Taiala 6: Toefuataiga Mausa (Mana o le 21!)

Now I know this topic has been covered quite a bit, but I’d like to offer my take on it with a few variations on what I have found that has worked very well.

• Habit Cycle: I’ve said before that we are creature who seek out comfortable habits, most of the time we are not even aware of our habits. The habit equation is simple, Trigger>Behavior/Response>Reward. The brain creates habits subconsciously to conserve willpower and mental energy for other task. Now when applying this to PMO I believe it is a two part habit Cycle.
• Fa'amalo:Mental distress or depletion of willpower
• Behavior/Response: Temptation and rationalization why you should PMO.
• taui: Allowing yourself to begin the tuli (Intentionally looking at or seeking explicit content)

Now The reward of this habit Cycle triggers the next Habit Cycle.

• Fa'amalo: The HUNT!
• Behavior/Response: Masturbation/Edging/Porn Binging.
• taui: Orgasm and the pleasant realization of “What the hell just happened…”

Now that you understand how the Habit Cycle works lets talk about how to reform it.

• Habit Reformation: Now once a habit has been form it is now a pathway in your brain that can never be undone, but it can be overridden. That being said this is why you really can’t ever go back to PMO afterwards, you will only reconnect the Habit & it will be back with a vengeance, but I have a very compelling reason why you should never PMO again and I will talk about that in the next Guide. Now you need to readjust the first habit Cycle. I will give my personal habit reformation as an example.
• Fa'amalo: Mental Distress, Willpower Depletion.
• Behavior/Response: Reflection in my journal/A Cold Shower/Willpower Booster: 10 min relaxation or nap.
• taui: TV Show, Movie, or a book/comic.

Now I have found difficulty in trying to reform this habit, the reason being is forming a new habit requires a lot of willpower, the whole point of a habit is turn all the willpower you have previously invested into an subconscious response so that you can go form new habits. This is actually why the PMO Habit is so tempting, it requires no willpower & has an instant reward even though it is a mere illusion that dissipates once your done. Once I have experienced mental distress or I am depleted, I feel like doing nothing or trying to skip to my reward & watch TV. The problem with this is you need to disperse the built up energy/emotions through a different Behavior/Response before you enjoy your reward or it will just fester and get worse while your miserably sitting their watching TV. That being said don’t binge on your reward enjoy it for the duration of the movie, TV episode, or Book/Comic Chapter and get back to living. Now you can mentally practice the reformation of your new habit by imagining yourself going through the Cycles and changing the behavior.

I have found success recently in a different approach to the PMO Habit. I recommend that you create a battle plan like I did as a final resort but then surround that particular habit with a barrier.

• Habit Barrier (Mental Distress): Now in order to help with the difficulty of the reformation of a new habit I recommend first practicing your skill in forming new habits. Such as working out, committing time to a hobby everyday, meditating, ext. Now the idea behind this is not only are you getting better at forming new habits but you can surround yourself with a new set of habits that works as a barrier to the mental distress trigger. You see we are constantly seeking pleasure & as a result of that we are interested in getting it as fast as we can (PMO Addiction.) But if you begin to a live a rewarding life & you begin to fill your daily routine with Habits that are constantly making you feel good about yourself you won’t need to get quick fixes of it through PMO or other addictions. Addictions give you an instant reward but it is short lived. A healthy habit on the other hand requires a lot of commitment and willpower to create, but once you have formed it, the investment you have made will be constantly paying you back in an abundance of fulfillment. With this new found sense of constant fulfillment you won’t be seeking PMO Rewards because you have something much more rewarding. Next time you’ve had a tough day your subconscious response will be this new habit.
• Habit Barrier (Willpower Depletion): Now my previous guides have addressed the subject on how to conserve & increase Willpower, as well as some techniques to use when your willpower is low so I recommend going back & reading those. I wanted to recap on something I have find compelling and helpful for myself & that is the paradigm shift I have recently experienced and has helped me avoid this trigger. My quote puts it perfectly.

• “Pain comes from within, it is not what happens to us externally that hurts us but our lack of accepting or expecting perfection from our lives & the people in it. We must learn to accept the imperfections, take responsibility & show self compassion in order to be happy.” -ARS

If you are constantly practicing this philosophy you will find yourself not so often drained of precious resources. Now reading & knowing something are completely different from being able to apply it. Even though I experienced a relapse last week I never stopped trying to apply these principles to my life, I got right back up & continued forming my habits and committed myself to following this philosophy.

• Le Mana o 21: To put it simply it takes on average 21 days (3 weeks) of consecutive effort to create a habit. At the same time it is recommend that you dedicate your willpower to one habit at a time until moving onto a next one. I recommend you write down a list of things that you wish to begin doing on a consecutive basis and put them in an order that you plan to follow. This list can consist of exercising, reading, a new hobby, keeping a journal, ext.) Though I recommend you begin with exercising, it is the most important habit to form for fighting addictions. In order to form this habit you need to have it set in your mind that every day you wake up you are going to workout no matter what. Set a time that you wish to workout, if you are unable to meet your set time one day just let yourself know, you will do this before you go to bed and don’t bother listening to your irrational thoughts trying to convince you out of it. Just remember if you can last 3 weeks it will be a habit and require less willpower to do. I have found great success with this and now I do my P90x workout everyday with ease I simply show up and press play. I am on the 4th week with not one day missed & now I am committing my willpower to forming a 4 hour daily study session. Do not allow a relapse to interrupt your habit formations for they are going be one of the reasons you wont relapse again. Once you’ve worked out for 3 weeks begin to play an instrument or read a book 30 minutes a day while still continuity working out. You can begin multiple habits but only commit to one at a time, make it your mission to form that one habit at all cost.
• Show UP!: Starting a new habit will be difficult and will require you to get out of your comfort zone. The key to complete the 21 days is to just SHOW UP! If its working out just show up and complete the run or complete the workout video/regimen. It is not going to be fun and you are not going to be good at it but I guarantee you if you just keep showing up you will get better. Don’t get discouraged and always complete the workout no matter what it takes. This is a matter of character & we need to sculpt ourselves into one hell of a character.

One last note when you are doing this for the first time. When you wake up in the morning you are not going to feel like working out for all the wonderful reasons your irrational brain can think of, you just have to remember that it is not what you feel that matters but what you want & what you want is a better life!

Remember, we my friend are much bigger then this.