Mkazi - Zaka 19 & French: Ndayambiranso zogonana, sindinakhumudwitsidwabe

Miyezi ya 6 yapitayo, ndaganiza kuti nditero yesani osayang'ana zolaula kapena kuseweretsa maliseche (maliseche popanda zolaula kukhala zosatheka ngakhale kuziganizira) masiku atatu. Ndidachita izi mwachangu, nditayang'ana izi kuyankhulana kwa woimba yemwe ndimamukonda panthawiyo.

Chifukwa chiyani ndidasankha izi? Choyamba, chifukwa ndiye mtsogoleri wanga wojambula ndipo ine ndimafuna kuyesera chilichonse chomwe anachita kuti akhale waluso kwambiri. Koma chifukwa chenicheni ndikuti, ndinali wachisoni. Ndinali wachisoni kwambiri, wachisoni kwambiri. Ndili ndi zaka XXUMX. Izi ndi zazing'ono kwambiri. Kwa Eva Chaka Chatsopano, mmalo mopita kunyanja ndi banja langa, ndinakhala kunyumba. Ndekha ndi mphaka wanga. Ndinkangofuna kukhala ndi orgasms ambiri momwe ndimafunira momasuka, ndi fodya komanso mowa. Ndidamaliza kumwa ndekha, ndikhulupirireni, ichi ndi chinthu chomaliza chomwe chimakusangalatsani. M'malo mokhala ndi abwenzi kapena kusangalala, ndimayankhula ndi azibambo achikulire kuposa abambo anga omwe ali ndi tambala awo pa avatara awo. Monga chidakwa. Ndayesapo kudzipha kawiri, koma chodabwitsa, ichi chinali chotsika kwambiri m'moyo wanga.

Kotero inali pafupi 3am. Ndinali pakama panga, amene ndakhala ndikugona kuyambira ndili mwana, yemwe ndimaonera zolaula kwa nthawi yoyamba, ndikuyang'ana kuyankhulana uku, ndipo ndinawona fano, sindikukumbukira kuti ndichisoni bwanji, zinayambitsa chisankho changa. Zinali za momwe atsikana amapusitsidwira ndi lingaliro la kukongola kwa kalonga, ndipo anyamata amapusitsidwa ndi zolaula. Ndinali ndi zaka 2 ndi theka zokondedwa pa xhamster. Sizochuluka kwambiri kwa ambiri… Koma zinali zambiri. Ndinadzifunsa kuti: chabwino, kodi ndachotsa zonse?… Ndipo ndidazichita.

Poyamba, ndinkafuna kuyesa masiku a 3, chifukwa chake ndidachenjeza aliyense pa xhamster kuti sindibwera masiku a 3, koma ndidamaliza kuchotsa zokonda zanga, kenako, ndidafufutula akaunti yanga. Ndidauza aliyense pa Facebook kuti ndidachita, ndimafufuza "zolaula" pa tumblr, zidatha izi zoyankhula, zonditsogolera ku reddit, ndipo popeza ndilibe utsogoleri ndidayenda pamalopo ndikulembetsa. Boom, moyo unasintha. Kwamuyaya. Zina ndi mbiri.

Kodi ndasintha izi?

Ndimamverabe misala ku CocoRosie ngati kuti ndalipira. Ndimakondabe kupembedza nyimbo kuposa Mulungu wa Katolika yemwe ndimamkhulupirira momwe zimawonekera. Chimodzi mwa maluso anga ofunika kwambiri ndi kumvetsera nyimbo ya "Raphael" m'malo mwake kwa maola angapo. Ndikadali ndi mapu a Skyrim olembedwa m'mitsempha yanga yapamwamba kuposa tawuni yomwe ndimakhalamo kuyambira ndili ndi zaka 3. Sindine wabwino. Ndimavutitsa anthu omwe ndimawakonda. Ndidakali khosi pansi ngongole. Ndikadali waulesi. Kugundika wonenepa kwambiri chifukwa cha mawonekedwe anga okongola kuyambira miyezi itatu yapitayo. Ndidakali fangirl wamkulu ndipo uku ndikumva kuwawa kwakukulu kwa bulu (anyamata ndi atsikana, ndikukulangizani mwamphamvu kuti musayang'ane Orange Is The New Black ngati simuli wotsimikiza kuti adzagulidwanso. Fuck you Alex Vusing , mukundiwotcha kwambiri, ndati sindidzakondananso ndi mzukwa kenanso mukuyenda ndi ine). Ndikusiyirabe ngati mayi. Ndikadali wokonda kukompyuta, ndidakali pang'ono, ndikadali Mkatolika woyipa. Ndipo koposa zonse ... Chisoni akadali bwenzi labwino kwambiri lomwe ndidakhalapo naye nthawi zina. Sichoncho chifukwa ndimakhala wokondwa kwambiri pakapita nthawi kuti sindikhala ndi nthawi zopsinjika kwambiri. Chifukwa ndizovuta. Funsani aliyense yemwe akunena kuti ndizosavuta, kuphatikiza ine. Inde, ndidasankha kuti ndisiye, ndipo inde, uwu ndiye umboni wokwanira kuti sindidzayambiranso, koma ndizovuta.

