Ndidayamba pa Januware 6 chaka chino. Ndinali nditatopa ndipo ndinali ndi munthu wokwanira yemwe ndinali. Kunena mwachidule, ndinali wopunduka. Ndimaganiza kuti ndikulefuka m'moyo. Ndinali wokhumudwa komanso wamantha nthawi zonse. Ndinali wonenepa pang'ono chifukwa sindinachite zambiri kupatula ntchito, kudya, ndi kusamba.
Kwa miyezi ingapo ndisanayambe ndikukumbukira ndikuganiza ndekha kuti mwina ndimaonera zolaula kwambiri. Kwa zaka zingapo zapitazi ndimamva kuti ndikulimbana. Ndinangomva kutengeka kwakukulu kuti china chake sichinali bwino. Zinthu zidayamba kundiipira pomwe ndidayamba koleji. Ndimakumbukira kuti ndinakhumudwa kwakanthawi nthawi imeneyo. Kenako ndinayamba kukhala ndi mavuto pamacheza. Pazifukwa zina ndimachita mantha mosazindikira. Zaka zingapo pambuyo pake zinthu zinafika poipa kwambiri kwakuti ndinayamba kufuna kudzipha. Sizinali zochuluka kwambiri kotero kuti ndimangofuna kuti ndithetse zonse. Ndimangoganiza kuti zinthu zikadakhala bwino ndikadafa. Moyo unali wolemetsa ndipo ndinali kudwala nawo.
Pomaliza ndinadzipititsa kwa dotolo ndipo ndinapeza ma antidepressants. Zinandithandizira kwakanthawi, koma zomwe zidangochitika ndikumva kuwawa. Zinandipangitsa kuti ndizilekerera momwe zinthu zinaliri. Pakapita kanthawi mavuto ena anali oipa kwambiri mpaka ndinasiya kumwa. Pambuyo pake mavuto am'tsogolo adayamba kubwerera m'moyo wanga.
Moyo wanga wachikondi udalinso ndi mavuto ambiri. Pambuyo pa Januware uyu ndinalibe chibwenzi pafupifupi zaka 4. Ndinali ndi anzanga, koma ndimavutika kukhalabe ndi chidwi nawo. Sindingakhale ndi mtsikana zoposa milungu iwiri ya 2-3. Patapita kanthawi ndimayamba kukhala ndi zovuta ndikuyamba kunyong'onyeka. Pambuyo pa NoFap, ndinali ndisanagonanepo kwazaka zopitilira, ndipo ndimakhala ndekha m'malo osangalatsa kwambiri.
Kenako tsiku lina ndidaganiza zopanga google "zolaula". Ndinayamba kuwonera makanema a "yourbrainonporn" ndipo ndidatsiriza mu subreddit. Ndinkayembekezera zonena zamankhwala osokoneza bongo, koma ndidadabwitsidwa ndi zomwe ndidawona. Zizindikirozo zidalongosola mavuto omwe ndinali nawo mwangwiro. Ndinali ndi pafupifupi zisonyezo zonse pamndandanda. Ndikukumbukira ndikuganiza "Kodi ili likhala vuto lomwe ndakhala nalo pazaka 5+ zapitazi?"
Ndinayamba kuonera zolaula ndili ndi zaka pafupifupi 10. (Ndine 25 tsopano.) Osangokhala zolaula zolaula zakale. Kuyambira ndili mwana ndimadziwa kupeza zinthu zonse zoyipa. Ndinayamba ndi AOL, kenako Napster, Kazaa, ndi zina. Kenako ku koleji ndidayamba kuwonera masamba omwe anali ndi zinthu zopanda malire pa intaneti. Ndinkayang'ana pafupifupi mitundu yonse kupatula zachiwerewere. Kwa zaka pafupifupi 15 chinali chinthu chomwe ndimakonda kuchita. Sindinazindikire momwe zimandikhudzira mpaka nditasiya.
