Mutengo wekurega zvinonyadzisira uchidzidzisa vana nezve bonde. Clinical psychologist Robyn Salisbury (2020)

Relevant excerpt:

Ndakabatsirawo vakawanda vakaroorana kugadzirisa matambudziko ekuita zvepabonde ayo akamuka kubva pakumhanya-mhanya kumutsa uye kufema kubva nekukurumidza kukurudzira kwekuona, zvichisiya munhu iyeye asingakwanise kumutswa kana kusvitsa orgasm pabonde ravo rakabatana.

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Imwe yemarangaridzo angu ekutanga ndeyokugara mubhavhu mumba medu muna 1960s dhorobha reStokes Valley; musha wakasviba unogara nestress mumakomo akafukidzwa pakati peUpper Hutt neLower Hutt, kuchamhembe kweWellington. Ini, ndine makore anenge mana kana mashanu pane mumwe mugumo, hanzvadzi yangu yakakura pane imwe mugumo uye hama yangu mudiki ari pakati. Amai vakamira pamusoro pedu, vaine pini yake pamusoro, vachizunza munwe wavo, vachiti: "Kana ukaramba kumira nechinhu icho uye kuchiita kuti zviome, zvichawa!" Nenguva isipi zvakaitika kwandiri, IZVI zvinofanirwa kunge zvakaitika kwandiri.

Makore mashoma gare gare ini ndakawana chinhu chinoshamisa, chichibhururuka sosi-chakavezwa chakarara pachigaro chekugezera. Ndichimhanya ndichipinda mukicheni kunoburitsa kukanganiswa uku kunaamai, ndakaudzwa kuti vasave benzi uye chokwadi, pandakapinda munzira yepahara kuti ndiiongorore zvakare, yakanga yanyangarika.

Tungamira kumberi mamwe makore mashoma uye ndiri wepakati, ndichitarisa iyo firimu nezve kubereka naAmai husiku hwevasikana, ichiteverwa nerwendo rurefu rwakanyarara kuenda kumba. Gore kana maviri gare gare hanzvadzi yangu yakapfuudza bhuku rake nezvenguva, rakagadzirwa naJohnson & Johnson, vagadziri vemapeneti ehutsanana. Semunhu anononoka kugadzira, ndanga ndine imwe nguva yekujairira iyo pfungwa uye neyangu yakanyanya kushuvira kuti mazamu agopedzisira amera. Mune fomu rechishanu, mudzidzisi wangu webiology akaita kuti mukadzi wake atidzidzise chidzidzo chimwechete nezve kubereka, sezvinei asina hanya nezvaaive achitiyera nekusavapo kwake.

Kashoma kushamisika ipapo, chokwadi, kuti pandakazoona zvinonyadzisira ndakanga ndisingazivi kuti ndozvinoita. Mum na baba vaive nemukaka wemakore matatu kubva pandaive nemakore gumi nematanhatu, vachindipa mukana wakajeka mwedzi nevhiki kusvika Playboy uye Penthouse. Kusimudza asi panguva imwe chete kuvhiringidza, ndakanetseka nezvenzira dzese dzandaisataridza sevasikana mumafoto uye kuti ndaifanira kuitirwa saizvozvi here kana kuti kwete. Amai havana; iyo chete makeup yaakange akapfeka yaive lipstick uye ini ndaimutarisa achibvisa pamusoro navy pamusoro stitching yaakange asonera paakanga achangobva kuitwa pachena light rebhuruu chipfeko, kutaura kwaitaridza kunge tarty. Ini ndakagadzirirwa kusarudza pakati pekuve musikana akanaka uye musikana akanaka? Zvakaenzana kana kuti zvimwe zvakanyanya kukosha, ko vakomana vacho vaidei?

