Mitundu yatsopano ya anthu ogonana - omwe sagonana
Achinyamata omwe akuchulukirachulukira amakhalanso ndi zolaula pa intaneti, koma akuwopa kulumikizana zenizeni. Andy Jones akuti
Ndi Andy Jones 9 February 2020
Mitundu yatsopano ya anthu omwe amagonana ndi amuna kapena akazi anzawo azolowera zolaula komanso kuseweretsa maliseche - koma samakhala omasuka ndikamagonana
Kabir *, wazaka 26, akufunafuna zolaula pa intaneti mokakamiza, monga achitira tsiku lililonse asanafike komanso atamaliza ntchito kuyambira pomwe anayamba ntchito yanthawi yonse.
M'malo mokondwerera kapena kugwira ntchito, Kabir amatenga pafupifupi $ 400 pamwezi polankhula ndi atsikana ogonana, omwe amamupatsa mwayi wophunzitsa momwe angadzisungunulire kapena kusangalatsa pa kamera. Amamwa Red Bull ndi khofi wakuda kuti akhale maso. Wokhala wamantha komanso wamanyazi, tsopano akufuna kusiya.
Ndamupeza ali pachiwonetsero cha kugonana chomwe chimadziwika kuti "NoFap" - tsamba logwiritsira ntchito zolaula zomwe amuna, ofunitsitsa kusiya kuyang'ana zolaula, amalangizana.
Ogwiritsa ntchito ambiri a NoFap ndi ogula omwe sachita zolaula: akazi awo osokoneza bongo; amayi akuyesera kuletsa ana awo wamwamuna kapena nthawi zina ana akazi a zolaula, ndipo ngakhale abale awo akufuna kuyambitsa nawo njira.
"Nditha kusiya kukhala pansi ndikulankhula ndi makamera ogonana ndipo zimawononga moyo wanga," akutero Kabir. “Ndimakhala wotetezeka kuntchito chifukwa ndimayang'ana pa masamba awo pafoni nthawi yakuntchito. Poyamba ndimakonda ma cams akugonana chifukwa zimakhudzidwa kuposa zolaula zokha, umacheza ndi mtsikana wokonda kugonana ndiye umatha kugonana. Koma tsopano ndazindikira kwambiri za kufunika kokhala pachibwenzi kapena kusiya kuchita zomwe zikundidetsa nkhawa. ”
Mwa zolinga zonse ndi zolinga zake, Kabir ndi wokonda kugonana - monga otchuka a Russell Brand kapena a David Duchovny - sangathe kusiya zizolowezi zowonongera pakukakamiza. Koma, mosiyana ndi anthu ena ogonana, iye sikuti amagonana.
Kabir ndi gawo limodzi la mibadwo yatsopano ya ogula omwe amayendetsa kuphulika kwa zolaula pa intaneti. Mu 2018 mtsogoleri wamsika wa Pornhub adawulula makanema ake adawoneredwa maulendo 33.5 biliyoni chaka chimenecho, ndi alendo okwana 92 miliyoni tsiku lililonse (kuchokera pa miliyoni 64 mu 2016.)
Chaka chatha, kafukufuku wa BBC Atatu mwa opitilira Brits oposa 1,000 adawulula 55 peresenti ya azibambo ati zolaula ndi zomwe zimawalimbikitsa kwambiri kuphunzira zakugonana, pomwe kafukufuku wolemba Natsal (kafukufuku wokhudza za kugonana pakati pa anthu 34,000) adawonetsa omwe sanatero anagonana mwezi watha anali atakwera mpaka 29 peresenti.
Mtundu watsopano wa achinyamata omwe amakonda kugonana ndi anthu okonda kugonana - omwe sangathe kuthana ndi kukumana ndi anthu am'thupi ndi magazi - tsopano akudzaza m'zipinda zodikirira anthu omwe amakonda kugonana ndi anthu okonda kugonana ku UK konse, akutero Paula Hall wa ku Laurel Centre yemwe wakhala katswiri pa nkhani yogonana ndi zolaula kwa zaka khumi ndi zisanu.
Iye akuti makasitomala omwe amafika ku chipatala chake cha ku Leamington Spa, amagawika m'magulu azaka - akuluakulu omwe amakakamizidwa kuchita zinthu zovulaza thupi - ndi achinyamata omwe amakonda kwambiri zinthu za pa intaneti kotero kuti sakondanso kugonana konse kapena apeza kuti kugonana kwenikweni sikungafanane ndi zomwe akumana nazo pa intaneti.
