Ndakhala ndikugwira nawo nawo ntchito kwakanthawi tsopano ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti nthawi yakwana yoti ndikufotokozereni nonse nkhani ndikuyembekeza kuti mupitiliza kundichirikiza ndipo mwina mukuwunikira zakale zanga. Ndiyenera kunena kuti tsopano ndikuchita bwino kwambiri, ndili ndi bwenzi, ndachepa thupi, ndili ndi magiredi abwino ndipo ndasintha moyo wanga.
Ndili ndi zaka 22 ndipo ndakhala ndikuonera zolaula kuyambira ndili ndi zaka 14 pomwe anzanga adandidziwitsa, adati ndizachilendo kuti ndiziziwona komanso kuti sindinali wanzeru ngati sindinatero. Izi nthawi yomweyo zinayambitsa kugwiritsira ntchito zolaula nthawi zonse. Ndimakumbukira momwe ndimatsitsira zithunzi pafoni yanga kuti ndizikagwiritsa ntchito kusukulu.
Ndinavutitsidwa kwambiri kusukulu ndipo ndimadana ndi moyo wanga pakadali pano, chinthu chokhacho chomwe chimandipangitsa kupitilira chinali chikondi cha mayi anga, anali atasiyana ndi bambo anga ndili ndi zaka zitatu ndipo adandilera kuyambira nthawi imeneyo. Sindinakhalepo paubwenzi wabwino ndi bambo anga kuyambira ndikukumbukira, anali chidakhwa ndipo nditazindikira kuti amawononga ndalama pa mahule ndi mowa pomwe mayi anga anali kunyumba akundisamalira ndili mwana.
Ndikukhulupirira kuti kusowa kwa bambo anga kumakhudzana kwambiri ndi vuto langali ngakhale ndinali ndi bambo wopeza panthawi yomwe ndinali 6. Ngakhale ndimayamika kukhala ndi bambo, sanali gawo lenileni- wachitsanzo ndipo samadzidalira.
Wopezerera anzawo amanditsatira pamoyo wanga wonse wasukulu ndipo ndi pamene ndinangotsala pang'ono kupita ku koleji pomwe izi zinaleka. Apa ndikuti ndimatha kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula pafupifupi tsiku lililonse kumva kuwawa, inali yofewa komanso yooneka ngati yachilendo panthawiyo chifukwa cha msinkhu wanga. Komabe, mwadzidzidzi ndinapeza mawebusayiti ochulukirapo, kuyambira apa mpakana ndikumva kuti vuto langa lidakhala chinthu chomwe ndidalephera kuchiwongolera.
Ndimakhala pamaso pa webusayiti yanga kwa maola ambiri kufunafuna mtsikana woti ndizikhala naye ndipo poyambira ndimatha kupeza zambiri zosewerera zomwe zimangolimbikitsa kukopa (sindimadziwa kuwonongeka komwe kumapangitsa bongo wanga). Tsopano ndikuopa kuti mwina pakhoza kukhala mwayi woti ndidalembedwa ndipo zamanyazi zimandizunza nthawi zonse, kuganiza kuti wachichepere komanso wopanda nzeru akadatha kulembedwa, zosatheka koma zotheka.
17 ndikutsata masamba osiyanasiyana ama web-cam posaka bwenzi. Ndapeza malo angapo amakamera omwe ndimapitako usiku nthawi zina ndimakhala mpaka 5 m'mawa. Tsamba limodzi linali tsamba lachibwenzi, ndimalumikizidwa ndi anthu ambiri omwe amafunsa kuti ndipite pa cam, ndimaganiza kuti zinali zachilendo chifukwa 'ndimadzipeza ndekha' kapena 'ndikufufuza zachiwerewere' ... malingaliro anga anali atangodzazidwa ndi zolaula ndipo dopamine. Ndiye chochitika choipitsitsa kwambiri, tsiku lina ndinkangokhalira kukhumudwa ndipo ndinapeza mnyamata yemwe adanena kuti amapereka kwaulere Zovuta za NSA Ndinayamba kumulembera uthenga ndikumaganiza kuti 'ndimayang'ana zachiwerewere ndipo ndiyenera kuzipereka'. Izi zinali zitatha kutuluka ndi atsikana okongola kwambiri ndikukhala nawo nthawi yabwino, koma kutayidwa izi zisanachitike. Tsopano ndikudziwa kuti ndine wolunjika chifukwa ndimadana nazo ndipo ndangokhala ndi zibwenzi kuyambira pamenepo koma ndikukhulupirira kuti zolaula zanditsogolera ku masomphenya achigololo.
Ndimayang'ana m'mbuyo ndikulakalaka ndikadapanda kukhala mgalimotomo, ndimakhala pamtunda ndipo sindimadziwa zomwe ndimachita, m'mene ndimayendetsa kupita kumalo ake ndimakumbukira momwe ndimakhalira wopusa koma ndikulimbikitsidwa kuti ndizomwe zidaletsedwa kale kugunda kwa dopamine. Ndidayenda ndipo mphindi 10 pambuyo pake ndidatuluka ndikuchita manyazi ndi zomwe ndidangochita kuti ndikhale ndi orgasm. Panalibe chilichonse chabwino pa izi ndipo mwina ndiye zolakwitsa zoyipa kwambiri m'moyo wanga. Chilichonse chikadachitika ndipo chidali chowopsa.
