Hi, I am (John), LoseMyselfToSaveMyself.
I had never heard of the NoFap program before January of 2018.
It was when I cried out to God that I was addicted to M, that mysteriously, NoFap started appearing in my feeds. What was this, some kind of new millennial terminology?
But since there was a community online, I was psyched! I didn’t have to hide in the shadows, I didn’t have live the way I was, which was like a scum of excrement under some debris in the ghetto.
I had been on the PMO for 28 years (this was just before my 44th birthday).
During 28 years, I feel that the most non fap time I collected was maybe 2 months, to be generous.
2 months = 60 days divided by ~ 30 years = 2 days per year I was non fap
I got obsessed with the new information (after figuring out what it was), and put together a 16 day streak. It was my longest ever by a wide margin, obviously.
There was not much of a change for the first 7 days. I had some cravings, but I was willing to fight them off, and see if I could complete this new “reboot” thing.
Days 8 – 12 were not so easy. That’s when I got sick! It felt like a fever or the flu. I knew it wasn’t. The reason was because the symptoms kept changing every few hours or so. My body temperature was bouncing, struggling to maintain homeostasis.
During that time, which was a freezing winter, I would feel hot, then I would freeze and back again. Sometimes my neck would burn and my face was cold. The weirdest part was when the right half of my chest was cold and the other was hot. I couldn’t have made it up, even though I am a writer.
I suffered through, cell in one hand, ready to dial 9-1-1, but I didn’t. It was totally worth it, this withdrawal. On Day 13, I woke up, and I cracked my head on the ceiling!
I was standing 10 feet tall. My voice was louder, my fear was gone, I could think clearly, and my reflexes were way, way faster. This was some kind of transformation! Who was I now, a superhero or something?
The first thing I did was write a book. I discovered that I could self-publish for free. (don’t worry, I won’t promote those things here on this site!) I pumped out a book in 5 days. On the sixth day, I did a power edit, and published it.
But since my energy had gotten so off the charts, I had a problem. I couldn’t sleep, I was in a near-constant hyperactive state. Since I’d had a history of bipolar, I became manic, and had to go into the hospital on Day 16.
It is always embarrassing to be in a manic state. I hate it, and avoid it like the plague.
The doctors at the asylum, as normal, took me off of all sleep meds. For about four days, I thrashed around in the bed, while the drunk next to me snored in exponential decibels.
My mental illness reached a new acuity. I started to go into a deep psychosis. I couldn’t think anymore. My very thoughts were completely incoherent. How could I go on like this? The hospital had found a way, yet again to complicate my already-fragile mind.
My mind spun in bizarre circles. Trying to understand my thoughts was like making sense of a Jackson Pollack. I reached into an electric socket, hoping to electrocute myself in the hospital. Nothing happened.
Finally, I begged the substitute psychiatrist to give me my sleep drug back. I didn’t go into all the details of the “why”. Doctors never believe the patient. But, she agreed.
Up to that point I had relapsed in the hospital on fapping because it was the only thing I could think to do that would make me sleep. It was a mistake. With the drugs back in tow, I started sleeping again, and finally I got out.
Back at home I was in the chaser until Feb 6, 2018 and made a major comeback – I did a complete reboot, 97 days!
It was the best 97 days of my life. I did so many things, it was amazing; I wrote another book, built a site, got hired by an internet radio station, got fired by the radio station, started a pod cast, started playing music again, and much more.
In 2018, I logged a 170+ days total. I picked up a lot of singles, and medium streaks.
My last thought, (my list of achievements are at the bottom) is that this program works so well, I wish I’d heard of this when I was much younger. I knew PMO was not right, but yet, I couldn’t get away. I thought all men did this thing, and accepted it.
This batch of outsiders, the attendees and creators of this site, are the people who know how important NoFap is, or pmo abstinence. It’s awesome, and my prayer is that every guy who is in the madness becomes aware of what is here, and willing to make the change.
Anyway, here are the things I achieved in 2018:
1. Journalling on here as if it is going out of style!
2. Published 6 books (one was already written by me some years back, and just needed editing)
3. Performed at about 60 or more open stages
4. Recorded a 10 song album (rock)
5. Switched styles of music to Christian Contemporary
6. Recorded 3 singles (singles come out in early 2019)
7. LOST 100 lbs.
8. Became a yogi
9. Became a Personal trainer (certified)
10. Finally got through all 12 steps in a step workshop, which was emotionally brutal
11. Got out of my crap car, got a better car, with no lien
12. Became a distance runner, I usually run about 3 miles a day or more. I have run 8 miles twice this year, non stop
13. Did 30 one hour episodes of a life improvement podcast
14. Started also running for speed, getting my single lap time below 30 seconds ( under a 6 minute mile)
15. Learned to meditate, read Mindfulness for Beginners
16. Read the Bible (definitely not the first time)
17. Had a “good dream” (not wet)
18. Corresponded with a “public official” (still have those letters)
19. Got kicked out of a gym for going too fast on an elliptical
20. Quit caffeine and sugar (helped with the weight loss)
21. Tested much higher on the IQ test (I’m less of an idiot)
22. Enjoyed indoor climbing, mostly lateralling
I love who I am today. Thank you Alexander & NoFap!