"Achinyamata ambiri achichepere omwe tikugwira nawo ntchito - azaka zapakati pa 18 mpaka 28 - sanayambe agonana popanda zolaula kapena makamu ogonana," akutero. "Amanena kuti ndizosatheka. Sangokhala ndi malingaliro osangalatsa popanda zolaula. "
Ngakhale atagonana kwenikweni - zimawagwiritsa mwala. Hall akuti: "Ena mwa achinyamatawa amadabwa kuti anzawo amakhala ndi tsitsi kapena thukuta kapena mnofu wawo ndi wofewa. Kuti samangokhalira kukhudzidwa pakukhudza. Kugonana kwenikweni - osati pawindo - kumanunkhika mosiyana ndi momwe amaganizira - azolowera kugonana komwe sikosokoneza kapena kosayera. ”
Zachipatala zina zaku Britain zimanenanso zofanana. Nuno Albuquerque, Mtsogoleri wa Gulu Lamalonda ku UK Addiction Treatment akuti mchitidwe wake amakumana "osagonana, osokoneza bongo" mwezi uliwonse. Iye akuti, "Odwala awa, pakapita nthawi, amadalira zamavuto amisala, koma zikakhala kuti alumikizana ndi munthu wina ndi mnzake, safuna kapena satha kuchita."
Kafukufuku wa 2014 wochokera ku Yunivesite ya Cambridge adapeza kuti omwe amawonera zolaula amachitiranso ubongo ngati omwe amamwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo akakumana ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo CREDIT: Getty Contributor
Kafukufuku wa mu 2014 wochokera ku yunivesite ya Cambridge adapeza kuti anthu omwe ali ndi vutoli amaonera zolaula zomwe ubongo wawo umakumana nazo akakumana ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo omwe amawakonda ndipo ambiri amachita chilichonse kuti apitirize kuwaonera. Kumayambiriro kwa chaka chino, Andrew Barnbrook wazaka 38 adabera abwana ake ndalama zokwana £250 kuti apeze ndalama zothandizira chizolowezi chake cholankhula ndi munthu wochita sex-cam.
Dr Thaddeus Birchard wa ku Marylebone Clinic adagwiritsa ntchito amuna oposa 1,000 m'magulu omwe ali ndi vuto logonana kuyambira 2001 ndipo akuti zolaula za bongo zimapangitsa kuti zomwe akufuna sizikufunika. “Kafukufuku awonetsa kuti agulugufe amatha posachedwa ndi chithunzi cha gulugufe wopangidwa ndi glitter m'malo moona zenizeni. Hens amathanso kukhala pamazira oundana amtundu wakuda kuposa mazira awo enieni. Anthu alinso chimodzimodzi chifukwa ayamba kusankha kuyang'ana zopangidwa ndi anthu, zopangidwa ndi intaneti. ”
Bungwe la World Health Organization linazindikira kuti chizolowezi chogonana ndi vuto la thanzi la maganizo mu 2018, ngakhale kuti bungwe la American Association of Sexuality Educators Counsellor and Therapists linanena zaka ziwiri zisanachitike kuti panalibe umboni wokwanira wochirikiza kutchulidwa kwa chizolowezi chogonana kapena chizolowezi chogonana ngati vuto la thanzi la maganizo. Ananenanso kuti kuonera zolaula sikunali koledzeretsa.
Kusokonezeka ndi kusowa kwa chakudya kumatha kusiya odwala okha kuti akapeze chithandizo. Erica Garza, wolemba buku la Get Off: Woman Woman 'Walking kudzera Kugonana Ndi Zolaula, adapezeka kuti ali ndi vuto logonana patapita zaka zambiri zodzipha. Tsopano ali ndi banja losangalala atamaliza pulogalamu yapa 12-step Regency, Erica akuti adagwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo atakula. Ali ndi zaka khumi ndi ziwiri, adamuvutitsa kusukulu chifukwa chovala chingwe cham'mbuyo chomwe chidamsiyitsa nkhawa. M'malo molankhula ndi munthu za izi, zolaula idakhala kumasulidwa.
