Rebooting Accounts: Page 1

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Rebooting to end porn addictionIn the links below the text you will find about 2,000 first-hand accounts of people's rebooting (recovery) experiences. We started a second Rebooting Accounts page, as our system can't handle so much success on a single page. In addition, 8 web-pages conatining shorter porn-induced ED recovery stories can be found here (so first-hand recovery accounts now total over 4,000).

If supplied by the author, a rebooting account starts with the age. Some begin with length of the reboot, others with a quote from the author. Almost all rebooting accounts contain a link to the original post, and most have a user name.

You'll also see a lot of 90-day reports. A common misconception is that YBOP suggests 90 days as a rebooting period. It doesn't. Lengths vary because goals vary. Many choose to write up a report at 90 days, but note that most have relapsed several times before achieving a 90-day streak.

Many more recovery accounts are found in these six sections, and scattered throughout the website:

  1. This page contains "advice columns" written by recovering porn addicts
  2. This page contains links to off-site blogs and threads chronicling recovery from porn addiction.
  3. A few 90-Day+ Reports from reddit.com NoFap
  4. 8 pages of shorter stories describing recovery from porn-induced ED: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
  5. The Other Porn Experiment - Below the article read several pages of short stories and "rebooting benefits"
  6. In addition, there are many mini-accounts in What benefits do people see as they reboot?

Commonly used abbreviations:

  • ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  • PIED = Porn-induced Erectile Dysfunction
  • DE = Delayed Ejaculation
  • PE = Premature Ejaculation
  • PMO = Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm
  • MO = Masturbation & Orgasm
  • HOCD = Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • SOCD = Sexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • gf - Girlfriend
  • SO = Significant Other
  • Fap or fapping = Masturbation

This seems to be a typical feature of recovery:

I am proud of living without PMO for two weeks. I'm single but I rely on friends, family, yoga, massage, exercise, and breathing to get by each day. I am learning many natural ways of relaxing and coping with my brain and environment. I'm more relaxed, generous, and appreciative with people. However, I feel great pain, lethargy, apathy, sadness, frustration and loneliness sometimes. The frequency and duration of my time in the Pits is definitely decreasing. There's a lot of comfort remembering that, whenever my dopamine needle drops real low. One problem with improvement is that we forget how messed up we were when we started. LOL

Rebooting is not linear (repeat this slowly, several times) - That is, each day isn't better than the last. There are ups and downs, although the trend over time is upward. Meanwhile, neurochemically induced mood swings (The Pits) continue for a while. Some people say these mood swings don't decrease in severity for a long while (graph by young rebooter). What changes is that they decrease in frequency, and they pass more quickly when they happen. So it gets easier and easier to just let them pass, and to turn to a healthy distraction (exercise, socializing, a rewiring exercise, doing something productive, and so forth).

Also, watch out for the good days:

Some of my relapses in fact happened on quite successful/happy days, like my mind was on some kind of dopamine rush and slipped to the porn without me having noticed. So keep in mind, self-control is always necessary, even if everything seems to be going just fine.

This man decided to graph his rebooting experience:

I've done 3 graphs, mood on y-axis, day since last MO on x-axis. First is the raw data, not surprisingly very choppy. Shows non-linearity nicely. The other two are rolling 3-day average and rolling 6-day average. Non-linearity still apparent. Note: I didn't know what to put for the first 5 days because they were all over the place, so I just put alternating 8 and 0.
 

Raw data graph

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

3-day rolling graph

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 
 
6-day rolling graph

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone's experience is somewhat different. It's an adventure to observe how the changes in the brain show up in your body and emotions. Said one guy:

All of these forces are at work: Erections, morning erections, orgasm/urge to orgasm, feeling of horniness etc. I feel like during the rewiring, these forces have all been there, but they are all kind of marching to their own beat. There have been times where I had the urge to O but wasn't horny and didn't have an erection. There have been times when I have felt really horny and felt nothing downstairs. There have been long spans of days where I would wake up with an erection and, after it was gone, I would be in complete flatline the rest of the day. But days like day 16, my brief relationship from days 22 to 35, and most importantly day 48 have shown me that things start working more harmoniously as time goes on.

Comments

My porn intro story is similar to everyone here. I started pretty much at the age of 12 ( I am now 35) after seeing a center spread in high school and I was hooked. However MO didn't start until 7 years ago at the age of 28. Before I stumbled on this site, I have been clean for 1 month. I stopped becos i became desensitized towards sex and also had ED and DE problems. For me, it was intuitive that porn was causing the problem since I knew I used be a lot sensitive. If a girl touched my manhood before PMO 7 years, I would jump. I used to have wet dreams all the time and all this sensitive and wet dreams stopped immediately PMO started. At some point, I could PMO 7 times a day and also needed PMO to self-medicate to bed. Although I was raised in a strong xtian family, the lure of porn was the only thing made me fall. The 1st moment of truth came 2 years ago when my good xtian girlfriend discovered my porn habit and found out i was flirting with another girl and decided to summarily dump me.

The 2nd moment of truth came 3 months ago when I couldn't ejaculate during sex with some girl i was hooking up with. This girl said it wasn't a porn problem, because she loved watching as well, but in me, I knew it was(even b4 i stumbled on this site). So I made up my mind to kick the dirty habit out of the closet. But before then, I discovered that I loved going out to clubs to pick up women for 1 nite stands and loved looking for sex on internet websites. This behaviour i totally attributed to porn as I wasn't interested in any relationship with this women. I even found it very hard to be in a committed relationship. If i was in a relationship I easily avoided the deep talk and wanted something more superficial while been physical was just the goal for being the relationship for me.

For me the decision was hard. I my heart I always wanted to kick the habit into the gutter before I ever got married. I never wanted to bring this habit into my marriage bedroom. So my struggle to quit started 4 years ago as I geered up to marry, but unfortunately, my GF dumped me. However the moment of the truth was the DE i mentioned above which made me hate porn. My strength also comes from my xtian upbringing. I was raised a christian and all i did was get back to God. I prayed someday for Gods help and it came. Started reading my bible and going by its teaching which states that sex before marriage is wrong. So I am not looking for sex before I marry and looking for a wife to marry anytime soon. Porn was replaced by a love to read the bible and prayer and Boy I felt like a free man. I found that porn was filling a hole which I wanted God to fill. Alas I discover that I found it pleasurable to pray and read the bible now than do porn.

The marked difference in my lifestyle is that I find it easier to relate to people now. I have more friends. Prefer making friends over phone than using porn. Anger and depression problems have all been eliminated. I sleep better. My mind finds it easy to relate to women. The dangers of Porn is real my friends so fight the battle.

I think for anyone fighting the battle, hang on and keep faith.

Cheers
John Freeman

The past couple years have been stressful for me. Unemployment, loved ones lossed, health issues, etc.. Masturbation was always a getway out of lifes daily stressors. Around age 19-21 I discovered internet porn. Not to say I never masturbated, my mid teen years were filled with plenty fapping to Jet magazine's "Beauty of the Week" starlet, not to mention when I was 18 and could finally walk in the corner "book store." Internet porn was fresh, new and made masturbation intense beyond belief.

