Zomwe zikuchitika:
Ndathandizanso ma banja ambiri kuthana ndi mavuto ochita zogonana omwe abwera chifukwa chokhala okonda kuthamanga komanso okhwima chifukwa chofuna kukopeka mwachangu, kusiya munthu akulephera kudzutsidwa kapena kufikirabe pogonana.
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Chimodzi mwa zinthu zomwe ndimakumbukira ndili mwana ndimakhala mnyumba kusamba mu nyumba yathu mu 1960s Sturb Valley; mudzi wawung'ono wonyowa wokhala m'mapiri okutira pakati pa Upper Hutt ndi Lower Hutt, kumpoto kwa Wellington. Ine, wazaka pafupifupi 4 kapena 5 kumapeto amodzi, mlongo wanga wamkulu kumapeto kwina ndi m'bale wathu wamng'ono pakati. Amayi atayimirira pafupi ndi ife, atanyamula phazi, ndikugwedeza chala kwa mchimwene wanga, nati: "Ngati simungaleke kusewera ndi chinthu chimenecho ndikuchivutitsa, kugwa!" Mwadzidzidzi zinandipeza, IYO ndizomwe ziyenera kuti zidachitika kwa ine.
Zaka zingapo pambuyo pake ndidapeza chodabwitsa, chooneka ngati sosewera chagona pampando wa bafa. Nditathamangira kukhitchini kukanena za kuukira kwa Amayi, ndidauzidwa kuti ndisakhale wopusa ndipo nditatsika msewu wanjira kuti ndikauyang'anenso, anali atasowa.
Pitani patsogolo zaka zina zingapo ndipo ndili pakatikati, ndikuwonera kanema wonena za kubereka ndi Amayi usiku wa atsikana, ndikutsatiridwa mwakachetechete ndikupita kunyumba. Chaka chimodzi kapena ziwiri pambuyo pake mlongo wanga adapereka buku lake lonena za nthawi, yopangidwa ndi Johnson & Johnson, opanga ma napkin aukhondo. Monga wopanga mochedwa, ndinali ndi nthawi kuti ndizolowere lingaliro limenelo komanso kuti ndimalakalaka kwambiri mabere kuti amere. Munjira yachisanu, aphunzitsi anga a biology adatengera mkazi wawo kuti atiphunzitse phunziro limodzi lokha kubereka, mwachiwonekere osakhudzidwa ndi zomwe amatipangira posakhalapo.
Palibe chodabwitsa, kuti, nditazindikira zolaula sindimadziwa kuti ndiziwatengera. Amayi ndi abambo anali ndi mkaka kwa zaka zitatu kuyambira ndili ndi zaka 14, zomwe zinkandipatsa mwayi wokhala mwezi ndi mwezi kupita Playboy ndi Penthouse. Zodukiza koma zosokoneza munthawi yomweyo, ndinada nkhawa ndi njira zonse zomwe sindimawoneka ngati atsikana pazithunzi komanso ngati ndimayenera kuchita ngati choncho kapena ayi. Amayi sanatero; Zovala zokhazokha zomwe adavala zinali zokhala ndi milomo ndipo ndimamuyang'ana iye akuchotsa chosisita chamkati chomwe adasoka pa diresi yake yowoneka bwino yabuluu, kuyankhula kuti akuwoneka ngati wopanda pake. Kodi ndidapangidwa kuti ndisankhe pakati pa kukhala msungwana wabwino komanso mtsikana wokongola? Mofananamo kapena mwina koposa zonse, kodi anyamata amafuna chiyani?
Zinali zodziwikiratu kuti zomwe ndimafuna kuchita zogonana sizinachite bwino, sizinaphunzitsidwe komanso sizinakwaniritse. Kodi ana athu aphunzitsidwa bwino tsopano mu 2020 kuposa zaka zana zapitazo? Ena adzakhalapo koma ndikuwopa kuti ambiri sanakhalepo, kotero sindinadabwe kuwona zomwe zapezedwa ndi mkulu wathu wofufuza, a David Shanks, pazakafukufuku waposachedwa wake ku achinyamata ndi zolaula. Kafukufuku wofunikayu adawonetsa kuti, pomwe achinyamata athu akufuna kuti athe kulankhula ndi akulu zomwe awona kuti athandizire kukonza, ambiri salankhula ndi makolo awo, atapatsidwa mwayi wowonera zolaula. Olakwa komanso amanyazi amayendetsa kuwonera kwawo mobisa, kwa atsikana kwambiri kuposa anyamata, chifukwa cha njira zomwe amapezanazi. Mavuto awo akupitilizabe: momwe tingakhalire olemekezeka komabe olemekezedwa.
