MAFUNSO: Pomwe mutu wa phunziroli umagogomezera kupezeka kwaponseponse (amuna samayankhula zongotengera zolaula), zofunikirazi ndizofunikira (zochulukirapo zambiri pansipa):
Zithunzi zolaula zimayamba kuwononga malingaliro awo pamene abambo adalephera kudzigwiritsa ntchito, zomwe zimayambitsa gawo lalikulu lazogwiritsa ntchito zovuta. Popita nthawi, amunawo adazindikira kuti zolaula zidayambitsa kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zosayenera pankhani yokhudza kugonana ndi kugonana, momwe amawonera akazi, ndipo zidapangitsa kuti ayambe kugona.
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Kudalirika
Psychology of Men & Men (2019).
Sniewski, Luka, Farvid, Pani
Psychology of Men & Masculinities, Jul 18, 2019, N
Kuwonjezeka kwachangu kwa kupezeka kwa zolaula kwapangitsa kuti dziko lonse lapansi lipeze zinthu zambiri zolaula. Ngakhale kuti n'zotheka kuti amuna ndi akazi onse akhale ndi ubale wovuta ndi zolaula, ambiri mwa ogwiritsa ntchito zolaula pa intaneti omwe amadziwika kuti ndi okonda zolaula ndi amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Nkhaniyi ikufuna kufufuza zomwe amuna akuluakulu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula zovuta ku New Zealand. Amuna 15 ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha adalembedwa ntchito kudzera mu malonda, malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, komanso pakamwa kuti achite nawo zokambirana za zizolowezi zawo zogonana zolaula. Kusanthula kwa mitu yochokera ku data kunachitika kuti kufufuze njira zosiyanasiyana zomwe amuna amalankhulira za kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula zovuta. Chifukwa chachikulu chomwe amuna amabisira kuonera kwawo chinali chifukwa cha zomwe zimachitika chifukwa cha kudzimva kuti ali ndi mlandu komanso manyazi zomwe zingatsatire nthawi zambiri—ngati si zonse—zowonera kapena kuyesa kutsegula za kugwiritsa ntchito kwawo. Zithunzi zolaula zinayamba kuwononga kudzidalira kwawo pamene amuna adataya ulamuliro pa kugwiritsa ntchito kwawo, zomwe zinayambitsa mbali yaikulu ya kugwiritsa ntchito kwawo kovuta. Patapita nthawi, amunawa anazindikira kuti zolaula zinapangitsa kuti anthu azikhala ndi ziyembekezo zosayembekezereka pankhani yogonana, momwe amaonera akazi, ndipo zinapangitsa kuti ntchito yogonana ichepe. Ntchito yowonjezera ikufunika pakugwiritsa ntchito njira zomwe zingapereke njira zina m'malo mogwiritsa ntchito zolaula molakwika kapena njira zothandizira munthuyo kuphunzira momwe angayankhire bwino zinthu zomwe zimayambitsa kusasangalala zomwe zimayambitsa kugwiritsa ntchito.
KUCHOKA KWA PAPERE WABWINO
Zolemba zokhudzana ndi zolaula
Ngakhale atumizidwe bwanji, pamene amuna adasiya chete zokhudzana ndi kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula ndipo atakumana osavomereza, chochitikachi chimathandizira kugwiritsidwa ntchito kobisika. Amuna ena adakambirana zofunafuna thandizo laukadaulo kuti athane ndi vuto lawo lolaula. Kuyesera kotereku pakufuna thandizo sikunapindule kwa amunawa, ndipo nthawi zina kunawonjezera manyazi. Michael, wophunzira ku yunivesite yemwe adagwiritsa ntchito zolaula makamaka ngati njira yothanirana ndi zovuta zophunzirira, anali ndi mavuto ndi vuto lochepa panthawi yogonana ndi azimayi ndipo adafunsira thandizo kuchokera kwa Doctor Wogwira Ntchito Wamphamvu (GP):
Michael: Pamene ndinapita kwa dokotala ndili ndi zaka 19 [. . .], adalamula Viagra ndipo adati [nkhani yanga] ndimangokhala nkhawa. Nthawi zina zimagwira ntchito, ndipo nthawi zina sizimagwira. Kunali kafukufuku waumwini komanso kuwerenga komwe kunandionetsa kuti vutoli linali zolaula [. . .] Ngati ndipita kwa adotolo ndili mwana ndipo akandiuza mapiritsi a buluu, ndiye ndimamva ngati palibe amene akulankhulapo. Ayenera kuti amafunsa za momwe ndimagwiritsira ntchito zolaula, osandipatsa Viagra. (23, Middle-Eastern, Wophunzira)
Chifukwa cha zomwe adakumana nazo, Michael sanabwerere ku GP ija ndikuyamba kafukufuku wawo pa intaneti. Pambuyo pake adapeza nkhani yofotokoza za bambo wina wazaka zake zomwe amafotokoza mtundu wofanana ndi vuto lachiwerewere, zomwe zidamupangitsa kuti ayang'ane zolaula ngati angamupatse mwayi. Atapanga kuyesetsa kuti ayesetse kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula, zovuta zake za kusokonekera kwa erectile zinayamba kuyenda bwino. Ananenanso kuti ngakhale maliseche ake okwanira sanachepetse, ankangoyang'ana zolaula pafupifupi theka la zochitikazi. Mwa kuchepetsa kuchuluka kwa nthawi yomwe amaphatikiza zoseweretsa zolaula, Michael adati adatha kukonza kwambiri ntchito yake ya erectile panthawi yogonana ndi akazi.
