Ndapeza chinthu chosangalatsa kwambiri pankhaniyi komanso malingaliro a HOCD omwe ndimapeza okhudzana ndi kugonana. Ndikukhulupirira kuti ili ndi yankho lomwe anthu ambiri amafunafuna - omwe vuto lawo limakula kuposa momwe amagonana.
Mwachidule, ndimakhala ndi nkhawa zakugonana, ndipo ndimaopa kutaya chidwi changa kwa akazi. Sizomveka, sichoncho? Ndimayesetsa kufunafuna akazi pamoyo wanga. (Tsopano ndili pachibwenzi ndi mkazi wokongola.) Ndimawona akazi pa zolaula. Zimamveka 'Zachilengedwe' komanso 'Kulondola.' Sindinakumanepo ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ndinabwerapo kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kale, ndipo sindinamve kunyansidwa kapena kudzutsidwa; Sindinamve kalikonse. Komabe, ngakhale ndikulemba izi tsopano, zowonetsedwa bwino pamaso panga, pali gawo lina la ine, kumbuyo kwa mutu wanga, lomwe limandipangitsa kuti ndiziyang'ana kwambiri zogonana.
Ndi chifukwa cha zolaula zomwe ndimakhala nazo: zolaula. Zimandichititsa kuti ndikhale ndi nkhawa. Ndili pafupi ndi 14/15 ndinakumana ndi zolaula pomwe ndimafufuza intaneti. Icho chinali malonda. Ndimakumbukirabe mawonekedwe atsatsa omwe ndidawona, ndi momwe china chake chidangowonekera muubongo wanga wachinyamata. Zithunzi zolaula zowongoka komanso zachiwerewere zomwe ndidaziwonapo kale zimawoneka ngati zachilendo tsopano. Mtundu watsopanowu udayambitsanso mtima wanga, mutu wanga udayamba kugunda, kuphatikiza ndi mantha oti ndigwidwa osati kungoonera zolaula, koma kuwonera zomwe ena angaganize kuti si 100% zolaula zowoneka bwino, zidapangitsa kuti zisakumbukike. Ndimakumbukira ndikulira nditamaliza. Sindinadziwe zomwe zinandigwera. Ndinkafuna kupiringa mpira mchipinda changa chogona.
Koma sindinasiye kuonera. Ndinali, ndikukhulupirira mwamphamvu, ndimakonda zolaula ngakhale pamenepo, mwina nthawi imeneyo isanafike. Ndinayamba kuonera zolaula ndili wamng'ono ndipo ndinayamba kuseweretsa maliseche kwambiri ndili wamng'ono.
Sindinataye chidwi changa ndi akazi mu zolaula, koma zolaula zamtunduwu, ndimatha kusewera mwachangu. Zinabweretsa mantha, zomwe zidapangitsa kuti zikhale zowonjezereka.
Ndimakhulupirira mwamphamvu kuti mantha oti "Kodi uyu ndi gay?" nthawi imeneyo, ndinayambitsa zolaula m'maganizo mwanga zomwe zimandilimbikitsa kwambiri. Ndi mantha / chisangalalo chomwe chimayambitsa vutoli. Popewa zolaula, mantha (mwa ine, okhalanso ndi amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amabwera). Komabe ndikayang'ana zolaula (zamtundu uliwonse), ndikudzipatsa ndekha mtundu wakale wa dopamine, nkhawa zimatheratu. Kuthamanga kumathetsa nkhawa zokhudzana ndi malingaliro anga ogonana ndipo ndimaseka lingaliro lakuganiza konse kuti nditha kukhala wokonda zogonana kapena wogonana.
Ndiye nali Yankho. Ndikukhulupirira kuti ubongo wanga wakale komanso chizolowezi choledzeretsa chayamba kundichititsa mantha kuti ndisiye kukopa kwanga kwa akazi ndikupangitsa kuti ndiziwona zolaula, kuti ndipeze dopamine. Ubongo wanga umafuna kuti ukonzeke, ndipo umadziwa kuti malingaliro amenewo amabweretsa nkhawa zomwe zimandibwezeretsa, pamapeto pake, ku dopamine kuphulika kwa zolaula zomwe zimabweretsa nkhawa.
Zizindikiro zomwe ndikuwonetsa ndi HOCD yakale, koma chinthucho ndikuti, ndikawona zolaula, NDIKUDZIWA 110% ndalunjika. Komabe pamene sindikuwona zolaula, pang'onopang'ono ndimachita mantha kuti nditha kukhala wamisala / wamiseche. Ndikhoza kuchepetsa nkhawa yanga kwa kanthawi ndikumangokhalira kuonera zolaula, koma pamapeto pake, ndiyambanso kuda nkhawa zodzakhala amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndipo ndiyeneranso kuziwonanso. Kuzunguliraku kumadzibwereza zokha ndipo kwachita kwa zaka 5 zoyipa.
Sindimachita zachiwerewere. Ndikuganiza kuti anthu amabadwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha kapena amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Sizili kwa iwo. Koma chifukwa ndikulunjika, sindingavomereze kuti mwina ndingakhale. Sizimveka '”.” Anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amafuna kugonana ndi amuna kapena akazi anzawo. Sindikufuna kwenikweni, koma bwanji ndadzutsidwa ndi zolaula? Chifukwa ndine wokonda zolaula, zomveka komanso zosavuta. Ndinakula mpaka pamenepo ndili wachinyamata. Zimandipatsa chisangalalo.
Nthawi iliyonse ndikawona zolaula zogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, popeza ndatsala pang'ono kutulutsa umuna, nthawi zonse ndimaganizira za mkazi, sindingathe kuyang'ana kapena kuganizira za amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Ndi momwe zakhalira nthawi zonse.
Sindingathe kukonda kapena kukhala pachibwenzi ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, chifukwa ndizachilendo komanso kink yomwe imandidzutsa ine. Kwenikweni, zolaula zanga zimafuna kuziwonera zolaula, koma "Ine" sinditero.
Ndidayankhula ndi mzanga wina yemwe ndimagonana naye kamodzi zakukopeka ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha ndipo adati samakopeka nawo ngakhale pang'ono. Anati kuwakonda sikungakupangitseni kuti mukhale ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha chifukwa ndichikazi, koma sizimakupangitsani kukhala owongoka 100%. Zokambirana izi siziyenera kuti zidachitikepo.
Zikupezeka kuti kwa ine, zisonyezo zanga zochoka (nkhawa zowonjezeka) zimawoneka kuti ndikungodandaula za zomwe ndimagonana. Zanditengera nthawi yayitali kuti ndizindikire izi. Ndimaganiza kuti zinali zachilendo kuti sindimakhala ndi zizindikiritso zazikuluzikulu zomwe anthu ambiri amati amapeza, koma nkhawa ndiyomwe ndikuwonetsa kuti ndikusiya.
Ndikuganiza kuti tsopano ndazindikira izi, ndidzatha kupewa zolaula mpaka kalekale. Sindingabwezeretsedwe, chifukwa ndazindikira momwe zimandithandizira. Ubongo wamunthu ndiwosangalatsa kwambiri, sichoncho?
Ndingakonde kumva malingaliro a ena pa izi, mwina anthu ena omwe apitilira kuzinthu zolaula monga izi. Ndikukhulupirira kuti izi zingakuthandizeni.
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