Pambuyo pake ndinapita ku koleji komwe kugwiritsa ntchito intaneti yopanda malire ndipo nthawi yokha inandikakamiza kuti ndikhale pandekha. Sindinapite konse chifukwa sindinapite kumaholo, ndinali kunja kwa sukulu ndipo ndimakhala nthawi yanga yambiri ndikuwonera zolaula, kusewera masewera apakanema komanso kukhala wachisoni. Panthawiyi amayi anga anali atapatukana ndi bambo anga opeza ndipo zinthu zinafika poipa kwambiri, ndinakhumudwa kwambiri ndipo kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula mopitirira muyeso kunandipangitsa kukhala wamantha. Ndinkakonda zolaula kuti ndikhalebe wosangalala, ndikukumbukira ngakhale kuti ndimagwiritsa ntchito mankhwala. Ndinapeza masamba owopsa omwe ndimakonda kuwachezera pafupipafupi ndipo ndimakondanso kwambiri malingaliro anga pazakugonana.
Nditachoka ku koleji yoyamba ndikuzindikira zomwe ndidakhala. Kenako ndinayamba kudzikoka ndekha ndikukhala wokhazikika, ndikudziunjikira kamodzi pa sabata etc. Chaka chotsatira cha koleji chinafika ndipo ndinali kupeza bwino, zinthu zikuyang'ana, ndimatha kupita kocheza komanso kusangalalira kamodzi kapena kawiri pa sabata, nthawi ino popanda kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula zakale ndipo ndimatha kupeza zogonana zanga zoyambilira.
Komabe, tsiku lina bomba linagunda ndipo chinthu chimodzi chomwe chinanditembenuza kwathunthu chinali kumapeto kwa sabata pomwe ndinaitanitsa anzanga akale kuti abwere. Tidakhala usiku wina tikuledzera ndipo timakhala ndi nthawi yopambana. Kuti ndichepetse nkhani yayitali ndidalowa mchipinda usiku wina nditaledzera ndipo nditatulutsa laputopu yanga ndidamva anzanga akunong'oneza "mwina ayang'ana pang'ono odzisintha mtundu zolaula ".
Mtima wanga unagwa ndipo ndinayamba kuda nkhawa chifukwa chodziwa chinsinsi changa chamdima, zonse ndikuzindikira zomwe ndakhala ndikuziyerekeza ndi zenizeni. Dziko lenileni lidandigwira ndipo ndidapeza maakaunti anga onse azithunzi zolaula, ndikuzichotsa, ndikuchotsa zolaula pakompyuta yanga ndikudzilekanitsa ndekha kuchokera ku moyo wanga wakale ndikuzindikira kuti ngati nditapitiriza ndizikhala ndi zabodza lembani moyo wanga wonse.
Ndikayang'ana m'mbuyo ndikusangalala kuti izi zidachitika, zikadapanda kutero sindikadazindikira kuchuluka kwa chizolowezi changa. Sindikuganiza kuti adauza aliyense m'mene tidakambirana pang'ono asananyamuke ndipo ndidawafotokozera kuti makanema omwe adawapeza anali anzawo omwe amandikoka. Mulimonsemo sindinawonepo anzanga akale kusukulu zaka zingapo ndipo mwina sindidzawawonapo. Sindikusamala ngati angauze anthu mwina pano ndikudzipangitsa kukhala bwino ndipo pamapeto pake ndikwanitsa kudziphatika. Ngakhale ndimachita manyazi zam'mbuyomu komanso ndimachita manyazi kwambiri ndikufuna kuganiza kuti zikatuluka amvetsetsa kapena sangapange chinthu chachikulu.
Kudula mpaka pano, zinthu zasintha kwambiri, ndimakonda moyo kwambiri, ndili ndi zolaula zambiri ndipo ndimadzimva kuti ndikukula. Ndili ndi zotengeka zenizeni tsopano ndipo ndimasangalala kukhalabe wosangalala tsiku ndi tsiku ndikamasiya zakale ndikumapitilira moyo wanga wonse. Ndine wachinyamata ndipo sindikufuna kutaya nthawi yanga kuda nkhawa kapena kuganizira zomwe ndachita koma pitilirani ndikukhulupirira zomwe ndingathe komanso komwe ndikupita. Mayi anga ndi ine tikuchitanso bwino, amandithandiziradi (sindinamuuze zakomwe ndimakonda kumwa mankhwalawa) ndipo amandithandizabe
Ndili ndi bwenzi pano lomwe ndimakondwera kukhala nalo nthawi komanso ndimakhala ndi ubale wabwino, ngakhale kuti ndi masiku oyamba ndimamuganizira ngati bwenzi labwino. Ndikukayika kuti ndidzamuuzanso wina aliyense za zomwe ndidakumana nazo kale momwe ndimakhulupilira kuti ndizomwe zimachitika. Ndimayang'ana kwambiri tsogolo langa ndipo ndikufuna kuchita zabwino kwambiri. Ndalimbikanso kwambiri, ndataya thupi ndipo ndili ndi mapulani abwino pazaka zonse zomwe ndikuyembekezera.
Ndikukhulupirira kuti mu zaka za 5 ndikhala nditakhala ndikuyenda mokwanira ndipo ndimatha kuyang'ana m'mbuyo ndikudziwa kuti inangokhala nthawi yamavuto m'moyo wanga yomwe ndidasiya kalekale.
Ngati anyamata muli ndi mawu oti mugawane chonde omasuka, ndikadakonda kuwamva koma chonde lingalirani zakukhosi kwanga mukamachita izi chifukwa ili ndi vuto kwa ine.
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