Ndinazindikira zolaula ndili ndi zaka pafupifupi 12, ndipo sizinanditengere nthawi yayitali kuti ndikhale ndi ziboda (zaka 14). Sindingafotokozere mwatsatanetsatane chifukwa zilibe kanthu. Ndikadakhala kuti ndikuwombera mpaka katatu patsiku, koma ngakhale munthawi yanga "yoyipa kwambiri", ndidatha kudziuza ndekha kuti 3 ndiyokwanira patsiku, ngakhale ndidazikoka mpaka masiku ena asanu.
Posachedwa zaka zanga za sekondale: Ndapeza udzu ndi mowa. Zinandivuta kucheza, choncho ndimaganiza kuti mankhwalawa amandithandiza. Mwanjira zina adatero, koma zokumana nazo izi sizinali "zenizeni" kapena zosakhalitsa m'malingaliro mwanga. Ndinayamba kusuta udzu tsiku lililonse ndikukhala wokwera kwambiri momwe zingathere (kukhalabe ndi makolo anga kotero ndidali ndi malire amenewo). Ndimakumbukirabe tsiku lililonse, nditakhala ndi zolaula zambiri pa hard drive yanga. Sindinaganize kuti zimandichitira zambiri, koma sindinkaikidwa zambiri. Nthawi yokha yomwe ndinagonekedwa ndi pamene ndinali ndi chibwenzi (sindikudziwa momwe zinakhalira koma oh chabwino). Ndinali mozungulira 18-19 pamenepo. Ndimatha kuchita zovuta ndikugonana, koma sindimatha kufika pachimake. Sindinaganize zambiri za izi ndikupitiliza ndi zosankha zanga zoipa m'moyo.
Mofulumira miyezi ingapo yapitayo. Ndili ndi zaka 25, ndimakhala m'dziko lina ndipo ndimagwira ntchito yodula koma yolipira. Ndimakhala ndimadzimadzimadzimadzimadzimodzi, ndimakhala wokwera nthawi zonse (koma osagwira ntchito), ndimathera nthawi yanga yochuluka ndikumasewera masewera apakanema, kulumikizana kapena PMO ndikukonzekera maola ambiri. Osanena za kuunika kwa nyama komwe ndagula. Moyo wanga wamagulu ndiwokhumudwitsa, kunena pang'ono. Posachedwapa ndapeza MDMA, ndipo ndimayikonda chifukwa yandilola kuyankhulana ndi anthu. Komanso, ndikakhala pa MDMA, anthu amawoneka kuti akusangalala ndi kupezeka kwanga ndipo amaganiza kuti ndili bwino. Iwo samadziwa kwenikweni kuti ndinali pa mankhwalawo. Chifukwa chake iyenso lidakhala vuto pang'ono, koma limayang'aniridwa pang'ono.
Miyezi 2 yapitayo, patatha milungu itatu yotsatizana kumapeto kwa tchuthi, ndidakhala sabata limodzi + MDMA yayitali idapangitsa kukhumudwa. panthawiyi, poopa kuti sichidzatha, ndinayamba kulingalira zinthu zonse zomwe ndikufuna kusintha pamoyo wanga, ngati njira yodziwombolera ndikuyamba kumva bwino. Koma kusiya PMO sanali pakati pawo. Kenako usiku wina, mnzake (wamkazi) adabwera, chifukwa ndidatola udzu mausiku angapo apitawo ndipo ndidamutengeranso. Anawonetsa kuti anali ataledzera. Sipanatenge nthawi anandiuza kuti akufuna atengeke. Ine, pokhala wotsika pambuyo pa MDMA, ndinalibe chidwi chokhudzana ndi kugonana, koma ndimayesetsa kuchita izi chifukwa, ndiye kugonana, zomwe ndimakonda kuchita, kuti ndidziwe kuti msirikali wanga wamng'ono samayankha. Ndidamupepesa ndipo ndidayimba mlandu pagulu langa la mankhwala / mankhwala. Adapita kunyumba ndipo ndidapita ku google kukafufuza zolaula zomwe zidapangitsa ED, zomwe ndizomwe zimanditsogolera ku YourBrainOnPorn motero, subreddit iyi.
Zinangonditengera zolemba zingapo ndi ulusi kuti ndipange chisankho chachikulu. Poyamba ndimangofuna kusiya PMO kuti ndikonze ED. Zotsatira zabwino zija ndimaganiza kuti ndi "bullshit". Anyamata, ndikuloleni ndikuuzeni, iwonso saliopanda!
