LINKT TO THREAD -Nice Guy Symdrome. Nkhani yofunika kwambiri kwa ophatikiza / owerenga zolaula.
Tsopano ndikuwerenga buku lonena za Nice Guy Symdrome. Wolemba adatchula zambiri za "Nice Guys" zomwe ndikufuna kugawana nanu. Poyamba ndinali "Nice Guy" isanafike vuto langa la NoFap - ndikusintha tsopano. Ndikuganiza kuti anyamata mudzadzizindikiritsa nokha ndi zambiri mwazomwezi. Mfundo imodzi yomwe wolemba sakudziwa: "Nice Guy Syndrom" ndi YONSE yokhudzana ndi kubzala. Ndikuthokoza Mulungu ndi NoFap pondipulumutsa. Nazi:
Amuna a Nice Guys ndi opatsa. Amuna a Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amanena kuti zimawapangitsa kumva bwino kupatsa ena. Amuna awa amakhulupirira kuti kuwolowa manja kwawo ndi chizindikiro cha momwe alili abwino ndipo kudzapangitsa anthu ena kuwakonda ndi kuwayamikira.
Nice Guys amakonza ndi kusamalira. Ngati munthu ali ndi vuto, ali ndi chosowa, wakwiya, wakhumudwa kapena wachisoni, Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amayesa kuthetsa kapena kukonza vutoli (nthawi zambiri popanda kufunsidwa).
Anthu a Nice Guy amafuna kuvomerezedwa ndi ena. Khalidwe lofala la Nice Guy Syndrome ndi kufuna kutsimikiziridwa ndi ena. Chilichonse chimene munthu wa Nice Guy amachita kapena kunena chimakhala ndi cholinga chofuna kuvomerezedwa ndi wina kapena kupewa kutsutsidwa. Izi ndi zoona makamaka paubwenzi wawo ndi akazi.
Anthu Abwino Amapewa Mikangano. Anthu Abwino Amafuna Kuti Dziko Lawo Likhale Losalala. Kuti achite izi, amapewa kuchita zinthu zomwe zingakhumudwitse kapena kukhumudwitsa aliyense.
Amuna a Nice Guys amakhulupirira kuti ayenera kubisa zofooka ndi zolakwa zawo. Amuna awa amaopa kuti ena angawakwiyire, kuwachititsa manyazi, kapena kuwasiya ngati cholakwika kapena chofooka china chavumbulidwa.
Nice Guys amafunafuna njira "yoyenera" yochitira zinthu. Nice Guys amakhulupirira kuti pali chinsinsi chokhala ndi moyo wosangalala komanso wopanda mavuto. Amatsimikiza kuti ngati angathe kupeza njira yoyenera yochitira chilichonse, palibe chomwe chiyenera kusokonekera.
Amuna Abwino amaletsa malingaliro awo. Amuna Abwino amakonda kusanthula m'malo momva. Amatha kuwona malingaliro ngati kutaya nthawi ndi mphamvu. Nthawi zambiri amayesetsa kusunga malingaliro awo mofanana.
A Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amayesa kukhala osiyana ndi abambo awo. A Nice Guys ambiri amanena kuti ali ndi abambo osapezeka, osakhalapo, osachitapo kanthu, okwiya, okonda zachiwerewere, kapena oledzera. Sizachilendo kuti amuna awa apange chisankho nthawi ina m'miyoyo yawo chofuna kukhala osiyana ndi abambo awo pa madigiri 180.
A Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amakhala omasuka kukhala ndi akazi kusiyana ndi amuna. Chifukwa cha ubwana wawo, a Nice Guys ambiri ali ndi mabwenzi ochepa achimuna. A Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amafunafuna kuvomerezedwa ndi akazi ndipo amadziona kuti ndi osiyana ndi amuna ena. Amakonda kukhulupirira kuti sali odzikonda, okwiya, kapena ankhanza - makhalidwe omwe amawagwirizanitsa ndi amuna "ena".
Amuna a Nice Guys amavutika kuika zosowa zawo patsogolo. Amuna awa nthawi zambiri amaona kuti ndi kudzikonda kuika zosowa zawo patsogolo. Amaona kuti ndi khalidwe labwino kuika zosowa za ena patsogolo pa zawo.
A Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amaika wokondedwa wawo pakati pa malingaliro awo. A Nice Guys ambiri amanena kuti amakhala osangalala pokhapokha ngati wokondedwa wawo ali wosangalala. Chifukwa chake nthawi zambiri amaika mphamvu zambiri paubwenzi wawo wapamtima.
Kodi Cholakwika Ndi Kukhala Mnyamata Wabwino?