Years later as college drifted by and my adult life began to develop, I was naturally around more women...real women. My first 2 gf's in my adult life I can honestly say sex was good and very aggressive. Memories of my 2nd gf just whispering dirty things in my ear and touching my zipper gave me an instant erection. However all good things come to an end when addiction is part of a mans life. I began to notice changes in my erections/sex drive a couple years back with my 3rd gf. 2 horrible experiences (1 involving a slipped condom inside her, the other being me telling her to "get tighter" during sex). My erections became weak, we were both sexually frustrated, argued and eventually broke up.

Fast forward 3.5 years....new gf....new erection problems....new horrible sex experiences (1 involving a ripped frenulum, another long story). One day I sitting on the net, in mid-attempt of porn surfing a revelation came to me. "Maybe all this porn Im greasing myself to is causing all this sexual depression." Lo and behold I discovered this site.

My story is long and filled with many twists and turns I'll leave out (enough for a novel), but the current lady Im with didnt leave me after the ripped frenulum scare. In the time Ive been with her Ive actually (get ready for this chronology): got good oral sex , torn my frenulum, gave it time to heal,had bad oral sex with her before my reeboot and after my frenulum healed,rebooted for 2 weeks, had her give me head again in which I ejaculated an insane amount (which she loved). Sadly I relapsed recently for 1 week and meditated hard day and night....but during the past month and half of rebooting I have not masturbated, kept fantasy minimal and only let her touch me. Tonight after cooking dinner, I looked at a childhood picture of me in the room. Something strange overcame my emotional side. I looked at the smiling pre-puberty boy and thought "that was me at one time." Then I finally did it.....I destroyed every porn disc, picture, magazine I had. I literally went around my entire house like a madman, thinking of all the places I had porn or hid it from myself.

Now is the time in my life. Now is the time for change. I have a beautiful,voluptuous , drop dead gorgeous woman in my life and Ive had some of the poorest sexual experiences with her. Its time for a new horizon to shine in my life....

Better Day, Bigger Horizon

Firstly apologies if I am posting in the wrong section, I am new to this website.

I am 21 years old and my addiction to porn and masturbation started when I was around 15. I recently decided to act against this addiction(June 2012 to Present) and I have made some improvements but there is still a lot more work to be done. I have recorded the time between my viewing of pornography and instances of masturbation and some other facts over this time period. On average I masturbate every 2.14 days and watch pornography every 2.26days. The majority of P and M are at the same time. Also the longest I've gone without porn is 6 days and the longest I've gone without masturbating is 5.5days. I have also been able to establish and isolate some of the triggers. These are based on my recordings From June. Note that this is still an improvement from before where I remember masturbating and watching pornography almost every day.

I recognize that my behavior is definitely linked to some emotional issues that require addressing. Amongst other things I was a fat and isolated kid in my youth and porn and masturbation served as a means of comfort and escape. However this is far from the case now and this behavior needs to change.

Seems like you have made great strides. Keep in mind that there is no one way to tackle this adiction. Many guys do try to eliminate mastrubation, but a few don't.

Its likely that I will be the only person to answer you. There is no forum on this website. I suggest visiting - http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/ - you can even start a journal there.

I marked the calendar 24 days ago.
I'm 29 and I had become desensitized and realised that socialising with women was a 'distant' experience. It was as if a voice said "come on man, you used to like this," while I now couldn't get aroused or only in some cases.

During these 3+ weeks I haven't visited any pornsites or viewed any of my movies/pics (pics didn't do much anyway), and haven't thought about the kind of women in those movies. It wasn't hard, I was motivated to do so. (I couldn't get rid of my collection just yet, but I have it stored on an uninstalled hdd, and haven't looked at it ever since)
Halfway through, I had a positive experience with a good female friend. I got a firm erection just by watching her sleep under her blanket. Just because I thought of her as the beautiful person that she is, both in terms of personality and looks. That was a motivating milestone. I also have more dreams that involve sex, roughly 2 times a week whereas once every... well I don't even remember.

After the 3 weeks that I had set as the first 'trial-period', I decided to give it a test run. I thought about masturbation and the idea alone got me stiffer. I got an erection after seeing a regular, non-posing, non-erotic image of an attractive woman, and it reminded me how I could get aroused by something like that when I was an early teen. A month ago, this was nearly impossible. The erection felt less boney and superficial, and instead more meaty and muscular from the base on up, as if the whole groin area was playing along. The ejaculation was powerful and served up 4 'shots' - ironically, it would have been a really succesful 'money shot' in the kind of films I now resent or at least no longer need to see. It felt like a reborn penis.
I had my doubts about my chances of recovering from porn desensitisation but I recommend everyone to stay off porn; you're better off without it. I plan on keeping it up, no pun intended ;)

Thanks, YBOP.

You seem to be healing quite quickly. Continued succes to you.

This is my second attempt to stay off porn, but I can honestly say it has been my most successful attempt thus far. Today is day 30 and I'm in a better place than I was the first time I tried this and I flamed out after day 87. The best advice I received from this website was to not listen to your brain. Your brain has been so damaged from the addiction that it will give you all sorts of reasons why its okay to masterbate etc. For me, I cannot masterbate at all as it inevitably leads me back to the computer, and, because I started so young, I have to avoid any kind of masterbation for at least 120 days. Still, I'm wondering what advice you have for once I reach that date in mid January. Obviously I'm going to start dating immediately so I will get that release from real sex rather than masterbation. But will I be so desperate for any kind of stimulation at that point that I will splooge in 30 seconds? Has there been any kind of transition period for guys who started on porn young and have only had sex with a couple of women and even then mostly thanks to Viagra?

-S.

For me, I cannot masterbate at all as it inevitably leads me back to the computer, and, because I started so young, I have to avoid any kind of masterbation for at least 120 days. Still, I'm wondering what advice you have for once I reach that date in mid January.

You need to separate masturbation form porn. You need to make porn, not masturbation, the enemy. Apply black and white thinking to porn. This thread may help - Topic: The Orgasm Reboot: A New Approach [CONTROVERSIAL] 

Obviously I'm going to start dating immediately so I will get that release from real sex rather than masturbation. But will I be so desperate for any kind of stimulation at that point that I will splooge in 30 seconds? Has there been any kind of transition period for guys who started on porn young and have only had sex with a couple of women and even then mostly thanks to Viagra?

There is no transition method. Everyone has to stumble around. I think a few guys have taken viagra, but we certainly don't recommend it.

This goes back to making friends with masturbation and keeping porn out of the picture. I wish I had a method, but this is what we are up against - young guys who started their sex lives on Internet porn.

also see - The "Porn is NOT an Option" Mindset [DECLASSIFIED]

I guess I'm making masterbation the enemy right now so I can get through the reboot. I'm on day 36 so I'm on track but it is still a while before January 16 and I want to speed this up as much as possible, so I won't be masterbating until at least after that and possibly even later.

Don't you think it makes sense for those of us who have ED to begin by using Viagra after we finish the reboot? That way we are guaranteed success at least our first few times and then can slowly transition into sex without it?

-S.

I can't say. Plus I can't give medical advice. I would be concerned with psychological dependance.

