MAFUNSO: Pomwe mutu wa phunziroli umagogomezera kupezeka kwaponseponse (amuna samayankhula zongotengera zolaula), zofunikirazi ndizofunikira (zochulukirapo zambiri pansipa):
Zithunzi zolaula zimayamba kuwononga malingaliro awo pamene abambo adalephera kudzigwiritsa ntchito, zomwe zimayambitsa gawo lalikulu lazogwiritsa ntchito zovuta. Popita nthawi, amunawo adazindikira kuti zolaula zidayambitsa kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zosayenera pankhani yokhudza kugonana ndi kugonana, momwe amawonera akazi, ndipo zidapangitsa kuti ayambe kugona.
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Kudalirika
Psychology of Men & Masculinities (2019).
Sniewski, Luka, Farvid, Pani
Psychology of Men & Masculinities, Jul 18, 2019, N
Kukula kofulumira kwa kupezeka kwa zolaula kwapangitsa dziko lapansi kuti lizipeza zinthu zolaula zochuluka mosiyanasiyana. Ngakhale ndizotheka kuti amuna ndi akazi onse azikhala ndi vuto logonana ndi zolaula, ambiri omwe amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula pa intaneti omwe amadziwika kuti ndi omwe amakonda zolaula ndi amuna okhaokha. Nkhaniyi ikufuna kuunika zomwe akumana nazo amuna achikulire omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha omwe ali ndi vuto la zolaula ku New Zealand. Amuna ambiri achigololo a 15 adasankhidwa kudzera kutsatsa, makanema ochezera, komanso mawu pakamwa kuti atenge nawo mbali pazokambirana zokhudzana ndi zikhalidwe zawo zomwe amaziwona ngati zodetsa nkhawa. Kuwunikira komwe kumayendetsedwa ndi zidziwitso zomwe zidapangidwa kuti zifufuze njira zosiyanasiyana zomwe abambo amalankhula pakugwiritsa ntchito zolaula. Chifukwa chachikulu chomwe abambo amapewera kuwonera padziko lapansi chinali chifukwa cha zochitika zodziimba mlandu komanso zamanyazi zomwe zimatsata mosagwirizana ndi ena — ngati sichoncho onse — kuyang'ana magawo kapena kuyesa kuyambitsa kugwiritsa ntchito kwawo. Zithunzi zolaula zimayamba kuwononga malingaliro awo pamene abambo adalephera kudzigwiritsa ntchito, zomwe zimayambitsa gawo lalikulu lazogwiritsa ntchito zovuta. Popita nthawi, amunawo adazindikira kuti zolaula zidayambitsa kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zosayenera pankhani yokhudza kugonana ndi kugonana, momwe amawonera akazi, ndipo zidapangitsa kuti ayambe kugona. Ntchito yowonjezereka ikufunika pakugwiritsa ntchito njira zomwe zingapereke njira zina zogwiritsa ntchito zolaula zovuta kapena njira zina zothandizira wophunzirayo kudziwa momwe angayankhire moyenera pazomwe zimayambitsa zovuta.