Phillip, ngati Michael, adafunafuna thandizo pankhani ina yokhudza kugonana yomwe amagwiritsa ntchito zolaula. M'malo mwake, vutoli lidachepetsa pogonana. Atafika kwa GP wake za vuto lake komanso maulalo ake ogwiritsira ntchito zolaula, a GP akuti alibe zomwe angamupatse ndipo m'malo mwake adamupititsa kwa katswiri wazabereka wa abambo:
Phillip: Ndinapita kwa GP ndipo adanditengera kwa akatswiri omwe sindimakhulupirira kuti anali othandiza kwambiri. Sanandifotokozere njira yothetsera vuto ndipo sananditengere ntchito mozama. Ndinamaliza kumulipira kwa milungu isanu ndi umodzi ya kuwombera kwa testosterone, ndipo inali $ 100 kuwombera, ndipo sizinachite chilichonse. Imeneyo inali njira yawo yonditengera kusokonezeka kwa kugonana. Sindikumva kuti kukambirana kapena zochitika zinali zokwanira. (29, Asia, Student)
Wofunsira: [Pofotokozera mfundo yomwe mudatchulayo, kodi izi ndi zomwe zakuchitikirani] zomwe zidakuletsani kufunafuna thandizo pambuyo pake?
Phillip: Yup.
Madokotala ndi akatswiri omwe adafunidwa ndi omwe adatenga nawo mbali adawoneka kuti akupereka mayankho a zamankhwala okha, njira yomwe yatsutsidwa m'mabuku (Tiefer, 1996). Chifukwa chake, chithandizo ndi chithandizo chomwe amuna awa adalandira kuchokera kwa madokotala awo sichinangowonedwa ngati chosakwanira, komanso chinawalepheretsa kupeza thandizo la akatswiri. Ngakhale mayankho a zamankhwala akuwoneka kuti ndi yankho lodziwika bwino kwa madokotala (Potts, Grace, Gavey, & Vares, 2004), njira yowunikira kwambiri komanso yoyang'ana makasitomala ikufunika, chifukwa nkhani zomwe amuna akuwonetsa ndi zamaganizo ndipo mwina zimapangidwa ndi kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula.