Kwakanga kuri kumwe kufungidzira panguva iyoyo kuti kuedza kwangu kwekutanga kuita bonde kwaive kushunguridzika, kusaziva uye kusingagutsi. Vana vedu vari kuziviswa zviri nani here muna 2020 kupfuura muzana rapfuura? Vamwe vachadaro asi ndinotya kuti vazhinji havasati, saka ini handina kushamisika kuona zvakawanikwa zvakatungamirwa nemukuru wedu, David Shanks, wekutsvagurudza kwehofisi yake muvadiki uye zvinonyadzisira. Ichi chidzidzo chakakosha chakaratidza kuti, nepo vanhu vedu vadiki vachikwanisa kutaura nevakuru nezvezvavari kuona kuti vabatsire kuzviita, vazhinji havataure nevabereki vavo, vachipiwa mukana wokuona zvinonyadzisira. Imhosva uye kunyara kutyaira kwavo kutarisa pasi pevhu, kune vasikana kune hukuru hwakanyanya kupfuura hwevakomana, nekuda kweiyo mbiri yakapamhi ivo vachiri kusangana nayo. Dambudziko ravo riri kuenderera mberi: sei kuva wakanaka asi uchiremekedzwa.

Tsvagurudzo yakaona zvakare kuti, nekuda kwekuti porn inowanikwa nyore nyore pane makumi mana ezvigadzirwa vana uye vanhu vadiki - kana kuti shamwari dzavo - vanowana, zvave zvakajairwa. Vechidiki vakataura mhando yekuziva kuti haisi chaiyo bonde asi, kunyangwe zvakadaro, kuti iri kuumba mafungiro avo. Kupiwa simba rekumanikidza kwevezera, kubvunzurudza kwakadzama kwakaratidza kuti, kunyangwe ivo vachiziva bonde zvepamhanzi haisi bonde chairo, zvakajairika kune vechidiki kuti vateedzere zvavakaona mu porn nekuti ivo vanofunga kuti ndizvo izvo mumwe wavo angade kana. kutarisira. Ivo vanobvuma kuti ivo vane chokwadi chekuda kuziva nezve bonde nehunhu hwavo hwebonde, vane bonde mahormone anotenderera achitenderedza miviri yavo, saka porn zvakare inova zviri zviviri nyowani yekumuka uye bonhora yekubatsira, uye yekushandisa yekungofa.

Zvakajairika kune vechidiki kuti vateedzere zvavakaona mu porn, kunyangwe ivo vachiziva kuti zvepabonde porn haisi iro bonde chairo.

Aya ndiwo maitiro atinoda kuti vana vedu vadzidze nezvebonde here? Kuziva uye kunzwisisa kwavo kuda zvepabonde kunoenderana nemhando ipi yemabasa ezvinonyadzisira anovatenderedza? Mhinduro kubva kwandiri uye ndinoshuvira ruzhinji rwevanhu vedu, is a resounding a.

Pane zvakawanda zvakawandisa pakurara pamwe nekubatana pabonde kupfuura zvingagone kuratidzwa nechero vhidhiyo ine chinangwa chekushambadza chinosimudzira chinangwa. Kutaura zvazviri, ndakaona vazhinji vakaroora vasina humhizha hwakakosha hwehukama hwepamoyo uye vanhu vazhinji vanonzwa zvakashata pamusoro pemuviri wavo kana "kuita" zvakasiyana nezvavakaona pamhepo. Uyezve, zvinonyadzisira zvinowanzoenzanisa chinhu chakavhara "kuita"; kushandisa mumwe wako, pane kuva nehanya navo. Kana zvinokuvadza, kunyange hunhu hunhu huchishumwa, zvinowanzove zvakafungidzirwa pakudzidza kubva pakasarudzika kuona zvinonyadzisira zvisina kumbotorwa nekubata zvinobudirira.

