Rebooting Accounts: Page 1

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Rebooting to end porn addictionIn the links below the text you will find over 2,000 first-hand accounts of people's rebooting (recovery) experiences. We created a second Rebooting Accounts page, as our system can't handle so much success on a single page. In addition, 8 web-pages containing shorter porn-induced ED recovery stories can be found here (so first-hand recovery accounts now total well over 4,500).

If supplied by the author, a rebooting account starts with the age. Some begin with length of the reboot, others with a quote from the author. Almost all rebooting accounts contain a link to the original post, and most have a user name.

You'll also see a lot of 90-day reports. A common misconception is that YBOP suggests 90 days as a rebooting period. It doesn't. Lengths vary because goals vary. Many choose to write up a report at 90 days, but note that most have relapsed several times before achieving a 90-day streak.

Many more recovery accounts are found in these six sections, and scattered throughout the website:

  1. This page contains "advice columns" written by recovering porn addicts
  2. This page contains links to off-site blogs and threads chronicling recovery from porn addiction.
  3. A few 90-Day+ Reports from reddit.com NoFap
  4. 8 pages of shorter stories describing recovery from porn-induced ED: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
  5. The Other Porn Experiment - Below the article read several pages of short stories and "rebooting benefits"
  6. In addition, there are many mini-accounts in What benefits do people see as they reboot?

Commonly used abbreviations:

  • ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  • PIED = Porn-induced Erectile Dysfunction
  • DE = Delayed Ejaculation
  • PE = Premature Ejaculation
  • PMO = Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm
  • MO = Masturbation & Orgasm
  • HOCD = Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • SOCD = Sexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • gf - Girlfriend
  • SO = Significant Other
  • Fap or fapping = Masturbation

This seems to be a typical feature of recovery:

I am proud of living without PMO for two weeks. I'm single but I rely on friends, family, yoga, massage, exercise, and breathing to get by each day. I am learning many natural ways of relaxing and coping with my brain and environment. I'm more relaxed, generous, and appreciative with people. However, I feel great pain, lethargy, apathy, sadness, frustration and loneliness sometimes. The frequency and duration of my time in the Pits is definitely decreasing. There's a lot of comfort remembering that, whenever my dopamine needle drops real low. One problem with improvement is that we forget how messed up we were when we started. LOL

Rebooting is not linear (repeat this slowly, several times) - That is, each day isn't better than the last. There are ups and downs, although the trend over time is upward. Meanwhile, neurochemically induced mood swings (The Pits) continue for a while. Some people say these mood swings don't decrease in severity for a long while (graph by young rebooter). What changes is that they decrease in frequency, and they pass more quickly when they happen. So it gets easier and easier to just let them pass, and to turn to a healthy distraction (exercise, socializing, a rewiring exercise, doing something productive, and so forth).

Also, watch out for the good days:

Some of my relapses in fact happened on quite successful/happy days, like my mind was on some kind of dopamine rush and slipped to the porn without me having noticed. So keep in mind, self-control is always necessary, even if everything seems to be going just fine.

This man decided to graph his rebooting experience:

I've done 3 graphs, mood on y-axis, day since last MO on x-axis. First is the raw data, not surprisingly very choppy. Shows non-linearity nicely. The other two are rolling 3-day average and rolling 6-day average. Non-linearity still apparent. Note: I didn't know what to put for the first 5 days because they were all over the place, so I just put alternating 8 and 0.
 

Raw data graph

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

3-day rolling graph

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 
 
6-day rolling graph

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone's experience is somewhat different. It's an adventure to observe how the changes in the brain show up in your body and emotions. Said one guy:

All of these forces are at work: Erections, morning erections, orgasm/urge to orgasm, feeling of horniness etc. I feel like during the rewiring, these forces have all been there, but they are all kind of marching to their own beat. There have been times where I had the urge to O but wasn't horny and didn't have an erection. There have been times when I have felt really horny and felt nothing downstairs. There have been long spans of days where I would wake up with an erection and, after it was gone, I would be in complete flatline the rest of the day. But days like day 16, my brief relationship from days 22 to 35, and most importantly day 48 have shown me that things start working more harmoniously as time goes on.

Comments

So Im one of those who got hooked at a very delicate point in my life so Its going to take me a Long While to recover but I learn More and more every day it helps that I write things down sometimes and relies that every time I think Iv relapse because I'v looked up P You can always stop at anytime while viewing and don't think ow iv already messed up because Im looking at P best thing for you to do is stop looking shut whole browser down by closing out from corner take a minute for your pal to fall back into its slumber and say to yourself I have not relapsed but next time I wont get this close.
And say I have resisted PMO and I have already grown from this experience next time I might not even have to close the window because I have not searched p.
Just remember that every time you resist you win a little more each time until there's no war to fight.

