Sindine pano kuti ndikuweruzeni, kapena kuti ndinene chabwino ndi cholakwika. Makhalidwe abwino nthawi zambiri amakhala otuwa, ndipo machitidwe amakhalidwe abwino nthawi zambiri amakhala osalimbikitsa kusintha kwakanthawi. Sindikuganiza kuti ndiwe munthu woyipa.
Ndine mkazi. Mwamuna wanga wakhala PMO kuyambira pomwe tidakumana zaka 10 zapitazo, ndipo ndikadachita izi, ndikudziwa zomwe ndikuchita tsopano, sindikadakhala.
Sindili pano kuti ndimunyoze kapena kukubweretserani mlandu. Ali ndi makhalidwe ambiri abwino, ndipo wandithandiza kwambiri m'njira zambiri. Koma zaka zambiri za bodza lake, kubisa, ndi kugonana kwake kodzipatula zandivutitsa kwambiri moti ululu wayamba kuonekera kukhala kunyoza, ndipo tsopano mpaka kusalabadira. Mkazi wanu kapena mnzanu akasiya kusamala, zikutanthauza kuti ali pafupi kuchoka popanda kukhala chisankho chovuta kwambiri m'maganizo.
Ubwenzi wathu unali wotalikirana. Masabata atatu ndisanapite kukakhala naye kudera lonselo, ndidapeza gehena. Ndinali ndi zaka 3, anali ndi zaka 23. Ndinapeza kucheza pakati pa iye ndi mkazi yemwe adakhala kwa zaka zambiri. Zinali zowonekabe kuti anali kudya. Zolaula, ma oodles ake. Umboni wogonana pafoni ndi azimayi ena. Zokambirana zolemba zolaula komanso kusewera.
Ndinazisiya. Ndinaganiza kuti mwina akuyenera kuthana ndi vuto lake asanadzipereke kwa ine. Koma sizinayime. Mwanjira ina kapena zina, zinthu zidabweranso mzaka zapitazi, kaya zinali zolaula, kusewera. Mabodza, nthawi zonse. Nthawi zina zodzikhululukira zomwe zimandiimba mlandu.
Chofunika ndichakuti, sanavomereze mavuto ake. Sanalolepo kundibisira zinthu, ndipo kusankha munthu wodzipatula ndi chisankho chomwe amachita nthawi zonse komanso mwadala. Sizikunena kuti avomereze za ine, koma zimanenanso za kulephera kwake kudziteteza pankhaniyi.
Chaka chapitacho, ndinapeza zolaula zambiri. Chifukwa chake? Ali ndi zaka 37, chilakolako chake cha kugonana chinali 'chitachepa' ndipo anachita manyazi kundiuza izi. Ankagwiritsa ntchito zolaulazo kuti aone ngati pali vuto. Sanafune kulola kuti zolaulazo zikhale zomwe zimayambitsa (kuphatikiza ndi kusafuna kwake kuchepetsa thupi ndi kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti magazi aziyenda bwino komanso testosterone iyende bwino).
Paubwenzi wathu wonse, nthawi zonse ndimayamba zogonana. Ndakhala wokonzeka nthawi zonse, wofunitsitsa, wopezeka. Ndayesera zovala zamkati zazing'ono, zolankhula zolaula, zonsezo. Ndipo palibe ndi chimodzi mwazomwe zagwirapo ntchito. Ndinkaganiza kuti ndiine. Pomaliza ndidadzipangira kuti ndizindikire kuti sindingathe kupikisana ndi akazi (zithunzi) masauzande ambiri pazokonda zake. Sizigwira ntchito.
Nditapezanso zolaula chaka chatha, ndinayesa chifundo. Anayesa kumacheza naye pazakugonana kwathu m'miyezi isanu ndi umodzi yotsatira, akuwona kuti ayang'anabe azimayi azovala zawo zamkati pa Facebook, mpaka pomaliza adati "ngati izi (zokambiranazi) zikupitilira, ndatsala pang'ono kukhala wokonzeka kunena "fuck it."