Pa Januware 6 ndidapanga chisankho chosiya. Palibe zolaula kuyambira pamenepo. Ndinayambanso NoFap. Kuyambira pamenepo ndinabwereranso kangapo, koma pano ndili mumtsinje wa 98. Pa Januwale 25 ndidabwerera kumzinda pamalo abwino. February 17th ndinakumana ndi mtsikana yemwe ndakhala pachibwenzi naye kuyambira pamenepo. Marichi 30th ndi usiku womwe ndidagonana naye koyamba, ndipo takhala tikugonana nthawi zonse kuyambira pamenepo.
Kwa ine lamulo lomwe ndidadzipangira ndilosavuta. Njira yokhayo yomwe ndingakhalire ndichisangalalo ndi mkazi. Izi zidasintha malingaliro anga pazinthu pafupifupi NTHAWI YOMWEYO. Ndinayamba kukhala wolimbikira kwambiri. Tsopano ndimalankhula ndi akazi ambiri kuposa kale. Ndinkakonda kuwapewa. Anthu amandiuza momwe ndilili wolimba mtima. Azimayi amandifunsa, "Mukukhulupirira bwanji?" Kwa ine ndimamverera ngati munthu yemweyo, koma amandiwona wosiyana kotheratu.
Sindinakhale ndi nthawi yayitali yoyambiranso kapena "flatline" vuto lomwe ndamva anthu ambiri akulifotokoza. Pafupifupi milungu isanu ndi umodzi mu 6 ndinali kupeza zosankha mwachangu ndipo ndinadzutsidwa ndi nthawi yanga ndi akazi. Mwina ndili ndi mwayi. Komabe, ndimakhalanso ndi malingaliro okangalika. Kugonana nthawi zonse kumafuna kuganizira m'malingaliro mwanga. Upangiri wanga kwa anyamata kuti abwererenso pamasewerawa ndikuyesa kukhalabe olimba panthawiyi. Yesetsani kuti malingaliro anu asayendeyende mwachisawawa. Izi sizowona nthawi zonse, zimadalira momwe mumakhalira ovuta.
Ndimasangalala kwambiri ndi moyo. Ndilibe nkhawa iliyonse panonso. Ndine wokondwa masiku ano. Ndimadzidalira kwambiri kuposa momwe ndakhalira zaka zambiri. Ndikumva ngati ndili wamkulu m'moyo wanga ndipo zinthu sizingakhale bwino. Chinthu chimodzi chomwe ndikulakalaka ndikuti ndimadziwa kuti zolaula zinali zowopsa ndili mwana. Ndikungoganiza kuti ndingakhale munthu wotani ngati sindinasokonezeke nazo.
Ndachepa thupi ndipo ndili ndi mphamvu zolimbitsa thupi kuposa momwe ndimachitira kusukulu yasekondale. Mu February ndidapereka chiwonetsero pamsonkhano pamaso pa mainjiniya ena 400 ochokera padziko lonse lapansi ndikuwakhomera ngati abwana. Ndine chirombo ndi azimayi.
Ikani azimayi azolaula. Osathawitsana ndi zoyipa zija. Simukusowa. Mulungu anaika akazi pa dziko lapansi pa chifukwa. Ndife olimbikira kukopeka nawo. Mamiliyoni a zaka zosinthika adatipatsa chiyembekezo chakukopeka nawo ndikusangalala nawo. Lekani kuwonera zolaula, pumulani pang'ono, lekani kudzidalira kwambiri, tulukani pakhomo ndikupita kunjira ndikukumana ndi azimayi ena. Iwo ali kulikonse.
Malangizo othandiza: Kwa kanthawi pomwe ndimayamba ndimangofuna kuti ndikumane ndi akazi ambiri. Ndapeza china chake chomwe chimandigwirira ntchito. Ndikuyitcha iyi "titty bar therapy". Ndiosavuta. Ingopitani ku kalabu yaying'ono / yoyeserera. Khalani ndi zokambirana ndi wojambula kapena awiri. Awa ndi azimayi osavuta kuyankhula nawo padziko lapansi. Pambuyo pochita izi kangapo, zokambirana ndi amayi zimamveka zachilengedwe kwa ine. Zitha kumveka zopenga, zopusa, kapena zoseketsa, koma zimagwira ntchito.
LINK - Masiku 98 mu… ndi momwe zasinthira moyo wanga
by Leidenfrost1
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