KUCHOKA KWA PAPERE WABWINO
Zolemba zokhudzana ndi zolaula
Ngakhale atumizidwe bwanji, pamene amuna adasiya chete zokhudzana ndi kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula ndipo atakumana osavomereza, chochitikachi chimathandizira kugwiritsidwa ntchito kobisika. Amuna ena adakambirana zofunafuna thandizo laukadaulo kuti athane ndi vuto lawo lolaula. Kuyesera kotereku pakufuna thandizo sikunapindule kwa amunawa, ndipo nthawi zina kunawonjezera manyazi. Michael, wophunzira ku yunivesite yemwe adagwiritsa ntchito zolaula makamaka ngati njira yothanirana ndi zovuta zophunzirira, anali ndi mavuto ndi vuto lochepa panthawi yogonana ndi azimayi ndipo adafunsira thandizo kuchokera kwa Doctor Wogwira Ntchito Wamphamvu (GP):
Michael: Pamene ndinapita kwa dokotala ndili ndi zaka 19 [. . .], adalamula Viagra ndipo adati [nkhani yanga] ndimangokhala nkhawa. Nthawi zina zimagwira ntchito, ndipo nthawi zina sizimagwira. Kunali kafukufuku waumwini komanso kuwerenga komwe kunandionetsa kuti vutoli linali zolaula [. . .] Ngati ndipita kwa adotolo ndili mwana ndipo akandiuza mapiritsi a buluu, ndiye ndimamva ngati palibe amene akulankhulapo. Ayenera kuti amafunsa za momwe ndimagwiritsira ntchito zolaula, osandipatsa Viagra. (23, Middle-Eastern, Wophunzira)
Chifukwa cha zomwe adakumana nazo, Michael sanabwerere ku GP ija ndikuyamba kafukufuku wawo pa intaneti. Pambuyo pake adapeza nkhani yofotokoza za bambo wina wazaka zake zomwe amafotokoza mtundu wofanana ndi vuto lachiwerewere, zomwe zidamupangitsa kuti ayang'ane zolaula ngati angamupatse mwayi. Atapanga kuyesetsa kuti ayesetse kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula, zovuta zake za kusokonekera kwa erectile zinayamba kuyenda bwino. Ananenanso kuti ngakhale maliseche ake okwanira sanachepetse, ankangoyang'ana zolaula pafupifupi theka la zochitikazi. Mwa kuchepetsa kuchuluka kwa nthawi yomwe amaphatikiza zoseweretsa zolaula, Michael adati adatha kukonza kwambiri ntchito yake ya erectile panthawi yogonana ndi akazi.
Phillip, ngati Michael, adafunafuna thandizo pankhani ina yokhudza kugonana yomwe amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula. M'malo mwake, vutoli lidachepetsa pogonana. Atafika kwa GP wake za vuto lake komanso maulalo ake ogwiritsira ntchito zolaula, a GP akuti alibe zomwe angamupatse ndipo m'malo mwake adamupititsa kwa katswiri wazabereka wa abambo:
Phillip: Ndinapita kwa GP ndipo adanditengera kwa akatswiri omwe sindimakhulupirira kuti anali othandiza kwambiri. Sanandifotokozere njira yothetsera vuto ndipo sananditengere ntchito mozama. Ndinamaliza kumulipira kwa milungu isanu ndi umodzi ya kuwombera kwa testosterone, ndipo inali $ 100 kuwombera, ndipo sizinachite chilichonse. Imeneyo inali njira yawo yonditengera kusokonezeka kwa kugonana. Sindikumva kuti kukambirana kapena zochitika zinali zokwanira. (29, Asia, Student)
Wofunsira: [Pofotokozera mfundo yomwe mudatchulayo, kodi izi ndi zomwe zakuchitikirani] zomwe zidakuletsani kufunafuna thandizo pambuyo pake?
Phillip: Yup.
Ma GPs ndi akatswiri omwe adafunidwa ndi omwe adatenga nawo mbali adawoneka kuti amangopereka njira zowonjezera, njira yomwe yatsutsidwa mkati mwa mabuku (Tiefer, 1996). Chifukwa chake, thandizo ndi chithandizo chomwe amunawa adatha kulandira kuchokera ku ma GP awo sizinangonenedwa kuti ndizosakwanira, komanso zimawasiyanitsa kuti apitirize thandizo la akatswiri. Ngakhale mayankho a biomedical amawoneka ngati yankho lodziwika bwino kwa madokotala (Potts, Chisomo, Gavey, & Vares, 2004), njira yokhazikika komanso yolingalira kwa makasitomala imafunikira, popeza zovuta zomwe zimasonyezedwa ndi abambo ndizachidziwitso ndipo mwina zimapangidwa ndi zolaula.