Ndakabatsirawo vakawanda vakaroorana kugadzirisa matambudziko ekuita zvepabonde ayo akamuka kubva pakumhanya-mhanya kumutsa uye kufema kubva nekukurumidza kukurudzira kwekuona, zvichisiya munhu iyeye asingakwanise kumutswa kana kusvitsa orgasm pabonde ravo rakabatana. Maonero angu pachangu nezve mainline porn ndeekuti, zvakafanana nezvekudya uye doro, haisi iyo chigadzirwa zvakanyanya semabatirwo amunoshandisa - kunyangwe paine zvimwe zvigadzirwa mune yega yega matatu mativi ayo anosimudzira hupenyu kupfuura vamwe. Mhedziso yangu kubva pamakumi matatu emakore ehunyanzvi ruzivo inofanirwa kunge iri yekuti zvinonyadzisira haingori mudzidzisi akanaka.

Kukurukurirana kwevabereki nezvevanyadzisi kunowanzokurudzirwa kuuya mushure mekudzidza zvepamoyo, kazhinji kunonzi "hurukuro yebonde", inowanzoitika muhudiki kana pakati pemakore, kana zvichinge zvaitika. Maonero angu ndeekuti kwete izvi chete zvakanyanyisa kunonoka asi kuti chinangwa chavo che “kutaura” chimwe chisarudzike chakakura pane izvo zvinodiwa.

Nzira yakanakisa uye pachena ndeyekuti tinosimbisa dzidzo yepabonde kubva mukuzvarwa zvichienda mberi. Kuda kuziva nezvemuviri wako kune hutano uye chinhu chakavanzika. Tarisa uone kukwezva pachiso chemucheche sezvavanowana kuti ruoko urwu ruri kutendeuka pamberi pavo ndechavo, vari pasi pavo. Cherechedza kutsunga kwavo kana iwe ukaedza kudzosera firita pavari pavanenge vachiita basa rakasimba kwazvo rekugeza genital, nekuti vawana kuti zvinoita sei. Nguva yekugeza uye yekupfeka mukana wakanaka wekupa mazita emuviri. Vana vakagamuchira meseji yevabereki yekuti miviri yavo uye kuda kwavo kuita zvakanaka vachatungamira vabereki pane izvo zvavanoda kuziva. Vamwe vanozvitaura nekubvunza mibvunzo, vamwe vachiongorora, vamwe vachiita zvese zviri zviviri.

Chero mubereki anonzwa kushushikana pavanouya kuzotaura nezve "zvakavanzika", vimbiswa; izvo zvinovandudza nekudzidzira. Mumazuva angu ekutanga epekupa zano ndaigara ndichiita ruma apo ndaifanira kutaura mazwi ekuti "penis" kana "bonhora". Ini ndaingojaira kutaura mazwi akadai, kunge mukadzi akabatana nehukadzi aine murume wechirume! Pandinonyora izvi ndinoshamisika, ini ndaive ndakagadzikawo kana kujaira kutaura clitoris, vulva, vagina? Ndine chokwadi nazvo. Zvino, mune imwe kambani, ndine chokwadi kuti mazwi aya anobvisa rurimi rwangu zvakareruka.

Sezvo sezvavanokura kune mikana yakawanda kwazvo yekudzidzisa vana nezve kuvanzika, kuremekedza, mafaro uye kubvuma. Iyi hurukuro haidi uye haifanirwe kumirira kuyaruka. Nenzira iyoyo kana nguva yekutaura nezvebonde ichiitwa, iyo nheyo dzinozivikanwa uye nzira dzekutaurirana nehunyanzvi hwekuzvishandisa, zvese zvakasimbiswa. Iwe wave wave wakachengeteka kuenda-kune chero munhu mibvunzo kana zvinoshungurudza uye kukosha uye hwaro hwekuvandudza kugona kuverenga zvinonyadzisira kuri munzvimbo. Kune anokosha matungamirirwo ekukurukura nezve porn uye zvakabatana zvishandiso neruzivo pane gdc-digital.govt.nz , pamwe chete nemirhumo yakadzama pamusoro pekutsvagisisa pane iyi nyaya.