I'm proud to fight my dark passenger.

i have been on this no pmo thing before and was never able to make it to the 5 day mark....however this time i made up my mind and waws determined to not cave in no matter what... today was day 9 of my no pmo and i binged..i gave into fantasies and masturbated though i wasnt even perfectly hard.... i knew somewhere in my mind that i was succumbing to anxieties. but the moment i ejaculated i felt a deep sense of betraying mnyself... i now feel like a loser.. can i ever get out of this??

the fact that i masturbated today...does it mean that i am back to day 1????

i am not in denial.... but i choose the reality i accept.

You may want to See this FAQ - I relapsed or am in danger of relapse. (EMERGENCY MEASURES)

Have you installed a porn filter? Have you checked out tools for change. Usually one needs to address many aspects of their life when they have an addiction.

Counting is all psychological - it's what happens in your brain that counts. Just start again.

I have been reading all the very interesting stuff in this site, which has helped immensly, so thanks for doing this. I still am unsure about the right combination to solve my problem.

Basically, I'm 47 and trying to recover from an internet porn / masturbation addiction that I have slowly developped over a very long period, say 10 years, without even realizing what was happening. Like many, I knew something was wrong when I found myself preferring internet porn to real women.
For 3 months now, I have a new partner whom I'm in love with and with whow we share great sex. As a result I have totally and easily given internet porn up.
The problem is the main symptom of my addiction is that I can initially get an erection with my partner, but have trouble maintaing it, especially when it comes to penetration. Also, I can only climax by masturbating myself, with her "assistance". This has improved a little, in that I have actually climaxed once during penetration.
My partner is very understanding and is totally helpful, also in this sense. Having said that, I get no more stimuli from pornography: mentally I'm totally with her, but physically I'm not, which drives me crazy.
One solution is ED drugs, the smallest dose of which I can find is Levitra 5 mg, which works wonders. When I take it the sex is fantastic, though I have trouble climaxing. Note: we live apart, so meet for weekends mostly, during which we have sex every day, but it is a bit like binges, which I someimtes feel puts pressure on me to perform.

So:
ME: I have given up porn very happily for the real thing about 3 months ago, but have trouble having good complete sexual relations, unless I masturbate, and/or take Levitra. When with her I'm totally focused on her, and this has been improving with ups and downs.
HER: she is totally cool about the whole thing, loves the sex (I try to find "alternatives" if my friend down there doesn't help me out) and is very good at taking the performance anxiety off me.

QUESTION: when having sex, should I give up masturbation, and therefore orgasm, for a rebooting period, and only have penetrative sex by using ED drugs?
Or, if it is true that the problem lies in the motivation (i.e. porn) not in the act, and given that I (think) I am only motivated by her, can I carry on climaxing manually with my partner, and wait for things to improve gradually over time?

In other words, given I have substituted my desire for porn with my desire for her, is there a link between masturbation and porn that sneakily carries on in my mind? Is my brain fooling me?

Have you read the ED FAQ? Or rebooting? I suggest reading both if you haven't as it's all explained. Check out this faq Rebooting with a partner

As it says in various accounts, rebooting with a partner helps things but also complicates them. In my experience the problem is masturbation. I get initially aroused and do fine with manual and oral stimulation by my partner, including reaching orgasm (though always by means of her manual stimulation), but as soon as I try penetration....... catastrophe. I'm totally off internet porn, never think of the stuff, am crazy about my partner and am always instantly aroused by her, but I can't do what I feel I should. I'm only capable of oral and manual sex, and this is very frustrating.

We are now going to try a month of total abstinence on my part. No orgasm for me, but lots of fooling around and of my stimulating her orally and manually (which seems to be positive in most accounts).

I'll keep you informed.........

as to how it goes. The more input we gather the better.

4 months without P, 10 days without MO

I am rebooting with a partner, and though I gave up porn 4 months ago, I kept masturbation (by myself or my partner, as this was the only way I couldreach orgasm) and found I wasn't getting anywhere. I fact the ED got worse.
10 days ago we agreed to stop M and O on my part. We do a lot of oral, and even penetration (ED allowing), but no M and no O for me. Things are improving. My libido is growing and we're intimate very often. Penetration lasts longer and longer and there are encouraging signs of ED getting better. I very nearly reached O when doing it doggy style but pulled back in time.

I stopped watching all porn in September, and besides once, have never had any desire to do so again. I was motivated by the fact I was really keen to have successful sex with my partner, so once I had understood the PD mechanism thanks to the excellent videos on this site, I never found it very hard to give up. I think the fact I wanted to be intimate with my girlfriend was in itself the strongest motivation and really made the difference. I'm not sure it would have been as easy if I had been alone struggling with my desire to masturbate every day.

