Ndidafuna kuyika nkhani yanga chifukwa nkhani zambiri zomwe ndidawerenga pa intaneti zidandithandizadi kundilimbikitsira ndipo mwina china chake ndidzalemba chithandiza wina. M'malo popanda kudzozedwako ndikukayika ndikadatha kutengaulendo wanga momwe ndingathere.
Pafupi za ine .. Ndine wochokera kumadzulo kwa Yuropu, sindinakhale wolunjika kwambiri kuposa pamenepo. Tsopano ndili ndi zaka XXUMX. Ndili ndi zaka za m'ma 20 ndikukumbukira kukhala woopsa monga momwe ungakhalire komabe panalibe zolaula zomwe zitha kukhala nazo. Ndikugwiritsa ntchito makalata amakalatayo azimayi ovala zovala zamkati, manyuzipepala okhala ndi atsikana opanda mawu zina zambiri. Ngati intaneti ikadakhala pafupi ndiye kuti sindikuganiza kuti ndikadakana.
Ndinkakhala ndi moyo wabwino ngati kale .. Ndinali 19 ndisanathenso namwali koma ndinali ndi kugonana kwambiri ndi atsikana ambiri mu ma 20 anga ndipo tinali ndi zibwenzi zazitali. Izi zidapitilira mu ma 30 anga oyambilira omwe ndikuganiza. Ndikukumbukira kulumikizidwa ndi intaneti mozungulira 1998 ... idayimba koma panthawi yanga chifukwa chachikulu chopita pa intaneti ndikuwonera zolaula. Nditangofika, ndizomwe ndinayamba kuchita .. kwa maola ndi maola. Panthawiyi inali zithunzi zokha ndipo kulumikizana kunali kwapang'onopang'ono zimatenga nthawi yayitali kuti ndipeze chilichonse koma ndinali woleza mtima ndipo ndinali ndi zochuluka.
Ngakhale mmbuyomo ndimatha kukumbukira ndikuganiza momwe ndinaliri mwayi wobadwa munthawi ya intaneti kotero kuti ndimatha kupeza zinthu zabwino zonsezi. Sindikudziwa kuti ndakhala nthawi yayitali bwanji ndikuonera zolaula m'masiku oyambilira aja koma zidali zambiri ndipo zidakhazikitsa njira zomwe nditsatire zaka zambiri. Achibale anga ndi anzanga amandifunsa kuti bwanji foni yanga inali pachibwenzi kwambiri kotero ndimakumbukira kuti ndinayikanso foni yachiwiri kuti ndikanatha kulowa pa intaneti popanda kumangirira foni yanga ndipo izi zinali zongonena kuti ndizingopita pa intaneti popanda anthu kudziwa za izi.
Mpaka nthawi ino sindikuganiza kuti zomwe ndimachita zidakhudza luso langa lokonzekera kwambiri. Ndinali pachiyambi cha chibwenzi ndi mtsikana yemwe pamapeto pake ndidzakhala ndi mwana ndipo ndimakumbukira kuti ndimagonana kwambiri nthawi imeneyo. Ndikuganiza kuti zinali pafupi ndi 2004 pomwe ndinayamba kukhala ndi intaneti yothamanga kwambiri ndipo izi mwina zinali zisonyezo zoyambira ine kusiya kukonda kugonana ndikukhala ndi ED. Ndinayamba kukonda kwambiri zolaula zolaula kuposa kugonana. Sanalinso zithunzi koma makanema athunthu Ndinakhala wobisalira mu chiyanjano changa, kufufuta mbiri yakale, kubisa mafayilo, kupanga zifukwa zosapangira zinthu kuti ndiyang'ane zolaula. Sindinadikire mpaka mnzanga atachoka mnyumbamo kuti ndiyambe 'kusangalala' ndi zolaula. Moyo wathu wogonana unachepa pang'onopang'ono chifukwa sindimafunanso.
Ndinalowa mu zinthu zomwe poyamba sindimadziwa kuti zilipo ndipo zokonda zanga zidayamba kuchuluka. Ndikukumbukira mnzanga akufotokoza kusakonda kwanga kugonana ngati ulesi. Ndinatha kumubisira zomwe ndimachita bwino. Komabe, zosafunikira kunena kuti ubalewu udatha pomwe ndinali pafupifupi 41.