Also, I should mention that after day 30 (and this is the second time I'm ventured beyond day 30), my dick is about as dead as ever. For me it gets hard (in both senses of the word) around day 30 but after I hit the mark things die down. This is crummy timing for me as I want to date this girl, but I may have to use Viagra if I do. In any case, I'm off porn for good and I'm off masterbation for at least the next 84 days.

-S.

So once you hit 40 days things become more difficult I think. I think I've noticed that's been a pretty consistent thing in most of the rebooting accounts. Still, getting through this patch and landing on day 60 makes a difference if I remember correctly from last time. I know I've gotten some sensitivity back but 30 to 40 days really isn't enough to get it all back I don't think. I never did get to 90 days last time which I regret. I came close but stopped at day 87. This time I'm doing 120 days plus taking a vitamin supplement as one of my vitamin levels was down to a dangerously low level. Still, I think the no PMO is most important. I'll let you all know how day 42- day 60 goes as it seems to a be a little difficult. Still, in a way its a lot easier than the early days as I'm fully committed at this point.

-S.

My horniness comes and goes in basically the same way the NO fap guy talks about on the recently posted video. I still wonder if this will even out though after the 90 days are over. And I know the guy in that video talked about how avoiding masterbation helped him with confidence rather than helping him sexually but that's probably because he was never addicted to porn. I realized the other day how, because I started watching porn young and continued to do it regularly, I am addicted to a screen. I remember at age 20 dating this beautiful girl who I couldn't perform sexually with but I used to jerk off to her pictures. That gives you an idea of what a bad case I am. Thus, reaching 50 days is an important milestone and I think reaching 90 and then 120 will definitely happen.

-S.

As with many people here, I started watching porn at a pretty early age. At first it was funny, but then it became serious. Before I knew it, I was addicted to it. It became a daily routine for me to wake up and fap to some porn. Any free time I could find I would spend fapping, even if my parents were just outside on the hallway. I was really shy during my puberty, and remained so as a young adult ( I'm 22 now). By this time my porn collection had grown to a whopping 1 Terabyte, and I knew all movies pretty much by heart, names of actrices etc..

I never had a girlfriend, even though I was far from ugly. When I went out with friends it were usually the girls that came up to me to start a conversation instead of the other way around, but I always ended up rejecting them or just choking because somehow I expected "better". There were even times that my friends asked me if I wanted to go out, but I replied to them that "I don't really feel like it", just to stay at home and fap.

Finally one day when I was browsing through one of my frequently visited forums I saw a no-porn thread. I just clicked on it out of curiosity and at first I laughed at the idea that porn could be an addiction. Then, after watching a few youtube movies on the subject I started to notice that most of what was said pretty much overlapped with my life.

I decided to give the No Porn a try, what did I have to lose? I'm 22 and never had a girlfriend despite my looks.

The first week was really hard. When I got the urge to watch porn I had to quickly do something else to keep my mind off it. I'm guessing this is what smokers or any other addicts go through. It's really mentally taxing.

After 3 weeks I started noticing changes in my behaviour. I became less socially awkward, could make eye contact with women, converse with them. That's when I decided to delete all of my porn for once and for all. Normally deleting even 1 movie was difficult for me, but deleting my entire collection was no problem for some reason.

I've been porn free for 75 days now and have had more girls in the past few weeks than in my entire life. I even have a date coming up with the most beautiful girl I've seen so far. Before I would've thought that a girl like that could never go for someone like me, but this whole No-Porn thing has changed me as a person.

I do still fap occasionally, but that's maybe 2~3x a week, and only using my imagination. I can tell you, even fapping has become better when you only use real girls and your imagination.

I used to think Porn was harmless, but only now I've come to see that it has taken many years of my life I have to catch up now. Willpower and the urge to change my life was the only thing keeping me strong enough to resist it, allowing myself to relapse was not an option in this one.

I put this comment in our rebooting accounts.

Continued success.

Hey guys. I've created a new blog which tracks my reboot progress. If you want to find out more about my reboot progress, go to my blog at http://morayq786.wordpress.com/.

MoRayQ786

Hello everybody. I am glad I found this site. It's like a birthday wish coming true, I think fapping is really the culprit for the most of my problems.

Actually I am much longer without fapping, but I count from the last day I orgasmed, it was with my ex.

And I am so happy I found the right direction here - I used to abstain from masturbation, but did watch lots of porn! Now I see it was not a good idea.

GERMAN NO-FAP YOUTUBE CHANNEL:
http://www.youtube.com/user/NoFapTV

German Resource:
http://keinemachtdemporno.de/

A lot of guys mistakenly think mastrubation is the main culprit, when its really Internet porn. We don't have a forum, but the following is a good one - http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/

this is an argument based on common sense and some observations and has no scientific basis:
the primary functions of an animal are to survive and to procreate
out of the two procreation has a higher priority because some species in nature actually die after mating or reproduction...u can do a google search on this...this certainly affirms that procreation is more imp than survival
if procreation were more important..common sense suggests that the best ingredients would be used to make sperm and semen..i.e. in case of a competition for nutrients in your body..the first priority would be sperm and your body would be secondary..
the problems today are worse because until a couple of decades back..we had pure food..people would generally eat better...these days everything is adultrated or junk...so what we eat is anyways second-rate..out of this the best is taken out for sperm and semen so you can only begin to imagine what is left for the body..
all the nutrients are not available every day (i.e. our diet is different everyday and we get diff nutrients frm diff foods)..so some of the nutrients are in short supply...and these would be required by the body and sperm both...you can guess who wins in the fight...overtime deficiencies would arise because of a constant lack of these nutrients and the bad effects become more pronounced..
if anyone has a logical argument against whatever i said..please enlighten me..
thank you

i have lost count of the number of days i have stopped for...i dont feel like going back to my old days...the positive effects are still there and improving..so definitely NOT placebo...theres an occasional loss of libido...like an irregular flatline..but the erections are becoming much stronger..they almost seem bigger (even though they might not be)..nd it feels like flexing a well developed muscle...voice has become permanently deeper..more manly...have started planning things for my future...feeling more alert..in general i am much more relaxed and "in-tune" with whats happening around me

Today is my 10th day of No PMO. I am 23 and into this since I was 12. I have really felt the changes that are occurring to me . Yesterday, one of my friend came to my place, and he was boasting about his O experiences. Somehow, the urge to M became stronger in me. But I controlled, and went to sleep. Strangely, I had a dream where I was M'ing but in reality there was nothing wet. It all happened in dream only. Feeling the urge getting stronger since morning. I don't want to relapse at any cost. Just need some motivational support. This new found freedom is too good for me! Help, Help, Help!

The last lap!

I didnt relapse! couldnt afford to go that depressing phase again! will be more aware of the triggers from now!

The last lap!

I had no idea there were so many people experiencing exactly the same thing that's been unraveling my life for so many years. I found this site by accident 3 days ago and IMMEDIATELY identified w/ the people and stories discussed here. This is Day 3 of my reboot. What follows is my story.

I'm 49, married with 3 absolutely beautiful young children and a wife who has long since given up on me. Complicating matters is that I've been laid off for the past year. I was laid off from an upper management position that required frequent travel. Although I was devastated by the lay-off, I thought that maybe "this event" would be the catalyst that would allow my wife and I to reconnect. Apparently I was wrong. I've neglected her for so long (8 years), that she is finished w/ me and is asking for a divorce.