Because of my ED problems I would lose wood during penetrative sex, so just over a month ago we decided to leave out all masturbation, the only way I could reach orgasm, out of our sexual encounters. Everything else was allowed, including oral and (attempted) penetrative sex. This did slowly bring me to the brink of orgasm, and was in no way the "gentle sex" spoken of elsewhere in this site. I would always make it fun for her, pleasuring her orally or manually. When she practiced oral sex on me (but no manual stimulation) I found myself getting always closer to orgasm, but never quite got there. I would go to sleep with a sense of excitement and frustration and often dreamt of sex. About 3 weeks ago I started having orgasms only with oral sex but no manual stimulation. At first this worried me, because I thought it would slow things down, but then I reasoned that if the lymbic system works in a mechanical reward/punishment way, it made sense to reward it for the behaviour I wanted, so I decided that I would definitely leave porn and masturbation out, but if I reached orgasm with non-manual sex, that was ok.
I have found this has accelerated the rebooting. Yesterday I had penetrative sex (4 months with no porn and 5 weeks with no masturbation) in different positions with an almost complete erection from beginning to end, and reached an orgasm when I felt like it. It's miraculous how much has changed in 3 months.

My partner's role has been crucial in all this. She has been supportive and loving in all of this, and the fact we have had sex, no matter how succesfully, has somehow prevented me from becoming sexually frustrated, which I feel would have been a source of temptation to fall back on old behaviours.

It is hard to explain how I feel. It is as if the physical stimulation, without any porn-style fantasies, and the actual physiological reaction are directly connected again. For instance if I touch myself while reading a book or doing something else, but never with visual stimulation, I get an erection. It's as if fantasies play a much smaller role, or none at all, in the whole mechanism of erection-orgasm. Naturally watc hing her sucking me is exciting, and that is a concern because it does somehow reconduce everything to porn, but then I am the one actually having it done to me, not some guy on the computer screen..... and that is the fundamental difference if you think about it.....

A few notes for others reading:

You are 47, and did not start on Internet porn, and had many years of the real deal under your belt before starting Internet porn. This makes a huge difference. Younger guys, who start on Internet porn are wired to need extreme novelty.

Here's what we consistently see:

  1. Older guys, with partners, may recover their erectile health while still having occasional orgasms with their partner (but not always)
  2. All these guys are 35 or older
  3. All are in a close relationship

Note that 8 weeks is the normal for older guys - if they drastically reduce or eliminate orgasms. Yet you needed 4 months. So I would assume orgasms slowed your recovery. I do say that even with orgasms, one can recover, as long as you are patient you should get there.

However, we have not seen a young guy (with porn-induced ED), who started early on Internet porn, recover while having regular orgasms. Only  a few older guys. 

I wouldn't be surprised if young guys with ED can recover while having orgasms with a partner, but from all reports its takes a long time. And it appears to be a fragile recovery as they bounce in and out of no libido and up and down erections. All the guys who have tried  to recover while having regular orgasms, have stopped posting or stopped emailing me.

I am very happy for you. Congratulations.

Thank you for this website!! It's exactly what I needed. I've tried to kick the PMO habit before, but was always tripped up by edging, the chaser effect, and even if I got past those two hurdles, I would freak out at flat-lining and come running back to PMO. You've given me a map to where I'm headed (normal sex with real women), and I just know in my bones I'll get there. I'm now at 3 weeks into no PMO. Relapsed to PMO once, and even though I didn't get fully erect, I could not believe the intensity of the dopamine rush I got! Very powerful excitation - tingling, dry mouth, and even trembling. I hadn't felt that kind of rush since I was at the height of puberty and got an unexpected view up a girl's skirt! I got a wicked chaser effect after this first relapse that had me back for a second PMO relapse in about an hour from that first relapse. I felt terrible, but came back to YBOP and found several guys' experiences with the same thing! I literally could not do this without the information and support from YBOP.

Two things I wanted to confirm from other guys rebooting accounts:

1) Not touching my groin area really helps. I used to unconsciously let my hand drop to my lap when sitting at home or at my desk at work, and do this little tap tap tap thing on my package. It sounds so obvious when I write it out, but this is a REALLY bad idea! Stop it!

2) Alternate imagery is helping me rewire the pathways that have been set up by the "fire-together, wire-together" phenomenon. When those images are triggered, by a word, image on TV, or real world scenario, I immediately block the porn image in my head with something neutral. In my case I use (sounds funny I know) a mental image of a polar bear in the arctic! I make this alternate image very detailed - I can see the bear's wet fur, huge paws, the cold wind and snow around, and I repeat (in my head) "polar bear, polar bear, polar bear" until the porn image is defeated. It works great! I know, because if I use this alternate imagery quickly enough, I don't feel any dopamine rush from the porn image.

i had posted earlier about how i had caved in on day 9 and masturbated .. i then made up my mind firm and went on on my no pmo drive.... however i again got carried away by fantasies and masturbated once each on day 18,19,20 and 21.... these cravings are now slowly begiining to take me hostage... i feel like a heroiene addict where i am just not able to let go off the thoughts...

i must also let you know that i have NOT watched porn even once in all these 21 days.... its just masturbating to fantsaies....

i am also meeting my girlfriend in a month and a half(we share a long distance relationship). i am afraid i might not recover form this shit-hole that i am in and end up dissapointing her....

it feels like i am in some sort of a deathtrap ...please help

i am not in denial.... but i choose the reality i accept.