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Pomaliza, amuna adanenanso za momwe zolaula zakhudzira kugonana kwawo, zomwe zangofufuzidwa kumene m'mabuku. Mwachitsanzo, Park ndi anzake (2016) adapeza kuti kuonera zolaula pa intaneti kungagwirizane ndi kulephera kugonana, kuchepa kwa chikhutiro cha kugonana, komanso kuchepa kwa chilakolako chogonana. Ophunzira nawo mu kafukufuku wathu adanenanso za kulephera kugonana kofanana, komwe adanenanso kuti kumachitika chifukwa chogwiritsa ntchito zolaula. Daniel adaganizira za maubwenzi ake akale omwe sankatha kukhala ndi chilakolako chogonana. Adagwirizanitsa kulephera kugonana kwake ndi matupi a atsikana ake osayerekezeka ndi zomwe adakopeka nazo akamaonera zolaula:
A Daniel: Atsikana anzanga apitawa, ndidasiya kuwapeza atakhala kuti sizingachitike ndi munthu yemwe samawona zolaula. Ndinali ndawonapo matupi achikazi ambiri amaliseche, kuti ndimadziwa zinthu zomwe ndimakonda ndipo mumayamba kupanga mawonekedwe omveka bwino pazomwe mukufuna mwa mkazi, ndipo azimayi enieni sizili choncho. Ndipo atsikana anzanga analibe matupi angwiro ndipo ndikuganiza kuti zili bwino, koma ndikuganiza kuti zidapezeka kuti zatheka. Ndipo izi zidayambitsa mavuto mu maubale. Pali nthawi zina zomwe sindimatha kuchita zachiwerewere chifukwa sindinadzuke. (27, Pasifika, Wophunzira)
Kutaya Kukhazikika
Onse omwe atenga nawo mbali adanenanso kuti ogwiritsa ntchito zolaula anali kunja kwa mphamvu zawo. Onse anali ndi vuto loletsa, kutsitsa, kapena kusiya kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula akafuna kuchepetsa kapena kupewa kuonera. David adagwedeza mutu ndikumwetulira pamene akuwonetsa zovuta zake popewa zolaula:
David: Ndizoseketsa izi chifukwa ubongo wanga umayambira ndi zinthu ngati "uyenera kuyang'ana zolaula," ndipo ubongo wanga uganiza kuti "sindiyenera kuchita," koma kenako ndimapita ndikayang'ana komabe. (29, Pa¯keha¯, Professional)
David amafotokoza za kusokonekera kwa malingaliro, komwe amakokera m'malingaliro osiyanasiyana zokhudzana ndi kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula. Kwa David, ndi ena ambiri omwe anali nawo pagululi, kuyeserera kuti ayambe kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula nthawi zonse kunkachitika “pankhondo” yamkati imeneyi.
Wophunzira nawo wina adakambirana za mphamvu zomwe adakumana nazo atadzuka. Kuyesedwa kwake ndikukhumba kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kunali kwakukulu kwambiri kotero kuti sanathe kuyang'ana pa china chilichonse mpaka kukhutitsidwa kwake:
Michael: Ndikadzuka, ndiyenera kuseweretsa maliseche. Ine kwenikweni sindingathe kuwulamulira. Zimawongolera zigamulo zanga. Ndikadzuka, sindimachita bwino. Ndikadzuka, ndimayamba kusakatula. Ndipo ndi msampha womwe ndimagwera nthawi zonse. Ndikadzuka sindimapereka shit! (23, Middle-Eastern, Student)
Amunawo adafotokozera pafupifupi kupatula kwamkati komwe zidawachitikira. Izi zinali pakati pa "oganiza bwino" omwe safuna kuonera zolaula, ndipo "adadzutsa yekha" amene sangathe kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula. "Zofunika kwambiri" izi zidapanga zolemba komanso zachiwerewere pankhani ya SPPPU ya abambo. Amunawa atagalamuka, adanenanso kuti akufuna kuti adzimasule maliseche.
Kuphatikiza apo, machitidwe a anthu omwe akuchita nawo zolaula akuyimira kuphwanya ufulu wawo wodzilamulira komanso kudziletsa kwawo (Deci & Ryan, 2008). Kudzilamulira, kapena kulamulira zokhumba ndi zochita za munthu, kumaonedwa ngati chinthu chofunikira kwambiri pamaganizo m'nthawi yamakono (Brown, Ryan, & Creswell, 2007). Zoonadi, mabuku asonyeza kuti munthu akamaona kwambiri kudziletsa komanso kudzigwira ntchito, amakhala ndi mwayi waukulu wopeza chisangalalo (Ramezani & Gholtash, 2015). Ophunzirawo adakambirana za kusowa kwawo kudziletsa—ndipo motero amalepheretsa kudzilamulira—m'njira zitatu zosiyana.