Koma mukudziwa anyamata. Ndasintha. Ndine munthu wosiyana ndi ena onse. Ine sindine “wotsutsana” ndi mtsikana amene adalemba pano miyezi isanu ndi umodzi yapitayo. Sindimadana naye - ndimakonda.

NoFap si nkhondo. Si nkhondo. Sichinthu chomwe mumapambana. Ndi nkhani yakuyanjanitsa ndi chikondi. Mwachidziwikire, kusiya kusuta ndi. Sindikhulupirira kuti NoFap ndi kusiya ndizofanana. NoFap ndiye zovuta. Kusiya ndiko kwamuyaya. Osayiwala zakale zanu, koma akhululukireni.

Zomwe sindiri:

  1. mchikondi. Sindikudziwa kuti izi ndi zofunika bwanji. Sikuti ndikungokhala kapolo wa moyo wotchuka basi - ndimamukondabe Bianca, ndimamukonda mayiyu. Sindikukondananso. Izi sizitanthauza kuti "ndasiya" ndikuvomereza kuti sindidzakhala naye kapena china chilichonse; ndikumverera kwathunthu kuti zomwe ndimamva si chikondi cha wokonda. Momwe mungafotokozere china chake chachibadwa kumva?… Sindidzakhala mchikondi ndi mzimu. Sabata yapitayi, ndinali wokhumudwa, wokhumudwa kwambiri. Chifukwa ndimakhala kuti ndimakondanso ndi munthu wongopeka. Ndikuganiza kuti sindinathe, koma Ambuye Wakumwamba anali pafupi kwambiri. Ndi chinthu chotero chomwe ndimachidziwa pamtima. Umu ndi momwe ndimakhalira zaka 19. Ndizovuta kuzisiya.
  2. okhumudwa kwambiri. Ndine mtsikana wokondwa. Ndine mtsikana wosangalala kwambiri, wamkazi wokondwa kwambiri yemwe mungakumane naye. Ndimangokhalira kulira nthawi zonse. Koma nthawi zina, chipolopolo changa chimasweka pang'ono. Ndipo nthawi zina, moyo umangokhala wovuta. Ndipo zili bwino kuwerama pang'ono. Sindimadzidanso ndekha. Sindine bwenzi langa lapamtima, koma sindikufuna kuti ndizifa. M'malo mwake, mdani wanga yekhayo amene ndi Woipa, ndinganene. Chowonadi ndi ichi: Sindikufuna kudzipha ndekha ngakhale pang'ono. Ndipo iyi ndi mphatso yamtengo wapatali kwambiri yomwe ndikanalandira. Ndikhala ndi moyo, ndipo ndidzakhala ndi moyo wokwanira.
  3. wosuta, ochita masewera, oseketsa, pa Facebook, ndi pa Tumblr. Ndasowa masewera okhala shitload. Ndasowa chilengedwe, ndimasowa kukhala wosagonjetseka ndikupulumutsa dziko lonse lapansi, ndimasowa ndakatulo ndi adrenaline. Koma ... sindimasewera basi. "Sichinthu chomwe ndimachita". Ndasiya masewera, chifukwa chomwe ndimawakondera. Ndipo nthawi zina, ndimafuna kusuta. Nthawi zambiri ndikakhala achisoni. Koma kumapeto kwa tsiku, sindigula matumba a mitengo yonse. "Sindichita."
  4. chidakwa. Mukhoza kulankhula izi kosatha. Koma zilibe kanthu. Ndasiya.
  5. Kugonana, ndimakhazikitsidwa konse. Ndili wokondwa m'masekondi khumi, ndikuchititsa manyazi, kwenikweni chilichonse chimandipangitsa kuti ndikwere kumwamba. Ndikumva bwino. Ndipo, ngati nditakwiya, sindikuwona kuti izi zingakhale chifukwa choti ndiseweretse zolaula kapena kuonera zolaula. Ndikufuna zenizeni, nthawi. Ndinkalota kwambiri maloto onyowa chifukwa ndine waluso kwambiri kudziyambitsa ndekha.