You may have to do more than white knuckling. Are you doing aerobic exercise? Are you attempting meditation? Have you looked under solo tools? Do you have activities that are fun or engaging? Give yourself credit for not using porn.

Hey,

I am a 27 years old german guy and i am out of a 8 years relationship. I didnt notice that porn killed my sexdrive until i got a new girlfriend. whenn i lay in bed with the new girl for the first time there was no arousal and i thought WTF. Why is nothing happening in your pants??? I had porn style sex with my exgirlfriend which probably was the reason why i got aroused with her but the new girl seems to like cuddle sex (at least in the beginnig). Now i am very anxious that i dont get it up with my new one and i dont think about anything else what makes things worse. I just dont wanna loose her :-/.
I started my reboot one week before i got togther with my new girlfriend ( i already know her have a year). I delayed sex with her the first week and then she drove home to her parents for the christmas holidays. Lucky for me but i am in week 4 at the moment. I got through the lifeless dig period and last week my morning wood gradually got better. Last night i had a wet dream with orgasm what i never had in my life before Oo rofl. I woke up with a boner and a big mess. But im still very anxious to meet her again(which will be in 2 days. I am afraid of not getting a boner. DAMN it if only i would have found this site months earlier..... What shell i do what shell i do

yes i have recently started gymming and am regular there. no i dont do any meditation of sort. i am pretty calm throughout the day except for the mornings where i feel the need to release as this has been the habit for almost 3 years now... i guess the anxiety about not recovering in a month is what has been killing me..

i am not in denial.... but i choose the reality i accept.

First, I must thank Gary for this great website which supports me on my recovery.
I began masturbation when I was 14 years old with porn photography or fantasy, and I was married on my 27. However, I kept on masturbation for 2 times a week with porn until the end of October 2011 at the age of 31. On that day, after watching a porn movie of heavy taste, I found that it was difficult to get a hard erection to make love with my wife on that night. I had to manually get it hard to sex with my wife. The erection did not last long, and premature ejaculation occurred. I thought maybe I was tired that day, so I tried again in the next week: once, twice ... The same thing happened again. I thought I lost some of my libido, so I began to watch more porn to stimulate it, and masturbate without orgasm. I could get erection from masturbation with porn or fantasy, but it did not work well when I made love.
This situation lasted for almost 2 weeks, I was so scared and depressed, because I love my wife so much, I want her to enjoy it. Things were worsening in those days, it made me think whether porn and masturbation were the problems, so I decreased the porn and did masturbation without ejaculation but with fantasy. This period lasted about 24 days.
On December 9th, I found yourbrainonporn from google and realized I was desensitized by the porn, I immediately began it without porn, masturbation, fantasy and orgasm, then the situation becomes better and better by the time, I can get morning wood everyday with hard erection, and I can easily get erection by touching the penis without fantasy or porn. On December 25 th I get an amazing gift, I make love with my wife which is very wonderful. and in the following days everything is so good, both of us enjoy it greatly, I am sure I am recovered now.
Now recalling the process, I can divide it into 3 parts:
1. November 1st -14th, stimulation of the libido by more porn and masturbation, which was worsening the situation.
2. November 15- December 8th. Decreasing amount of P M O.
3. December 9th- December 24th, a clean rebooting without PMFO after reading information YBOP.
It takes me about 5 weeks to recover, here are some other things which might be helpful for the reboot.
a. Out of depression, be confident.
b. Do some exercises.
c. Do not stay up too late.
d. A healthy diet.

I'd like to put it up as a rebooting account. Are there any details you want to add before I do?

Gary

Dear Gary, today when I got up, the morning wood was not so hard, and there was no strong libido which made me a little bit anxious. However, I know it is normal during the rebooting process. Maybe I am the critical point now, now I am determined to quit porn at all.
During the rebooting process, communications with my wife is very important to me, she understands it and supports me to do that. And I can feel that during the process she is more and more attractive to me.
Another thing I want to mention: do not force to get an erection if you have no emotion for it, try to avoid testing.
Thanks God for leading me to this website, during the rebooting process, I realize a new life begins: healthy, pure, and full of energy.

As you have read, 5 weeks is on the short side to fully recovery. You have 2 advantages: connection with a partner and you did not start on high speed Internet with videos and crazy genres - like todays kids. I suspect you will need more time. Keep me updated on your progress.