Choyamba, abambo adakambirana za kusowa kwawo wogwira ntchito ndi malingaliro amtsogolo ofooka pazokhudzana ndi momwe amawonera. Albert ndi Frank adanenanso kuti kusawongolera kwawo kudali chifukwa chodzimva kuti alibe mphamvu. David, Paul, ndi Brent adasamala kuthekera kwawo kokhala ndi malingaliro opanga magawo ena a moyo (mwachitsanzo, ntchito, zolinga, maubale), komabe pankhani ya zolaula, adadzimva kuti alibe mphamvu zowayang'anira. Izi zinali zowawa kwambiri kwa abambo awa. Mwachitsanzo,
Wallace: Ndimamva kukhala zodabwitsazi kunena mawu mokweza, koma ndikufuna kusiya kudziletsa pankhani yolimbikitsa kugonana. Kuchita maliseche nthawi zina, kapena kupita kuchimbudzi kukasamba. Ndikadakonda kuti zisakhale ndi ulamuliro pa ine. Ndimayamba kumva chidwi ndipo ndikuganiza kuti "ndiyenera kuchita tsopano." (29, Pa¯keha¯, Mphunzitsi)
Ngakhale kuti amuna sakudziwika mwachindunji, kusowa ufulu wodzisankhira pankhani yogwiritsa ntchito zolaula mwina kukuwonetsa kuphwanya kwakukulu kwa umunthu wachikhalidwe wa amuna. Malingaliro a kudziletsa ndi kudzilamulira nthawi zambiri amatchulidwa ngati makhalidwe a amuna kumadzulo (Canham, 2009). Chifukwa chake, kusowa kwa amuna kulamulira kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula zawo kunali kovutitsa, chifukwa sikunangosonyeza kusowa kwa ufulu wodziyimira pawokha, komanso kunaphwanya zina mwazofunikira za umuna wamakono. Apa, kutsutsana kosangalatsa kukuwonekera. Ngakhale kuonera zolaula kumaonedwa ngati ntchito yopangidwa ndi amuna—ndi njira yomwe amuna ena amatha “kuchita” umuna moyenera (Antevska & Gavey, 2015)— kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula mokakamiza kunawonedwa m'mawu oipa, monga kulephera mphamvu ndi kuphwanya umunthu wawo wa amuna.
Ophunzira nawo adakumana ndikuwonongeka kwa kudzidalira kwawo ndikuzindikira kusowa kwa bungwe pomwe mawonedwe awo adakhala chizolowezi. Apa, ntchito zawo zolaula zidasanduka zokakamiza zomwe zimayenera kuyambika malingaliro a zolaula zikafika m'mutu mwawo kapena atadzuka. Kwa amuna awa, chisangalalo ndi kukondweretsa kwakugonana komwe kumalumikizidwa ndikuwona zolaula kunali kuzimiririka, ndipo adasinthidwa ndi njira yokhazikika. Mwachitsanzo,
David: Ndinkakonda zolaula kwambiri, pomwe pano ndikumva kuti zangokhala chinthu chomwe ndimachita, chizolowezi chomwe sindimakonda kwenikweni, koma ndikudziwa kuti ndiyenera kuzichita kuti ndikwaniritse chizolowezi. China chake ndiyenera kutsatira. Ndikudziwa zotulukapo, koma sizimandipatsa mphekesera zomwe zinali kale. Pali zosakhutira komanso zonyansa zomwe zimadutsa pazomwe zidachitikazi chifukwa zikuwoneka kuti sindingathe kuthawa. Koma popeza kuli kotheratu, kutha kwake, ndiye ndimangoyendetsa zolaula mpaka kumapeto ndikupitiliza ndi tsiku langa. (29, Pākehā, Wophunzira)
Chokumana nacho cha David chikuwonetsa momwe vutoli limakhudzira kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula mopitirira muyeso. Kusatha kuthawa izi kumalumikizidwa ndi kukhudzidwa kwamphamvu (monga kusakhutira kapena kunyansidwa), ndipo kumaonedwa ngati kovutitsa kwambiri kwa David. Pamene amuna sangathe kuthawa njira ndikumva kutayika mu mphamvu yawo yolamulira, ubwino wawo ukhoza kuvutika (Canham, 2009). Frank, monga David, adataya chisangalalo chachikulu ndi chilimbikitso chomwe poyamba chinkagwirizana ndi kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula, ndipo adafotokoza za kukakamizidwa kosasangalatsa:
A Ben: Ndizinthu zokakamiza izi. Ndimamva kuti ndiyenera kuchita. Zimawoneka kuti sindikuganiza ngakhale izi [. . .] Zachikhalidwe. Sindikudziwa momwe ndingafotokozere [. . .] Nthawi zina ndikayesera zolimba kuti zimveke bwino zimamveka zopanda kanthu. Sindimamva chilichonse. Ndipo ndikamaliza ndimadabwa kuti bwanji ndidachita izi koyamba [. . .] chifukwa sizosangalatsa. (27, Asia, Student)
Zomwe zikuchitika ndi Frank zikuwoneka kuti zikuwonjezera zovuta komanso chidziwitso kwa abambo omwe ali ndi SPPPU. Mosiyana ndi kuonera zolaula kukhala chisankho chomwe chimayambitsa chidwi chogonana, monga kale - zidasinthidwa kukhala chizolowezi chomangokakamiza komanso chosachita bwino, chosakhala chosangalatsa. Zomwe zidachitika pambuyo pake zakudziimba mlandu, kuchita manyazi, komanso kusakhudzidwa ndizotsatira zomwe amunawo adalephera kuyang'anira kapena kuwongolera kugwiritsa ntchito ngakhale akufuna.
