Ndikufuna kugawana umboni wanga ndikuyembekeza kuti umathandiza ndikulimbikitsa ena. Ndikuganiza kuti ndi zachikatolika kuti ndigawane. Ndikhala wofotokoza bwino chifukwa sindinawone ambiri akulemba za BDSM ndi Chikhristu.
Ndine wamwamuna wapakati pa 30, yemwe adaleredwa wachikhristu ndipo ndine wokhulupirira kubadwanso. Komabe kuyambira ndisanathe msinkhu, ndinakhala ndi chizolowezi chodziseweretsa maliseche kuzunza komanso kuchititsa manyazi. Nditazindikira BDSM pa TV ndi ukonde pafupifupi zaka 18 ndipo sizinali chabe zomwe ndidapanga, ndidadabwa ndipo chidwi changa chidakula, chimangoyang'ana paulamuliro wachikazi.
Monga mkhristu, ndidakulira ndikukhulupirira kuti kulakalaka kumakhala kolakwika ndipo sindimadziwanso zolaula ndikuganiza zogonana ndi akazi ndipo ndimawona zolaula nthawi ndi nthawi. BDSM sinalankhulidwepo konse m'tchalitchi ndipo sizinadziwike kuti chinali chimo. Ndikuganiza kuti mukakhala pafupi kwambiri ndi zinazake, zimasokoneza momwe mumaonera zenizeni ndipo kwa ine, BDSM sizinawonekere kukhala zoipa chifukwa zimamva kuti zachitika. Ndi chinthu chomwe chinali mwa ine ndipo chinali mwa ine ndisanadziwe kuti ena amachita. Zofanananso ndi kunena momwe ogonana amamvera, mwina. Ndimachita bwino kwambiri pagulu lanyamata chifukwa cha chidwi cha BDSM chifukwa tonse ndife akunja omwe timaganizira zaubwana (kwa ena). Chifukwa chake pamene ndimayang'ana BDSM imawoneka ngati chidwi osati zolaula.
Zomwe ndimachita ndizolemba zambiri za BDSM ndi akazi, nkhani zonse komanso zina zambiri zomwe zimakhudza zowona. Chifukwa chake maakaunti onse azigawo, zotsatsa zenizeni za omvera makamaka maakaunti ochokera kwa oyang'anira. M'malingaliro mwanga, sizinkadziwika kuti ndi chiyani chomwe chimapanga zolaula ngati nkhani yachigawo kapena zotsatsa zikuwoneka ngati zazing'ono. Ndalembetsa masamba azithunzi zolaula za akazi ndipo ndawonera zolaula zambiri za bdsm. Makamaka zinali ndi omvera amuna koma ndimatha kuwonerera ogonjera azimayi ndikucheza nawo ndikuthawa. Ndine wolunjika komabe ndawonapo amuna ambiri amaliseche ndikuwonetsedwa pogonana. Nthawi zambiri makanemawo samafikapo pomwepo koma ena adatero ndipo ndizomwe zidandichitira. Chifukwa chake sanali owoneka okongola komanso koposa, anali malankhulidwe awo. Mwina kuzizira kwawo ndikusintha umunthu wawo, kunena kusamalira mphindi imodzi, kuseka chotsatira ndikukwiyira wina. Ndidakonda zolembedwazo ndipo akapereka malamulo omveka bwino.
Ndinkasangalala kuona mavuto a ogonjera komanso pomwe amalira ndikuchititsidwa manyazi. Ndimaganiza kukhala iwo.
Sindinawonepo wolamulira kapena kuyesera m'moyo weniweni koma ndinatha kuyitanidwa kuti ndikumane ndi oyang'anira amoyo weniweni ndipo adayesedwa. Ndidagwiritsanso ntchito ndalama zambiri pamawebusayiti omwe amakhala ndi akazi ndipo ndidawonetsedwa, gawo lililonse lidali lokhumudwitsa komabe sindinathe kuyesanso.
