Pafupifupi masiku 110 apitawo ndinali wosokonezeka. Sindinathe kuyimilira panthawi yogonana ndi msungwana wokongola, ndinali ndi vuto lokhala wolimbikira panthawi yakuseweretsa maliseche ndipo ndinali waulesi kwambiri. Mavutowa adandipangitsa kukhala ndi nkhawa yayikulu, kukhumudwa pang'ono; komanso kusatetezeka kwakukulu; Anandipangitsanso manyazi kutaya mwayi wanga. Iyi ndi nkhani ya momwe ndinathetsere PIED yanga, ndinapeza msungwana wosasintha kuti andithandize rewire, ndikukhala munthu wabwino, wamphamvu komanso wodalirika panthawiyi.
Nditawerenga YBOP ndidaganiza zoyamba nofap. Ndinapita pamalo ovuta kuyambira tsiku 1; Ndinalibe zolimbikitsana konse, ndinali wokhazikika pamasiku opitilira 70. Izi sizinapangitse kuti zikhale zosavuta kwenikweni, koma zimandidetsa nkhawa kwambiri. Ndimawerenga mopanda chidwi kuti ndiyese kupeza anthu omwe adakumana ndi zovuta zofananira (kuyambira tsiku 1); ndipo sanapeze milandu yofanana. Ndinayamba kuona kuwonjezeka kwa chidaliro pakati pa anthu. Izi zimandiuza kuti china chake chikuchitika. Poyamba ndinali ndi maloto ochepa, omwe adayamba kuzimiririka pang'onopang'ono. Sindikudziwa; koma penapake m'masiku 110 awa, nkhuni zanga zammawa zidayamba kuonekanso. Poyamba kamodzi masiku atatu aliwonse ndi theka lamphamvu. Ndipo adayamba kukhala okhazikika komanso olimba. Ndinkakhalanso ndi tsiku linalake kuti libido yanga idzabweranso mwadzidzidzi. Nthawi zingapo izi sindinathe kukana chiyeso chazomwe ndimachita (koma zongopeka). Ndikumva kuti izi zabwezeretsa patsogolo kupita patsogolo kwanga, koma sizinakonzenso.
Apa ndipomwe kupita patsogolo kwanga kunayima (mozungulira tsiku la 90). Ndinali ndi maboners am'mawa mofananira; sanapeze zozizwitsa zokha, ndipo analibe zofuna zambiri. Nditawerenga zambiri zakufunika kwa rewiring, ndinalimba mtima kuti ndiyankhule ndi atsikana kwambiri. Ndinayamba kuyesa kukambirana ndi atsikana ndikamatuluka, ndikukhala wangwiro kwambiri, wotsimikiza kwambiri komanso wosangalala. Ndinakwanitsa kupeza nambala ya msungwana wokongola uyu, kenako ndikuyamba chibwenzi pano. Chifukwa choopa kulephera kugona pabedi, ndinasiya kugonana mpaka tsiku lachitatu, koma ndinazindikira kuti ndiyenera kukhala wolimba mtima, ndikulimbana ndi vutoli molimba mtima.
Apa ndipomwe ndidachita china chake kuchokera m'malo anga otonthoza. Ine ndinamupangitsa iye kuti alowe mu vuto. Tsiku lachitatu, tinapita kwawo 'kukawonera kanema' ndipo ndinamukhazika pampando. Apa ndipomwe ndidaganiza zodzipangitsa kukhala wosatetezeka momwe ndingathere. Ndidamuuza momwe ndidakhalira ndi ED kwa miyezi 3, ndikuti ndimafuna kuti azindilezera mtima. Ndinangomuuza momwe sindinakhalire wotetezeka, ndipo ndinamupempha kuti azicheza nane komanso kuti ndimamva bwino. Kwenikweni ndinamupha iye ndi kuwona mtima. Ndinamuuza za rewiring, ndi momwe zinagwirira ntchito. Atamuuza nkhaniyi; Ndinapuma pang'ono. Zinkawoneka ngati chilichonse chomwe ndimaopa kusungunuka ngati matalala padzuwa. Ngati ndingakhale wotseguka komanso wosatetezeka pamavuto anga, ndiyenera kutaya chiyani? Nthawi yoyamba yogona sikunali kovuta konse. Sindinachite mantha kuti sindingathe kuzimva; chifukwa ndidamukonzera kale! Kulephera kumeneku kuti ndichite, kunandipatsa mwayi kuti ndiyambe kuyambiranso usiku wa 2-3 (komwe ndimamukondweretsa ndi manja anga). Ndinaganiza zopanga nthabwala za mbolo yanga yaying'ono ndipo ndiyokhalanso ndiulemerero. Kwenikweni, ndinanyalanyaza nkhaniyi ndikuseka ndekha (mwa njira yabwino). Izi zidapulumutsa mkhalidwewo kwambiri; kuti pang'onopang'ono ndinapeza kosavuta kukhala wowongoka. Nthawi ina ndikamacheza ndimakhala wovuta kwambiri, koma ndimawopa kuti ndimutaya ndikamulowetsa. Chifukwa chake ndidangomuuza izi: "Wokondedwa, Zakhazikika tsopano, fulumira; ndipatse handjob gogogogo! ”. Ndikwanira kuti munganene, malingaliro awa, komanso njira yochitira moyenera yothetsera vuto langa, adathetsa ED wanga usiku wotsatira.