Zomwe ndakhala:

  1. wothamanga. Chabwino, ndiye kuti ndadzuka, ndapeza MALO Olemera pobweza, koma sindikuvomereza kuti zikutanthauza kuti sindidzakwanitsa zolemera zanga. Ndipo ndidzathamanga kuthamanga. Ndithamangitsa mayi wanga yemwe sangathe, ndipo kwa ine, CHIFUKWA NDIKUFUNA.
  2. osalumikizidwa ndi zinthu zakuthupi. Kukongola kosiyiratu kusiyiratu kukondera kwa PMO ndikuti, mukamachotsa chisangalalo cha mankhwala chomwe PMO amapatsa, ubongo wanu umayesayesa kutenga chilichonse chosangalatsa chomwe ungalandire kuchokera pachilichonse. Sindikudziwa zoyipa za izi, lingalirani, koma ndi momwe ndikumvera. Zotsatira zake, ndikusangalala ndi chisangalalo chilichonse chaching'ono m'moyo x1000000000. Ndili wakufa kwambiri. Kungoyenda ku London ndikokwanira kuti NDIKHALE. Monga, okhathamira mankhwala. Sindinamwe mankhwala aliwonse, chifukwa cha umunthu wanga wokonda kudya, ndipo sindidzatero, koma mamuna, sindikudziwa ngati ndimafunikira, chifukwa ndimakhala wamoyo kwambiri chifukwa chokhala ndi moyo. Pamwamba pa izi, ndimakhala wocheperako ndikusowa kufunikira kokhala ndi zinthu zomwe zimakhala zopanda kanthu. PMO adadzaza chosowa chomwe ndidali nacho, anali chibwenzi changa chokongola chopindika ngati kavalo, kapolo wanga wogonana, chisangalalo chachikulu chomwe ndidakhala nacho. Palibe kanthu. Ndinafuna nthawi imeneyi. Ndinafunikiranso kusiya. Ndazichita. "Ndinkasangalala, zatha". PMO atapita, ndidapeza nyanja yamabala achinsinsi. Ndipo ndikuwachiritsa, tsiku lina ndi phiri nthawi. Palibe chodabwitsa kuti ndinali wokhumudwa, ndinali wosweka pomwe ndasiya. Momwemonso PMO idasowera zopanda pake, zokonda zanga zonse zidachita. Ndipo ndikakhala kuti sindingakhale wokonda kwambiri, ndizosowa kwambiri kukonda chuma. Ndimayamwa bwino kusiyanitsa "zosowa" ndi "zosowa", koma ndikupeza bwino. Nthawi zina mphindi ndi malingaliro amakhala ofunika kwambiri kuposa zojambulajambula. Ndinkapereka katundu wanga wamtengo wapatali kwambiri kwa mphindi imodzi yodzitaya ndekha kutsogolo kwa konsati.
  3. ogwiritsa ntchito ndalama zambiri. Ndipo ndi gehena wambiri zikomo kwa inu abwenzi anga. Sindinachite zambiri, koma ndikutsata njira yabwinoyi. Ndidapereka zovala zanga zambiri komanso zinthu zambiri. Zolinga zanga zidandilola kuti pomaliza ndimvetsetse zomwe ndiyenera kuchita. Ndili ndi ngongole, ndili ndi ngongole zambiri, ndipo ndidzachita chimodzimodzi. Zochuluka basi momwe ine ndakhalira wothamanga. Phunzitsani ngati othamanga… Idyani ngati wothamanga. Mukakhala ku Roma, chitani monga Aroma amachitira. Inde, ndili ndi ngongole zambiri kwa anthu ena, ndipo kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama zomwe ndilibe sindikuwonanso kosangalatsa, tsopano ndikudziwa kuti ndizikakhala ku New York. Ndikhala theka hoarder, ndi theka minimalist. Ndikhulupirireni - palibe wina koma ine nditha Ndimakana kukhala wabwinobwino. Ndi tambala, eti? Ine sindimapereka mwayi, ku Marshall Matters. Sindikhala wolemba ntchito. Ndichita bwino ndipo ndidzakwaniritsa maloto anga. FUCK FATE. FUCK DESTINY. Ndimakhulupirira Providence, kulimbikira, komanso chiyembekezo.
  4. Ndimangokhulupirira Mulungu.
  5. nthawi zonse amakhala osangalala. Nuff anatero.
  6. zikupita patsogolo nthawi zonse. Osasiya kusintha.

ulusi: 6 miyezi.