Anandiimba mlandu, mwanjira zina. Anati zinali 'zachisoni' momwe zinthu zidafikira ku biology, kuti ndimamuyamikira chifukwa cha zomwe mbolo yake imatha kuchita. Kuti palibe china chilichonse chomwe adachita chimawoneka chofunikira. Ndidamuyimbira foni, ndikumukumbutsa momwe ndimamuwonetsera kuyamikira pazinthu zina zonse zomwe amachita komanso zomwe amathandizira m'moyo wanga. Imeneyi inali njira yake yopewera, komanso, chifukwa chenicheni chomwe chimayambitsa mavuto athu.
Zoseketsa momwe wina yemwe sangathetseretu kugonana kuchokera pachibwenzi chathu amatembenukira kwa ine, ndikunena kuti ndine amene ndimakonda kugonana kwambiri.
Kukambirana kumeneko kunali kwa ine. Zinali pafupifupi miyezi 5 yapitayo. Pambuyo pokambirana, ndinatseka. Anali wokonzeka kunena "fuck it" nditatha kuyesa kuthana ndi izi kwa miyezi 5. Chifukwa chiyani sindinanene kuti ndiziwona pambuyo pazaka 10 zosankha zake?
Ndataya zokopa zilizonse zomwe ndikadakhala nazo kwa iye. Ngakhale ndimamukonda, ndikuwona zabwino mwa iye, zisankho zake zimamupangitsa kukhala wosakopa. Amayesa, ndi mawu, kundiuza kuti amasamala. Amandiuza kuti ndine wokongola. Kukhala ndi ine ndiye chisankho chabwino kwambiri chomwe adachitapo. Ndipo ndikuthokoza kuyesayesa, osachita chilichonse molimba mtima pogonana komanso mwachikondi (mwachitsanzo kukhala ndi zinthu zake, kuyankhula ndi ine za izi, kuzilingalira) kumbali yake, kwachedwa.
Nanga bwanji ndikunena nkhaniyi? Zitha kuwoneka kuti, ndabwera kuti ndikuweruzeni kapena kukuchititsani manyazi. Sindine. M'malo mwake, ndikuganiza kuti kupachikidwa pamanyazi ndi imodzi mwanjira zoyipa kwambiri zokulira kuposa nkhaniyi. Manyazi amakulepheretsani.
Ndikuwuzani nkhani yanga kwa mitundu iwiri ya anthu pano: omwe muli osakwatiwa, komanso omwe ali pachibwenzi chokhalitsa. Ngati simunakwatirane, ndipo mukufuna kukhala ndi ubale wabwino nthawi yayitali, muyenera kulimbana ndi nkhondoyi tsopano musanabweretsere muukwati kapena mgwirizano. Zidzamwa bwino moyo wa ubale wanu. Ndipo china chilichonse chimene mungachite, mosasamala kanthu kuti ndinu okoma mtima, kapena oseketsa, kapena okongola, chidzasokonezeka ndi mtunda wanu wosankha pakati pa inu ndi zina zanu zazikulu.
Ngati mwakwatirana kapena muli pachibwenzi cha nthawi yayitali, ndipo mnzanuyo akudziwa za mavuto anu, mawu samveka bwino, makamaka ngati mawu amabwera mnzanuyo atakutsutsani (ndi kukutsutsani, ndikukutsutsani). Muyenera kuthana ndi izi mwachangu kuti mnzanuyo akhulupirire zolinga zanu za nthawi yayitali. Khalani oona mtima komanso omasuka ndi mnzanu/mkazi wanu/aliyense. Koma chitani izi mogwirizana ndi ubale wanu. Mwina sangakhale wokonzeka kumva kuti mukuvutika ndi zolaula kuposa kugonana pachibwenzi. Kudziona kuti ndi wofunika sikungakhale koyenera kupirira. Koma ngati mudzakhala ndi mavuto ndi kugonana naye kwakanthawi, muuzeni zimenezo. Muuzeni kuti si iyeyo, koma mukufuna nthawi ndi malo. Kuti mukhale mnzanu wabwino kwa moyo wanu wonse pamodzi, mukufunika nthawi tsopano yokonzanso ubongo wanu ndikukonza zinthu zanu.