Kafukufukuyu adapezanso kuti, chifukwa zolaula zimapezeka mosavuta pa ana ambiri azachuma ana ndi achinyamata - kapenanso abwenzi awo - atha kutero, zakhala zabwinobwino. Achinyamata adanenanso kuti sakudziwa kuti si kugonana kwenikweni koma, ngakhale zili choncho, kuti uku akusintha malingaliro awo. Popeza mphamvu yakuumirizidwa ndi anzawo, zoyankhulana mozama zidawonetsa kuti, ngakhale amadziwa kuti kugonana kwachiwerewere sikuli kugonana kwenikweni, ndizofala kuti achinyamata azichita zomwe awonera zolaula chifukwa akuganiza kuti ndizomwe mnzake angafune kapena kuyembekezera. Amavomereza kuti ali ndi chidwi chofuna kudziwa zokhudzana ndi kugonana komanso kugonana, amakhala ndi mahomoni ogonana omwe amakhala mozungulira matupi awo, chifukwa chake porn imakhalanso chida chosangalatsa chogonana, komanso chida chosinthira.
Kodi umu ndi momwe timafunira ana athu kuti aphunzire za kugonana? Kuzindikira ndikumvetsetsa zomwe amakonda. Yankho lochokera kwa ine ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti ambiri mwa anthu athu, ndiwosadabwitsa.
Pali zambiri zokhudzana ndi kugonana komanso zogonana zomwe sizingawoneredwe ndi kanema aliyense ali ndi cholinga chokondweretsa. Pakadali pano ndawonapo mabanja ambiri omwe alibe luso loti azigwirizana komanso anthu ambiri omwe amamva zolakwika chifukwa chokhala ndi thupi kapena “kuchita” mosiyana ndi zomwe adaziwona pa intaneti. Zowonjezera, zolaula nthawi zambiri zimakhala ngati "zikuchita"; kugwiritsa ntchito mnzanu, m'malo momawaganizira. Pakaperekedwa njira zopweteketsa, ngakhale za nkhanza, zimakonda kuphunzitsidwa kuyambira pakudziwonetsa zolaula zomwe sizinatengeko ndikuzichita bwino.
Ndathandizanso ma banja ambiri kuthana ndi mavuto ochita zogonana omwe abwera chifukwa chokhala okonda kuthamanga komanso okhwima chifukwa chofuna kukopeka mwachangu, kusiya munthu akulephera kudzutsidwa kapena kufikirabe pogonana. Malingaliro anga okhudzana ndi zolaula ndizakuti, zofanana ndi chakudya ndi mowa, sizinthu zomwe zimagwiritsidwa ntchito ngati momwe mumagwiritsira ntchito - ngakhale pali zinthu zina mwazigawo zitatu izi zomwe ndizopatsa moyo kuposa zina. Kumaliza kwanga kuchokera kwazaka XNUMX zantchito ndikuyenera kukhala kuti zolaula sizabwino mphunzitsi.
Zokambirana za makolo zolaula zimakonzedwa kuti zibwere pambuyo pamaphunziro oyambira kugonana, omwe amatchedwa "nkhani zogonana", zomwe nthawi zambiri zimachitika mwana akadzakula kapena pakati pa zaka, ngati sichoncho. Lingaliro langa ndikuti sikuti zachedwa kwambiri koma kuti cholinga cha "kuyankhula" ndi kusatsimikiza kwakukulu kwa zomwe zikufunika.
Njira yabwino komanso yodziwika bwino yopitilira ndikuti timaphunzitsa maphunziro azakugonana kuyambira nthawi yobadwa mtsogolo. Chidwi chokhudza thupi la munthu chimakhala chathanzi komanso cham'kati. Onani chidwi cha mwana wakhanda akazindikira kuti dzanja lotembenukira patsogolo pawo ndi lawo, m'manja mwawo. Onani kutsimikiza kwawo ngati muyesanso kuwabweza papulogalamuyo pomwe akuchita ntchito yayikulu yochotsa maliseche awo, chifukwa adziwa momwe zimakhalira. Kusamba komanso kuvala ndi mwayi wabwino wotchula ziwalo zamthupi. Ana omwe alandira uthenga wa makolo kuti matupi awo komanso chidwi chawo chikhala bwino amatsogolera makolo pazomwe akufuna kudziwa. Ena amafotokoza izi pofunsa mafunso, ena amafufuza, ena amachita zonse ziwiri.
Kholo lililonse lomwe limakhala losautsika akamalankhula za "zamseri", musakayike; zomwe zimayenda bwino ndi machitidwe. M'masiku anga oyambirirawa alangizidwe ndimakonda kuchita chibwibwi pomwe ndimati mawu oti "mbolo" kapena "maliseche". Sindinazoloze kunena mawu ngati awa, ngakhale mkazi wogonana ndi yemwe amakhala ndi mwana wamwamuna! Momwe ndimalemba izi ndimadabwa, kodi ndidakhala omasuka kapena ndikudziwika ponena kuti clitoris, vulva, vagina? Ndikukayika. Tsopano, pakampani ina, ndikutsimikiza kuti mawu awa akutulutsa lilime langa mosavuta.