Pambuyo pake ndinakhala wotanganidwa kwambiri ndi zolaula pomwe sindinachite kuyang'ana kuyang'ana. Ndidakhala nthawi yayitali ndimalingalira ndipo panthawi yomwe ndimadziwa kuti idali kudya nthawi yanga ndikubera moyo wanga koma sindinathe kuyima. Ndinkakhala ndi maubale angapo izi zitachitika ndipo nthawi iliyonse ndimakhala ndikuvutika ndi EM mpaka madigiri osiyanasiyana. Osati nthawi zonse koma nthawi yambiri. Zokwanira kundipangitsa kukhala ndi mantha kwambiri zogonana. Ndinkangofika kumene kuti ndimaopa kugona. Ndimatha kuyamikira komanso ndinakopeka ndi kukongola kwa azimayi omwe ndinali nawo koma sindinathe kuwukweza nthawi zambiri.
Sindikudziwa pamene ndidaganiza koyamba kuti izi zidayamba chifukwa cha zolaula komabe ndikuganiza zinali zaka 3 zapitazo. Ndidali pachibwenzi ndi mtsikana wokondeka .. Amamvetsetsa bwino za 'vuto' langa. Ndinayesa kusiya zolaula kwa masiku angapo kuyembekezera kuti ndiziwona kusintha kumene komabe sizinathandize motero mwachangu ndinabwereranso ku njira zanga zakale. Chibwenzi chimenecho chinatha posachedwa. Ndikukumbukira ndikuganiza kuti sindinakopeke ndi akazi omwe ndinali nawo.
Monga anthu ambiri amati ndimayamba zolaula zochuluka kwambiri komanso mwina ndimangokakamira zogonana. Kwa ine gawo laubongo wanu lomwe limakukopani inu kwa akazi silinakhudzidwe ndi zolaula ndipo posakhalitsa ndinalowa muubwenzi wina. Zinayamba bwino ndi iye, kugonana kunali kwabwino kwambiri ndipo kenako kunasokonekera patapita nthawi yochepa. Kusiyana kwa mayi uyu ndi ena komwe ndakhala ndikumakhala sikunali wokondwa ndi vuto langa ndikudziwitsa.
Adandifotokozera mwatsatanetsatane momwe zimamupangitsira kumva ndikakhala kuti sindingathe kuchita. Inali nthawi yoyamba kuti ndilingalire za momwe mikhalidwe yanga ilili kwa ena .. adapeza kuti ndizowononga ndikumasulira ngati kuti sindimakopeka naye. Ndinayamba kuganiza za azimayi ena onse omwe ndimachita izi pokhapokha iwo sananene chilichonse kwa ine. Ndidakali ndi iye komabe tagawanikana kangapo ndipo nthawi zonse chifukwa cha ED yanga. Izi zimamveka zolimba koma kudali koyamba kugulu lomwe ndinkafunika kuyesetsa kuti ndikonzekere.
Nthawi yomaliza yomwe tidasiyana kale inali chaka chino. Tinali pa tchuthi palimodzi ndipo zoona ndinali ndi vuto la ED. Tinaganiza zopatukana posachedwa. Ndinadandaula za izi ndipo ndinayamba kuwerenga zonse zomwe ndikadatha za ED. Masamba azachipatala adati munthu wathanzi ngati ine sayenera kukhala ndi vuto lililonse ndi ED mpaka atakalamba komabe ndinali ndi vuto kuyambira m'ma 30s anga. Sizinanditengere nthawi kuti ndipeze masamba a YBOP ndi Reddit pa PMO.
