It’s hard to believe that it has already been three months since I decided to make a drastic change in my life; to stop doing something that I had been doing for half of my life; to stop doing something that was leading me down a dark road. I haven’t completely made it back to the light, but I can see it. The light – which to me represents self-confidence, self-respect, inner peace, and the ability to view all people as fundamentally equal and deserving of love and respect – now seems to be attainable. I have been living inside the darkness of my own head for far too long, and this journey has given me the courage to step out of the darkness and into the light.
I’m not here to report any maualuluga. I don’t have any incredible revelations that will fundamentally change… well, anything. I have no grand words of wisdom, as though I were some wise master sitting on a mountaintop.
I’m just here to say that I think I’m going to be okay. I’ve got a lot of issues I need to deal with that I am (finally) considering seeking professional help with. I have a beautiful wife (who has remained unaware of this journey, but has assuredly reaped the benefits) and an amazing daughter who is my world. I’m also a writer and musician, though I have let my art fall by the wayside over the past few years as I retreated farther and farther into myself. I thought that I was dealing with writer’s block, because I could not allow myself to put words on paper or notes on strings. Since I started this journey, however, I have recommitted myself to my art, and am now working on three songs with a fourth starting to work its way out of me.
I’ve got a long way to go. I did a lot of damage to myself over the past 16 or so years, and 90 days without PMO is a great start to fixing that damage.
For me, this is just the beginning.
I most likely won’t be around as much, because I am ready to focus on living, creating, and loving, but I will always keep you all in my mind.
To those of you who are just starting this journey: Don’t get down on yourself if you don’t experience the “superpowers” that you may expect. You are doing a great thing for yourself, and that’s all that really matters.
To those of you who are beyond 90 days: Thank you so much for the inspiration; for giving me the confidence that I, too, could do this.
Ou te alofa ia te outou uma.
(I am aware that most 90-Day posts are full of energy and vitality, with a wide-eyed eagerness to embrace life to its fullest, and I love those posts, but this post is definitely not that. This post is not negative, however. I just found myself in more of a reflective mood this morning (being more aware of the deep-seated issues that I have buried for so long probably has something to do with it!), but I still wanted to share my gratitude and appreciation to you all for helping me reach this incredible milestone.)
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