Hi,

I have a question that I could not find an answer to on this side. I have stopped porn and masturbation 24 days ago, the same time I got together with my new girlfriend. We tried to have sex on day 21 but I did not get an erection. I am feeling quite horny but dont have erections and dont have the urge to look at porn at all. I tried to masturbate without any fantasy but it didnt get hard 100% and it took quite long until it was erected. Can it be that I am still in flatline or do I have to worry? I get morning wood every day which is very firm and on day 17 I had the first wet dream with real orgasm in my entire life I think (I am 27 years old). One thing I have to mention is that I came out of a 7 years relationship about 6 months ago.
Please I need someone to talk to because I get more and more nervous.
PS: sorry for the bad English

What I forgot is: As I recognized that porn was my problem I hated it so much that there is not the smallest possibility that I go back to it again. It might be that my new girlfriend is the reason for that but I cant tell for sure. I feel nervous and anxious all the time. I dont know whether or not this is a withdrawal symptom or the fact that I am afraid of loosing my new girlfriend? I want to have sex with her so badly but there is no response in my penis. I never had problems satisfying my old girlfriend....:-(

-maybe combined with some performance anxiety. Your story sounds like most stories we hear. If you are concerned then go to a urologist and have yourself examined.

Ok. Thanks so far. I keep on posting my progress. I hope that my libido will come back soon. In the case of a positve ending ;-) I can write a long rebooting report.

Hi,
the last two days (day 27 and 28 of my reboot) I could notice a change in my libido. I am starting to feel my own libido again. When I lay in bed in the evening and I thought of my girlfriend I started feeling aroused and I let my fantasy flow a little. And after a while I got a good erection (70%-80%) and I felt sensitve. If only my girlfriend would have been around that moment :-). I think that this is the first sign that my libido is coming back (sloooowly).

Hello everyone! This is my 3rd day without P, M , and sex. I have just came across this website and decided to give my brain a reset. I have found that I am declining in performance on bed. I have set my target to be 60 days. I have some question tough, I believe I can stop watching porn but without sex is a bit problem. Can I still have contact with my gf during the reset?

contact with your girlfirend. It's the best way to rewire to the real deal. See: What do I tell my girlfriend? Men suggest to avoid orgasm for awhile for best results.

I see light at the end of the tunnel. My goal was to do 90 days and now its so close I can taste it. Of course I'm not going to start whacking off every second once I meet the goal but I am going to give myself permission to get out there and date and have sex. Given that its been over three years for me I understand it may not be perfect but I think I have reversed the densensitizing process that left me unable to perform. 9 days and then I get my dating life back...

-S.

3 weeks without M, 2 weeks without P, and 2 days without O. I feel very different feelings on a day to day basis, mostly depression, restlessness, guilt, nausea and worst yet is the feeling that I won't be attracted to my girlfriend once it's all over. I hope this gets better.

So today was day 87 of no PMO so I decided to masturbate as I had abstained for the recommended 12 weeks. In the past I used to have to basically just use a couple of fingers and stimulate the center of the shaft as jerking with my whole hand did nothing. This time jerking with my whole hand worked wonders and without fantasizing at all I came pretty quickly. What I think happened was that I had densensitized parts of my penis that would have been stimulated under normal circumstances. Now with normal sensitivity, jerking off like most people do was a great experience and the actual sensation was all I needed to get off.

I remember a few years ago I was having sex with an ex girlfriend and I remember almost getting bored as thrusting wasn't doing much for me. Actually the first time I got off from a blow job a different girl gave me, I remember I had to think about porn. Now, with my sensitivity restored I get it. Sex doesn't require thinking. You shouldn't have to strain to get off. The sensations themselves are what should get you off. I realize that you can't refrain from masterbating forever so now I think the plan is to not do it more than once every six weeks. That way I'm not dulling my senses down there but I'm not depriving myself completely. Thank god for this site as I now realize how addicted I was and how it was affecting me. I knew I was doing well abstaining before but now that I've masterbated and ejaculated based entirely on sensation I can say that things have officially turned around for the better. As Bill Murray once said, today is tomorrow. This marks the end of a very long day...

-S.

This is what we like to hear. Welcome back to the real world. The next stop is real life partner.

Should I gather together your "reboot" from what you have posted or do you want to put it together? We can always add to it, or you can post underneath it.

Hey Gary,
Thanks again. Yeah you can put it together. No problem

-S.

Hi Gary, I've never posted here before, but I've been reading post here for months. I'm 24 and have been a heavy porn user since 14. I'm currently on day 65 of reboot and have masturbated twice without using porn or fantasy.

For a week I may feel great. I get erections just from looking a cute girl. I get random erections about 5-7 times throughout the day. I feel like I'm just about rewired and I'm ready to finally have sex, but this week I feel absolutely nothing. No erections, no energy, the same girls don't even feel as attractive any more. I've been flip flopping like this for the past 4 weeks.

