My Guide to Succesfully Stop "Fapping"
A reddit noFap post which can be found here. Takes a different approach than what our guys suggest.
Eliminating fapping from my life has been the most difficult journey I've ever undertaken. What makes this task so difficult is that everything surrounding fapping is extremely addictive. Also, quitting is something we more or less have to do on our own.
For some unknown reason, fapping and viewing pornography gives us a lingering feeling of shame. Even though I'm married and overcame the shame enough to talk about my fapping problem with my wife, I found there wasn't much she could do, nor would I want her to have sex with me more often just to "help" me. Like I said, we're pretty much on our own in this struggle; with the exception of the support from fellow NoFappers here on reddit. This, makes it all the more difficult.
With the difficulty of quitting in mind, my approach goes through several phases and it is what I used to wean myself away from the habit. I know everyone is different and this won't work for everyone, but at least it be my attempt at sharing my success with others and aiding fellow brethren in the war on fap.
Step 1 - Quit Porn months before you quit fapping
In our modern world, porn and fapping are linked more closely than ever before in history. The combination of these two is easily one of the most addictive substances on the planet. But, when you take one away - the other is weakened. The easier of the two to eliminate first, is pornography.
- Don't quit fapping cold turkey, that approach will only work for a few of us.
- Stop looking at pornography, right now.
If stopping porn overnight proves too difficult, wean yourself off. Here is what you do:
Go to the store and purchase 4 short (monthly issue size) non-pornographic magazines. These can be anything from Shape and Bikini Magazine to Victoria Secret as long as they aren't porno. These 4 magazines will be your new and final fapping material, so choose wisely.
Fap using the magazines for as long as you need to, but the idea here is that eventually you will become bored of looking at the same images everytime you fap and eventually stop using them. Buying more magazines is also strictly prohibited!
- The entire goal of step 1 is not to stop fapping, it is to stop using external sensory to fuel your fap. Fap in your room with the lights off and let your mind roam free. Once you have mastered fapping without the use of pornography or other sounds/images, continue doing this for a month; or 6, however long you feel you need.
Step 2 - Get yourself busy
Before you quit fapping, start to fill your schedule with other things to do. We all know that sitting alone at home in front of your computer is not a good way to quit porn or fapping. You need to find other things to do! Since porn is out of the way at this point, this task should be much easier. Here are a few tips and ideas for what to do with your time:
- Tip: Generally, it is better to be around other people, even if this just involves working from a library or public space
- Join a club, gym, or non-profit and give regular attendance to it the same priority you would a job interview.
- Stop playing addictive video games, especially online ones. <-- This deserves a subreddit of its own.
- If you are gambling, stop.
- Start learning to code in a programming language.
- Learn to play an instrument that you enjoy the sound of.
- Start a business
- Travel and visit other countries or domestic locations that interest you
- Learn to speak another language, perhaps that of a country you want to visit.
- Learn calculus mathematics beyond
- Learn biology or something else you might regret not studying in college
- Find a better job, and acquire whatever qualifications are needed to attain it
- Find a social hobby, like pottery, blacksmithing, or parkour/gymnastics.
- Work out, regularly. Get yourself in the kinda shape that will attract a sexual partner. Let's face it, even if you fall in love with someone "for their mind," you'd like them even more if that mind was packing a sexy body. This works for how a possible mate feels about you too.
Step 3 - Face your shame, and fears
Post-fap shame is often tied to other feelings of shame and social fear we have in our life. Write two lists. One of everything in your life that has made you feel shame, and one of every social situation that you are afraid of.
For me a few things on my lists were:
- my past porn addiction, and some of the truly disgusting things I fapped to
- how I wrongfully treated friends and family
- all the times I was selfish and others suffered for it
- my fear of introducing myself to people that I don't know
Now you have two options with your shame list:
- 1. Forgive yourself/others, burn the list, and forget all of it. Your past isn't as important as your future.
- 2. (If safe) Try to fix all of your shame and pull a My Name is Earl.
Also two options with your social fear list:
- 1. Overcome your social fears.
- 2. Live as a coward who is afraid of facing his social fears.
I recommend option 1 for both lists, but the choice is up to you. For clarification, I specify social fears because I'm not telling someone to go bungee jumping or crocodile-wrestling. Social fears are things that you are afraid of regarding interaction with other people. A few are, fear of public speaking, fear of engaging the opposite sex in conversation, fear of telling someone you are romantically interested in them, fear of going to a gathering and not knowing anyone, and more.
Step 4 - Attempt NoFap
Take the NoFap challenge and see how long you'll last. I bet it will be a long time.
This worked for me, I hope it can help others as well. I've found that simply quitting pornography was almost enough to help me stop fapping entirely, but I couldn't break free from the habit until my life began to feel meaningful.