Sindingakuuzeni kuchuluka kwa anthuwa (limodzi ndi mabwalo ena awiri a 2-3) kwa ine pondithandizira kuthawa msampha wa PMO. Ndine mnyamata wazaka 30+ amene wakhala akuyesera kusiya zolaula popeza mwina anali wazaka 19-20.
Kwa mwezi wa 7 + tsopano, ndikumva chidaliro chodabwitsa ichi kuti sindidzayang'ananso zolaula. Sizinali choncho nthawi zonse.
Ndinazolowera mwina ndili ndi zaka 12 kapena 13. Unali intaneti yojambulira (2001, 2002?) Koma ndikukumbukira momwe zimakhalira zokhala ndi zithunzi zosasunthika. Popita nthawi, zidangoipiraipira.
Mwina ndinali ndi zaka 18 pomwe ndidazindikira kuti ndili ndi vuto. Ndidayesera kuti ndisiye koma malingaliro anga samangogwirizana. Ndimangowona ngati chizolowezi, osati ngati chizolowezi choledzera. Ngakhale ku koleji, pomwe panali anthu odabwitsa omwe amafuna kukhala ndi ine (kwenikweni kukhala pabedi langa nthawi zambiri), m'malo mwake ndimakhala ndi chizolowezi cha PMO.
Ndikamaliza koleji ndili ndi zaka 21, ndimayesetsa kuti ndisiye kusuta. Zaka zambiri pambuyo pake, pomwe ndidayambiranso chibwenzi, ndidazindikira kuti ndimavutika ndikudzidalira. Ndidamaliza kuvomereza ndi anzanga a 2-3 omwe ndinali nawo omwe ndimakonda kuwonera zolaula. Iwo anali odabwitsa ndipo amandithandizira ine kuti ndisokonezeke. Koma nthawi yamavuto, ndinali kugonja, ndipo ndinkadziimba mlandu kuti ndingawauze.
Pomaliza, ndinakwatiwa ndi mkazi wokongola wokongola wofunda komanso wokula. Ndimamukonda kwambiri. Koma chizolowezicho chidapitilira. Ndidazindikira kuti ichi sichinali chizolowezi chomwe mumawerengera ndikuyembekeza kuti chifa, uku kunali kusuta kwenikweni.
Ndipo zosokoneza bongo ndizovulaza. Palibe chabwino mwa iwo. Monga heroin, kapena cocaine. Malingana ngati ndimangoganiza kuti PMO ndi "chizolowezi" chothana ndi kupsinjika, kuda nkhawa, kunyong'onyeka, ndi zina zambiri, ndimatha masiku 5-10-30, koma kenako ndimalola. Chifukwa ndimamvabe kuti pali china chake chabwino .
Izi zinali makamaka chifukwa chake ngakhale ZIFUNSO zanga zonse zofuna kusiya, sindinathe. Ndinapitilizabe kugwiritsa ntchito PMO ngati chonyamulira kuti ndidutse mbali "zovuta" zenizeni m'moyo.
Ndipuseni. Ndi bodza lamkunkhuniza!
Sizinachitike mpaka nditayamba kuziwona ngati mankhwala osokoneza bongo monga heroin, cocaine, ndi ena omwe pamapeto pake ndinatha kumvetsetsa kuti kulibe phindu kuwonera zinthu izi. PALIBE.
Zinkawoneka ngati zolaula zidadzaza moyo wanga, koma zidangowonjezera!
Mosakhalitsa, moyo wanga unasintha. Zomwe zimawoneka zovuta, nkhondo yakukwera "kusiya chizolowezi cholaula" idakhala yosavuta ngati pie. Zomwe ndimagwiritsa ntchito poyesetsa kukana zidakhala zoseketsa. Zomwe zikananditengera mphamvu zanga zonse kuti ndipewe kuwonera, tsopano ndichizindikiro m'malingaliro mwanga kuti omaliza omwenso akumwa mankhwala osokoneza bongo andisiya. Pomwe ndimayang'ana chilimbikitso, ndikungodziwa kuti kulibe vuto lililonse kwa PMO.
NDILI WAULERE, WAULERE, WAULERE.
Pambuyo pa zaka 10+ ndikuyesera mobwerezabwereza. Moona mtima sindiyeneranso kuwerengera.
Nditha kulowa mdera lino kuti ndiwone nkhani zonse zolimbana, komanso nkhani zosangalatsa komanso ndizomwe zimandilimbikitsa zaka zambiri.
Monga njira yothokozera inu, dera lodabwitsali, chonde ndidziwitseni ngati mwakhala ovuta, mukukumana ndi zovuta, zikuwoneka kuti simukusiya, kapena ngati zikumveka ngati nkhondo yakumtunda yomwe simungakwere. Bokosi langa lobwereza nthawi zonse limakhala lotseguka. Tsopano ndicholinga changa kuthandiza anthu 1000 kuti akhale osokoneza bongo kuti athe kuthandizanso anthu ena 10 kukhala osokoneza bongo.
By CelibateYogi
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