Cha kuyamba kwa Epulo ndidasiya PMO. Ndinangokhala pafupifupi masiku a 10. Zinandivuta kuti ndiyambe pomwe ndidaganiza zokhazo zomwe ndikanachita izi ndikumachita maliseche mosagwiritsa ntchito zolaula. Zikumveka ngati lingaliro labwino koma uku kunali kuyambira kotsika kotsika kobwerera kugwiritsanso ntchito zolaula. Zinali zosatheka kuti ndikhale wolimba osaganizira za zolaula zina ndipo monga ndidazindikira kuti izi zidali zoyipa monga kuyang'ana koyamba. Patatha mwezi umodzi kapena iwiri ndinali nditayambiranso zikhalidwe zanga zoyipa. Ineyo pandekha sindikuganiza kuti ndizotheka kuchira kwathunthu motere kapena pang'onopang'ono.
Kuyesanso kwanga kwachiwiri kunali kopambana. M'malo mwake ndili patsiku 80 za izo pakadali pano. Ndinapita masiku a 33 ndisanakhale ndi mwayi wokumananso ndi mnzanga .. kugonana kudali kodabwitsa modabwitsa kuti ngakhale ndidachiritsidwa. Tinakumana sabata kapena patapita nthawi komabe ndinali ndi zovuta zochepa ndi ED koma nditapirira pang'ono zidayamba kundigwira ntchito bwino koma sizinali bwino monga tsiku la 33. Zinali masitepe awiri mtsogolo.
Kwa ine kuyambira tsiku 60ish ndatha kuchita zinthu mosasinthasintha. (Awo ndi masiku a 20 kotero ndaphunzira kuti musafikire pamalingaliro). Ndabweranso ndi bwenzi langa tsopano ndipo takhala tikugonana pafupipafupi ndipo zakhala zodabwitsa chabe. Sindinachite chizolowezi ndipo monga momwe ndinanenera kuti ndachita masiku ovuta a 33. Zomwe ndapitapo kuyambira pamenepo mwina ndi masiku a 10. Posachedwa ndaona kusiyana kwakukulu. Takhala tikugonana katatu kapena kanayi pausiku ndipo zakhala zodabwitsa. Osangokhala kuchuluka kwa nthawi yomwe nditha kugonana, komanso mtundu wa zomwe ndimapanga malinga ndi kuuma ndi kukhalabe ndi mphamvu. Sindikunena kuti ndachiritsidwa kwathunthu koma ndikuganiza kuti ndatsala pang'ono kupita. Ndasankha kuti ndisadziseweretse maliseche ngakhale ndili pachibwenzi.
Ndikufuna kunena pang'ono za moyo wopanda PMO. Ndinkasunga chipika cha tsiku ndi tsiku chomwe chinali chinthu chomwe chimandithandiza, makamaka kumayambiriro. Sabata yoyamba inali yophweka pang'ono kuposa momwe ndimayembekezera komabe ndizomwe zimachitika chifukwa ndimakonzekera ndipo ndimakhulupirira kuti sizingatheke. Ndikofunikira kuti mudzikonzekeretse ulendowu, kudzipangira nokha zovuta momwe zingakhalire. Nditanena kuti ndidatenga tsiku limodzi nthawi imodzi ndikukhala okhutira kwambiri kuyambira sabata lililonse, masiku a 10, masiku a 14 etc. Patatha masiku a 8 ndidali ndimamva bwino kwambiri koma ndidatsimikiza mtima kuti ndidutsanso.
Chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe anthu ambiri amatchula ndi mphamvu yowonjezera yomwe amakhala nayo. Zinalinso chimodzimodzi kwa ine. Ndinalinso ndi nthawi yochulukirapo popeza sindinakhale pansi ndikuwombera kutsogolo kwa kompyuta. Ndidakhala nthawi yayitali ndikuyenda .. mwayi kwa ine kuli malo abwino okhalamo komwe ndimakhala kotero ndimayesa kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yanga 'yatsopano' kuyenda, kuyenda etc. Pambuyo masiku XXUMX oyamba ndidakumana nawo nthawi zambiri m'mawa koma kenako adalowa paflemu. Ndizabwino m'njira chifukwa zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zosavuta kupirira .. kumva kukhala wopanda nkhawa nthawi zonse kungatanthauze kuyesedwa kotero kwa aliyense amene angayambire ulendowu, mzere wokhota ukayamba ndi thandizo kulandila zomwe mukufuna. Mbali inayi ya ndalamayo imatha kukhala yochepa pang'ono chifukwa mukakhala pakati panu mumatha kukhala ndi nkhawa sizingathe.