Mwakupanga zopepuka komanso zosangalatsa ndi zomwe zikuchitika, mumachotsa zovuta. Pochotsa zovuta, mumamasula zopsinjika. Ndikumva bwino koposa tsopano. Sindinabwerere ku mphamvu zonse, koma sindisamala; chifukwa ndikudziwa ndidzatero. Komanso ndinaphunzira china chake chamtengo wapatali kuchokera pamenepa. Mwa kudzipereka nokha ukupambana dziko. Khalani osatetezeka. Dziyikeni panokha. Chotsani kusatetemera kwanu, poyang'anizana ndi mutu wanu wamantha. Mumalandira zomwe mumapereka padziko lapansi.
Tikuthokoza a Redditors okondedwa chifukwa chothandizachi. Nthawi zina ndimayang'ana m'mbuyo kuti ndiwone ngati ndingathe kupereka nawo koma tsopano ndi nthawi yoti ndichoke pagawoli. Mwakhala onditsogolera okondedwa mwanga!
by nofapfive
POPANDA MALO
Hi Ma Redditors ndi anzanu a Nofapstronauts,
Ndine watsopano pano ndipo ndimangofuna kuti moni. Nthawi zonse ndakhala ndikuledzera zolaula, ndipo ndimakhala ndi libido kwambiri. Ndinkayang'ana ndikuonera zolaula nthawi zonse (kamodzi patsiku) kuyambira ndili 14, ndipo ndili ndi 24 tsopano. Ndili ndi nkhani yomvetsa chisoni; ndipo iyi ndi njira yanga yotulutsira.
Kumayambiriro kwa chaka chino ndidakumana ndi mtsikana wamaloto anga. Wokongola, wokonda, wanzeru. Anali ndi zonse, ndipo tidakondana. Ndinali ndi milungu iwiri yoyambirira ya 2 ndi iye (popanda kugonana!), Ndipo timakhala nthawi yayitali limodzi. Mwadala tidasankha kudikirira masiku ochepa tisanachite zogonana, chifukwa izi zinali zapadera ndipo sitinkafuna kuthamangitsa zinthu.
Ndipamene mavuto anga adayamba. Tidakhala pansi pazophimba titatha kumwa usiku umodzi ndipo ndidalephera kukonzekera. Ndili ndi nkhawa zambiri momwe ndimakhalira, ndimati ndi mowa, ndipo sindinaganize zambiri. Mosangalatsa anali kumvetsetsa. Tsiku lotsatira tinayesanso: Palibe. Ndinayamba kuda nkhawa kuti china chake sichili bwino. Anali kumvetsetsa. Tsiku lachitatu, tidaganiza zoyesanso, ndipo patadutsa theka la ola kutiletsa kuyesayesa kulephera; tinataya mtima. Tsopano ndinali ndikuyamba kuda nkhawa. Ndimakhala wokhazikika, ndipo sindimakwiya msanga. Koma uyu anali msungwana wamaloto anga, ndipo sindimayembekezera kuti izi zichitika. Ndidazindikira kuti pamalingaliro, adayamba kuchita mantha chifukwa sindinamuwone wokongola. Sanali, anali wokongola. Pambuyo pa masabata a 2 a izi sindinathe kumutsimikizira kuti linali vuto ndi ine, osati iye. Zachidziwikire, adayamba kukhala wopanda nkhawa, ndipo ndidayamba kumutaya.
Mu masabata a hellish ndimayesa kuseweretsa maliseche kuti ndiwone ngati ndingathe kudzipangira ndekha (kuti ndiwone ngati iyi inali ED yokhudzana ndi nkhawa), ndipo sindinkawoneka ngati zolaula. Tidagawanika, ndipo ndidakhala wokhumudwa kwa miyezi 4. Pambuyo pa masabata a 2 kapena apo, ndinayambanso kujambula zolaula, ndipo ndinakhala miyezi 4 yomvetsa chisoni ndikudzidzimutsa ndi chisoni changa, ndikuyang'ana zolaula.
Zomwe zikunditengera lero. Nditachira kuchokera pa rollercoaster iyi. Ndatsala pang'ono kubwerera ku umunthu wanga wakale kachiwiri. Osachepera, pamalingaliro. Popeza ED wanga ndi msungwanayu adachitika, sindinathe kuzimva nthawi 3 ndi atsikana osiyanasiyana. Mutha kulingalira kuti ndinasiya kuyesa kuti ndiziikidwa mwezi watha. Masabata a 2 apitawo ndimayang'ananso zolaula, ndipo ndimangopeza theka lokwanira. Apa ndipomwe ndidapeza nofap, ndikuyamba ulendo wanga. Ndinazindikira kuti chinafunika kusintha, ndipo ngati izi zathandiza anthu ambiri; Ndikutsimikiza kuti gehena amayenera kuyesa. Ndatsimikiza mtima kuchotsa ED yanga ndikukhala munthu wabwino. Sindidzasiya chilichonse ndipo ndichita chilichonse chofunikira kuti ndikhale ndi moyo wabwino kwambiri.
Ndinayamba masiku a 12 masiku apitawa ndipo pali zinthu zingapo zomwe ndimada nazo nkhawa. Kuyambira pomwe ndidayamba nofap, ndimamva bwino, koma sindinathenso kukhala ndi chidwi chilichonse chokhudzana ndi zolaula. Ndinawerenga nkhani zonse momwe anthu zimawavuta kuti asabwererenso, koma lingaliro la zolaula limangondisiya. Izi zimapangitsa kuti nofap yanga ikhale yosavuta; koma zimandikhumudwitsa. Zikuwoneka kuti ndili, zomwe mumazitcha 'flatline' kuyambira tsiku 1 ndipo sindingapezeko nkhani zofananira ndi zanga. Kodi pali amene anganene? Ndimapeza mitengo yam'mawa; ndiye sikuwoneka ngati vuto lakuthupi? Kodi nkhani yanga ndi yachilendo?
Zikomo anzanu osasanja!
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