Dinani pazithunzi kuti muwone Ma rate ED, omwe amasonyeza maulendo apamwamba kuposa anyamata kusiyana ndi amuna 35-49.
Rachel ankaganiza kuti anali ndi "malingaliro oyenera ogonana ndi zolaula", asanakwatirane naye. "Iye anandikokera ine mu mdima womwe unandichititsa kumva kuti ndine wonyansa kwambiri moti sindingathe kudzitsuka ndekha."
Ataona wokondedwa wake amatha maola ambiri tsiku ndi tsiku pa zolaula kuti azichita mahule, tsopano akukhulupirira kuti "zolaula ndizochita malonda ndi amuna; komwe amai amawoneka ngati zinyama za nyama. . . Iwo alibe liwu komanso ife sitimayi. Ndipo zolaula zili m'chipinda chilichonse mu dziko - pa Luas, mu chipinda chokhalamo. Ndiwombera. "
Akatswiri amati zolaula sizowonongeka kwa amayi okha. Ambiri mwa amuna omwe amawonekeranso akusowa chiyanjano chabwino cha kugonana.
Zithunzi zolaula sizili zofala kwambiri monga momwe anthu ena amaganizira (nthawi zambiri amati ndi gawo limodzi mwa magawo atatu a anthu omwe amalowa pa intaneti, ngakhale kuti 4 peresenti ndi chiwerengero chenicheni). Komabe, masiku ano n'zosavuta kuzipeza kuposa nthawi ina iliyonse m'mbiri: zimapezeka kwa aliyense amene ali ndi foni yam'manja, piritsi kapena kompyuta.
Mawu ochuluka akuti "zolaula" amachokera ku mavidiyo owonetsa, zithunzi ndi zochitika zogonana, mpaka kumdima, kumenyedwa komanso "kuzunzika".
Pachigawo chotsirizachi, "ozunzidwa" nthawi zambiri amakhala ochita masewera, koma zolaula zimaphatikizapo zinthu zomwe ophunzira akukakamizidwa kutenga nawo mbali: malo akum'maiko a ku Ulaya ali ndi mbiri yoipa kwambiri pankhaniyi, malinga ndi katswiri wa zachikhalidwe cha anthu Laura Agustin.
'Pewani zolaula'
Mosiyana ndi zimenezi, zomwe zimatchedwa "khalidwe" la zolaula, zomwe ochita masewero ali nazo, zimagwira ntchito kudzera m'madera ena a California. "Amateur" - zozizwitsa zopangidwa kunyumba - mavidiyo ndi mawonekedwe ena otchuka, ngakhale kuti "amateurs" angakhale opanga nawo.
Ngakhale malo ena opanga zolaula amawombera kuti apeze, ngakhale zofatsa kapena zovuta zimakhala zovuta kupeza mfulu. Kufufuza kwa intaneti kwa "zolaula" kumapereka masamba a zotsatira. Nkhaniyi ili kumapeto kwa zolaula, koma zolaula zimatenga mitundu yambiri ndipo nthawi zambiri zimayambira mosalakwa.
Ndili pa sitimayi kupita kukagwira ntchito, ndimayang'ana zaka ziwiri zoyambirira-kusukulu ndikupita kuntchito kuchokera ku hockey - mnyamata ndi mtsikana m'masokisi otopa.
Pamene akuyang'ana pa iPhone ya mnyamatayo, mndandanda wa nude yake imatha kutuluka. Mtsikanayo amagwira foni, amasambira kupyolera pa zithunzi ndikuwotcha kwa anzake. Iye amayesera kulimbana nawo. Kuyankha kwa msungwana wa msungwanayo kumasonyeza kuti akuwona izi kale. Awa ndi ana omwe akugawana zomwe sakudziwa ndi sitepe imodzi kuchokera ku zolaula za ana.
"Achinyamata ambiri akamangoona, zimakhala zachilendo kwambiri," anatero Teresa Bergin, katswiri wothandizira kugonana ndi achiwerewere. "Ubongo wa achinyamata ndi makamaka pulasitiki," akutero.
Bergin amachitira amuna omwe ali ndi zaka khumi ndi ziŵiri zoyambirira komanso zapakati pa 20s ndi matenda osokoneza bongo omwe amayamba chifukwa cha zolaula. Osakhoza kufotokoza mwachibadwa kwa akazi enieni, iwo amafuna "mwatsopano" kwambiri kuti awutse, omwe sungakhoze kufanana ndi moyo weniweni, iye akuti.