Akamakula pali mipata yambiri yophunzitsira ana za chinsinsi, ulemu, kusangalatsa komanso kuvomera. Izi kukambirana sizofunikira ndipo siziyenera kudikira uchinyamata. Mwanjira imeneyi ikakwana nthawi yolankhula zokhudzana ndi kugonana zomwe mazikowo achita, malingaliro ndi odziwika bwino komanso njira zolumikizirana ndi maluso kuzigwiritsira ntchito, zonse zimakhazikika. Mukukhala munthu wofunsidwa kwa mafunso aliwonse kapena nkhawa zanu ndipo malingaliro ndi maziko ake opangira zolaula zakhazikika. Pali maupangiri ofunikira pokambirana za zolaula ndi zida zokhudzana ndi izi komanso zambiri pa gulu.fr , pamodzi ndi malipoti ofotokoza kafukufuku pa nkhaniyi.
Zachidziwikire, zomwe mumatsatsa pakukula kwa ana anu zimakhudza kwambiri zomwe mukunena. Mukakhazikitsa mu whānau wanu chikhalidwe chokambirana momasuka, nthawi zina muyenera kumva malingaliro omwe ndi osiyana kwambiri ndi omwe mungafune kupatsa achinyamata anu. Koma ngati simukuwonetsa chidwi ndi kulemekeza malingaliro awo, bwanji amvere ndikusankha anu? Ndipo ngati mukutsutsa zomwe amakhulupirira kapena zosankha zawo, bwanji amabwera kwa inu atasokonezeka kapena kudandaula ndi zomwe awona kapena akumana nazo? Pali njira zowonetsera nkhawa zomwe zimapewa kupsa.
Makolo angathandizidwe mokwanira pantchito yawo kuti athandize ana awo kuti azindikire kuti ali ndi mwayi wodziwa zakugonana. Masukulu athu ali ndi udindo wopereka maphunziro a kugonana kwa maola 12 mpaka 15 pachaka kuyambira paubwana mpaka kumapeto kwa sekondale. Tsoka ilo, maphunziro awa akuwoneka kuti akuchitika m'masukulu ochepa, koma tikakhala kuti aphunzitsi onse aphunzitsidwa komanso kuphunzitsidwa zofunikira zokhudzana ndi kugonana mu maphunziro awo, tidzakhala gawo lina lothandizira achinyamata onse kuti azimvetsetsa bwino komanso moyenera a malingaliro ofunikira. Kenako akakhala makolo amapeza zonse zofunika kuchita. Ndikukhulupirira zenizeni kuti, tonse pamodzi, titha kukonzekeretsa ana athu chilichonse chomwe angapeze pa nkhani zogonana ndi moyo wawo wonse.
Mofulumira, ndiyenera kumaliza pochenjeza. Ana osakonzekera omwe amawonetsedwa ndi zolaula amafanana ndi kuchitiridwa nkhanza zachiwerewere. Amatha kukhala ndi nkhawa kapena kuthedwa nzeru ndi zomwe amawona, ndi zotsatirapo zakusautsa komanso kuthekera kwa mavuto okhudzana ndi kugonana omwe afotokozedwa pamwambapa. Ana omwe amakonda kukambirana zokhudzana ndi kugonana ndi makolo nthawi zambiri amatha kukafotokozeratu zoterezi ndikulandira thandizo lomwe angafunikire kuti athe kusintha momwe angachitire. Makolo / whānau ndi ena omwe amasamalira ana omwe akufuna ateteze ana ndi achinyamata amatha kuwerengera chidule cha machitidwe abwinobwino azaka zilizonse, pomwe akakhala ndi nkhawa zokhudzana ndi chikhalidwe chogonana komanso zomwe angachite mwana akamachitiridwa nkhanza m'bukhu lomwe ndidasindikiza Omasuka Kukhala Ana. Izi zidapangidwa ndi katswiri wapadziko lonse lapansi Toni Cavanagh Johnson.
Pokonzekera bukuli, machitidwe anga ngati wama psychologist komanso m'moyo wanga, uthenga womwewo umatulukira momveka bwino mobwerezabwereza: kutsegulika ndi kuwona mtima ndikofunikira mu maubale onse, makamaka omwe tili ndi ana athu ndi achinyamata. Ngati mungapangitse nyumba yanu kukhala malo otetezeka pomwe ana angakambirane zomwe adawona pa intaneti popanda mantha kapena manyazi, mbali zobisika kwambiri za zolaula zimatha mphamvu.
Robyn Salisbury ndi katswiri wama psychologist, wolemba kha Omasuka Kukhala Ana: Kupewa kuchitiridwa zachipongwe kwa ana ku Aotearoa / NZ.
LINK KU NKHANI YOPHUNZIRA
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