Pomaliza, abambo adanenanso kuti kuwona kwawo kumawapangitsa kukhala ngati osasangalatsa, otanganidwa, komanso olimbikitsidwa. Mwachitsanzo, atawona zolaula, Michael amamva mphamvu kwambiri. Chilimbikitso chilichonse chofuna kuphunzira kapena kuchita zinthu zopindulitsa chinatha pambuyo poonera zolaula. Anafotokozanso kuthekera kwache kubwezeretsa moyo ndi kusowa kwa "chipwirikiti," yemwe adadziwika kuti Michael adadziwika kuti anali "wopezekapo, wowonekera, woganizira komanso woganizira":
Michael: Nditachita maliseche, ndimathedwa nzeru. Palibe chowalimbikitsa. Sindikumva bwino. Sindikufuna kuchita kalikonse, kumangodziona ngati wotsika komanso wopanda chiyembekezo. Anthu akulankhula ndi inu koma simungathe kuyankha. Ndipo ndikamachita zoseweretsa maliseche, ndimamvanso chisoni kwambiri. Sindikuganiza kuti kuseweretsa maliseche kumandipangitsa ine kukhala mtundu wabwino kwambiri wa inemwini. (23, Middle-Eastern, Student)
Kupanda kutopa, monga Michael amafotokozera, kumamveka zofanana ndi kumva kuti sunakhale wopanda pake. Komabe, Michael adafotokozanso momwe zolaula zimakhudzira madera ena m'moyo wake. Ananenanso kuti kuonera zolaula kumawononga mphamvu zomwe zikadakhala kuti kumagwiritsa ntchito kugona, kuphunzira, kapena kucheza ndi anzako. Momwemonso, Paul, adasowa mphamvu atatha kuyang'ana, koma adamva kuti kutopa kwake kwa zolaula pambuyo pake kumamulepheretsa kupita patsogolo pantchito yake ndikukhala ndi ana ndi mkazi wake. Adadandaula kuti pomwe anzawo amapita patsogolo pantchito zawo kulumpha, kukhala ndi ana, ndikuwonjezera ndalama, iye sanakhulupirire:
Paul: Nditha kupeza kena kake ndikukhala pamalo abwinoko m'moyo, ndangokhala m'malo osachita chilichonse, kuganiza, kuda nkhawa. Ndikuganiza kuti ndilibe banja chifukwa mwina chifukwa chodziseweretsa maliseche. (39, Pākehā, Wophunzira)
Paul, komanso amuna ambiri omwe anali paphunziroli, akuwoneka kuti amawonera zolaula ngati njira yolepheretsa kuti adziwonetsa okha.
Kuonera Zolaula Ngati Wokopa
Ophunzirawa adakambirana momwe zolaula zimakhudzira zochitika zosiyanasiyana zogonana komanso zochitika zokhudzana ndi kugonana. Michael adafotokoza momwe zolaula zidakhudzira kugonana kwake, makamaka zokhudzana ndi machitidwe omwe angafune kuyambiranso ndi azimayi omwe adawaonerera zolaula. Anakambirana poyera zogonana zomwe amakhala akuchita nthawi zonse, ndikufunsa momwe machitidwe awa aliri:
Michael: Nthawi zina ndimakhumudwa ndi nkhope ya atsikana, yomwe sikuthandiza, koma ndinayipeza kuchokera zolaula. Bwanji osaweramira? Bwanji bondo? Pali gawo la kusalemekeza icho. Ngakhale mtsikanayo avomera, ndizopanda ulemu. (23, Middle-Eastern, Student)
Chikhumbo ichi cha kuchita bwino motere chinapangidwa chifukwa chakuonera zolaula, monga, kwa Michael, zinali zolaula zomwe zimapangitsa nkhopeyo kukhala malo okongola komanso ovomerezeka omwe amatha kujambulitsa. Michael akufotokozeranso zosangalatsa zokhudzana ndi zolaula. Kwa Michael, kumakhazikika pa nkhope ya mkazi nthawi yogonana kumadzimva kuti ndi wopanda ulemu, komabe ndi machitidwe omwe amamuchita. Maganizo ake akuti sizolondola kwa iye, ngati machitidwe ogonana, samathetsedwa chifukwa chovomerezedwa ndi mnzake. Apa, Michael amatha kuyambiranso ubale wovuta kwambiri ndi zolaula, komanso momwe zimakhudzira moyo wake wogonana.