How did I get here? Well, I've always been a horn dog and have always let my little head do the thinking for my big head. Through high school, college, and my single days I've had multiple partners. Performance for me in those days was far from a problem! Before I got married I'd had several serious relationships but ultimately got "bored" and wanted to move on to the next girl(s).

When I finally did get married about 10 years ago, sex with my wife was great for the first few years. During this time my "internet porn time" went through the roof and I soon lost complete interest in sex with my wife. But I guess I never really acknowledged just what a grave problem this was...and that it was getting more and more out of hand. To be honest, I've spent almost every waking hour the past 8 years fantasizing about, as well as acting out, bizarre sexual scenes. What started out as an addiction to straight porn, morphed into transexuals, and then to gay porn. Let me clarify that I am not even remotely gay. It's just that I began to need even more outrageous or forbidden fantasies to get me off. One of the great shames for me is that I've taken it beyond fantasy and acted on it so much.

All the while, I've managed to maintain a "seemingly" outstanding family life. I'm active in the community...I coach all my kids' sports teams and am a member of our school's fundraising organization. I doubt that anyone in our little community has any idea that our marriage is just about finished...and that I am a "porn-addicted" lunatic.

Anyway, I want my wife (and my life) back. It may be too late to save my marriage, but I will get my life back. I've debated about coming completely clean with my wife, if for no other reason than to explain why I've been "absent" for so long. I just don't think I can do it though.

Anyway, I think this reboot is just a start for me. My problems I'm afraid run much deeper. I'm so glad I found this site and appreciate how supportive everyone is to each other.

Thanks and I will post regarding my progress.

- gottachangenow

I suspect a lot guys today are being affected by porn use and are completely unaware. See it all the time. I suggest visiting the following forum - http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php

Not much action here on YBOP. You can start a blog - and several guys there esaclated into porn that didn't match their sexual orientations.

Best of luck

I got ED without being addicted to porn. The key thing is that I would use porn to masturbate 98% of the time I masturbated over a period of 4 years. That was enough.

First off, let me state what position I was in when I discovered YBOP, as my situation may be similar to yours. I was almost 21, and I was a late bloomer which in my case meant I was a virgin. I had been exposed to porn at the age of 14 I believe, but had only gotten access to internet porn at the age of 17. So, I had been using it to masturbate for 4 years, fairly regularly.

I was never addicted in the strict sense of that word. I did not have cravings for it (apart from the urge to masturbate, porn just facilitated that urge for me). I did not use it in excess - on average I probably PMO'd 2 to 3 times a week. In short, I just used porn as it made arousal more vivid at the time, but it never pulled me into a full-blown addiction.

How did I discover YBOP? I felt it was time for me to lose my virginity, I felt ready and decided I wouldn't hold back any more. I'd had a lot of girls hit on me the previous year and I always got myself out of situations that were leading to sex - I just chickened out, don't ask me why. I just decided: this summer, I'm getting myself laid. So, I got together with a girl I had known for a while and I would get boners while we were making out, but as soon as it got more intense and we were alone - when sex was imminent - I would go soft. She didn't notice at first as she had her period and did not want to go through with it any way, and I disregarded it as just nerves. A few days later however, I made a point to be relaxed and I was; we were having a great time. I still could not get hard enough. Words cannot describe how much that perplexed me. I'm young, I'm healthy, I'm confident, and I'm a frickin' virgin - I should even be premature, let alone not even able to get hard in a situation like that. I forced myself to masturbate to porn the next morning when she left (as stupid as it sounds now), to reassure myself that everything works down there. I did get to orgasm, but I wasn't hard even then and it took me a lot of effort to get there. This was a warning sign for me. Nevertheless, I thought it was psychological, not neurological and so I contemplated for the rest of the day and resolved to try again that night. I did get hard enough to have sex, but I wasn't hard enough to make it fun for either of us and I could barely feel anything down there. I felt I was losing my erection DURING sex, and I realized that I was subconsciously picturing scenes from porn videos to keep myself hard. With closed eyes. And a real life hot chick under me.

So, the next day Google was my friend and I found this place. I spent all afternoon reading posts from you guys and identified with a lot of them. I deleted all the porn from my hard drive and did not watch a single porn video since. That was 5 months ago. It was tempting, but I never came close to relapsing because I realized how much I had fucked myself up, and I remembered the sense of embarrassment at not being able to get hard in the prime of my life.

At first I did not masturbate at all for a month. I felt my libido coming back though, and I had not watched porn so I did a little edging. That finally ended up in full blown masturbation but without porn. I did it very rarely though, about once every 2 weeks. That did slow my progress however, it was not until now (150 days later) that I feel rebooted. I also went back to reading Playboy magazine about 2 months ago, but I never masturbated TO the photos, I just occasionally let them arouse me and then I would masturbate without looking at them. I would also try to only use photos of one girl to arouse me. Anyways, I haven't felt the need to do that in a month now, as I get an erection at the drop of a hat and masturbation without porn is just as fun as it used to be, even better.

I no longer have the performance anxiety that ED initially gave me as I feel there is no way that is going to happen to me next time. I've been holding back thus far, but I'm gonna go through with it when the next opportunity presents itself, and I'll update my post with the results. Cheers! And happy new year guys.

I also went back to reading Playboy magazine about 2 months ago, but I never masturbated TO the photos, I just occasionally let them arouse me and then I would masturbate without looking at them.

Comments: Is this really a good idea? Second, why would a 21 year old need Playboy to become aroused?

Remember, this addiction is really about artificial vs real. You are still using artificial stimuli.

Hi folks,

Just want to share a couple of things. I'm just through the first week without PMO.
I have been trying to reboot on and off for the last year. PMO has been in my life since before age 10 and there were a few days in my life where I would do it literally all day, whether due to trying to mask trauma or loneliness or simply from fear of facing my reality at the time. I had my first sexual experience at age 24 (I am 27 now) and ED set in.. big time. Not to mention panic, shakiness and nausea (I almost threw up). "That's weird... sex is supposed to be pleasurable", I thought, but I shrugged it off and attributed this to inexperience. I thought it must be normal; I had nothing to compare it to. At age 26 I was forcing myself to get with women in hopes of fixing my fear once and for all, and I did this... but the results were never consistent (one moment Premature Ejac... after literally 10 seconds, or total loss of erection the next) and I had anxiety almost every single time. Sometimes it was debilitating and it scared whatever girl was with me. She thought I must be having some kind of heart attack but I just kept telling her that was really cold or tired or some other excuse, but inside it was a horrible, sinking feeling. Often I had to have sex extremely vigorously and quickly to get any pleasure out of it because I was trying to "outrun" my anxiety and overstimulate my brain because normal sex, while it's what I wanted, was not stimulating enough to sustain an erection.

Anyway, after much research, I finally figured out that hardcore PMO is most likely the culprit. So!:

Longest I lasted without PMO was 1 month. Two major things caused me to relapse:

One, I felt overconfident that I was getting better and gave in.