From the posts I've read, it seems like people do have there ups and downs, but it progressively gets better as they reboot. For me, it seems like for 4-7 days I'll be on top of the world, but weeks like this, I feel as though I'm worse than Day 1.

The days when I feeling good, is this my normal libido, or is my body having sudden urges for more porn.

Thanks!

recovery is more linear. For younger guys it can be up and down and take 3-5 months. When did you start porn? Take a look at some of the younger guys who have needed over 100 days. Keep flirting with girls as much as possible.

I gave up P with no regrets in September. My girflriend and I have left M out of all sexual activities since 1 month and I have tried not to reach O, but yesterday I just couldn't resist it anymore. This was done during penetrative sex and with no manual stimulation, something I had almost totally lost the ability to do, so I'm sort of pleased because it is an improvement.

I hope the O will not slow the rebooting down, but the whole experience of sex is becoming very different, much more involving. I feel I almost lose myself in it and wake up an hour later. We take it very slow and my orgasm is never something we work towards.

It seems to be slowly working!

I would like to say thanks for the creator of the site and to everyone supporting this. If it wasn't for this I wouldn't of gotten by life back. I'm 21 years old and have been mastirbating since I was a kid and never saw the consequences of what I'm doing. I was outgoing carefree and popular until the age of 14 I became closed up full of anxiety no confidence, tired all the time. All I cared about was coming home to mastirbate. I have hurt myself all these years without even realizing it but after 3 months of battling this I can say that this is the real deal. I relapsed on day 56 but am currently on day 101. I feel more energetic, confident, and have become popular which is something I never would of thought. I am able to look anyone in the eyes, I don't back out of stressful situations but rather embrace them and I have become a lot closer with the people in my life. I can't put a price on how much my life has changed. I now have a girlfriend who I used to only see to have sex with but now I want something more.

We love to hear reports such as yours. It makes it all worthwhile. I suspect your quote will end up in an article or presentation as you summed it up nicely.

If you want to give any more details on your rebooting process that would great.

 Continued success, Gary

I would like to read that article. I masturbated for so many years thinking it was harmless because I never saw the effects physically. I always had a great sex life and had no problems getting it up or pleasing a girl. All until a year ago I had problems getting up on my own, the girl had to manually simulate me to get it up. I also had major fatigue, no confidence, social anxiety, and no motivation for many years so I blamed this to a medical condition. I went to the doctor and they found nothing wrong with me that's when I knew I had to fight this on my own. I noticed that when I mastirbate I had no problems getting it up that's when I decided to google search my problem. It led me to this website, thank god. It's really a scary thought that I could of still been clueless walking around like a zombie on auto pilot. My reboot worked right away within 10 days I felt energetic, social but I believe I was flatlining because there was nothing down there. Days 10 to 30 were amazing I was on top of the world. But as I've read it's not linear, days 40 on we're back to me being in withdrawal and it discouraged me which led to a relapse in the 50's. The days after I relapsed were hell I felt back to the old me and it wasn't pleasent. I couldn't believe I used to live like that on a daily basis. This motivated me like no other and I decided to get back on track which leads me to day 102. I'm feeling great and I feel like a normal person. My senses are back and I feel like I'm be oming the person I was meant to be. When people saw me in my younger years they saw potential and were disappointed when they saw how I turned out to be, a unmotivated zombie only looking to wack off. Now I feel. Messed that I found this at a young age because I still have many years left to prove that I'm still the same person. Thanks Gary for all your hardwork!!

I just wanted to say that this site really has impacted my life in ways I could never have imagined. I recently began dating a women who I truly believe is the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes upon and who I could without a doubt spend the rest of my life with. Initially, I wasn't able to attain an erection and to be honest, its the most emasculating and humiliating experience (set of experiences) I've ever encountered. Porn had always served as some form of stress relief, and as such was essentially a daily part of my life for years. The past 3 months I've been completely abstinent from watching, and although Ive masturbated to orgasm several times, the overall recovery process continued and is evident now more than ever. You don't really notice things are better for a while and then it just hits you; have faith that your making a change for the better. It truly is amazing to be able to share a physical connection with someone else and once you realize how meaningful it is in comparison to watching pornographic material on a screen, you'll never go back (I absolutely don't plan to). I could write on for pages regarding my recovery experience, and could continue to as I continue to slowly improve and regain what, for so many years, I had lost. The decision to make a change should also be a decision to reflect upon who you are and what you want out of life; stopping porn is just the beginning. I want to thank everyone in this community for their words of advice and encouragement; without it, I don't think I would have ever realized and corrected what was wrong. One tip, journaling really does help in gathering your thoughts and reenforcing your beliefs so you don't relapse; use it to your advantage to reflect and evaluate your problems and what you need to accomplish to fix them. It is possible to recover (with hard work and dedication) and you will. Anyone who shares this problem owes it to themselves to make a change.

