Ndinawononga zaka zambiri. Ndinkakonda maphunziro apanyumba ndipo ndimatha kugwiritsa ntchito kuyambira Kazaa (sp) ndi Limewire. Analibe moyo wocheza nawo kwazaka zambiri ndipo amapewa kuyenda ndi mabanja. Ndimatha pafupifupi maola 5 patsiku. Ndinayesera kusiya kangapo. Nditabwereranso m'manyuzipepala ndimalemba ndikumaliza nawo mtanda ngati ndikanatha kupewa zolaula tsiku lomwelo. Ndine wachikhulupiriro chachikhristu ndipo manyazi omwe ndidamva adali akulu kwambiri. Nthawi iliyonse ndikamaliza ndimamva kuti ndili ndi chizungulire komanso ngati moyo wondizungulira sunali weniweni. Tsiku lililonse ndinkangoganiza za zoipa zanga. Kenako VR idatuluka ndipo masewera adatha. Panali zipsera zotsalira kuzungulira nkhope yanga kuchokera kumutu, ndikumakumbukira kosalekeza zakumwa kwanga. Ndine mayi… ndiphonya zambiri ndi ana anga chifukwa cha izo. Nthawi sindingabwererenso.
Pamene ndinali 17 ndidataya unamwali wanga ndipo sindinathe kumaliza, mobwerezabwereza. Panalibe kumva koma sindinadziwe kusiyana kwake. Zithunzi zolaula zokha zimathandizira koma pamapeto pake sizinali zokwanira. Ndimaganiza kuti ndithyoka kapena ndimakhala ndi vuto la mahomoni. Kutsimikiza kuti mwina ndi chifukwa ndizovuta kwa akazi. Ndinali kulakwitsa kwambiri ndipo sindinapange mgwirizano. Mpaka pano.
Ndilibe zolaula mu 2021 yonseyi ndipo sindinkaganiza kuti zichitika. Poyamba ndinalibe libido, ndimamva kuti ndafa, ndachita dzanzi komanso ndawonongeka. Nthawi zambiri ndimaganiza zobwerera, ndikudziuza, aliyense amachita! Simungapeze nkhani yodzisangalatsa popanda anthu kuvomereza zolaula kuti "mufufuze" za kugonana kwanu. Koma ndinali nditatha. Kuwona wokonda mowa mwauchidakwa kunandipangitsa kuzindikira zizolowezi zomwezo, manyazi komanso kudzikana mwa ine. Zinali ngati woyendetsa galimoto, mawonekedwe omwewo, malingaliro ake ndipo pamapeto pake machitidwe obwerezabwereza. Kodi ine sindinayambe ndaziwonapo izi kale? Poyamba ndinali wokwiya, bwanji ine? Palibe amene amazitenga mozama msungwana atamwa. Anauzidwa ndi mnzanga kuti ndiyenera kukhala ndi mwayi wokhala ndi "chilakolako chogonana" chotere kwa mkazi koma nditayima ndinazindikira kuti limenelo ndi bodza. Ndinkagwiritsa ntchito zolaula kuti ndipirire, ndikudziwononga ndekha chifukwa cha kukhumudwa komanso kukhumudwa. Zili ngati kudya kwanga mopitirira muyeso komanso kutengeka kwambiri ndi mutu uliwonse.
Sindikukhala ndi chilakolako chogonana chomwe ndinazindikira nditasiya. Ndipo nthawi ndi nthawi ndimadziwona ndekha ndikuyenda pang'onopang'ono mofananamo ndikubwerera mmbuyo ndikuzindikira, mukutani? Monga kutsegula furiji ndikusala kudya kangapo patsiku ndikudabwa kuti ndichifukwa chiyani ndikuzichita mosazindikira. Ndinali ndani? Popanda izo. Ndidadzaza nthawi yanga yonse pozungulira chizolowezi ichi chomwe sindimadziwa kuti ndichitenji ndekha. Ndimakhala pakama panga ndikungoganiza, kapena ndibwino kuyesayesa kuti ndisalingalire za izi. Ndine ndani popanda iwo? Sindinafike patali pano. Ndidasiya udzu chifukwa zidanditsogolera kupanga zisankho zoyipa, mosadziwa pambuyo pake.
Koma ndili pano, gawo losadziwika. Ndipo mukuganiza chiyani? Nditha kumaliza pachimake mphindi zochepa ndi mnzanga. China chake ndimaganiza kuti sichingatheke moyo wanga wonse. Zolaula zomwe ndinali nazo zinali zanga kwambiri ndipo ngati chikhalidwe chachiwiri kwa ine sindinadziwe moyo wakunja. Zolaula zolaula. Sindidzitsimikiziranso mwanjira ina. Ndikulumikizanso malingaliro anga ndipo ndafika pano kuti ndinene, sindidzamangidwanso kumayendedwe amenewo. Osati tsopano, osati konse.
Mwabwera chifukwa chomwechi, ngakhale mutakhala kuti muli paulendo. Lekani kudzinamiza, simukuzifuna.
Wokwera kwakanthawi wokhala ndi moyo wonse wamanyazi komanso wamlandu. Simukusowa. Palibe amene amatero.
LINK - Ndidakonda zolaula kuyambira ndili ndi 11, ndikumaliza kuwona ufulu ku 33
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