Two, I was concerned about the lack of libido I was experiencing and wanted to "test" myself by looking at photographs. The result was positive but I couldn't get completely hard so I went back to porn, thinking "it's only going to be this one time, just to see if I can get fully hard, and I'll make sure it won't be anything hardcore" and before I knew it, I was binging -- compensating for the lack of pleasure and for the loneliness I was feeling.

Now, as I said I am back on the first week. Here are the progress notes for my case:

Day 1 and 2:
-Instant cravings
-Positive feeling overall: "I can do this!"

Days 3 and 4:
-Cravings ranging from mild to severe.
-Strong desire to touch self
-When coming across any suggestive material on television or the internet, really bad craving

Day 5:
-Feeling of emptiness/hollowness/loneliness, like something benevolent and vital had been removed from my soul
-Onset of insomnia
-Muscle spasms when trying to fully relax the body and mind
-fluctuating/unpredictable appetite
-emotional instability: wanting to sob one moment and run around like nut the next :p
-hot/cold (feverish) flashes
-easily sick
-headaches and some laboured/unstable breathing

Day 6:
-More insomnia
-Dizziness/fatigue/nausea
-lethargy followed by panic
-panic about life situation: no gf, low income, unclear future, self-doubt and consequently:
-feelings like I cannot be passive or rest, like I must use every second to be productive; onset of fear of not making enough $

Day 7:
-Little to no sexual desire
-No morning wood or erections at any point in the day
-Sexual thoughts exist but they do not affect me; they are almost starting to be "not worth it" so the frequency of sexual thought has gone down dramatically today
-Tried to think of something sexual -- felt like maybe an erection was coming, but nothing happened: it's like, you *want* to have desire but you don't... and you're thinking: "do I need to test it?" -- the answer this time for me is no.
-Wanting a relationship more than sex; a desire to hug or spoon with someone.

First week is tough (for guys who are just starting). While I have never felt this crappy, I assure you that I have no doubt that 'no PMO' is what will make my future bright, successful and happy. :)

HERE'S AN INTERESTING FACT I READ IN A MAGAZINE TODAY:

Dutch researchers from Duke University found that people who have overcome depression and adverse mental issues and addictions enjoy better health, a stable and highly sharp mind, heightened ambition, superior resilience, and a higher life expectancy. They are better adapted to the new reality and become pros at sidestepping danger before others.

-Tim

Tim Cauldwell

Thank you for sharing , your detailed progress have put my mind at ease (at least for now)

I'm 24 and I was fapping 3x a day to increasingly weird porn since 14. I found this site and decided that I done being a beta male. I quit. Cold turkey. It was extremely hard at first (pun intended.) Then at about 3 weeks in, my libido completely vanished. This asexual state lasted for several miserable months. Interestingly enough, about 60 days in, my confidence went up and started getting girls over. It sucked though, because of the flatlining and whatnot. It got easy about 150 days in and i havent looked back. Im raging horny and Im having great success with some very very hot girls. (More due to exhaustive eft therapy than anything.)The changes to my life have been massive! If you are a virgin or suffering from ED. Do this. See jacking off for what it is: cowardly pussy behavior. Thanks guys for this awesome site! Stay strong!

Glad to see you are back in working order.

All the best

Hi , english is not my first language. First of all would like to thanks a lot for this website, it took me years to realize porn was causing me damage. I guess the first and second week are the hardest, it is really hard to occupy my time, getting out of that routine is not easy. I read a lot before posting and am giving it a go, since this is my last resort. I am 26 and Ive been on heavy porn for at least 10 years, I started pmo on playboy magazines and quickly found some hardcore magazines and moved to vhs's hardcore until internet appeared, it felt good while I was a teenager, but after I tried everything the normal stuff didnt cut the edge anymore, so I moved to bizare shit and finally found myself stuck in hocd, and couldnt get out, i would pmo and feel disgusting after it, but next day Id do it again. I had girlfriends in between and I always thought that something could be wrong with me (if only I knew what was causing me problem) , but still I carried on... well last year I stopped having sex with my girlfriend, it wouldnt work, and started to think something was wrong with me and I assumed that was low hormone, even though it was unlikely I ran into a doctor , did a a blood test which accused normal levels, so I went into this clinic which their doctor said with my levels I could be needing some testosterone replacement, I did another blood test and made some bullshit up and soon I was on TRT, well needless to say it didnt work out, I tried getting a higher dose and it still wouldnt work with my girlfriend, although I was still on pmo every night. So I started going crazy and thinking about suicide, thats when somehow I found this website (I cant even recall how), reading the testimonials I identified myself with the whole thing. My erections were really week and morning wood had almost disappeared, or if I had it, it would be really weak (like 50%). I guess I went through the last few years with ed medications, but without libido the viagra wasnt cutting any more edge. I really hope this sorts my problem, I am on day 5 of rebooting and it has been very hard, although I dont get erections I really want to relapse, but I have been staying away from it as much as I can, last year I masturbated in the toilet at work and even though my penis was semi erect, almost flaccid, I just quickly ejaculated and went back to work, it didnt feel any good to say the truth but I felt I needed to do it.Now I can start to enjoy some benefits of rebooting such as concentrating on things more, specially at work, doing some sports and valuing friendship, I guess have some serious work to do on my personality. However the side effects of abstinence have hit me hard, I find it very difficult to sleep and feel very irritated at times, I was a drug addict being to rehab 7 years ago and although I am clean for at least 5 years, the withdrawal effect of OCD have changed my mood even more, when someone has the addiction gene it works for everything, a little bit is never enough, thats why I wanted to share whats going on with me, it may make me feel better and if anyone has any advice to give me please feel welcome to do it. I am sure I will get out of this shithole and for someone who never stayed more than 2 days without pmo staying away for up to 90 seems like a mission impossible. If anyone is able to tell me on average how long the flatline goes on for? And how long the imsomnia and the irritated period will go for? I know it is hard to answer but an estimation will be appreciated. I wanted to have a child with my girlfriend but being not able to makes me so uncertain of any future, I feel almost kind of selfish by keeping her with me. I will keep looking for sources of motivation, will not allow my brain to play tricks on me anymore

Unfortunately I can't answer how long your flatline will last or how long or bad your withdrawal symptoms will be. You have probably see this faq - HELP! I quit porn, but my potency, genital size, and/or libido are decreasing (Flat-Line)

OCD and HOCD usually make anxiety worse than "normal" during withdrawal, so just be aware of that.

My best suggestion is to join - http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/ - it has lots of guys dealing with many of the same issues as you are. Getting support can be very helpful.

Whatever happens just keep going - it will become easier as time passes.

Stumbling across this website has been a godsend. It's one thing to know abstractly that others are fighting the same battle I am, but it's powerful reading the stories on site and seeing, day by day, how guys are bettering their lives by leaving porn behind.

I need to do this too. Since the age of 14, I've been a porn junkie. It started with low-stimulation pictures on my grainy Nokia. And from there, it's only progressed. What could get me off four years ago did nothing for me three years ago. What sent me to cloud nine last year elicits little more than a yawn this year.

The quest for ever-more-stimulating content has come at a cost. I'm in a relationship with the girl of my dreams, but I can't give her what I want. Sometimes I struggle with ED. Worse, I cannot orgasm for her, and she's starting to ask why. For her, I need to change.