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Pomaliza, abambo adanenanso za zolaula zomwe zidakhudza kugonana kwawo, zomwe zangochitika kumene m'mabuku. Mwachitsanzo, Park ndi anzawo (2016) adawona kuti kuwonera zolaula pa intaneti kumatha kuphatikizidwa ndi kusokonekera kwa erectile, kutsitsa kukhutira pogonana, ndikuchepetsa kugonana. Otenga nawo mbali paphunziro lathu adanenanso za zodabwitsazi, zomwe amati ndizogwiritsa ntchito zolaula. Daniel adaganiziranso za maubwenzi omwe adakumana nawo m'mbuyomu momwe samatha kupanga zibwenzi. Adalumikiza kukomoka kwake ndi matupi a atsikana ake osafanizira zomwe adakopeka atawona zolaula:
A Daniel: Atsikana anzanga apitawa, ndidasiya kuwapeza atakhala kuti sizingachitike ndi munthu yemwe samawona zolaula. Ndinali ndawonapo matupi achikazi ambiri amaliseche, kuti ndimadziwa zinthu zomwe ndimakonda ndipo mumayamba kupanga mawonekedwe omveka bwino pazomwe mukufuna mwa mkazi, ndipo azimayi enieni sizili choncho. Ndipo atsikana anzanga analibe matupi angwiro ndipo ndikuganiza kuti zili bwino, koma ndikuganiza kuti zidapezeka kuti zatheka. Ndipo izi zidayambitsa mavuto mu maubale. Pali nthawi zina zomwe sindimatha kuchita zachiwerewere chifukwa sindinadzuke. (27, Pasifika, Wophunzira)
Kutaya Kukhazikika
Onse omwe atenga nawo mbali adanenanso kuti ogwiritsa ntchito zolaula anali kunja kwa mphamvu zawo. Onse anali ndi vuto loletsa, kutsitsa, kapena kusiya kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula akafuna kuchepetsa kapena kupewa kuonera. David adagwedeza mutu ndikumwetulira pamene akuwonetsa zovuta zake popewa zolaula:
David: Ndizoseketsa izi chifukwa ubongo wanga umayambira ndi zinthu ngati "uyenera kuyang'ana zolaula," ndipo ubongo wanga uganiza kuti "sindiyenera kuchita," koma kenako ndimapita ndikayang'ana komabe. (29, Pa¯keha¯, Professional)
David amafotokoza za kusokonekera kwa malingaliro, komwe amakokera m'malingaliro osiyanasiyana zokhudzana ndi kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula. Kwa David, ndi ena ambiri omwe anali nawo pagululi, kuyeserera kuti ayambe kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula nthawi zonse kunkachitika “pankhondo” yamkati imeneyi.
Wophunzira nawo wina adakambirana za mphamvu zomwe adakumana nazo atadzuka. Kuyesedwa kwake ndikukhumba kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kunali kwakukulu kwambiri kotero kuti sanathe kuyang'ana pa china chilichonse mpaka kukhutitsidwa kwake:
Michael: Ndikadzuka, ndiyenera kuseweretsa maliseche. Ine kwenikweni sindingathe kuwulamulira. Zimawongolera zigamulo zanga. Ndikadzuka, sindimachita bwino. Ndikadzuka, ndimayamba kusakatula. Ndipo ndi msampha womwe ndimagwera nthawi zonse. Ndikadzuka sindimapereka shit! (23, Middle-Eastern, Student)
Amunawo adafotokozera pafupifupi kupatula kwamkati komwe zidawachitikira. Izi zinali pakati pa "oganiza bwino" omwe safuna kuonera zolaula, ndipo "adadzutsa yekha" amene sangathe kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula. "Zofunika kwambiri" izi zidapanga zolemba komanso zachiwerewere pankhani ya SPPPU ya abambo. Amunawa atagalamuka, adanenanso kuti akufuna kuti adzimasule maliseche.
Kuphatikiza apo, zomwe akuchita pagululi poyerekeza ndi zolaula zimayimira kuphwanya ufulu wao wodziletsa (Deci & Ryan, 2008). Kudzilamulira, kapena kuwongolera zofuna ndi zochita za munthu, zimawerengedwa kuti ndizofunikira kwambiri pakumvetsetsana (Brown, Ryan, ndi Creswell, 2007). Zowonadi, mabuku awonetsa kuti momwe anthu ambiri amadziwonera komanso kudzigwira, amakhala ndi mwayi wopeza chisangalalo (Ramezani & Gholtash, 2015). Ophunzirawa adakambirana zakusazindikira kwawo mwaulere - ndipo adalepheretsa kudziyimira pawokha m'njira zitatu zosiyanasiyana.