Titha kuyesedwa kuti tipewe vuto la Nice Guy Syndrome. Pambuyo pake, kukhala okoma kungakhale bwanji choipa chotere? Tikhozanso kunyansidwa ndi makhalidwe a Marvin Milquetoast a amuna awa monga momwe amachitira ndi zojambulajambula ndi malo otulutsa TV. Popeza anthu akuyimira zovuta pa chikhalidwe chathu, kujambula kwa mnyamata wovuta kungakhale chinthu chosangalatsa m'malo modandaula.
Nice Guys nawonso nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi nthawi yovuta kumvetsetsa kuzama kwa zikhulupiriro zawo ndi machitidwe awo. Ndikayamba kugwira ntchito ndi amuna osangalatsa awa, pafupifupi osasankha, onse amafunsa, "Cholakwika ndi chiyani kukhala Nice Guy?" Mutatenga bukuli ndikusokoneza mutuwo, mwina mungakhale mukuganiza chimodzimodzi.
Powapatsa amunawa dzina loti Nice Guy, sindikunena za machitidwe awo enieni, koma kuzikhulupiriro zawo zazikulu za iwo komanso dziko lowazungulira. Amuna awa akhala okhulupirira kuti ngati ali "abwino," adzakondedwa, kupeza zosowa zawo, ndikukhala moyo wabwino.
Dzina lakuti Nice Guy kwenikweni ndi wosokoneza chifukwa anyamata a Nice nthawi zambiri amakhala abwino. Nazi makhalidwe ena Osati-So-Nice a Guys Nice:
Amuna a Nice Guys ndi osakhulupirika. Amuna awa amabisa zolakwa zawo, amapewa mikangano, amanena zomwe akuganiza kuti anthu akufuna kumva, ndipo amaletsa malingaliro awo. Makhalidwe amenewa amachititsa kuti Amuna a Nice Guys akhale osakhulupirika kwenikweni. Amuna a Nice Guys ndi osunga chinsinsi. Chifukwa chakuti amafunitsitsa kufunafuna kuvomerezedwa, Amuna a Nice Guys amabisa chilichonse chomwe amakhulupirira kuti chingakhumudwitse aliyense. Mwambi wa Nice Guy ndi wakuti, "Ngati poyamba simupambana, bisani umboni."
A Nice Guys amagawidwa m'magulu. A Nice Guys ndi akatswiri pogwirizanitsa mfundo zotsutsana zokhudza iwo okha mwa kuzigawa m'magulu osiyanasiyana m'maganizo mwawo. Chifukwa chake, mwamuna wokwatira akhoza kupanga tanthauzo lake la kukhulupirika lomwe limamulola kukana kuti anali pachibwenzi ndi mlembi wake (kapena wophunzira) chifukwa sanaikepo mbolo yake mu nyini ya mkaziyo.
A Nice Guys ndi okonda kusokoneza anthu. A Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amavutika kuyika zosowa zawo patsogolo ndipo amavutika kupempha zomwe akufuna m'njira zomveka bwino komanso zolunjika. Izi zimapangitsa kuti azimva ngati alibe mphamvu. Chifukwa chake, nthawi zambiri amagwiritsa ntchito njira zosokoneza anthu pofuna kukwaniritsa zosowa zawo.
A Nice Guys akulamulira. Chofunika kwambiri kwa a Nice Guys ndikusunga dziko lawo bwino. Izi zimapangitsa kuti nthawi zonse aziyesetsa kulamulira anthu ndi zinthu zomwe zimawazungulira.
Nice Guys amapereka kuti alandire . Ngakhale kuti Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amakhala opatsa mowolowa manja, kupereka kwawo nthawi zambiri kumakhala ndi zinthu zomwe sizikudziwika komanso zosamveka. Amafuna kuyamikiridwa, amafuna kubwezera, amafuna kuti wina asiye kuwakwiyira, ndi zina zotero. Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amanena kuti amakhumudwa kapena kukwiya chifukwa chopereka zambiri koma akuoneka kuti amalandira zochepa.
Achinyamata Abwino ndi aukali osachitapo kanthu. Achinyamata Abwino amakonda kusonyeza kukhumudwa kwawo ndi mkwiyo wawo m'njira zosalunjika, zozungulira, komanso zosasangalatsa. Izi zikuphatikizapo kusapezeka, kuiwala, kuchedwa, kusatsatira, kusatha kuimirira, kufika pachimake mofulumira kwambiri, komanso kubwereza machitidwe omwewo okhumudwitsa ngakhale atalonjeza kuti sadzawachitanso.
A Nice Guys ali ndi mkwiyo wodzaza ndi mkwiyo. Ngakhale kuti a Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amakana kuti sanakwiyepo, kukhumudwa ndi mkwiyo wa moyo wonse kumapangitsa kuti amunawa ayambe kukwiya kwambiri. Mkwiyo umenewu umayamba nthawi zina zosayembekezereka komanso zosayenerera.