Zinanditengera masiku ena ochepa kuti ndisiye kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, zomwe zidandithandizanso osati PMO, kusuta kapena kudya zoyipa m'masiku ochepa oyambilira (chowombolera chomwe ndatchula koyambirira), chifukwa ndinalibe chidwi. Ndipo m'masiku amenewo ndidapanganso zina zambiri; "Popeza ndikusiya PMO kwakanthawi, mwina ndingayesenso kupalanso udzu ..? ndipo mwina uyesere kudya athanzi? ”. Ndiye patatha sabata limodzi ndinayamba kuzindikira kuti ndimalimbikira pantchito (Ndine wophika, ndipo izi zimafunikira kuti ndikhale pa nthawi yake). Zakudya zopatsa thanzi zomwe zidalawa "meh" m'mbuyomu ndizabwino ndipo ngati ndimadya zopanda pake, ndimamva kuwawa (m'maganizo) pambuyo pake. Ndipamene ndidayamba kudziyesa ndekha kuti pakhoza kukhala zambiri ku nofap kuposa kungoti .. osati kukula.
Ndinkalimbikitsidwa kwambiri kuti ndizichita bwino, motero ndinayamba kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi tsiku lililonse. Muli mtima wanga ukuchepa (kuyenda mwachangu kapena kuthamanga) ndipo ndinakankhira mmwamba kapena kukhala mmwamba. Pambuyo pa masiku angapo ndinayamba kale kuzindikira zotsatira. Izi zidapitilizabe kundilimbikitsabe.
M'masiku ochepa otsatira, ndinatsuka kwathunthu nyumba yanga, (ndinakonzanso khitchini yanga ndikuganiza kuti inali nthawi ina: kusiya kusuta fodya! Komanso, anzanga ogwira nawo ntchito adazindikira kuti china chake chakwera ndipo adandiuza kuti ndikuwoneka bwino, wathanzi, wodera. KUTHANDIZA KWAMBIRI!
Zinthu zinapitilirabe choncho, tsiku lililonse ndimamva bwino kuposa zomwe ndinachita m'mbuyomu, ndipo tsiku lililonse ndikusintha pang'ono, kaya ndi chakudya changa, nyumba yanga, Kuwerenga BWINO KWAMBIRI (?!?!) .Nthawi yanga yogona ndiyambanso. kutenga mawonekedwe. Sabata yoyamba kugona tulo kunali kovuta, koma zidakhala zosavuta.
Masabata awiri apitawo ndidayitanidwa ku phwando lobadwa la mzako wamkazi (osati chimodzimodzi). Sindinkafuna kupita chifukwa cha momwe ndimakhalira (osadziwa momwe ndingachezere ndi ena), komanso kuti ndiye yekhayo amene ndimamudziwa. Koma ndidadzikakamiza kutuluka m'malo anga abwino chifukwa, kuchokera pazomwe ndidamva, zodabwitsa zimakonda kuchitika mbali inayo. Amatero! Ndinakumana ndi mtsikana ndipo amandikonda! I Ndipo ndidapeza kuti kukambirana ndi chinthu chosavuta komanso chokhutiritsa chomwe chingakhalepo ngati mukungokhala nokha ndikumamvetsera kwa munthuyo. Osatinso mopitirira muyeso zonse zomwe mukufuna kunena kapena kunena. Masiku angapo phwandolo litatha, mnzakeyu, yemwe anali tsiku lobadwa, adandiuzanso kuti anthu ena omwe anali kuphwandoko amafunsa za ine mwa njira yabwino . Kodi ndine wotchuka? Ine sindinakhalepo, ine sindikudziwa ndekha mu kuwala kumeneko. Kwerani mphezi ndikuganiza ..
Dzulo ndinazindikiranso kuti chifukwa chamaganizidwe anga oti ndiyambe kudya wathanzi, sindinadye nyama koposa milungu iwiri osazindikira. Kotero lero, ndinapita zamasamba ndipo zimakhala bwino!
Kuti ndimalize, M'mbuyomu (pafupifupi) miyezi 2, ndakwanitsa kusiya PMO, kusiya kusuta udzu ndi fodya, kusiya kudya shuga wosakaniza, kutsitsa kwambiri nthawi yanga yamasewera (pafupifupi kulibe), ndidakhala wosadya nyama, ndidayamba kulowa mawonekedwe, ndapeza chidaliro cha SHIT-LOAD, ndinakonza nyumba yanga yoyipa kale ndikukhala ndi malingaliro atsopano m'moyo. Sindikufuna kunena kuti ndizOKHA chifukwa chosiya PMO, koma zidachita gawo lalikulu. Zomwe zidatenga chinali chisankho chimodzi chachikulu munthawi yakusimidwa.
Kwa abale aja kunja uko omwe akuvutika: Sizinali zophweka kwa ine ngakhale sindinayankhule kwenikweni za nkhondo zanga. Koma tsopano popeza ndikutuluka kutsidya lina ndikhoza kukuwuzani kuti ndi FUCKING WORTH IT! Siyani PMO ndi zizolowezi zina zoipa zitsatira posachedwa!
Pepani chifukwa chakulemba tsamba lalitali chonchi koma ndimamva ngati ndikufunika kugawana momwe ndingathere, ndipo ndidasiya zambiri .. 😀
Ndipo zikomo kwambiri chifukwa chopatula nthawi yowerenga izi! Zabwino zonse
LINK - Nkhani yanga (yopambana) mpaka pano
By Jan_Frodo
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