Choyamba, abambo adakambirana za kusowa kwawo wogwira ntchito ndi malingaliro amtsogolo ofooka pazokhudzana ndi momwe amawonera. Albert ndi Frank adanenanso kuti kusawongolera kwawo kudali chifukwa chodzimva kuti alibe mphamvu. David, Paul, ndi Brent adasamala kuthekera kwawo kokhala ndi malingaliro opanga magawo ena a moyo (mwachitsanzo, ntchito, zolinga, maubale), komabe pankhani ya zolaula, adadzimva kuti alibe mphamvu zowayang'anira. Izi zinali zowawa kwambiri kwa abambo awa. Mwachitsanzo,
Wallace: Ndimamva kukhala zodabwitsazi kunena mawu mokweza, koma ndikufuna kusiya kudziletsa pankhani yolimbikitsa kugonana. Kuchita maliseche nthawi zina, kapena kupita kuchimbudzi kukasamba. Ndikadakonda kuti zisakhale ndi ulamuliro pa ine. Ndimayamba kumva chidwi ndipo ndikuganiza kuti "ndiyenera kuchita tsopano." (29, Pa¯keha¯, Mphunzitsi)
Ngakhale sanatumizirane mwachindunji ndi amunawa, izi zikuwoneka kuti ndizoyipa kwambiri pakudziwitsidwa ndi amuna. Malingaliro a kudziwongolera ndi kudzilimbitsa nokha nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi machitidwe amunamuna kumadzulo (Canham, 2009). Chifukwa chake, kulephera kwa abambo pazomwe amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula kunali kovutitsa, popeza sikunangotanthauza kusowa kwa kudzilamulira, komanso kunaphwanya zina zoyambira zaunyamata wamakono. Apa, kutsutsana kochititsa chidwi kumawonekera. Ngakhale kuonera zolaula kumaonedwa ngati chinthu chofunikira kwambiri, ndipo njira zomwe amuna ena angathe "kuchita" moyenera (Antevska ndi Gavey, 2015) - Kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula mokakamizidwa kunawoneka m'njira zosavomerezeka, monga kunyalanyaza komanso kuphwanya kudziwika kwawo kwa amuna.
Ophunzira nawo adakumana ndikuwonongeka kwa kudzidalira kwawo ndikuzindikira kusowa kwa bungwe pomwe mawonedwe awo adakhala chizolowezi. Apa, ntchito zawo zolaula zidasanduka zokakamiza zomwe zimayenera kuyambika malingaliro a zolaula zikafika m'mutu mwawo kapena atadzuka. Kwa amuna awa, chisangalalo ndi kukondweretsa kwakugonana komwe kumalumikizidwa ndikuwona zolaula kunali kuzimiririka, ndipo adasinthidwa ndi njira yokhazikika. Mwachitsanzo,
David: Ndinkakonda zolaula kwambiri, pomwe pano ndikumva kuti zangokhala chinthu chomwe ndimachita, chizolowezi chomwe sindimakonda kwenikweni, koma ndikudziwa kuti ndiyenera kuzichita kuti ndikwaniritse chizolowezi. China chake ndiyenera kutsatira. Ndikudziwa zotulukapo, koma sizimandipatsa mphekesera zomwe zinali kale. Pali zosakhutira komanso zonyansa zomwe zimadutsa pazomwe zidachitikazi chifukwa zikuwoneka kuti sindingathe kuthawa. Koma popeza kuli kotheratu, kutha kwake, ndiye ndimangoyendetsa zolaula mpaka kumapeto ndikupitiliza ndi tsiku langa. (29, Pākehā, Wophunzira)
Zokumana nazo za David zikuwonetsa kuvuta kwa chizolowezi chochita zolaula chija. Kulephera kuthawa njirazi kumalumikizidwa ndi zovuta zomwe zimachitika (mwachitsanzo, kusakhutira kapena kunyansidwa), ndipo imakhala yovuta kwambiri kwa David. Ngati abambo sangathe kuthana ndi machitidwe ena ndikukhala otayika mukulamulira kwawo, thanzi lawo limatha kuvutika (Canham, 2009). Monga David, adataya chisangalalo ndi zolimbikitsa zomwe poyamba zimagwirizana ndi zolaula, ndipo adanenanso za kukakamiza kosakondweretsa:
A Ben: Ndizinthu zokakamiza izi. Ndimamva kuti ndiyenera kuchita. Zimawoneka kuti sindikuganiza ngakhale izi [. . .] Zachikhalidwe. Sindikudziwa momwe ndingafotokozere [. . .] Nthawi zina ndikayesera zolimba kuti zimveke bwino zimamveka zopanda kanthu. Sindimamva chilichonse. Ndipo ndikamaliza ndimadabwa kuti bwanji ndidachita izi koyamba [. . .] chifukwa sizosangalatsa. (27, Asia, Student)
Zomwe zikuchitika ndi Frank zikuwoneka kuti zikuwonjezera zovuta komanso chidziwitso kwa abambo omwe ali ndi SPPPU. Mosiyana ndi kuonera zolaula kukhala chisankho chomwe chimayambitsa chidwi chogonana, monga kale - zidasinthidwa kukhala chizolowezi chomangokakamiza komanso chosachita bwino, chosakhala chosangalatsa. Zomwe zidachitika pambuyo pake zakudziimba mlandu, kuchita manyazi, komanso kusakhudzidwa ndizotsatira zomwe amunawo adalephera kuyang'anira kapena kuwongolera kugwiritsa ntchito ngakhale akufuna.