Ehezve, izvo zvaunoteedzera mukati mako vana vako vari kukura makore zvichave zvakanyanya kutapura pane zvaunotaura. Paunogadzira mu whānau yako tsika yekurukurirano yakavhurika, dzimwe nguva iwe uchafanirwa kunzwa mafungiro ayo akasiyana zvakanyanya neaya iwe aungade kupa kune vechidiki vako. Asi kana ukasaratidza kufarira uye nekuremekedza maonero avo, nei vangazoteerera uye kufunga zvako? Uye kana iwe uchipomera zvimwe zvavanotenda kana kusarudza, nei vachiuya kwauri kana vachinge vavhiringidzika kana kunetseka nezvavakaona kana kusangana nazvo? Pane nzira dzekuratidza kushushikana dzinodzivirira kupusa.

Vabereki vanogona kubatsirwa chaizvo nebasa ravo kubatsira vana vavo kuvandudza kuzivikanwa kwavo pabonde uye kuvimba navo. Zvikoro zvedu zvinorayirwa kuti zvipe maawa 12-15 efundo dzepabonde pagore kubva vachiri vadiki kusvika kusvika pakupera kwesekondari. Zvinosuruvarisa chikamu ichi chedzidzo chinoratidzika kunge chiri kuitika muzvikoro zvishoma, asi kana isu takaita kuti vese vadzidzisi vadzidziswe uye vatapiwe ruzivo rwekupinza zvepabonde muzvidzidzo zvavo, isu tichava rimwe danho rekubatsira vechidiki vese kuti vave nekujeka uye kwakapoteredzwa nzwisiso. yedzimwe pfungwa dzakakosha. Zvino kana vava vabereki ivo vanopihwa basa racho. Ini ndinotenda nemazviri kuti, pamwechete, tinogona kugadzirira vana vedu chero chavachaona nezvebonde uye zvepabonde muhupenyu hwavo hwese.

Vana vasina kugadzirira vanovhenekwa zvinonyadzisira vanoenzana nekubatwa chibharo.

Nenzira, ini ndinofanira kugumisa pane yambiro yekuzivisa. Vana vasina kugadzirira vanovhenekwa zvinonyadzisira vanoenzana nekubatwa chibharo. Vanogona kuve vachinetseka kana kunyangwe kuremerwazve nezvavanoona, nemhedzisiro yese inoshungurudza maitiro uye mukana weiyo vakuru zvine hukama hwepabonde zvinetso zvatsanangurwa pamusoro. Vana vanoshandiswa kukurukura nyaya dzebonde nevabereki vanokwanisa kuudza chero kuburitswa kwakadaro vowana rubatsiro rwavanoda kugadzirisa nekugadzirisa maitiro avo. Vabereki / whānau nevamwe vanochengeta vanofarira kuchengetedza vana uye vanhu vadiki vanogona kuverenga zvakapfupikiswa zvizere zvetsika dzakajairika pabonde pazera rega rega, kana paine chekuita nezvebonde uye maitiro ekutora nezve kubatwa zvisina kufanira kwevacheche pabhuku randakarongedza rine zita Huru Kuve Vana. Izvi zvakagadzirwa nehunyanzvi hwekunze Toni Cavanagh Johnson.

Mukati mekunyora bhuku iro, mune rangu chiitiko chepfungwa uye muhupenyu hwangu, iwo iwo meseji meseji ino zadza pachena uye zvakare: kuvhurika uye kutendeseka kwakakosha muhukama hwese, uye kunyanya ayo atinawo nevana vedu nevachiri kuyaruka. Kana iwe ukaita imba yako nzvimbo yakachengetedzeka apo vana vanogona kukurukura izvo zvavakaona online pasina kutya kana kunyara, izvo zvakanyanyisa zvikamu zvezvekuona zvinonyadzisira zvinopera simba ravo.

Robyn Salisbury ndiye chiremba wepfungwa wezvepfungwa, anogara achiitwa Svondo magazini munyori wenhau uye mupepeti wa Huru Kuve Vana: Kudzivirira kushungurudzwa kwevana pabonde muAotearoa / NZ.

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