DZIWANI ZOKHUDZA ZANU, NDIPE KUKHALA WAMWAMWAMBA
Kuopa kutaya mnzako si chifukwa chokwanira chosinthira. Sizingakuthandizeni paulendo wautali. Mukusowa zifukwa zanu, zolimbikitsa zomwe zimapitilira "Ndiyenera kuyimilira apo ayi achokapo." Muyenera kupeza WHY. Ndibwino ngati NTHAWI YANU muli 'zabwino' ndipo zili kwa inu (monga “Ndikufuna kuti ndikhale ndi chibwenzi chogonana komanso zogonana.”)
Mutha kuwona vutoli ngati chizolowezi ndikupachika chipewa chanu pachipembedzo kuti chikuthandizeni (ndipo sindikugogoda pano) koma pochita izi, mumapewa kuchita zomwezi. Zimakupatsani mwayi wosavuta woti "Ndawonongeka, chifukwa chake ndikusowa thandizo la Mulungu" kapena "Ndine wosuta, motero sindizilamulira."
Mumadzilamulira nokha. Ndipo nkhaniyi siikusonyeza kudziona ngati wofunika. Ndikukulimbikitsani kuti muione ngati mdani. Ndipo mukulimbana nayo.
Mukagwa, mukazembera, siyani kuziona ngati zolephera zanu. M'malo mwake, yesani ngati wankhondo. Zofooka zili kuti? Aphedwe iwo. Kodi mdani ali ndi mphamvu zochuluka kuposa inu? Dziwani izi (mwachitsanzo ngati zikuwonekeratu kuti Facebook imakuyambitsani, chotsani gehena, nthawi.) Ndikuyambiranso. Ndinu wamkulu komanso wankhondo. Ndinu msirikali komanso waluntha. Onani PMO ngati mdani pamoyo wanu, kuukwati wanu (wamtsogolo kapena wamtsogolo) ndipo mumenye nkhondo moyenera. Dziloleni kuti muyang'ane zonsezo moyenera, m'malo mongokhala ndi 'zolakwazo' zilizonse zolephera. Si. Simuli izi. Ndinu amphamvu kuposa izi. Mutha kuigonjetsa. Koma muyenera kukweza mutu wanu kuti mukamenye nkhondo, ndipo muthane nawo moyenera.
Padzakhala nthawi zomwe chiyembekezo chonse chidzatayika. Nthawi imeneyo, onetsani kanema wanu wankhondo kapena pulogalamu ya pa TV yomwe mumakonda (kuyambira nyengo 5 ya Babylon 3 ndi 4 mpaka Terminator. Chilichonse chomwe chimayandama pa bwato lanu). Onani zolaula ndi kufalikira ngati mdani wanu. Bwererani mmbuyo, fufuzani zida zanu, chitetezo chanu. Pumirani. Sinthani njira yanu.
Pezani chifukwa chanu chogonjetsera. Ndipo zindikirani kuti monga dziko lathu lenileni, kupambana sikudzakhala kwanthawizonse. Dziko lamphamvu, wankhondo, chifukwa, nthawi zonse ayenera kudziwa adani omwe angalimbane nawo. Popita nthawi, mphamvu zanu zizikunyamulani, ndipo kuthana ndi zoyambitsa kudzakhala ngati Neo atha "kuwona" zonse mu Matrix: zopanda ntchito.
Khalani ndi mtima. Khalani amphamvu. Ndipo chitani mofulumira kuposa kale.
Nthawi imadikira munthu aliyense.