But even more importantly, I want to change for myself. It's time to retake control of my life. I feel like this bad habit is the cornerstone of others; and that if I can change this, it will be a domino effect to a better future.

The stories on this site have touched and inspired me. I hope to do same for others. Here goes.

I've been cruising along the last few days. But just when I was beginning to think, "hey, this ain't bad," things turned south. I've been horny as hell the last few hours. I've already had to stop myself a couple of times from looking at porn. I guess the fun has finally begun...

It's hard to even know where to begin. My girlfriend spent the weekend over at my place. I had two orgasms with her. That's the first time - ever. It felt good, but not near as good as cumming from masturbating. But I was still so relieved that I was able to get off with her at all.

Everything wasn't all roses, however. I had a couple incidents of ED which scared me. I hope that will soon become merely an ugly memory. It's embarrassing.

Now she's gone, and I'm fighting this enormous urge to jack off. It's almost overwhelming. Flying Christ, I don't know if I'm going to make it through the day at this rate.

Now she's gone, and I'm fighting this enormous urge to jack off. It's almost overwhelming

The normal response to orgasm during a reboot. see -Do You Need a Chaser After Sex?

I love this website. I made a blog on how I quit, but included a step that many don't think of doing. I hope you will let me share this.

http://teachmetowalkenlightened.blogspot.com/2013/02/overcome-sex-addict...

here - http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/external-rebooting-blogs-threads

No need to repost it everywhere.

Hey,

I will try and be as clear as possible. Sorry if there’s waffle.
I’m 27 years old. I first began M when I was 14 but very quickly began Masturbating to porn when I found an 80s porn film which I watched everyday and masturbated to a couple of times. I used to record scenes from erotic films on my VCR and have tapes full of soft erotica. I got my hands on other pornos and continued to masturbate daily, sometimes a couple of times. I then got to uni and things changed as it was the first time I had relatively high speed internet.
I used KAZAA to download numerous porn scenes and would stay up late masturbating to them, barely leaving my room, going to bed at about 4 after my last M and having one as soon as I woke up. I must add from 15 to 19 I had a gfriend who I had regular sex with no problems at all. In total I have had over 20 sexual partners.
I returned home after dropping out of uni and did not have the same internet speed and went back to using videos, DVDs and free 15 sec clips on payperview websites. I was still masturbating to this at least once a day.
Around 21ish I had high speed and used the now popular sites which gave access to thousands of videos and this is when I descended into having numerous videos running at once scouring for perfect scenes and would masturbate to this 1 or twice a day sometimes more. I got into watching hentai alot as well.
I met a gorgeous girl and we were together from me being 22 to 25. However, on about 4/5 occasions I couldn’t get an erection. And I have always had issues with delayed ejaculation, since I was about 16/17. I could never really ejaculate from blowjobs either. I also used to fantasise about porn every time I had sex with her.
She used to go through my internet history and was furious at how much porn I watched but I told her it was normal. I truly though it was and there was no problem. Towards the end of our relationship I was watching bisex, then transex and she found this on my history. I lied and claimed it was curiosity and said ‘come on, do u really think I like penis’. But I was watching it and getting off despite knowing deep down this couldn’t be right. We broke up shortly after and I then even masturbated over a gay video. I was a wreck. Same as a lot of people, i was thinking am I gay? But I knew deep down I wasn’t. I have never fancied a man remotely in real life.
Eventually, I found this website and everything made sense. I found it in 2011 and have managed to abstain and then relapsed, binged etc on numerous occasions. I have gone a month without watching then binged, or watched girls kissing on YouTube, or pics on fbook and masturbated which I know nowadays is completely wrong.
I still cut down a lot but would occasionally binge on a weekend but since the end of November 2012 I have not watched any porn or any other form of stimuli and I have no desire to whatsoever anymore which is definitely progress.
However, I continued to masturbate a couple of times a week using my imagination and thinking of past experiences and on boxing day I went back with a girl because I was really horny and we had sex which was good passionate and felt normal. No porn fantasizing. I then masturbated over the sex about three times the next day which I don’t think was right. I didn’t M or O again and then on New year’s eve I had sex with her again. I was drunk (as I was on boxing day) but I wasn’t nearly as horny. We still had sex and I remained hard and ejaculated but I’m pretty sure I porn fantasised.
All during this time I was messaging a girl who is absolutely gorgeous and I fancied her so much, was really horny for her. Two nights after I had sex with the other girl on NYE this beautiful girl came round and we chatted and watched a film and I was hard for alot of the night and then when I kissed her I was hard. Nothing more happened but she came round two nights later and she gave me a hand job and blowjob and I came straight away. This happened about three/four times a week. I began to notice my libido had completely dwindled. And then I started to notice I was getting hard then It was going quickly. Then up then down. Eventually one night it completely disappeared but then after just relaxing came back and I orgasmed. Then it happened one night and I actually just told her about my porn addiction and that it has caused me to have ED probs (didn’t mention the previous shameful porn use) and she was to my surprise understanding. I said I thought I needed to give myself more time and actually abstain from M or O for a while and she said ok. Then about half an hour later I was hard and we ended up having sex, really passionate, but I was conscious of my penis. Since then, despite saying I want to abstain we have had sex about three times a week but my hard ones are up and down and not continuously hard like they should be. She touched it last night and nothing happened, then we made out and it eventually became hard and we had sex until O again. But Im still really conscious about my erection now and can’t relax. I haven’t masturbated since the day after boxing day.

I think I have a abit of performance anxiety mixed in now as well but then again, I don’t actually feel that horny and I cannot get hard really when on my own just through touch so I think I still have porn induced ED. Has anyone had similar problems?
I feel like I need to do a complete abstinence for a while for a complete full reboot but this girl is super horny all the time and wants sex. We start off fooling around me giving oral, foreplay etc and then next thing I know she’s giving me it and then she wants sex and I do it. Despite her knowing I’m having some problems.
I don’t know why I’m asking because I think I know I need to completely refrain from Orgasm for a while but I wondered if anyone else had these issues. Although I have no desire to watch porn anymore I don’t feel I’m near recovery.
I would appreciate any advice response.

You started young on porn and escalated into porn that didn't match your orientation  - both increase the length of time needed to fully recover. Maybe you could have sex and avoid orgasm.

