My life isn't perfect now but I don't feel like I'm grasping for something that I can't reach
Hey /r nofap just wanted to give some people starting out on their 90 day journey a bit about what I learnt while on mine.
- The first 10 or 20 days were during exams and I felt angry, lonely, and severely anxious at times and I wanted nothing more than to give in and feel that momentary escape.
-The thought that kept me from relapsing this time was actually something I had read on reddit in the context of someone who had smoked weed their whole life and was into their 60s or 70s. They mentioned that their life wasn't bad--they had been quite content but in the back of their mind there was always the thought that their life could have been different if they hadn't smoked. Not better-not worse, but somehow different and that they had maybe missed out on something.
- This really stuck with me because I have always like I was very content in life but the thought that I could get into my 60s or 70s and just wonder what life would have been like had PMO not been a part of it almost gave me chills.
- There were probably 3 months or more of relapses before the 90 day streak. I would get to day 21 or 12 and I would have a night where I would be sitting at home and feel like I was missing out on a party the world was throwing (not really sure how to describe this feeling but I'm sure many of you can relate--it's like loneliness, anxiety, and just wanting something to be different or better that seems out of your control).
- I think the mindset that I had to get into was that I wanted life to be authentic. If I was going to feel terrible at least it would be authentic terribleness that wasn't altered by PMO. I didn't want to be that 60 year old looking back...
- I almost failed 2 or 3 times that came really close during the streak and would flash through triggering images almost weekly. The desire never goes away you just can't give in.
- I recently got a girlfriend and I had prior been skeptical of all the superpowers, cold-showers, meditation, "powers with women," PUA talk and other elements of this sub-reddit that didn't appeal as much to me. I thought that there was a lot of subtle bragging going on and didn't really get into nofap with the girlfriend issue in mind. I'm not sure if i'd characterize the change as increased confidence or anything different but my perception changed from sexualizing my relationships with women to seeing them more as authentic relationships (see above). That might sound lame and Dr. Phil-esque but it's amazing when you like a girl because of how you feel when you are around her rather than what you think she'd look like without clothes on. It's a subtle change but it's better than any "superpower" that comes with increased confidence in my opinion.
- I feel much less anxious now--part of it might be because school is done but I also don't feel as often what I described above. Before I'd feel lonely and like I was missing out on something but now the nature of my contentment has changed. PMO always has you chasing that greater rush - a more beautiful girl, a better scene, something different than what you've seen before. My life isn't perfect now but I don't feel like I'm grasping for something that I can't reach anymore. It's hard to explain but I feel like PMO doesn't have a limit on what you are chasing. Now I feel like I'm still chasing my goals, but I'm happy if I can do the best I can to reach as close to them as I can. I still might not be able to reach them but I feel like there is something genuinely enjoyable in the act of reaching that wasn't there before.
Thanks! and good luck on your journey!
TL;DR - the thought of looking back wondering what life w/out fapping would have been helped me get 90 day streak. Different way of relating to girls. Not reaching for goals beyond my reach, learning to appreciate the effort in reaching for goals.
LINK - 90 Days! Many points