Iye anati: “Zinanipatsa zakumwa zoledzeretsa komanso zosangalatsa. “Izi zinayamba kundivutitsa maganizo. Ngakhale zovuta za moyo komanso zomwe zimayambitsa matendawa zidasintha pakapita nthawi njira yanga yokwaniritsira zogonana, ndikuwonjezera maliseche osazolowereka ndikugonana ndi anthu osawadziwa. "
Pamene anali mu chizolowezi chake chogonana, Erica anali - mosiyana ndi "osagonana, okonda kugonana" - akuchita zogonana zenizeni, koma kuonera zolaula kunalinso chifukwa chachikulu chomwe chinapangitsa kuti khalidwe lake likhale loipa. Iye anati, "Mukafufuza tsamba ndi tsamba lawebusayiti ya zolaula mukufuna kachidutswa katsopano - kenako kachidutswa kena koti mupite pamwamba pa komaliza - ndipo mukaganizira kwambiri za amene mudzagona naye - kapena mutangomaliza kugona naye - kapena kukonza thupi lanu kuti likhale lokonzeka kugonana, nthawi imadyedwa, mwayi umasowa. Moyo umangodutsa."
Erica adalimbikitsidwa kuthana ndi mayendedwe ake pomwe mnzake - yemwe anali kupita ku Misonkhano ya AA - adamuwuza kuti machitidwe ake okakamiza adadziwonetsera. Anayamba kupita kumisonkhano ya Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous ndipo adayamba pulogalamu yoletsa magawo 12 yomwe idapereka malo otetezedwa, olandilidwa komanso gulu la anthu amalingaliro omwe amamvera popanda kuweruza za zoyipa zomwe adachita.
Iye akuti, "Ndimalimbikitsa kumisonkhano kwa anthu ena ngati poyambira (kuchitira zachiwerewere) koma ndinayesera zinthu zingapo kuthana ndi vuto lomwe ndakhala ndikuthali nalo kuyambira nthawi yayitali. Kusinkhasinkha, masewera olimbitsa thupi a Thai, mabuku odzithandiza, mankhwala olankhula, kubwerera kwa masiku 7 otchedwa Hoffman Njira, ndikulemba zokumana nazo zanga zonse zinali zida zomwe zidathandiza mwa iwo okha. ”
Dokotala Rob Weiss, katswiri wodziwa za kugonana yemwe amakhala ku LA yemwe ali ndi zaka zoposa 25 zakuchitikira, waona zotsatira zake mwa achinyamata omwe amagwiritsa ntchito intaneti mokakamiza pogonana.
“Pofika zaka 20, anthu omwe ali ndi vuto lachiwerewere sanakhale pachibwenzi, akubwera kunyumba kwawo ndi kuonera zolaula. Sadzukitsidwa ndi kugonana, chifukwa sangapikisane ndi mavidiyo angapo. Ndili ndi zaka 21 zakubadwa zomwe sindimaganiza kuti ndizigwira dzanja la munthu, ndimachita mantha ndikulumikizana ndi thupi ndipo zimandivuta kuti ndiyankhe yankho chifukwa sanadikirepo kuti adikire izi. ”
Paula Hall akuti zoyambitsa zolaula zapangitsa kuti dzikolo "liziwoneka bwino." Iye akuti, "Tikukonzekera zolaula ngakhale sitinadzuke, momwemonso munthu amene amakonda kudya samadya. Chimodzi mwazinthu zowononga za zolaula ndizakuti anthu ambiri sadziwa kuti chilengedwe chawo ndi chiyani, akungochichita mokakamiza, ngati chizolowezi, chifukwa amakhala ndi nthawi yopuma kapena chifukwa akufuna kupuma. ”
Kuthawa zoipa zilizonse ndizovuta, koma chowopsa cha omwe ali ndi zolaula ndikuti intaneti ili paliponse, yokhazikika m'moyo wamakono. Mutha kupita njira ina yobwerera kunyumba kuti mupewe kulumikizana kapena kuchotsera laisensi, mutha kuthamangitsa anzanu omwe mumamwa usiku kunja. Koma intaneti imakhala m'thumba lanu, kukutsatirani pamoyo wanu watsiku ndi tsiku.
Kwa iwo omwe akuchira, ndi za kupeza njira yodziwongolera, akutero Erica. “Ndimawonerabe zolaula nthawi ndi nthawi, koma kusiyana ndikuti sindikufuna kumasulidwa chifukwa ndikufuna kuthawa china chake. Kudziwa kusiyana kwa zomwe zili mu izi (ndikofunikira) kuti mugonjetse chizolowezichi, "akutero.