We actually sent pictures aswell which I masturbated too and this us artificial stimulation according to the sight. I have decided to cool things with her and have some time to myself and be completely abstinent. It's gutting because she is so beautiful but I can't continue like this. I need my correct libido bk no matter who I'm with! Thanks for your response

I've decided to post here because I'm in a bit of a spot. I experienced all of the same things other guys on here are posting about. I was totally addicted to porn and thought that was normal until I started trying to have sex. First time I couldn't even get it up but luckily I was honest with my girlfriend and I was able to get comfortable enough with her that I could achieve huge erections--but no orgasm. The problem was I would always get to the flatline and then get depressed and fall back into the same cycle. Smoking pot didn't help either. We kept it going for 2 years and towards the middle I achieved partial climax but for the last year or so we were fighting a lot and never had good sex to come back and bond over emotionally and physically. Also during the last half she outright refused my attempts to perform oral, or try karezza as she would get overwhelmed with rejection from my ed. Finally I gave up porn and pot, but too late to save my relationship. I realized after awhile that there were enough reasons that didn't have to do with bad sex to get out of it but that's easy to say once you're looking back. Anyhow, I went a full 270 days without any porn. I experienced a nocturnal emission when I reached day 60, then another one 45 days after that, then another. I felt so down about my experience with my previous gf that I felt the only way to be just was going cold turkey. Finally one night I followed a link browsing on my iphone and it brought me to this bikini model I've always had the mega hots for. Before I knew it, I was edging without even the use of my hands and it took only around 2 mins of that to orgasm. In the past month I've gone back to this in different times and I always feel a little down because this feels like just the light version of what I'm trying to cure. Yeah it's not porn and yeah I'm not even jerking it, but it's attraction to an image, not a real female. My problem I realize is that I was building up too much energy without moving towards release towards just sensation and a real female. Still though the recovery time on this one is a lot quicker. I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this where they are super turned on and have the same brain chemistry for just bikini/lingerie pics? I know where this started. I used to do this when I was 12 to my stash of Victoria Secret's. Still though with what I was able to do before I know I can get to the point I really want to be at. Just got to keep my head up and be patient

I'm starting a 90 day reboot today. I've been with nearly 100 women and who knows how much porn I've watched over the years. I turned 37 yesterday. Obviously, I've been struggling with a variety of issues. I'm ready to take control of my life. To be accountable, I set up a blog at www.90daysandnights.com. Feel free to stop by and comment, share advice or just follow my journey.

I'm just starting to abstain from PMO starting a week or so ago after reading the site and watching the videos. I'm 40, I was married for 16 years and I'm recently divorced. I started masturbating to internet porn in the late 90's and I'm convinced it was one factor in the failure of my marriage. I've been dating again over the past few years and I have been shocked at how difficult it was to have satisfying sex with new real partners. Initially I blamed it on my age, some recent family stress, whatever. I thought maybe testosterone was the problem. Clearly it comes down to PMO and dopamine. Fortunately, I have always treated my body like a temple in every other regard. The shock of poor performance and the prospect of repairing that situation has made it exceedingly easy for me to drop porn. Thank you so much for sharing positive results. Going into this with optimism is extremely helpful.

Now for the juicy stuff. I recently started dating a really attractive woman and she is a firecracker in bed. So far she is happy with my performance because I am more than willing to go the oral route. After several attempts I can get an unspectacular erection but I am not able to climax with her yet. I'm looking forward to improvement with optimism. I plan on giving her what she wants ASAP. The thought of having terrific sex with her is so motivating.

I have been trying to reboot several now, but now I can say my porn consumption went down from several times a day to once every month, and even in this case, I don't masturbate anymore nor watch the sex scenes, but more likely the "non-sex" scenes of parodies. I'm quite confident in removing totally my porn consumption, I guess the 90 days challenge (my top was 60) can be taken without too much frustration now.

Craving hasn't totally gone yet, but has been decreasing after each attempt. So KEEP trying. You might get back to binging sessions from time to time, but you'll figure out that those are more and more spaced in time, and less "binge". The natural effect is that mental images are "leaving" your brain, at least the reflex zones.

I remember at my peak PMO days, I could recall the context, the quotes, the approximate timestamps and the sex-positions order of all my "favorite" scenes (there were many of them !). It felt exactly like when you remember a movie you love, but those were not movies, but barely few minutes scenes. Now, I can recall few of it, and without these mental images the natural craving goes away.

What you need to target is your irrational self, and you have to target it with irrationality because rationality is not enough of a weapon against it.

Therefore, here are some of my unconventional techniques, who might complete the very extended library of techniques this website has to offer:

Use your fear of public diffusion: Give away your earplugs, and if possible move your computer to a room (let's say living room) where you difficultly can hide yourself. When everybody's out of home, either make the most of this tranquillity time to disconnect from the Internet (turn off the modem, work offline, work-out) or go out yourself. The more often you'll be outside, and more generally the more you'll be exposed, the less chances you have to masturbate. There are also accountability software, but I don't use it.

Use several layers of "defence" to increase the "effort" to get to porn: Especially on the software side, here is the list of what I use as a joint tool (Stayfocusd, Adblock (remove all images and elements from porn sites), K9 web protection, CloudACL chrome extension, Google search filter, keyword blocking in Avast), Flashblock. Tweak chrome to prevent incognito browsing. Use Netlimiter.com to limit bandwidth on pornsites. One thing also about layers of defence: IF you PAY for one software, your mind will naturally be more convinced to use it and less urged to bypass it. I'm not saying you should buy lots of software, but the price gives the control software another value that you don't want to spoil with your cravings.

See your true self: put a mirror behind your laptop, every time you'll see yourself masturbating, you won't get any mental images of girls or whatsoever, but just your lonely-self in your room. You can use several mirrors if you want. Tip: it also helps figuring out when you worked way too much on the computer

Regular reminders: As there's no shame to open Yourbrainonporn.com, make it your startpage (or at least one of the tabs) !

Mental associations of the porn girls with desire-lessening stuff If you have a favorite pornstar, take a picture of her (just her face let's say) and open it in the middle while playing youareanidiot.org in the background. What it did to me is associating this lousy music with the pornstar image, thus I cannot see her again without hearing the music that brings me back.

I hope those tips can help you as they helped me, I'm feeling better day after day, and it's maybe your turn tomorrow !

How to make the cure viral ?

I just started month two of no PMO. Never thought I would actually be doing this and as a matter of fact, I can look back now and see a whole different guy. A guy that thought watching porn was a normal thing for men. I mean come on, show me the guy that hasn't watched porn. The first week was awesome. I felt a real change come over me and started to take up things that I wanted to for long time. Maybe a little "Tuesday's Gone" guitar riff and maybe a little getting into motorcycles :) The month that followed was hell however. I should mention that I am getting over a girl who I still love dearly and to not PMO has given no place to run emotionally and I am finding that it really makes a lot of issues bubble up that were suppressed by that nice dopamine rush. I am a much better man for going through this pain though because pain = growth in all aspects of life. Towards the end of the first month, I now have spontaneous and amazing erections that are just getting more frequent. Now, this is a good thing I know, however I can't stop thinking about girls. At work I will space out at my desk and start pitching the ol' tent. Another thing is that last weekend I almost got laid (it's been forever due to my recent break-up and in a new town). I went out on crazy yaht party with some friends. I had been flirting with a girl in our group all night and she straight up asked me to have sex with her later. Long story short, she showed me her gorgeous breasts and I gave her a ride to the after party that I DIDN'T have a ticket to so my night ended right there.

My question is, what do you studs do when you haven't had that constant release of PMO, so horny you could fuck a tree, and the opportunity presents itself for the real deal? Stupid question?