I wish you all the best!

I have a few questions:

  1. Is your ED fully cured? Not sure?
  2. How often did you orgasm?
  3. How old are you?
  4. How young did you start om Internet porn?
  5. Have you had female contact through this process?

 

It is two month now that started my reboot, just the day I got together with my new girlfriend. Although the questions above do not refer to me I would like to answer them too:
1) Is your ED fully cured?
Answer: definetly not BUT there have been many many positve changes for example: morning wood every day, no problem getting erection by stimulating myself in shower, gettin partly erected while kissing my girlfriend. but due to my performance anxiety I am still not able to have normal sex--> get softer during intercourse --> have to concentrate.
2.) How oftehn did you orgasm?
Answer: I orgasmed once last week after 50 days of rebooting by masturbatin (only mild grip and no fantasy at all)
3.) How old are you?
Answer: I am 27 years old.
4.) How young did you start on Internet porn?
Answer: I started with 16 and it was basis of my sexlife until then did it once a day and my relationship which lasted for 6 years was based on pornstyle sex so I did not get to know cuddle sex which might be the reason that I still have problems attaining an erection with my new girlfriend (she is a totally different person compared to my ex)
5.) Have you had female contact through this process?
Answer: I tried to have sex with my new girlfriend 7 times. It first worked today but I could not orgasm during intercourse.

For more information feel free to ask.I think my reboot will last for longer 1 month minimum. I try not to orgasm anymore. Can it be that I am still not rebooted?

you have a ways to go - but not too far. Thanks for the report.

Finding this site has been a revelation, something that I always suspected was happening to me has been happening to me. It was this site that confirmed those suspicions.
I have joined this site because it makes sense to me that the more the different the accounts then the more chance that it will ring true with someone else.
I am a 54 year old male who has been hooked on M since I was 13, so 41 years hell that’s ages. I have used P since about age 15, very, very tame stuff when you look back at it. First off top shelf magazines for years, that’s all there was. But as it became more available and harder, obviously I used it. I have never found it hard to get a woman and have had many, a couple of which I actually married, (not at the same time)
About 16 years ago I noticed that I wasn’t able to perform in the same way and my erections became weaker, and lasted less. I actually just put it down to age and a bit of anxiety, due to my partner being 11 years younger, the need to perform and all that. So it gradually got worse and worse. Its interesting reading everybody else’s accounts morning erections stopped, I honestly can’t remember when that happened? I still used P to M by now I had the internet and found a still photo site and used that. My habit and I will call that was to PMO about 3 times a day and have been at that level pretty much for years. What I did notice was that erections became weaker and weaker and didn’t even need one to O sometimes. Then along came the Blue pill and what a revelation, hard as rock and lasted ages, so used that for about 8 years no problem. Unfortunately my marriage ended and I started seeing several women and the blue pill did the trick every time. Then about 6 months ago it started again the weak erections even with the pill. This effected relationships both physically and also mentally.
I am now in the situation where I have a stunning woman and really want to enjoy everything with her again. So I have started to look at what can be done and where I think I am at.
If you are anything like me then talking about this to someone is not easy and in many respects not an option. So, first off I have looked at what I need to do to boost my own systems. Obviously there is a lack somewhere. So like all you guys out there I am determined to get back to everything working. I have looked at diet, I have never been heavy, and in fact many would say I am a skinny guy. I never do drugs, don’t smoke, and drink now and again. So all in all pretty healthy, although could do more exercise and reading accounts on here am determined to do more. My first thought was, what if my Testosterone levels are low, that would cause lack of erections and drive. So I have started on a vitamin regime to boost that. First reactions are good, as regards the way I feel. Next I started to look at the mind. After all our brain is our biggest sex organ. So I have started taking a vitamin and Amino acid tablets to start increasing Dopamine levels as this really does have a huge role in sex. And this is where my research has brought me to this site and it all makes perfect sense so I am only on Day 5 so will keep everyone updated. I am still taking my Vitamin and amino acid daily, after all if it works great. I will report on progress.

Having problems in your late 30's is not "normal". I ssupect porn has played a role. You can check out our forum/blogging site at - http://www.reuniting.info/tracker - not too many guys answer posts on this site. Although they do read them.

I'm about to complete 6 weeks of no PMO at all. I think i'm finally, slowly getting out of the "flatline" that was really consistent through the last weeks. When I first tried to quit, I remember very strong urges to masturbate to porn, but I knew that if I did it, I would certainly cum without even acquire an erection. That's exactly what happened in my first relapse. Now, I can assure you guys that what you feel about masturbating to porn is not your real libido, it's merely an addiction.

