my 90 days there were times where I edged and I edged hard. So, I'll respect people who downvote this or say that I should have reset my badge. Each time I did though I would come to my senses sooner, close the browser, and walk away. I started this as the standard nofap run and the first time I failed, but this second time around, even with edging, I have made it this far. So, this is by no means a report about "hard mode". It is just a report about what worked for me in times of struggle and the improvement in my life because of nofap. So, once again I respect those who downvote this or say I should have reset my badge.
Nofap has been a blessing in my life. My life had been pretty much run by masturbation and pornography. I was at the point of stopping in the middle of school work to fill the "need". After each time I viewed pornography and/or masturbated I always felt disgusted with myself, it was an awful feeling, as well, to carry what felt like to me the shame of this. Then I found nofap and watched the videos of how pornography warps the brain, realizing that everything that was said in those videos described me. I knew that I had to make a change in my life because masturbation and pornography were controlling me. It seems like these 90 days have been much longer than that.
Being in graduate school and addicted to pornography do not go hand in hand. I found myself feeling stressed all the time for no reason, putting off papers, and not doing the many readings for my classes. However, nofap allowed me to set things straight and my first year of graduate school went extremely well because I decided to take control of my addiction. I read more than I ever did during undergrad and appreciated everything I was learning it was/is an amazing feeling. To truly feel productive and to have papers done weeks ahead of time are things I can only contribute to taking part in nofap. But, I should share what I changed about because of this process.
Through this process my brain, while not completely reset, is getting there. I'm noticing real women and their beauty. It is truly great to not long for looking at pixels on a screen in a situation that I will never be in. Going along with that I believe that women are noticing me more as well. I feel much more confident in myself, keeping my head up, rather than looking down at the ground as I walk from place to place. Another thing that is slowly returning are naturally occurring erections which I didn't have for the past 5 years. Also, the occasional wet dream and as for someone who rarely had them because of how much I masturbated I find it funny that I was overjoyed the first time I had one again. To finish up this section, I think it is safe to say pornography doesn't do it for me anymore. The final time I edged nothing happened. I was flaccid and just said to myself alright, that is it, I'm done with this garbage. It may not be a lot of changes, but believe me these changes have greatly improved me.
Finally, I offer some words of wisdom. DO NOT EDGE! Whatever you do, for the love of God, do not edge. I know I did and each time I narrowly escaped. Even in doing so I beat myself up for looking at images or a video. Edging is only a wall that impedes your journey. You must fight tooth and nail to avoid it. Secondly, get a few close friends and tell them what you are doing. Most likely they are struggling with this as well. Talking with others allows you to get your thoughts and feelings out in the open. By sharing your struggles you can get feedback from your friends to help you stay on the straight path. Lastly, find what triggers you have. If you're like me you probably have multiple ones. So, you must find those and develop the means to minimize them. When the urges do come and believe me they will. Walk away from your computer and do push ups, read a book, play a game, listen to great music, go on a walk, or something that allows to give your brain some endorphin.
Well, I hope that someone finds this useful. Nofap truly has been a blessing. Coming here to read so many inspiring stories, struggles, and triumphs played a huge role in my success. Thank you for this community. I end this post with this quote:
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
LINK - My 90 days of change.