Malingaliro opotoka a kugonana "Ubongo wa achinyamata ndi pachimake cha kupanga dopamine ndi ubongo wake," anatero Bergin. "Zimapangitsa kuti ubongo ukhale wotetezeka kwambiri kuuchidakwa. . . ndipo anyamata awa adasocheretsedwa za chiwerewere ndi chiyanjano chonse chochotsedwamo. "
“Tsopano anyamata akugonedwa mosiyana kwambiri ndi kale. Ena akuwonetsa kuti sangakwanitse kugonana. Kwa iwo, mphamvu ya zomwe amawona pazenera sizingafanane. Amangodina pazithunzi zolimba kwambiri, ndikupatuka pachikhalidwe ndikupita kumadera monga S&M. ”
Achinyamata amakumana ndi vuto linalake, koma zolaula zakhala mbali ya chikhalidwe chathu chachiwerewere ndipo ndizofala pakati pa zaka zonse.
Posachedwapa, nyuzipepala ya Irish Times inachita kafukufuku pa intaneti wokhudza zizolowezi za kugonana za anthu aku Ireland. Ngakhale kuti uwu unali kafukufuku wodzifunira womwe zotsatira zake ziyenera kuonedwa ngati zosonyeza osati zotsimikizika, 83 peresenti ya omwe adayankha kafukufukuyu adati adaonerapo zolaula, kuphatikizapo 99 peresenti ya amuna azaka zapakati pa 17-34.
Mu kafukufuku wa kugonana wa The Irish Times , anyamata ambiri (17 pa 100 aliwonse azaka zapakati pa 17 ndi 24) adati amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula tsiku lililonse. Azimayi atatu mwa atatu omwe adafunsidwa adaonera zolaula, ndipo akazi amodzi okha pa 100 aliwonse adazionera tsiku lililonse.
Kwa ogwiritsa ntchito kwambiri zithunzi zolaula zimatha kuwononga kwambiri. "Kwa iwo omwe amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula tsiku lililonse, kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula zawo kumatha kukhala chifukwa cha zovuta zazikulu," akutero Trish Murphy , katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso wolemba nkhani ku Irish Times . "Nthawi zambiri zimawalamulira maganizo ndi miyoyo yawo ndipo angavutike kusiya chizolowezichi."
Margaret Dunne, wodwala kugonana, akuti: "Zithunzi zimayambitsa chibwenzi chenicheni chogonana mwa kuwononga chitukuko ndi kukhala ndi chibwenzi. Zimakhala zoganizira kwambiri zokondweretsa amuna. Kuonera zithunzi nthawi zambiri kumachitika mwamseri ndipo kumapangitsa munthu kuti asamakhulupirire. "
Dunne amachitira anthu ogwiritsa ntchito zithunzi zolaula "mofulumira kwambiri kupita kumalo osokoneza bongo, zomwe zimapangitsa munthu kukhala ndi vuto lokhazika limodzi ndi mnzake.
"Zithunzi zolaula zimangokhala zokha," anatero katswiri wa zamaganizo Brendan Madden. "Izi zikusonyeza kuti zithunzi zolaula zimagwirizana ndi zomwe zimapangitsa kuti anthu aziganiza mozama komanso kuti aganizire kuti angathe kupeza zogonana komanso kuchita zinthu zogonana zomwe sangazipeze pamoyo weniweniwo."
Kugonana ndi maubwenzi odwala Tony Duffy wamuwonanso kuti kugwiritsa ntchito zithunzi zolaula kumatha kuvulaza anthu kuti azigonana.
Anthu omwe amagwira ntchito kumalo osokoneza bongo akuwoneka kuti akukumana ndi zovuta kwambiri, koma akunena kuti akuwawona akuwonjezeka nthawi zonse.
"Kuonerera zolaula kumaonekera kwambiri ndipo ndikuganiza kuti ambiri opatsirana pogonana amavomereza. Amuna ambiri akugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yowonetsera nthawi yambiri yolimbana ndi zolaula, ndipo izi ndizovuta pazochitika zogonana, "Duffy akunena.
Kodi zolaula nthawi zonse n'zoipa? Osati kwenikweni. Gawo la anthu omwe adayankha kafukufuku wathu (onani tsamba 2) adanena kuti sanakhulupirire zolaula zomwe zinakhudzanso ubale weniweni wa kugonana.
Ndipo Teresa Bergin akunena kuti ngakhale opatsirana pogonana akuona kuwonjezeka kwakukulu kwa mavuto a kugonana omwe amachititsidwa ndi zolaula, sikuti nthawi zonse kumawononga. "Ili ndi chidziwitso cha anthu omwe alibe maphunziro a kugonana, monga ambiri a anthu, ndipo anyamata adanena kuti adaphunzira momwe angagwiritsire ntchito zosiyanasiyana pokondana kwawo, pamene maanja omwe amaonera zolaula pamodzi amanena kuti zingathandize chidziwitso, malinga ngati onse awiri akugwirizana. "
Katswiri wa kugonana Emily Power Smith akuti zikhoza kusangalatsa akazi komanso amuna. "M'mbuyomu, akazi sagwiriridwa ndi zolaula chifukwa cha zomwe zinalipo. Nthawi zambiri zithunzi zolaula zinali zogwiritsidwa ntchito makamaka kwa achinyamata omwe ali okalamba.
