Mitundu yatsopano ya anthu ogonana - omwe sagonana
Achinyamata omwe akuchulukirachulukira amakhalanso ndi zolaula pa intaneti, koma akuwopa kulumikizana zenizeni. Andy Jones akuti
By Andy Jones 9 February 2020
Mitundu yatsopano ya anthu omwe amagonana ndi amuna kapena akazi anzawo azolowera zolaula komanso kuseweretsa maliseche - koma samakhala omasuka ndikamagonana
Kabir *, wazaka 26, akufunafuna zolaula pa intaneti mokakamiza, monga achitira tsiku lililonse asanafike komanso atamaliza ntchito kuyambira pomwe anayamba ntchito yanthawi yonse.
M'malo mokondwerera kapena kugwira ntchito, Kabir amatenga pafupifupi $ 400 pamwezi polankhula ndi atsikana ogonana, omwe amamupatsa mwayi wophunzitsa momwe angadzisungunulire kapena kusangalatsa pa kamera. Amamwa Red Bull ndi khofi wakuda kuti akhale maso. Wokhala wamantha komanso wamanyazi, tsopano akufuna kusiya.
Ndamupeza ali pachiwonetsero cha kugonana chomwe chimadziwika kuti "NoFap" - tsamba logwiritsira ntchito zolaula zomwe amuna, ofunitsitsa kusiya kuyang'ana zolaula, amalangizana.
Ogwiritsa ntchito ambiri a NoFap ndi ogula omwe sachita zolaula: akazi awo osokoneza bongo; amayi akuyesera kuletsa ana awo wamwamuna kapena nthawi zina ana akazi a zolaula, ndipo ngakhale abale awo akufuna kuyambitsa nawo njira.
"Nditha kusiya kukhala pansi ndikulankhula ndi makamera ogonana ndipo zimawononga moyo wanga," akutero Kabir. “Ndimakhala wotetezeka kuntchito chifukwa ndimayang'ana pa masamba awo pafoni nthawi yakuntchito. Poyamba ndimakonda ma cams akugonana chifukwa zimakhudzidwa kuposa zolaula zokha, umacheza ndi mtsikana wokonda kugonana ndiye umatha kugonana. Koma tsopano ndazindikira kwambiri za kufunika kokhala pachibwenzi kapena kusiya kuchita zomwe zikundidetsa nkhawa. ”
Mwa zolinga zonse ndi zolinga zake, Kabir ndi wokonda kugonana - monga otchuka a Russell Brand kapena a David Duchovny - sangathe kusiya zizolowezi zowonongera pakukakamiza. Koma, mosiyana ndi anthu ena ogonana, iye sikuti amagonana.
Kabir ndi gawo limodzi la mibadwo yatsopano ya ogula omwe amayendetsa kuphulika kwa zolaula pa intaneti. Mu 2018 mtsogoleri wamsika wa Pornhub adawulula makanema ake adawoneredwa maulendo 33.5 biliyoni chaka chimenecho, ndi alendo okwana 92 miliyoni tsiku lililonse (kuchokera pa miliyoni 64 mu 2016.)
Chaka chatha, kafukufuku wa BBC Atatu mwa opitilira Brits oposa 1,000 adawulula 55 peresenti ya azibambo ati zolaula ndi zomwe zimawalimbikitsa kwambiri kuphunzira zakugonana, pomwe kafukufuku wolemba Natsal (kafukufuku wokhudza za kugonana pakati pa anthu 34,000) adawonetsa omwe sanatero anagonana mwezi watha anali atakwera mpaka 29 peresenti.
Izi zatsopano za achichepere osokoneza bongo - yemwe sangathe kupirira kukumana ndi mnofu ndi magazi - tsopano akukhala ndi zipinda zodikirira ku UK, atero a Paula Hall a Laurel Center yemwe wakhala katswiri wazakugonana komanso zolaula kwa zaka khumi ndi zisanu.
Akuti makasitomala omwe amafika kuchipatala chake cha Leamington Spa, amagawika misinkhu - achikulire omwe amakakamizidwa kuti azichita nawo ziwopsezo - komanso achikulire omwe amakhala okonzeka ndi zida zapaintaneti sangakhalenso ndi chidwi chogonana kapena apeza kugonana kwenikweni sangafanane ndi zomwe akumana nazo pa intaneti.