Pomaliza, abambo adanenanso kuti kuwona kwawo kumawapangitsa kukhala ngati osasangalatsa, otanganidwa, komanso olimbikitsidwa. Mwachitsanzo, atawona zolaula, Michael amamva mphamvu kwambiri. Chilimbikitso chilichonse chofuna kuphunzira kapena kuchita zinthu zopindulitsa chinatha pambuyo poonera zolaula. Anafotokozanso kuthekera kwache kubwezeretsa moyo ndi kusowa kwa "chipwirikiti," yemwe adadziwika kuti Michael adadziwika kuti anali "wopezekapo, wowonekera, woganizira komanso woganizira":
Michael: Nditachita maliseche, ndimathedwa nzeru. Palibe chowalimbikitsa. Sindikumva bwino. Sindikufuna kuchita kalikonse, kumangodziona ngati wotsika komanso wopanda chiyembekezo. Anthu akulankhula ndi inu koma simungathe kuyankha. Ndipo ndikamachita zoseweretsa maliseche, ndimamvanso chisoni kwambiri. Sindikuganiza kuti kuseweretsa maliseche kumandipangitsa ine kukhala mtundu wabwino kwambiri wa inemwini. (23, Middle-Eastern, Student)
Kupanda kutopa, monga Michael amafotokozera, kumamveka zofanana ndi kumva kuti sunakhale wopanda pake. Komabe, Michael adafotokozanso momwe zolaula zimakhudzira madera ena m'moyo wake. Ananenanso kuti kuonera zolaula kumawononga mphamvu zomwe zikadakhala kuti kumagwiritsa ntchito kugona, kuphunzira, kapena kucheza ndi anzako. Momwemonso, Paul, adasowa mphamvu atatha kuyang'ana, koma adamva kuti kutopa kwake kwa zolaula pambuyo pake kumamulepheretsa kupita patsogolo pantchito yake ndikukhala ndi ana ndi mkazi wake. Adadandaula kuti pomwe anzawo amapita patsogolo pantchito zawo kulumpha, kukhala ndi ana, ndikuwonjezera ndalama, iye sanakhulupirire:
Paul: Nditha kupeza kena kake ndikukhala pamalo abwinoko m'moyo, ndangokhala m'malo osachita chilichonse, kuganiza, kuda nkhawa. Ndikuganiza kuti ndilibe banja chifukwa mwina chifukwa chodziseweretsa maliseche. (39, Pākehā, Wophunzira)
Paul, komanso amuna ambiri omwe anali paphunziroli, akuwoneka kuti amawonera zolaula ngati njira yolepheretsa kuti adziwonetsa okha.