Kwa ine, ndinasiya zomwe ndimadana nazo. Chifukwa chake nthawi zambiri ndimakhala ndi malingaliro achilungamo komabe ndidakwiya chifukwa chakuchitiridwa zinthu zopanda chilungamo, zopanda pake komanso zopweteka. Chifukwa cha gawo lililonse lazopeka, ndidadzimvera chisoni. Ndili mwana, ndimakonda kuseweretsa maliseche kawiri m'mawa uliwonse ndisanadzuke komanso kawiri m'magulu asanagone ndikuwona zolaula zolaula mpaka maola a 6 masiku atatha ndikutseweretsa maliseche mobwerezabwereza.
Ndayesera kuthana ndi BDSM kangapo koma ndimangoyang'anira milungu ingapo ndisanabwererenso, ndikumenyera kuposa kale. Zolingalira zinakulanso pakuwonongeka. Ndidadzimva wosasangalatsa komanso wosakhutira komabe ndidakhazikika. Mwina ndinasiya kuseweretsa maliseche kwa miyezi ingapo koma kenako ndinabwereranso nditakumana ndi munthu pa intaneti, zomwe ndimanong'oneza nazo bondo.
Ndakhala ndikupempherera thandizo mobwerezabwereza koma ndimachitabe chimodzimodzi. chinali tchimo langa lobwerezabwereza ndipo ndimadzimva wachinyengo komanso wosungulumwa. Mu Novembala ndidakuwa mwamphamvu kwa Mulungu kuti sindikufuna kuchimwa koma sakundithandiza ndipo sinditha kusiya. Pambuyo pake ndikamva kuti ndikufuna kuyang'ana BDSM, ndimadzazidwa ndi chisangalalo. Ndinamva bwino kwambiri kotero kuti sindinkafunanso kudzicepetsa ndi BDSM. Iyi inali nthawi iliyonse yomwe ndimapemphera. Anali Mulungu wonditumizira kudziona kuti ndine wapamwamba kuti ndithetse vutoli. Ndi chozizwitsa chachikulu komanso chikondi chomwe ndidakumana nacho m'moyo wanga. Izi zidatenga miyezi ingapo kufikira pomwe kuledzeretsa kudaletsedwa. Kenako chisangalalo nditatha kupemphera chidatha ndipo ndidakhala bwino kwakanthawi.
Komabe, nditatha pafupifupi miyezi ya 4 yopanda bdsm (zolaula, ma account a malo ena ...) Sindinathe kusiya kuganiza zongoganizira zakale. Ndiwo zomwe zidafotokozedwera kwa abwana anga zomwe zingachitike mu gawo linalake lomwe ndidamufunsa. Chifukwa chake ndidayesa katswiri wa zamankhwala ndipo mu sabata ndidalemba zonse zomwe ndikanatha kudziwa izi, kuphatikiza zingaliro zanga zonse, zonse zomwe ndachita komanso zonse zokhudzana ndi zochitika zenizeni pamoyo ndili mwana zomwe zikadapangitsa chidwi ichi. Kenako ndinapempheranso zonse ndipo chidwi changa pa izo chinazimiririka. Wopangayo adawoneka wosadabwitsa momwe zimakhalira choncho ndipo sitifunikanso kuyesetsa njira zowongolera.
Zinabwereranso nditapanikizika ndipo ndimayang'ana mitundu yonse ya zolaula za BDSM masiku a 5 mu Juni. Ndinalankhula ndi katswiri wina, ndinalandira buku lonena za kugonana, ndipo sindimamvetsetsa momwe ndimagwiritsira ntchito izi kuti ndithandizire kumverera. Tsopano sindimafunanso za BDSM konse ndipo Mulungu akundithandiza kuti ndisayang'ane amayi ndipo achoka kale pazithunzi zokopa monga bikinis ndi Facebook.
Sindinachite chizolowezi chilichonse kuyambira Novembala.
Zomwe zidachitika ndi chozizwitsa kwa ine ndipo ngati wina avutika ndi chilichonse, ndinganene kuti azipemphera ndi mtima wawo kwa Mulungu ndi kumfunsa thandizo ndikunena chifukwa. Pitilizani ndipo mapemphero anu adzayankhidwa.
Mosiyana ndi ena, sindinawone phindu lililonse pantchito kapena kuwonda. Sindinakhalepo ndi nkhawa kwambiri kotero sindinazindikire zambiri ndi izi. Ndimadzimva ndekha chifukwa sindikulingalira zakupwetekedwa. Kukhala womasuka ndizodabwitsa ndipo ndikufuna aliyense.
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