Ndikukumbukira ndikuganiza kuti "m'mbuyomu ndidatha kupanga zofananira nthawi zina mothandizidwa ndi zolaula". Izi ndi zitsanzo zazing'ono za kawiri zomwe mungalowe nokha. Koma zitha, uzingoyenera kulumpha chikhulupiriro. Ndipo muyenera kutaya chiyani? Monga ndidanenera kuti ndidachita bwino pambuyo pa masiku a 33 koma kenako kubweza pang'ono. Sindikudziwa ngati kuchita zolimba kapena kofewa ndikwabwino. Ndinaganiza zopita modetsa nkhawa komabe zina zinandipatsa mwayi wogonana moyenera zomwe ndimawona kuti ndizothandiza kwa ine. Komanso ndikuona kuti ndibwino kuti sindigonana pa mpopi nthawi zambiri pamlungu umodzi komabe aliyense ayenera kusankha yekha zoyenera.
Ndidawerengera zambiri zokumana nazo ndisanayambe komwe anthu adatchulidwa zabwino zonse zopanda pake. Ndiyenera kuvomereza kuti ndinali wokayikira izi komabe ndakonda kwambiri zomwe zinachitikazo. Ndinakulira kudziko lomwe limatilimbikitsidwa kuti tiziseweretsa maliseche ndipo sindikanakhulupirira kuti panali zovuta zilizonse pa izi. Popeza ndasiya kuputa zolaula. Ndimamva bwino komanso wokondwa mkati. Ndimagona bwino. Nthawi zambiri ndimangokhalira kulira za ntchito yanga ndi zinthu zina ndipo ndimachita zochepa kwambiri pakadali pano. Ndili ndi mphamvu zambiri, chitani masewera olimbitsa thupi modekha. Tsopano ndimakonda kumvera nyimbo kuposa kuyankhula pa wailesi kapena nkhani ndi masewera. Ndimapezanso mayankho poyang'ana msungwana wokongola .. pasanakhale wina aliyense wofanana ndi zolaula zomwe ndimayang'ana .. izi zangochitika kwa ine kuyambira tsiku la 60.
Zosintha izi sizikhala zadzidzidzi nthawi zonse koma zimachitika mwachangu mukangoyimitsa (mwa chidziwitso changa). Simukuyenda ulendowu chifukwa chamaphunziro owonjezera kotero upangiri wanga ungopita chifukwa chake ndikuyembekeza kuti inunso chidzakuchitikireni.
Nthawi zambiri sizinali zovuta kuti ndipewe zolaula .. komabe ndinalinso ndi miyendo ndipo kamodzi kapena kawiri ndinayang'ana pa masamba ochezera komanso otsatsa pa Craigslist. Ndinkadziwa mwakuya zomwe ndimachita komanso kuti ili ndi khomo lakumbuyo kwa zolaula, sitepe yoyamba ngati mukufuna. Ndikuganiza kuti muyenera kukonzekera izi. Pali gawo laubongo wanu lomwe likufuna kukubwezerani zolaula kachiwiri .. gawo lanu lomwe lidaletsedwa kale. Ikuyang'ana nthawi zonse yobwezeretsanso njira zanu zakale.
Mwamwayi kwa ine ndinatha kudzigwira mwachangu komabe ndizosavuta kungopeweratu. Intaneti yadzaza ndi mayesedwe ngakhale pa tsamba lawofesi ndizodziwika kwambiri kumata azimayi ... ndibwino kuti mudzikonzekeretse m'mutu mwanu kuti mupewe izi ndizopewera zolaula chifukwa ndizofanana ndi chakumwa chomwe chimakhala 'chakumwa chimodzi'. Chakumwa chimodzi nthawi zambiri chimatsogolera china ndipo zithunzi za akazi ndizofanana. Tithokoze chifukwa chowerenga ndipo ngati muli ndi mafunso ndikusangalala kuyankha.
LINK - Zaka 48, moyo udasintha ...
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