This is my first week I have gone no PMO in years, ybop inspired me. Its still kind of hard to wrap my head around all of the emotions I am feeling, mostly I just feel unstable. Happy one moment and then thinking about no pmo the next. I am 30 years old and I stumbled onto YBOP while on a forum I used to go to and saw the link to the site. I decided right there that I was going to stop and take a second look at which direction my life is headed. I am trying to get rid of an addiction to fetish porn which has been with me since I was in middle school, also never had a wet dream. I fully well know this is not normal sexual behavior but it just seems to turn me on so much I cant stay away from the sites. Still too embarrassed to say what my fetish is, maybe later on in my reboot. I cant say I know what a normal sex drive feels like because I been doing at least one pmo a day for many years. The site has educated me soo much that I know what is happening in my brain when I get these urges. I never thought of porn as a drug, but if you look at it logically it truly is. Just looking at a woman doing something gross should not cause these feelings and ybop brought this to a brighter light. This is a recap of my first week of no pmo. The first day was rough, all I thought about was no pmo and I kept think about certain specific scenes in clips that I liked, but I fought the urges. I thought my penis had gone lifeless over the next few days, no movement except for morning wood. I do get slight headaches sometimes and my sleep has gone to shit. I did notice that my moods are more stable and I am more confident in my speech. At first I didn’t know what to think of this brain fog that so many mention but it certainly feel as though the fog has been cleared from my brain only after a week! During the next few days I had my ups and downs and on day seven I almost relapsed. What got me started was going through my inbox to make it porn free and ran across a few old emails, this was a downward spiral because it was all I thought about the rest of the day. The next day i had the laptop out on a few sites got excited at first and then here is the weird part my excitement just went away. The stuff that would keep me hard the entire time didn’t , and I just lost interest and logged off without MO. This was so weird and conflicting because it was something I was used to, and when I saw it I lost interest so fast. Either way still going strong and gonna make my 90 days and see what it brings.

I have been practicing nofap for on and off since I was 18 when I became a youth minister. I stopped having sex with girls consistantly and started practicing celibacy and my life changed. On and off I would watch porn, but when I did I felt different. I felt lousy tired and depressed. It was all unconscieously. Looking back now I can make the connection. Now I practice Semen Retention for the Limitless Benefits. But Recently at age 28 I did a 3 week run on no orgasm while practicing Karezza with my mate, and after I ejaculated boy did the chaser effect hit hard. Up until that point I hadn't watched porn in about a year. But for the last past few days I have watched it 3 days straight and have masturbated to orgasm a total of four times. I do believe that the semen is that life essance and that I am just wasting my energie. I am in fear of total break down. Please Help!

My biggest fear is relpsing and falling back into the devestating downward spiral of death. I've noticed huge changes in the last last year energy, confidence ect, and I want to maintain that. 3 seconds of moaning is just not worth it. I feel like I am typing my way through a temptaion wave. Even though I am re wired I'd like to experince the Limitless Effects of No-Fap for life.
I have been so much more social, but recently after fapping and binging for like 3 days straight 5 orgasms in 3 days, I was invited to a party and my energy levels were wuper low. I like to masturbate to Latina Amaeteur porn and all the women there were latina. I felt like I was trying to hide somthing, and it was so much anxiety. I also like watching nipple licking videos, and it's tuff because I know somone with big boobs and it's hard not to look. It's clear that I am re wired and there is no going back to a life of mediocrity.

Where to begin? Our family got dial up internet around 1998 or 1999. I had heard about masturbation from school mates and even my Dad told me about it (he never imagined a sinster porn element). Around 2000 I was the typical healthy teenage hornball with spontaneous erections every other minute. I remember finding the website for page 3 of "The Sun" tabloid newspaper (topless poses) and so began my mastubation journey having just turned 12. It was fairly easy to evade parental detection when I knew more about the net than them.

Fast foward to age 14-17 and my porn habit had escalated dramatically. I tried to surf porn nearly every day when coming home from school and my Dad wondered why our phone bill was so high (in days of dial up). In the summer holidays I had to be spending an average of 2-3 hours per day on porn. It had escalated in content too, into genres I am too ashamed to share. By age 16/17 I was not getting the same sexual response that any teenager would expect to receive; although somewhat in denial I did suspect it was the porn.

Fast foward to age 17/18; My mother was a committed Christian and thought it would be a good idea to attend confirmation classes at my local church. Through my teens, ironically/ hypocritically I had maintained an interest in Christianity and prayed occasionally to rid myself of my porn addiction. I hated who I had become; I was a walkover at school, did not stand up for myself and became a doormat. About 17 and a half, with the exception a few relapses onto milder "vanilla" porn, I gave up for good, pretty much cold turkey.(porn not masturbation). I was determined to live out my life in private as it should have been in public prior to making a public confirmation pledge.

I continued as a Christian through early part of uni until age of 21/22 with very few relapses. At one stage I even stopped masturbation for several months. However around age 22 I began to question my faith and basic tenants/ validity of scriptures. Slowly but surely, my faith began to unravel. I think the sex negative culture of Christianity helped and supported a fight against masturbation and porn. But I began to socialize more with non Christians and enjoyed going out to bars etc.

Fast foward to age 23 to present day. I graduated Uni age 23 and was extremely luck to find a good job in a great town almost straight way. However there was one major impediment to my self confidence; I was still a virgin. In private, my porn use had started to escalate again however it was nowhere near teenage levels; not ever trying to justify it but perhaps 2 or 3 hours or so per week with fapping. I made friends fairly quickly in my new town however something was still missing; my confidence with women. I had a couple of great opportunities with girls when I first moved but I did not seal the deal (I questioned their attractiveness in my head, almost certainly as a result of porn). They were both great girls who would have been cool with a virgin's deflowering. My porn habit continued at the same background rate of 1-2x per week, average 1-3 hrs weekly.

At 25 I moved to a town nearby; many of my existing social circle of friends moved away. I was desparate to meet ppl and began talking with a girl from my hometown at work. I worked in a different department to her but I asked if she knew any socials happening soon. She invited my out with a few friends that Friday; we got quite flirty, then when everyone else had gone. Before I knew it we were heading back to hers; Result!? However in the pants department, nothing was working. Dead. I attributed this to nerves and alcohol. The next morning we tried and I successfully lost my virginity however I was maybe only 70% hard and lost my erection 2 mins in. (I explained my virginity age 25 to her - quite a shock to her but she was really understanding). I was gutted that my first time I had equipment failure. I expected to be hard as a rock. Again I suspected porn and found this website. Instantly I resolved to quit porn and minimize fapping, at least to imagination only. I stayed porn free for a month; during this time I continued seeing my work colleague (now a friends with benefits) and sex became much more successful. 10 days after the intial failure we had sex successfully twice, each time around 90% hard. I felt like I was turning a corner. By the end of september sex was fantastic for both of us (despite not lasting as long as I would like). My confidence in other areas also improved and I felt like I had more of a presence at work and socially, and I was not afraid to argue my case.

Fast foward to the start of October; I have relapsed with porn 5 times in 5 days, albeit briefly. However no fapping. But it is the porn I hate more than anything, this is what has the corrosive effect on confidence, relationships and virility. I am resolved to make Oct 9th by last no porn reset day. I have started a journal to chronicle my feelings and my partner has been supportive throughout, which helps so much.

I'm still not completely convinced regarding the no fap concept; I think telling teenage boys its wrong this may lead to unnecessary amounts of guilt and self hatred etc. It is in many ways a natural thing to do; just not with porn EVER. You should only use your imagination, as in days gone by, if thinking about your partner even better. And fapping should not be a daily or go to activity when you're bored or sad; it should only be when you are incredibly horny.

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