"Achinyamata ambiri achichepere omwe tikugwira nawo ntchito - azaka zapakati pa 18 mpaka 28 - sanayambe agonana popanda zolaula kapena makamu ogonana," akutero. "Amanena kuti ndizosatheka. Sangokhala ndi malingaliro osangalatsa popanda zolaula. "
Ngakhale atagonana kwenikweni - zimawagwiritsa mwala. Hall akuti: "Ena mwa achinyamatawa amadabwa kuti anzawo amakhala ndi tsitsi kapena thukuta kapena mnofu wawo ndi wofewa. Kuti samangokhalira kukhudzidwa pakukhudza. Kugonana kwenikweni - osati pawindo - kumanunkhika mosiyana ndi momwe amaganizira - azolowera kugonana komwe sikosokoneza kapena kosayera. ”
Zachipatala zina zaku Britain zimanenanso zofanana. Nuno Albuquerque, Mtsogoleri wa Gulu Lamalonda ku UK Addiction Treatment akuti mchitidwe wake amakumana "osagonana, osokoneza bongo" mwezi uliwonse. Iye akuti, "Odwala awa, pakapita nthawi, amadalira zamavuto amisala, koma zikakhala kuti alumikizana ndi munthu wina ndi mnzake, safuna kapena satha kuchita."
Kafukufuku wa 2014 wochokera ku Yunivesite ya Cambridge adapeza kuti omwe amawonera zolaula amachitiranso ubongo ngati omwe amamwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo akakumana ndi mankhwala osokoneza bongo CREDIT: Getty Contributor
A 2014 kuphunzira kuchokera ku yunivesite ya Cambridge adapeza kuti omwe amayamba kuonera zolaula amakumana ndi zinthu zomwezo zomwe zimachitika mu ubongo ngati omwe amwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo akakumana ndi mankhwala omwe amasankha ndipo ambiri angachite chilichonse kuti aziwonera. Kumayambiriro kwa chaka chino, Andrew Barnbrook wazaka 38 adabera abwana ake ndalama zokwana £ 250k kuti am'thandize ndalama kuti azolowere kulankhula ndi mtundu wa cam-cam.
Dr Thaddeus Birchard wa ku Marylebone Clinic adagwiritsa ntchito amuna oposa 1,000 m'magulu omwe ali ndi vuto logonana kuyambira 2001 ndipo akuti zolaula za bongo zimapangitsa kuti zomwe akufuna sizikufunika. “Kafukufuku awonetsa kuti agulugufe amatha posachedwa ndi chithunzi cha gulugufe wopangidwa ndi glitter m'malo moona zenizeni. Hens amathanso kukhala pamazira oundana amtundu wakuda kuposa mazira awo enieni. Anthu alinso chimodzimodzi chifukwa ayamba kusankha kuyang'ana zopangidwa ndi anthu, zopangidwa ndi intaneti. ”
World Health Organisation idavomereza chizolowezi chogonana ngati mkhalidwe waumoyo wamaganizidwe mu 2018, ngakhale bungwe la American Association of sexourse Educators and Therapists linanena zaka ziwiri zisanachitike kuti kunalibe umboni wokwanira wogwirizira kupezeka kwa chizolowezi chogonana kapena zolaula ngati vuto lamatenda amisala. Ananenanso kuti kuonera zolaula sikungosokoneza.
Kusokonezeka ndi kusowa kwa chakudya kumatha kusiya odwala okha kuti akapeze chithandizo. Erica Garza, wolemba buku la Get Off: Woman Woman 'Walking kudzera Kugonana Ndi Zolaula, adapezeka kuti ali ndi vuto logonana patapita zaka zambiri zodzipha. Tsopano ali ndi banja losangalala atamaliza pulogalamu yapa 12-step Regency, Erica akuti adagwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo atakula. Ali ndi zaka khumi ndi ziwiri, adamuvutitsa kusukulu chifukwa chovala chingwe cham'mbuyo chomwe chidamsiyitsa nkhawa. M'malo molankhula ndi munthu za izi, zolaula idakhala kumasulidwa.