Wolemba - Anne-Dauphine

 

 

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Zambiri:

Miyezi 6 siyopanda ngakhale mapiko agulugufe m'mbiri yazachilengedwe. Koma kwa msungwana wamtali wa 1,53m waku France, ndi nthawi yochuluka. Iyi inali nthawi yosangalatsa kwambiri m'moyo wanga, ndipo imangokhalabe yosangalatsa nthawi zonse.

Sindikudziwa ngati ndapeza tanthauzo lamoyo wanga. Kukhala woona mtima kwambiri ndikuganiza kuti ndikutero. Sindingathe kuyika chala pazomwe zili, koma ndidazipeza. Chomwe ndidapeza mwamphamvu ngakhale ndi zolinga. Ndapanga chisankho chotsimikizika chochita zinthu zitatu. Ndikukhulupirira kuti 100% izi zichitika. Khalani ku New York, tengani amayi anga ku Japan, ndikumuwongolera. Ndidasankha izi chifukwa cha iwo okha. Ndimangokhulupirira kuposa kukhala m'moyo uno, ndidzakhala moyo. Kuti ndipite ku New York, ndiyenera kubweza ngongole yanga ya wophunzira. Kuti ndiyendetse mpikisano wothamanga, ndiyenera kukhala wokwanira… ndikupita ndi amayi anga ku Japan, chifukwa ndimawakonda. Ndikufuna kukwatiwa ndi kukhala ndi ana. Ndikutero. Kwambiri. Ndi chinthu chomwe ndimafuna kwambiri. Monga aliyense yemwe ndikuganiza, ndimakonda ndikukondedwa. Simumanga mwamuna pomuda aliyense, ndipo kukonda ena kumayamba ndi kudzikonda. Sindipanga chikondi ndi inenso; osachepera ayi. Ndikupanga mtendere ndekha. Ndidazindikira kuti tsiku lina ndikugwira ntchito molimbika kuti ndikhale bwino, ndikuganiza ndizabwino kunena kuti ndibwino. Mwina sindingakhale munthu “wabwino” kwambiri, koma ndine wabwino. Ndidachita zinthu zofunikira. Ndipo ndikofunikira kuti muzindikire izi. Kodi pali chifukwa chanji chofuna kukhala bwinoko?

Sindinachite NoFap pafupifupi masiku a 10, kenako agogo anga atamwalira, apumule pamtendere mpaka Kuuka kwa Thupi, ndimakukondani ndikukusowa. Imfa ya agogo anga aamuna idawopseza amoyo amoyo mwa ine, chifukwa idandikumbutsa nthawi yomwe ndimafuna kuti aliyense abwere kumaliro anga. Imfa sinakhalepo pafupi chonchi. Ndipo nthawiyo inali yangwiro. Chifukwa chake ndidasankha kusiya, mpaka kalekale. Osati za iye - kwa ine, ndi thandizo lake. Chifukwa cha Mamie, ndikudziwa kuti sindidzayambiranso. Chifukwa I. INE. OSATI. AN. CHIYEMBEKEZO. CHONSE. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE. Kuyambiranso. Sindidzawonanso zolaula kapena kuchita maliseche.

Ndasinthana ndi malo azolaula ndi NoFap. Ndikusintha NoFap ndi zenhabits ndi mawebusayiti ena ocheperako. Ndikusintha Facebook ndikulankhula ndi galaxim. Ngakhale ndikadali ndi zododometsa zambiri monga ma blogs pa tumblr, Orange Is The New Black, komanso gehena yazinthu zina zambiri, ndikukhulupirira kuti sizinali kudziwa momwe ndimafunira kuti izi zithe. Sindinkaganiza kuti ndisunge buku langa mpaka moyo wanga wonse. Moyo weniweni ndi wakunja. Zolaula ndi chikondi chabodza.

Ndikulembanso zomwe amayi ndi azakhali adandiphunzitsa:
• Osalota, gwirirani ntchito.
• Zomwe zidachitika sizipanganso.

KUSINTHA: Ndayiwala kwathunthu kuti NDINAYAMBA KUPHUNZITSA AMAYI NDIPO NDIPONSO WANGA WOLEMBEDWA WABWINO Komabe sindingathe kuzichita posachedwa. Nditha kudikira ^ _ ^ Kuyesa bwenzi langa kuti lisathamange!