"Komabe izi zikusintha ndi mawonekedwe atsopano a" zolaula zachikazi ", ndi nthano, ndi kugonana komwe kumaphatikizapo amayi omwe ali ndi ziwalo zenizeni. Mafilimuwa amapangidwa kuti azitsatira, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti aliyense alipiridwa bwino, wathanzi osati chifukwa chokakamizidwa kapena kukakamizidwa. Amayi ndi abambo ambiri akusowa zolaula zamtundu uwu kuti athe kusangalala nazo popanda nkhawa kapena kudziimba mlandu. "
Okwatirana omwe ali ndi mgwirizano akhoza kuionera pamodzi kuti alimbikitse ubale wawo ( kafukufuku wa Irish Times akusonyeza kuti okwatirana ambiri achikulire aku Ireland amagwiritsa ntchito njira imeneyi).
Si mabanja onse omwe angapange ntchitoyi, "anatero Bergin. "Zotsatira zolaula zomwe zimakhala zosavuta kumangokhala kwa anthu omwe ali kale omwe ali ovomerezeka bwino muzofuna zawo zogonana. Ngati onse awiri sagwirizana ndi zolaula ndipo mmodzi wa iwo amatha kuvulaza, zotsatira zake zingakhale zoipa. "
Dunne anawonjezera kuti: "Kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kuti zithetse ubale pomwe libido ndi yotsika zingakhale zabwino ngati anthu awiri akufuna kuwonerera [koma] akachoka ndikuyang'ana yekha, pali chophimba chachinsinsi ndi manyazi."
Secrecy Dermod Moore, katswiri wa zamaganizo amene amagwira ntchito ndi anthu ogonana, amavomereza kuti chinsinsi ndi vuto lalikulu. Kuonera zolaula kungakhale kosangalatsa, malinga ngati takambirana.
"Mfundo yanga ndikuti sikuti zolaula pa seya zilibe phindu; Ndiko kuti chirichonse chomwe sichikukambilaninso chimakhala chosayenera. Pali zotsutsana zambiri zokhudza ndale, makamaka kwa akazi; koma zomwe zikusoweka pa chikhalidwe chodziwika bwino komanso mu ubale wathu wapadera ndi [kukambirana] zomwe zimakhudza mtima wathu. "
Rachel - amene samva kuti palibe amene angamvetsetse ngati sakanakhala ndi vuto lokhala ndi chiwerewere chobisala - ataya mwamuna wake, nyumba yake ndipo anasiyidwa ndi mwana wamng'ono atatha ndalama zokwana masauzande masauzande ang'onozing'ono kuti azisungunuka yekha kuchokera ku zotsatira za chizolowezi chogonana chimene wokondedwa wake amakana. Akukayikira kuti adzakhulupirira wina aliyense kuti akhalenso m'chikondi.
"Iwo amachita izo pansi pa mphuno zanu pamakina awo ndi mafoni. Ndibodza - ngakhale pamene apeza, palibe kuvomereza, iwo alibe chifundo pa nthawi imeneyo.
"Ndipo zimakula pamene zikupita ku zinthu zowonjezereka kwambiri, kenako nkugula kugula akazi kuti agone nawo."
Rachel adapeza kuti mkaziyo amagwiritsira ntchito mahule atamupatsa matenda opatsirana pogonana. Iyi ndi nkhani imodzi, koma zofananazo zabwerezedwa kwa ine nthawi zambiri mu zokambirana ndi ogwira ntchito zogonana pa nkhaniyi. Amati si zachilendo kuti zolaula zikhale uhule.
"Atangoyamba ndi zolaula pa foni, amatha kuyankha malonda omwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito kuti 'azisisitala ndi mapeto osangalatsa'," anatero Dunne.
Dunne anati: "Anthu amakuuzani kuti sangayembekezere kuyenda mumsewuwo," anatero Dunne. "Ngati mungawawonetse chithunzi pa tsiku limene ayamba kuyambira panjirayi, zithunzi zolaula kwambiri komanso uhule umene amathera pa tsiku limene akuchiritsidwa, akhoza kudabwa."