Iye anati: “Zinanipatsa zakumwa zoledzeretsa komanso zosangalatsa. “Izi zinayamba kundivutitsa maganizo. Ngakhale zovuta za moyo komanso zomwe zimayambitsa matendawa zidasintha pakapita nthawi njira yanga yokwaniritsira zogonana, ndikuwonjezera maliseche osazolowereka ndikugonana ndi anthu osawadziwa. "
Ali mkati momugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, Erica anali - mosiyana ndi "osagonana, ogonana" - amagonana kwenikweni, koma kuyang'ana zolaula chidalinso chinthu chachikulu pamakhalidwe ake omwe amamuwononga. Akuti, "Mukamasanthula tsamba lililonse latsamba lomwe mukufuna tsamba latsopanoli - kenako chojambula china chapamwamba chomaliza - komanso mukamaganizira za omwe mudzagone naye - kapena mwangomaliza kumene kugona ndi - kapena kudzikongoletsa thupi lanu kuti mukonzekere zogonana, nthawi imadyedwa, mwayi umasowa. Moyo umangodutsa iwe. ”
Erica adalimbikitsidwa kuthana ndi mayendedwe ake pomwe mnzake - yemwe anali kupita ku Misonkhano ya AA - adamuwuza kuti machitidwe ake okakamiza adadziwonetsera. Anayamba kupita kumisonkhano ya Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous ndipo adayamba pulogalamu yoletsa magawo 12 yomwe idapereka malo otetezedwa, olandilidwa komanso gulu la anthu amalingaliro omwe amamvera popanda kuweruza za zoyipa zomwe adachita.
Iye akuti, "Ndimalimbikitsa kumisonkhano kwa anthu ena ngati poyambira (kuchitira zachiwerewere) koma ndinayesera zinthu zingapo kuthana ndi vuto lomwe ndakhala ndikuthali nalo kuyambira nthawi yayitali. Kusinkhasinkha, masewera olimbitsa thupi a Thai, mabuku odzithandiza, mankhwala olankhula, kubwerera kwa masiku 7 otchedwa Hoffman Njira, ndikulemba zokumana nazo zanga zonse zinali zida zomwe zidathandiza mwa iwo okha. ”
Dr Rob Weiss, a othandizira achiwerewere zochokera ku LA zokhala ndi zaka zopitilira 25 zawonapo zotsatira za achinyamata omwe agwiritsa ntchito intaneti mwachangu.
“Pofika zaka 20, anthu omwe ali ndi vuto lachiwerewere sanakhale pachibwenzi, akubwera kunyumba kwawo ndi kuonera zolaula. Sadzukitsidwa ndi kugonana, chifukwa sangapikisane ndi mavidiyo angapo. Ndili ndi zaka 21 zakubadwa zomwe sindimaganiza kuti ndizigwira dzanja la munthu, ndimachita mantha ndikulumikizana ndi thupi ndipo zimandivuta kuti ndiyankhe yankho chifukwa sanadikirepo kuti adikire izi. ”
Paula Hall akuti zoyambitsa zolaula zapangitsa kuti dzikolo "liziwoneka bwino." Iye akuti, "Tikukonzekera zolaula ngakhale sitinadzuke, momwemonso munthu amene amakonda kudya samadya. Chimodzi mwazinthu zowononga za zolaula ndizakuti anthu ambiri sadziwa kuti chilengedwe chawo ndi chiyani, akungochichita mokakamiza, ngati chizolowezi, chifukwa amakhala ndi nthawi yopuma kapena chifukwa akufuna kupuma. ”
Kuthawa zoipa zilizonse ndizovuta, koma chowopsa cha omwe ali ndi zolaula ndikuti intaneti ili paliponse, yokhazikika m'moyo wamakono. Mutha kupita njira ina yobwerera kunyumba kuti mupewe kulumikizana kapena kuchotsera laisensi, mutha kuthamangitsa anzanu omwe mumamwa usiku kunja. Koma intaneti imakhala m'thumba lanu, kukutsatirani pamoyo wanu watsiku ndi tsiku.
Kwa iwo omwe akuchira, ndi za kupeza njira yodziwongolera, akutero Erica. “Ndimawonerabe zolaula nthawi ndi nthawi, koma kusiyana ndikuti sindikufuna kumasulidwa chifukwa ndikufuna kuthawa china chake. Kudziwa kusiyana kwa zomwe zili mu izi (ndikofunikira) kuti mugonjetse chizolowezichi, "akutero.
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