My true libido started to come back about 5 days ago. It's very different from what I felt about PMO. I remember being in the bed with my girlfriend about 4 weeks ago, kissing and fondling, and though my mind knew she was there with me and that I SHOULD be excited, my body, specially my penis, did not respond. At best, I would acquire a ~20% erection, just for some brief moments. But yesterday, kissing and fondling with her made me feel like my entire body was horny, and my penis is progressively responding more and more. My erections are now about 70%, only from kissing and fondling. And lasting about twice more than they used to. And the best part, after getting home from yesterday, I was feeling a little horny, and for the very first time in years, I was really not feeling like masturbating to porn because of that. It was horniness for the real thing. I think I got to a point where I would not fail (at least not completely) in case of sexual intercourse. Still, I want to wait more because I know i'm not 100% yet.

The process has been quite linear for me. I remember that in my PMO addiction days, thinking about something sexual without any specific fantasy, like breasts, would not get any response from my dick. At best, it would make me feel like PMO. There was no chance of doing it without the visual stimuli. Then, I quit porn, and started to get some weak responses from my penis when thinking about something like that. I felt like the signal was sent to my penis, but it was too weak to get a significant response. It used to only move a bit. Now, thinking about it leads me to a weak erection, like 40-50% sometimes, and it's improving with time.

The "flatline" stage can be really frustrating and scary, specially when you're in a relationship, but remember that it's only your dopamine responsiveness system getting the rest it needed. It gets better, it really does. Hang on there, my friends. Many thanks to Gary and everyone from this site. It's really changing my life. I will come back with more reports within a month or two.

I like the description of real libido vs addiction. The goal of this site is for guys to know the difference. Once you do, you can steer your own ship.

I've been a PMO addict since I was 8, I'm 38 now and only just got the info I need to break that habit. I've known for years that something was wrong just didn't think that it was so obvious.

It's been a pretty bleak path at times, I think the thing that kept me hooked so long was that i couldn't ask anyone about it, felt to ashamed. i'd seen the term porn addiction and then everytime i looked, it be some hoodo holy man banging on about jesus. Even contacted SAA they scared me. I think they are addicted to having been addicted.

Neuro plasticity and the reward circuit I get easily and happily.

It explains my flat moods and detachment answers a whole lot of questions about me that have bothered me.

In the 30 years of PMO, I have had long periods of abstinence from the porn, or occasionally the MO. Not always together. When I first came across this site and everything clicked, the one time I remembered was the time I hadn't watched Porn for about 4 months. I felt great, then just as a little treat I thought I'd have a quick look at some porn. Bang 5 hours later and then back at it Like I had never been away. That first orgasm after abstinence was so good then you chase your tail. Now I understand why.

The biggest step for me was finally admitting to someone that I had a problem, everything clicked after that I started making a concerted effort to find something that made sense to tackle this.

So here I am, I've installed netnanny on my computers, the one person I've ever admitted this to has the passwords. I've installed a safe browser on my iphone. I know from previous experience that if I get a craving I've actually found that its like auto pilot and I'm watching porn before I know it. Mainly due tot he hypo-frontality, not as I'd begun to think because I was weak.

For me I know that the only way out of this is for a time total abstinence from everything, and complete abstinence from porn or anything like it full stop. I've got zero libido at the moment, I've turned down a couple of offers of dates as I knew that I couldn't respond to them if it went further.

I'm just happy and relieved really, this will pass and life will be sweeter than it is now. I'm just thankfullI found this site. And thanks to the honest accounts of many I feel better than I have in a long time.

I'll post again when I'm further down the line. Just a real releif to be out of this nightmare and actually get some rational help.

All you need to be free is to see the keys...

There seems to be an awful lot of guys affected by porn - and they don't know it.  This story captures it for me:

There are these two young fish swimming along, and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says,"Morning, boys, how's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes, "What the hell is water?"

Good luck on your journey,

gary 

 

Hi,

I am on day 70 of my reboot. Is it possible that I am still having withdrawal symptoms? I am feeling nervous and anxies. Cant concentrate. Some days are better some days are worse. Is this normal? I am still not feeling my libido that much.

Some guys take 150 days to recover so it's possible. But I cannot say whether your anxiety is associated with withdrawal. Where you anxious prior to ceasing porn? How old are you, and when did you start regular porn use? Hows your social life - having contact with friends, or girlfriends?

I always had a very good social life. Much contact to friends (male and female). I have always been very confident ( and still am) but this ED thing is tough. Well I am feeling nervous right now. I am always tired and I dont feel like doing anything. I just want to have normal sex again. I am 27 and I started regular porn use with 17. I escaleted with tranny and animal porn I have to admit. I tried sex with my new girlfriend several times but it didnt work out so well--> got soft after a few seconds after penetration because I didnt feel anything

THX for your help

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