Kuphatikiza apo, mkhalidwe wa Michael ukugwirizananso ndi chiphunzitso cha zolemba zamaganizo, zomwe zimasonyeza kuti atolankhani angathandize kwambiri kupereka chitsanzo cha heuristic chomwe chimafotokoza khalidwe lovomerezeka (kapena losavomerezeka), komanso zomwe zotsatira za njira inayake ziyenera kukhala (Wright, 2011). Muzochitika izi, zolaula zimapereka chithunzi cha kugonana chomwe amuna omwe amaonera zolaula amatha kutsanzira khalidwe lawo la kugonana (Sun, Bridges, Johnson, & Ezzell, 2016). Zithunzi zolaula zaphatikizidwa mozungulira chithunzi chofanana, chomwe chingapangitse zotsatirapo zoyipa kwambiri pazochitika zogonana za amuna omwe amaonera zolaula, kuphatikizapo kupempha zochitika zina zogonana za mnzawo, dala zithunzi za zolaula kuti asunge chilakolako, kukhala ndi nkhawa pa momwe akugwirira ntchito yogonana ndi chithunzi cha thupi, komanso kuchepa kwa chisangalalo ndi chisangalalo chochokera ku khalidwe logonana ndi mnzawo (Sun et al., 2016). Deta yoperekedwa ndi ophunzira ikuwoneka kuti ikugwirizana ndi mabuku, ndi zolaula zomwe zimakhudza ziyembekezo zogonana, zokonda zogonana, komanso kusokoneza akazi pankhani yogonana.
Zithunzi zolaula zimapangitsa kuti anthu aziyembekezera zinthu zosayenera pa kugonana (Antevska & Gavey, 2015). Pambuyo pa zaka zambiri akuonera zolaula, amuna ena anayamba kusakonda kugonana tsiku ndi tsiku chifukwa sizinali zogwirizana ndi zomwe zithunzi zolaula zimayembekezera:
A Ben: Ndimaona ngati kugonana kwenikweni sikwabwino chifukwa zomwe ndimayembekezera ndizambiri. Zinthu zomwe ndimayembekezera kuti azichita pabedi. Zithunzi zolaula ndi chithunzi chosatsimikizika cha moyo wogonana wokhazikika. Nditayamba kutengera zifaniziro zopanda pake, mumayembekezera kuti moyo wanu wogonana ungafanane kukula ndi chisangalalo cha zolaula. Koma sizichitika, ndipo zikachitika, ndimakhumudwa pang'ono. (27, Asia, Student)
George: Ndikuganiza ziyembekezo zanga zomwe ndimakhala nazo pazomwe zimakhalira, bang, zodabwitsa zomwe zimayenera kukhala panthawi yogonana sizofanana mmoyo weniweni [. . .] Ndipo zimandivuta ngati zomwe ndimazolowera zimakhala zosakhala zenizeni, ndikuwonetsedwa. Zithunzi zolaula zimapanga ziyembekezo zosatheka zogonana. (51, Pākehā, Wophunzitsa)
Frank ndi George akugogomezera mbali ya zolaula zomwe zimatchedwa "Pornotopia," dziko la malingaliro komwe kumapezeka "akazi okonda chilakolako, okongola, komanso okonda kugonana nthawi zonse" kuti amuna azionera (Salmon, 2012). Kwa amuna awa, zolaula zinapanga dziko la malingaliro ogonana lomwe silingathe kukwaniritsidwa "kwenikweni." Komabe, kuzindikira za momwe zolaula zimakhudzira anthu sikunakhudzire kudya. M'malo mwake, amuna ena anayamba kufunafuna akazi omwe amafanana kwambiri ndi zomwe amakonda kapena omwe amalola amunawo kupanganso zomwe amawona mu zolaula. Pamene ziyembekezo izi sizinakwaniritsidwe, amuna ena anakhumudwa ndipo anayamba kuchepa chilakolako chogonana:
Albert: Chifukwa ndawona zithunzi ndi makanema ambiri azimayi omwe ndimawoneka wokongola, zimandivuta kukhala ndi azimayi omwe safanana ndi azimayi omwe ndimawaonera m'mavidiyo kapena kuwona pazithunzi. Azanga anga safanana ndi mikhalidwe yomwe ndimawonera m'mavidiyo [. . .] Mukamaonera zolaula nthawi zambiri, ndazindikira kuti azimayi nthawi zonse amakhala ovala kwambiri, okhala ndi zidendene komanso nsapato zazitali, ndipo ndikapanda kugona pabanja ndimakhala wosakwiya. (37, Pa¯keha¯, Wophunzira)
Albert adayamba kuzindikira momwe kuonera kwake zolaula kuyambira kukopa zomwe adawakopa mwa akazi. Anafotokozeranso pambuyo pake poyankhulana kuti anayamba kuyembekezera - ndikupempha - zomwe angakonde kwa abwenzi awo. Amayi akapanda kufanana ndi zokongoletsa zosatheka zomwe adaziwona zolaula, chilakolako chake chogonana ndi mnzake chimachepa. Kwa Albert ndi ena otenga nawo mbali, azimayi okhazikika samangofanana ndi azimayi omwe adapangidwa ndi "Pornotopia." Zolaula zimayambitsa zomwe amuna amakonda, zomwe nthawi zambiri zimakhumudwitsa kugonana kwenikweni, amakonda zolaula zogonana ndi akazi enieni, kapena kufunafuna azimayi omwe amafanana kwambiri mwakuthupi komanso machitidwe a kugonana, zolaula.
Ophunzira adakambilananso momwe zokonda zawo zidakwanira chifukwa cha zolaula. Izi zitha kuphatikizira "kuchuluka" pazinthu zolaula:
David: Poyamba anali munthu m'modzi pang'onopang'ono wamaliseche pang'onopang'ono, kenako nkumapita kwa maubwenzi ogonana, ndipo kuyambira molawirira, ndinayamba kudzipatula kuti ndigonane ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Izi zonse zinachitika mkati mwa zaka zingapo ndikuyamba kuwona zolaula [. . .] Kuchokera pamenepo, zowonera zanga zidakulirakulira. Ndinaona kuti zonena zowoneka zowawa kwambiri zinali zowawa komanso zosasangalatsa, ndipo makanema omwe ndimawonera adayamba kuchuluka. Monga, makanema omwe amapangidwa kuti aziwoneka ngati akugwiriridwa. Zomwe ndimapitako ndizinthu zakunyumba, kalembedwe. Zinkawoneka ngati zowona, monga kugwiriridwa kumachitika. (29, Pa¯keha¯, Professional)
Mabuku akusonyeza kuti ogwiritsa ntchito zolaula zomwe zimawavuta komanso/kapena zovuta nthawi zambiri amakumana ndi vuto lomwe kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kumawonjezeka ndipo kumatenga nthawi yambiri akuonera kapena kufunafuna mitundu yatsopano yomwe imachititsa mantha, kudabwa, kapena kuphwanya ziyembekezo (Wéry & Billieux, 2016). Mogwirizana ndi mabuku, David anati zomwe amakonda kwambiri zolaula ndi zolaula. Zoonadi, kuwonjezeka kwa maliseche mpaka kugwiriridwa kwenikweni ndiye chifukwa chachikulu chomwe David adawona kuti kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula kunali kovuta. Monga David, Daniel adazindikiranso kuti zomwe adapeza kuti zimadzutsa chilakolako cha kugonana zidasintha atatha zaka zambiri akuonera zolaula. Daniel adafotokoza za kuwonetsedwa kwake kwambiri pazithunzi zolaula, makamaka za mbolo zomwe zimalowa m'maliseche, kenako nkuyamba kulakalaka kugonana ndikuwona mbolo:
Daniel: Mukamaonera zolaula zokwanira, mumayamba kudalitsidwanso ndi zinthu zooneka bwino, chifukwa zimawonekera kwambiri pazenera. Kenako mbolo imakhala yokhazikika komanso yolimbikitsa ndi yosangalatsa. Kwa ine ndizosangalatsa momwe kukopeka kwanga kuliri kwa mbolo, ndipo palibe china chokhudza munthu. Chifukwa chake monga ndidanenera, sindipeza chilichonse kwa amuna, kusiyapo mbolo. Ngati mungakopeke ndikumunamizira mkazi, ndiye zabwino kwambiri. (27, Pasifika, Wophunzira)
Patapita nthawi, pamene zokonda zawo zolaula zinayamba kusintha, amuna onse awiriwa anayesa kufufuza zomwe amakonda pa moyo weniweni. David adabwerezanso zina mwazokonda zake zolaula ndi mnzake, makamaka kugonana ndi kumatako. David adanena kuti adamva bwino kwambiri pamene mnzakeyo akuvomereza zilakolako zogonana, zomwe sizimachitika nthawi zonse pazochitika zotere. Komabe, David sanaulule zomwe amakonda pa zolaula zogwiririra ndi mnzake. Daniel, monga David, nayenso adabwerezanso zomwe amakonda pa zolaula ndipo adayesa mwa kuchita zachiwerewere ndi mkazi wosintha mtundu wa anthu. Komabe, malinga ndi mabuku okhudzana ndi zolaula ndi zochitika zenizeni zogonana, milandu ya David ndi Daniel sikutanthauza kuti ndi yachizolowezi. Ngakhale pali mgwirizano pakati pa machitidwe osazolowereka, anthu ambiri alibe chidwi chobwerezabwereza zogonana - makamaka machitidwe osazolowereka - omwe amasangalala kuonera (Martyniuk, Okolski, & Dekker, 2019).
Pomaliza, amuna adanenanso za momwe zolaula zakhudzira kugonana kwawo, zomwe zangofufuzidwa kumene m'mabuku. Mwachitsanzo, Park ndi anzake (2016) adapeza kuti kuonera zolaula pa intaneti kungagwirizane ndi kulephera kugonana, kuchepa kwa chikhutiro cha kugonana, komanso kuchepa kwa chilakolako chogonana. Ophunzira nawo mu kafukufuku wathu adanenanso za kulephera kugonana kofanana, komwe adanenanso kuti kumachitika chifukwa chogwiritsa ntchito zolaula. Daniel adaganizira za maubwenzi ake akale omwe sankatha kukhala ndi chilakolako chogonana. Adagwirizanitsa kulephera kugonana kwake ndi matupi a atsikana ake osayerekezeka ndi zomwe adakopeka nazo akamaonera zolaula:
A Daniel: Atsikana anzanga apitawa, ndidasiya kuwapeza atakhala kuti sizingachitike ndi munthu yemwe samawona zolaula. Ndinali ndawonapo matupi achikazi ambiri amaliseche, kuti ndimadziwa zinthu zomwe ndimakonda ndipo mumayamba kupanga mawonekedwe omveka bwino pazomwe mukufuna mwa mkazi, ndipo azimayi enieni sizili choncho. Ndipo atsikana anzanga analibe matupi angwiro ndipo ndikuganiza kuti zili bwino, koma ndikuganiza kuti zidapezeka kuti zatheka. Ndipo izi zidayambitsa mavuto mu maubale. Pali nthawi zina zomwe sindimatha kuchita zachiwerewere chifukwa sindinadzuke. (27, Pasifika, Wophunzira)
Zokumana nazo za abambowa zimayankhula pamlingo wodziletsa womwe ungachitike kwa amuna ena chifukwa choonera zolaula. Kugonana ndi kukongola kumakhala zinthu zomwe zimakopeka ndi - kapena zolumikizidwa ndi - mawonekedwe ena, matupi, zovala, kapena machitidwe m'malo mwamunthu wamunthu kapena mgwirizano wapakati pa anthu awiri. Kugwiritsa ntchito zolaula pamavuto kumawoneka kuti kukupanga mtundu wa kugonana komwe kulumikizidwa, kowoneka bwino kwambiri, komanso kokhazikika pamalingaliro. Kugonana kumakhala kachitidwe kamachitidwe komwe kamayambitsidwa ndi zokopa zowoneka, m'malo mofufuza kapena kuwonetsa chikondi.