Polemekeza miyezi yanga ya 6, ndapanga mndandanda wanga wazidebe. Ndikudzipereka kuti ndisabwere kuno kapena reddit ndisanakwaniritse zolinga zisanu. Izi zikuwoneka ngati zosavuta kwa ine tsopano popeza ndili kutchuthi kunyumba ya agogo anga, koma ndikadzabwerera ku London ndikumva kukhala wosungulumwa ngati chinthu china. Ndinasiya zolaula kuti ndikhale ndi moyo ndipo sindikuwona kufunika kopitilira izi ndikakhala ndi zokhumba zambiri. Ndikusowani. Ndikusowa kwambiri. Ndimakonda anthu ambiri pano. Nonse ndinu okongola. Ngakhale anthu omwe ndimavutika nawo - Pepani, zowonadi, ndimadana ndikadana.

Ndingofuna kugawana izi nyimbo, chifukwa ndi nyimbo yanga yomwe ndimakonda kwambiri padziko lapansi, chifukwa gululi ndiye chifukwa chomwe ndasankhira kukhala, komanso chifukwa "aliyense akufuna kupita ku Japan", ndipo inenso ndikupita. Moyo uli ngati wodzigudubuza, umachita kukuwombera ndikukuponyera komweko… Kwera sitima yanu yomwe sikupita kulikonse, mukagwa mudzafika penapake.

Ndili ndi zaka 19 zokha, ndipo ndasiya kumwa mowa mpaka kalekale. Moyo ukundidikirira. Ndimakukondani, ndakusowani.

 

ZOCHITIKA - Makina ovuta a 2

Ndili woyenera zaka ziwiri zovuta. Ndatopa kwambiri kuti ndilembe kuwunikiranso pakadali pano koma ndionetsetsa kuti ndichita pambuyo pake chifukwa gehena, inali 2 zaka zovuta molimba, zokongola, zoyipa, zopindulitsa, ndipo sindidabwitsidwa kuti ndili ndi moyo. Ndinakumana ndi msungwana yemwe adandipangitsa kuti ndiyambe kawiri konse, ndili ndi zolemba zanga kuchokera kwa iye, chaka chino ndinapsompsona msungwana wanga woyamba, yemwe ndi Lana Del Rey yemwe ndimamukonda kwambiri. Ndikupita kumalo ochitira masewera olimbitsa thupi, ndikugwiritsa ntchito bulu wanga. NoFap sichiritsa matenda amisala. Sichiza kukhumudwa. Kwa ine sichinachiritse zoyipa. Koma zidathandiza kwambiri. Choyamba chifukwa ndakumana ndi mizimu yopambana pano yomwe nzeru zawo zidakalipobe mpaka pano, ndipo chifukwa zidandipangitsa KUTI NDIKONZE KUKONZA. Ndipo kukhala munthu wabwino, kuthekera kwake kumakhala kosatha.

Inde inde, NDIKUFUNSITSITSA KUONA PORN. Ndaziphonya. Tsiku lililonse, ndimaliphonya. Ndimakhala wamisala chifukwa chakuwona pang'ono chabe, pomwe palibe chomwe chimanditonthoza ndikungokumbukira zomwe ndimachita pambuyo pazaka ziwiri, ndimasowa zolaula, ndimasowa zolaula, MISS PORN. chinthucho ndi chakuti, ndaphunzira kukhala nawo. Ndazolowera. Nthawi zina zimapweteka, ngakhale mwathupi, koma sindichita. Ndipo sinditero.

Inde, nthawi zina ndimafunabe kuseweretsa maliseche. Ndipo ine ndiri nacho chinthu chimodzi chokha choti ndinene pa izi: Ine sindiri.

Mutha kufunsa mafunso onse omwe mukufuna, ndiyesetsa kuyankha!

Ndipo chinthu chotsiriza: inde, ndikuchita 1000000000000% pazifukwa zachipembedzo. Nthawi zina zimandizunza, makamaka mukamadwala matenda amisala ngati ine, koma zili bwino, ndachita zoyipa ndikukonzanso.

Ndipo chomaliza kwambiri: Mamie, wamwalira pa Januware 5, 2014. M'masiku ochepa, zikhala zaka ziwiri. Ndakusowa. Zikomo pondipatsa mphamvu. Sindikadakhala pano popanda iwe. Ndine wonyada.