Kuonera Zolaula Ngati Wokopa
Ophunzirawa adakambirana momwe zolaula zimakhudzira zochitika zosiyanasiyana zogonana komanso zochitika zokhudzana ndi kugonana. Michael adafotokoza momwe zolaula zidakhudzira kugonana kwake, makamaka zokhudzana ndi machitidwe omwe angafune kuyambiranso ndi azimayi omwe adawaonerera zolaula. Anakambirana poyera zogonana zomwe amakhala akuchita nthawi zonse, ndikufunsa momwe machitidwe awa aliri:
Michael: Nthawi zina ndimakhumudwa ndi nkhope ya atsikana, yomwe sikuthandiza, koma ndinayipeza kuchokera zolaula. Bwanji osaweramira? Bwanji bondo? Pali gawo la kusalemekeza icho. Ngakhale mtsikanayo avomera, ndizopanda ulemu. (23, Middle-Eastern, Student)
Chikhumbo ichi cha kuchita bwino motere chinapangidwa chifukwa chakuonera zolaula, monga, kwa Michael, zinali zolaula zomwe zimapangitsa nkhopeyo kukhala malo okongola komanso ovomerezeka omwe amatha kujambulitsa. Michael akufotokozeranso zosangalatsa zokhudzana ndi zolaula. Kwa Michael, kumakhazikika pa nkhope ya mkazi nthawi yogonana kumadzimva kuti ndi wopanda ulemu, komabe ndi machitidwe omwe amamuchita. Maganizo ake akuti sizolondola kwa iye, ngati machitidwe ogonana, samathetsedwa chifukwa chovomerezedwa ndi mnzake. Apa, Michael amatha kuyambiranso ubale wovuta kwambiri ndi zolaula, komanso momwe zimakhudzira moyo wake wogonana.
Kuphatikiza apo, zochitika za Michael zimagwiranso ntchito ndi malingaliro azomwe amazindikira, zomwe zikuwonetsa kuti atolankhani atha kutenga gawo lalikulu popereka chitsanzo chokhazikitsidwa chomwe chimafotokoza zoyenera (kapena zosavomerezeka), komanso zomwe zotsatira za njira inayake ziyenera kukhala (Wright, 2011). Muzochitika izi, zolaula zimapereka chithunzi chamtundu womwe abambo omwe amatha kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula amatha kutengera machitidwe awo ogonana (Dzuwa, Mabwalo, Johnson, & Ezzell, 2016). Zithunzi zolaula zikuluzikulu zili paliponse pomwe pali zolaula, zomwe zimatha kuyipitsa zotsatira zakugonana kwa abambo omwe amawonera zolaula, kupemphanso zolaula zokhudzana ndi zolaula za mnzanu, kupangira dala zithunzi zolaula kuti azisangalala, kukhala ndi nkhawa pa zakugonana. magwiridwe antchito ndi mawonekedwe a thupi, komanso kuchepa kwa chisangalalo ndi kusangalala kochokera ku kugonana ndi bwenzi (Sun et al., 2016). Zomwe zimaperekedwa ndi omwe akutenga nawo mbali zikuwoneka kuti zikugwirizana ndi zolemba, zolaula zomwe zimakhudza chiyembekezero chogonana, zokonda zakugonana, komanso cholinga chogonana ndi akazi.
Zithunzi zolaula zimapangitsa kuti anthu azigonana mosaneneka (Antevska & Gavey, 2015). Pambuyo pazaka zambiri zowonera zolaula, ena mwa amunawo adayamba kukhala opanda chidwi ndi zogonana zamasiku onse chifukwa sizimakwaniritsa zomwe amayembekeza zolaula:
A Ben: Ndimaona ngati kugonana kwenikweni sikwabwino chifukwa zomwe ndimayembekezera ndizambiri. Zinthu zomwe ndimayembekezera kuti azichita pabedi. Zithunzi zolaula ndi chithunzi chosatsimikizika cha moyo wogonana wokhazikika. Nditayamba kutengera zifaniziro zopanda pake, mumayembekezera kuti moyo wanu wogonana ungafanane kukula ndi chisangalalo cha zolaula. Koma sizichitika, ndipo zikachitika, ndimakhumudwa pang'ono. (27, Asia, Student)
George: Ndikuganiza ziyembekezo zanga zomwe ndimakhala nazo pazomwe zimakhalira, bang, zodabwitsa zomwe zimayenera kukhala panthawi yogonana sizofanana mmoyo weniweni [. . .] Ndipo zimandivuta ngati zomwe ndimazolowera zimakhala zosakhala zenizeni, ndikuwonetsedwa. Zithunzi zolaula zimapanga ziyembekezo zosatheka zogonana. (51, Pākehā, Wophunzitsa)