Kukambitsirana zokambirana A 11 pa zana la amuna akuwonetsa zolaula tsiku lililonse ayenera kudzifunsa okha. "Kugwiritsira ntchito tsiku ndi tsiku kumatanthauza kuti mumakonda kugwiritsa ntchito chizoloŵezi chogonana kapena kuti mukhale ndi chizoloŵezi chogonana," anatero katswiri wina wogwira ntchito m'chipatala chachikulu.
Zina mwa mavuto omwe amachitira ndi kusabereka chifukwa cha kuwonongeka kwa erectile komwe kunayambitsidwa ndi zolaula, komanso kuvutika maganizo kwa amayi omwe abwenzi awo adawakana nawo chifukwa cha zolaula pa intaneti. Ali ndi makasitomala omwe ataya ntchito chifukwa anali otukumula kwambiri moti sanathe "kuweruza".
"Amakhala m'dziko lachiwiri lawo ndipo amachotsedwa kumoyo weniweni moti amataya nyumba, ntchito ndi nyumba. Sikulumphira kwakukulu kuti muyambe kugwiritsa ntchito mahule, makoswe osuntha ndi makina opanga ndalama. Pamene akupita patsogolo kwambiri, chisangalalo chawo ndi ena amakhala ndi zinthu zinayi kapena zisanu pa nthawi yomweyo pa kampani ya ngongole.
"Akazi awo aakazi ali kwathunthu ndipo amasokonezeka kwathunthu. Iwe ukhoza kukhala chidakwa kapena wotchova njuga ndipo pali kuvomereza kwina kwa izo, koma kuledzera kolaula / kugonana ndi kosiyana ndi manyazi ochulukirapo omwe amawathandiza kotero kuti wina asanalankhule za izo, kuwapangitsa kudzipatula kwa mwamuna ndi mkazi. "
"Kunyalanyaza ndi kusazindikira" kufotokozera akazi, kumapatsa anyamata ndi amuna "malingaliro opotoka a momwe kugonana ndi chibwenzi chiyenera kukhalira," anatero Dunne.
"Ndamva anamwali apachikondwerero akunena kuti anyamata awo ali ovuta. Akupeza kuti pamene akufuna kugwirizana komanso kugwirizana, zolaula zimakhudza ziyembekezo za anyamata awo. "
Kafukufuku wa kugonana wa Irish Times akusonyeza kuti anyamata ambiri tsopano amagwiritsanso ntchito zolaula kuti aphunzire za njira zogonana. 54 pa 100 aliwonse a amuna azaka zapakati pa 17 ndi 24 anati amapeza zolaula "zophunzitsa", zomwe zimadetsa nkhawa kwambiri Margaret Dunne.
Izi, akuti, zikusonyeza "lingaliro losokonezeka kwambiri la chiyanjano ndi chiwerewere chiri pafupi. Pali chiopsezo chenicheni tsopano kuti amuna achichepere akugonjetsedwa ndi amuna awo, adzasokonezedwa kwambiri, ndipo azidzasokoneza, kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kwambiri. "
Amayi amaphunzitsa anthu za kugonana, koma osati nthawi zonse, "adatero Madden. "Anthu amaphunzira zambiri poonera zolaula ndipo ndizochita zambiri kusiyana ndi phunziro la maphunziro a kugonana. Zithunzi zolaula pa Intaneti zimatengera zogonana zomwe sizingagwiritsidwe ntchito zogonana zomwe zingawonongeke kwambiri ndipo zimalimbikitsa makhalidwe opondereza kwambiri. Kwa achinyamata, makamaka zingakhale zovuta kusiyanitsa pakati pawo. "
Moore akuti: "Chifukwa cha ufulu wonse womwe intaneti yabweretsa pazaka zingapo zapitazi, sindikudziwa kuti tili ku Ireland kulikonse kumene tingakambirane za kugonana ndi / kapena zolaula mwanjira yathanzi.
"Timapewa kulankhula mu chikhalidwe cha Chiarabu chimene chimakhudza kugonana; chimene ndikutanthauza moona mtima ndi molunjika. Inde pali zambiri za izo; zili mu wailesi, koma chowoneka chovuta kwambiri, ndikuwoneka, ndiko kufotokoza mutu wa kugonana m'njira yosakhala yamatsenga, kapena odzazidwa manyazi, kapena osowa Chidatchi kuti athetse vutoli. Mwachidziwikire anthu onse agwiritsa ntchito zolaula; Ndi angati omwe adakambiranapo, poyera? "
Kufufuza nkhani
Kate Holmquist akufuna maakaunti a zolaula omwe anthu aku Ireland amagwiritsa ntchito. Gawani zomwe mwakumana nazo mwachinsinsi potumiza imelo ku tellkate@irish times.com