Anthu a Nice Guys ndi oledzera. Khalidwe loledzera limagwira ntchito yochepetsa nkhawa, kusintha maganizo, kapena kuchiritsa ululu. Popeza anthu a Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amabisa zambiri m'maganizo mwawo, liyenera kutuluka kwinakwake. Chimodzi mwa zizolowezi zoledzera zomwe zimafala kwambiri kwa anthu a Nice Guys ndi chilakolako chogonana.
Anthu a Nice Guys amavutika kukhazikitsa malire. Anthu ambiri a Nice Guys amavutika kunena kuti “ayi,” “ima,” kapena “ndipita.” Nthawi zambiri amamva ngati anthu osathandiza ndipo amaona munthu winayo ngati amene amayambitsa mavuto omwe akukumana nawo.
Anthu a Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amakhala okhaokha. Ngakhale kuti anthu a Nice Guys amafuna kukondedwa, makhalidwe awo amachititsa kuti anthu azivutika kuwayandikira kwambiri.
Anthu a Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amakopeka ndi anthu ndi zochitika zomwe zimafunika kukonzedwa. Khalidweli nthawi zambiri limakhala chifukwa cha khalidwe la Nice Guy la ubwana, kufunitsitsa kwake kuoneka bwino, kapena kufuna kwake kuvomerezedwa. Mwatsoka, chizolowezichi chimatsimikizira kuti anthu a Nice Guys adzathera nthawi yawo yambiri akuyatsa moto ndikuthana ndi mavuto.
A Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amakhala ndi mavuto muubwenzi wapamtima. Ngakhale kuti a Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amaika patsogolo kwambiri gawo ili la moyo wawo, maubwenzi awo apamtima nthawi zambiri amakhala gwero la mavuto ndi kukhumudwa. Mwachitsanzo: l A Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amakhala omvera oipa chifukwa amakhala otanganidwa kwambiri kuyesa kupeza momwe angadzitetezere kapena kukonza vuto la wina. l Chifukwa cha mantha awo a mikangano, nthawi zambiri amakhala osakhulupirika ndipo nthawi zambiri sapezeka kuti athetse vuto lonse. l Sizachilendo kuti a Nice Guys apange ubale ndi okondedwa awo omwe amawakhulupirira kuti ndi "mapulojekiti" kapena "diamondi m'mavuto." Pamene mapulojekitiwa sakukonzedwa bwino monga momwe amayembekezera, a Nice Guys amakonda kuimba mlandu okondedwa awo chifukwa chowaletsa kusangalala.
A Nice Guys ali ndi mavuto okhudzana ndi kugonana. Ngakhale kuti a Nice Guys ambiri amakana kuti ali ndi mavuto okhudzana ndi kugonana, sindinakumanepo ndi munthu amene sakukhutira ndi moyo wake wogonana, ali ndi vuto la kugonana (sangathe kupeza kapena kusunga chigololo, amatha msanga), kapena wachitapo zachiwerewere (kudzera mu chigololo, uhule, zolaula, kudziseweretsa maliseche mokakamiza, ndi zina zotero).
A Nice Guys nthawi zambiri amakhala opambana pang'ono. Ambiri mwa a Nice Guys omwe ndakumana nawo anali aluso, anzeru, komanso opambana pang'ono. Komabe, pafupifupi onse, amalephera kukwaniritsa zomwe angathe.
Ndikungofuna kugawana nanu lingaliro lina, tulukani mu unyolo: Ndinaphunzira kukhala wolephera . Abambo anga ndi amayi anga anandiphunzitsa kukhala wolephera. Iwo ndi banja langa lonse ankanditsutsa nthawi zonse, nthawi zonse ankayesetsa kundikhumudwitsa. Ndinapambana chilichonse . Ndimaphunzira ku yunivesite yabwino kwambiri m'dziko langa. Ndimawerenga mabuku ambiri ndipo ndine munthu wodziwa bwino za chikhalidwe. Ndinayamba kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi chaka chino, tsopano ndili mu mkhalidwe wamasewera. Ndimalankhula zilankhulo zinayi. Ndinagonjetsa mantha anga ambiri. Ndinamanga umunthu wanga, umunthu wanga. Ngakhale kuti panalibe china chake: Chinali kukula. Ndinali woledzera ndipo chinali kuwonongabe moyo wanga. Koma tsopano ndigonjetsanso khalidweli, ndili kale pa tsiku la 77 ndipo sindidzapambananso. Monga ndidanenera Ndinapambana chilichonse . Chomwe ndinganene ndichakuti: Ndine munthu watsopano tsopano ndipo ndi chiyambi chabe.