Frank ndi George akuwonetsa mbali zolaula zomwe zimatchedwa "Pornotopia," dziko lalingaliro lopanda chidwi momwe azimayi ambiri "okonda, okongola, komanso azimayi oganiza bwino" amapezeka mosavuta kuti aziwonera amuna. (Salmon, 2012). Kwa amuna awa, zolaula zimapanga dziko lokonda zolaula lomwe silingakumane ndi "zenizeni." Kudziwitsa za zolaula zoterezi, sikunakhudze kumwa. M'malo mwake, amuna ena adayamba kufunafuna azimayi omwe amafanana kwambiri ndi zolaula kapena omwe amalola abambo kuti abwereze zomwe amawona pazolaula. Izi sizinakwaniritsidwe, ena mwa amunawa adakhumudwa ndipo adadzuka pang'onopang'ono:
Albert: Chifukwa ndawona zithunzi ndi makanema ambiri azimayi omwe ndimawoneka wokongola, zimandivuta kukhala ndi azimayi omwe safanana ndi azimayi omwe ndimawaonera m'mavidiyo kapena kuwona pazithunzi. Azanga anga safanana ndi mikhalidwe yomwe ndimawonera m'mavidiyo [. . .] Mukamaonera zolaula nthawi zambiri, ndazindikira kuti azimayi nthawi zonse amakhala ovala kwambiri, okhala ndi zidendene komanso nsapato zazitali, ndipo ndikapanda kugona pabanja ndimakhala wosakwiya. (37, Pa¯keha¯, Wophunzira)
Albert adayamba kuzindikira momwe kuonera kwake zolaula kuyambira kukopa zomwe adawakopa mwa akazi. Anafotokozeranso pambuyo pake poyankhulana kuti anayamba kuyembekezera - ndikupempha - zomwe angakonde kwa abwenzi awo. Amayi akapanda kufanana ndi zokongoletsa zosatheka zomwe adaziwona zolaula, chilakolako chake chogonana ndi mnzake chimachepa. Kwa Albert ndi ena otenga nawo mbali, azimayi okhazikika samangofanana ndi azimayi omwe adapangidwa ndi "Pornotopia." Zolaula zimayambitsa zomwe amuna amakonda, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimakhumudwitsa kugonana kwenikweni, amakonda zolaula zogonana ndi akazi enieni, kapena kufunafuna azimayi omwe amafanana kwambiri mwakuthupi komanso machitidwe a kugonana, zolaula.
Ophunzira adakambilananso momwe zokonda zawo zidakwanira chifukwa cha zolaula. Izi zitha kuphatikizira "kuchuluka" pazinthu zolaula:
David: Poyamba anali munthu m'modzi pang'onopang'ono wamaliseche pang'onopang'ono, kenako nkumapita kwa maubwenzi ogonana, ndipo kuyambira molawirira, ndinayamba kudzipatula kuti ndigonane ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Izi zonse zinachitika mkati mwa zaka zingapo ndikuyamba kuwona zolaula [. . .] Kuchokera pamenepo, zowonera zanga zidakulirakulira. Ndinaona kuti zonena zowoneka zowawa kwambiri zinali zowawa komanso zosasangalatsa, ndipo makanema omwe ndimawonera adayamba kuchuluka. Monga, makanema omwe amapangidwa kuti aziwoneka ngati akugwiriridwa. Zomwe ndimapitako ndizinthu zakunyumba, kalembedwe. Zinkawoneka ngati zowona, monga kugwiriridwa kumachitika. (29, Pa¯keha¯, Professional)
Buku lati anthu ogwiritsa ntchito zolaula omwe amakhala okakamiza komanso / kapena ovuta nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi chochitika chomwe zithunzi zawo zolaula zimakulirakulira ndikuyamba kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yochulukirapo kuwonera kapena kufunafuna mitundu yatsopano yomwe imabweretsa kudabwitsa, kudabwitsidwa, kapena ngakhale kuphwanya ziyembekezo. (Wéry & Billieux, 2016). Pogwirizana ndi mabuku, David adanena kuti amakonda zolaula. Zowonadi, kufalikira kuchokera ku zamanyazi kupita ku kugwiriridwa moyenera ndiye chifukwa chachikulu chomwe David adazindikira kuti kugwiritsa ntchito kwake kunali kovuta. Monga David, Daniel adazindikiranso kuti zomwe adapeza zikugonana patapita zaka zambiri atatha kuonera zolaula. Daniel adakambirana zambiri za zolaula, makamaka zolaula zomwe zimalowa mkati mwa maliseche, ndipo kenako zidayamba kusangalatsidwa ndi kugonana kwa mbolo:
Daniel: Mukamaonera zolaula zokwanira, mumayamba kudalitsidwanso ndi zinthu zooneka bwino, chifukwa zimawonekera kwambiri pazenera. Kenako mbolo imakhala yokhazikika komanso yolimbikitsa ndi yosangalatsa. Kwa ine ndizosangalatsa momwe kukopeka kwanga kuliri kwa mbolo, ndipo palibe china chokhudza munthu. Chifukwa chake monga ndidanenera, sindipeza chilichonse kwa amuna, kusiyapo mbolo. Ngati mungakopeke ndikumunamizira mkazi, ndiye zabwino kwambiri. (27, Pasifika, Wophunzira)
Popita nthawi, momwe zokonda zawo zolaula zimasinthira, amuna onsewa adayesetsa kufufuza zomwe amakonda m'moyo weniweni. David adaganizirana zolaula ndi wokondedwa wake, makamaka kugonana. David adanenanso kuti ali ndi mpumulo kwambiri pomwe mnzake amalolera zolakalaka zogonana, zomwe nthawi zambiri sizikhala choncho. Komabe, David sananene kuti amakonda kugwiririra zolaula ndi mnzake. A Daniel, monga David, adachitanso zolaula ndipo adayeserera pochita zachiwerewere ndi mzimayi wogonana. Malinga ndi mabuku okhudzana ndi zolaula komanso zochitika zenizeni zakugonana, zochitika za David ndi Daniel sizikuimira kwenikweni. Ngakhale pali kulumikizana pakati pazomwe zimachitika mwachilendo, ambiri mwa anthuwa alibe chidwi chochita zolaula - makamaka zochitika zosakondweretsa - amasangalala kuwona (Martyniuk, Okolski, & Dekker, 2019).
Pomaliza, abambo adanenanso za zolaula zomwe zidakhudza kugonana kwawo, zomwe zangochitika kumene m'mabuku. Mwachitsanzo, Park ndi anzawo (2016) adawona kuti kuwonera zolaula pa intaneti kumatha kuphatikizidwa ndi kusokonekera kwa erectile, kutsitsa kukhutira pogonana, ndikuchepetsa kugonana. Otenga nawo mbali paphunziro lathu adanenanso za zodabwitsazi, zomwe amati ndizogwiritsa ntchito zolaula. Daniel adaganiziranso za maubwenzi omwe adakumana nawo m'mbuyomu momwe samatha kupanga zibwenzi. Adalumikiza kukomoka kwake ndi matupi a atsikana ake osafanizira zomwe adakopeka atawona zolaula:
A Daniel: Atsikana anzanga apitawa, ndidasiya kuwapeza atakhala kuti sizingachitike ndi munthu yemwe samawona zolaula. Ndinali ndawonapo matupi achikazi ambiri amaliseche, kuti ndimadziwa zinthu zomwe ndimakonda ndipo mumayamba kupanga mawonekedwe omveka bwino pazomwe mukufuna mwa mkazi, ndipo azimayi enieni sizili choncho. Ndipo atsikana anzanga analibe matupi angwiro ndipo ndikuganiza kuti zili bwino, koma ndikuganiza kuti zidapezeka kuti zatheka. Ndipo izi zidayambitsa mavuto mu maubale. Pali nthawi zina zomwe sindimatha kuchita zachiwerewere chifukwa sindinadzuke. (27, Pasifika, Wophunzira)
Zokumana nazo za abambowa zimayankhula pamlingo wodziletsa womwe ungachitike kwa amuna ena chifukwa choonera zolaula. Kugonana ndi kukongola kumakhala zinthu zomwe zimakopeka ndi - kapena zolumikizidwa ndi - mawonekedwe ena, matupi, zovala, kapena machitidwe m'malo mwamunthu wamunthu kapena mgwirizano wapakati pa anthu awiri. Kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula pamavuto kumawoneka kuti kukupanga mtundu wa kugonana komwe kulumikizidwa, kowoneka bwino kwambiri, komanso kokhazikika pamalingaliro. Kugonana kumakhala kachitidwe kamachitidwe komwe kamayambitsidwa ndi zokopa zowoneka, m'malo mofufuza kapena kuwonetsa chikondi.
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