I am now 25 years old. I look back on my life and I only have one word for it – regret. My story starts at about 17 years old, entering college for the first time. I was bright eyed, bushy-tailed, and I had a raging fire inside of me – determined to annihilate my schoolwork and have a great social life full of parties and girls. Unfortunately, college did not turn out to what I thought it would be.
I had no confidence in myself or my ability to have women attracted to me. I had few friends, but people generally treated me like trash. Girls didn’t have that “sparkle” in their eye around me, guys considered me a “beta male”. Didn’t help that I was 145 at 6 foot with an ego made of glass.
Of course, I was dependent on masturbating to pictures of women on my phone. No real “video” porn yet. I found porn somewhat disturbing and I liked the slideshow of pictures instead. I was doing this in full force, every day from the age of 15. It was a fun, harmless activity – then.
Soon thereafter, days after days after days of depression settled on me. It was like I was living for no reason. Everything had become dead. I wanted nothing more but to cry in a corner wishing I would stop existing.
I was SO risk averse to the point where I backed out of going on study abroad my junior year of college. I was going to submit the form I filled out on the deadline date but my hands froze when it came to the “submit” button. I couldn’t do it. I made endless excuses… too much money… what if something happens… blah, blah, blah. I now regret that decision entirely. Many of my friends said it was a formative experience in their lives, one they’ll always treasure. Now, who knows when or if I’ll be able to travel like that…
I of course, was kept safe in my cocoon at home with all the pleasures and comforts one could ask. Junk food…video games…and of course…porn. By this point, the pictures escalated into full blown videos.
Depression and anxiety escalated while my ability to focus was absolutely trashed…and I wondered why.
I came across NoFap when I was 22 after googling “sex transmutation” from Think and Grow Rich, a book I was reading. No wonder my college experience had been shit. By then, it was too late. I spent 2+ years attempting to get this down.
Where was this when I was deep in the depths of depression? Where was this when I was around a lot of young, single, and eager women? Where was this when I needed to rise up as a man?
If you have any doubt about what pmo has done, I’ll tell you:
PMO took away my drive, my confidence, my charisma, my willingness, my will, my focus, it destroyed my relationship with my parents, my early years, my potential relationships with women, my sex drive…
It took it all guys. Everything.
I could have been so much greater. I could have been living an enviable life. I could have had a great job, great girlfriend… I wish I never started this fucking habit. Now, I’m 5 years away from 30. I pissed away about 3 years in my early 20s hiding away from life when I should have been attacking it head on, punching it in the face with all I had.
For all you guys in your teenage years and college.. stop this shit NOW. Engage with real life. Put down the stimulation. Your future self will reap the actions of your past. Make sure its one worth remembering.