Last call! Watch the trailer and help fund the documentary

Comments

Alright so I'm on day 25 of my reboot but before my last relapse I had a 42 day streak and before that I had a 4 month streak. In fact my longest streak was nine months. Although my last relapse was one of the worst I've ever had because of the way I relapsed. Let me back up a little bit and start from the beginning. My addiction started around the time I was 13 or 14 and quickly progressed. I started looking at weirder and weirder porn. I was just looking for an escape and everyday wanted more and more. I think I just have an addictive personality. I remember around the time I started watching porn I started smoking and drinking and I realized after a night of drinking with the boys it felt great to bust a nut to some weird fucked up porn ( or just edge for hours on end). When I was a freshman in highschool I was introduced to adderall, I was told it would help me stay focused in school. However I wasn't told that it would make my addiction ten times worse (I didn't even know I had an addiction at the time). It felt so good to masterbate for 10-12 hours hours straight to fucked up porn while on adderall and I didn't realize how bad I was hurting myself (To make it worse I used to always masterbate in the prone position). I only would do this about once a week but it was extremely harmful and my habit of popping adderall and masterbating to porn continued throughout high school. I got my first kiss when I was 16 and didn't question the fact I wasn't hard (probably cuz I was hammered) but anyway I had my chances with several girls in highschool and I didn't know what was wrong with me when I couldn't get a fuckng erection for any of them. My senior year I discovered your brain on porn and was releaved to find out I could fix my social anxiety, my ED, my ADD and my depression. I then went nine months with out porn and masturbation but it took a long time to recover and I got overwhelmed with school my freshman year fall semester and I relapsed but I only relapsed to regular porn and I used my hand rather than the prone position. I convinced my self that this was okay for awhile until I realized I'm still not recovered and eventually quit for another four months and at the end of that I felt pretty recovered and for some reason I relapsed a couple times and then quit for another 42 days. The last relapse I had was awful because I decided to pop adderall but only to get homework done and when I was coming down off it I relapsed into the weird fucked up porn I used to watch but I only used my hand not the prone position. This set me back a lot though and Put me into a severe flatline. I never regretted something so much in my life. I hooked up with this girl the other night and ended up going down on her because I knew my dick wouldn't work. So here I am 19 years old, a virgin, a porn addict...but I swear I won't relapse again. I'm planning on going the rest of my life in hard mode!!

ghgvjvjvjvj

By the way I plan on posting on here monthly, I just thought I should say that

ghgvjvjvjvj

So I was planning on posting every 30 days but I have felt like shit the whole day and I just really need to vent. So I mentioned before that my last relapse sent me into a severe flatline and I have been in and out of flatlines ever since. I have 42 days of no pmo under my belt and I don't plan to relapse ever again but right now I just feel awful. I've been having trouble focusing all day and thats a problem because I'm stressed from school right now. I'm a sophomore in college and I'm an Engineering major so I have a lot of work. Today all I have been thinking about is how much porn has negatively impacted my life. When I was 14 and I started using porn very heavily everyone around me noticed the change. They all thought I seemed depressed and detached from the world. My Dad figured the reason for my depression was because of "genetics". The reason he thought this was because my mom had struggled with depression and she commited suicide when I was three years old. But anyway I got sent to therapy for my depression and I hated being accused of being depressed. I was put on Prozac and I didn't want to take it because it seemed ridiculous that I needed a pill to be happy. I would constantly argue and snap at my step mom and my Dad and I feel so bad about that now. I just want to change so many things in my life. I do okay in school and I work very hard and I love lifting and running and I'm in great shape but I have never had a girl friend and I'm not that outgoing. I have a pretty good amount of friends at school and back home too but I guess what I want to say is I would like to strengthen all the relationships I have with people and also make new ones and the only way I can do that is by recovering from this awful addiction. Porn set me back in life and that really hurts and right now I'm in a awful flatline and that's where I am and I hate the fact that all I'm doing right is complaining but I just feel so low like I will never get out of this flatline. My last relapse was certainly my rock bottom because I felt like my life was over after it happened. I felt so ashamed and ever since then I've been thinking about how long I have left in life? And all the things that porn has prevented me from doing!! And it hurt really bad but it was the truth...porn took so much life away from me. I started thinking about other people in my life and how much time I have left to strengthen my relationships with them and spend time with them especially my Dad because he is so important to me and has helped me out so much in life. Me and my dad have an okay relationship now but I really want to make him proud and I can't do that if I continue with this addiction. Anyway I realize masterbation is just as bad as porn in my situation and I feel like that's how it is for all the young guys who have wired there brains to Internet porn and never had any real sexual experience. So I'm going to continue this journey and hopefully I have some good new about my reboot next time I post on here.

ghgvjvjvjvj

The things that help the most are exercise, meditation, time in nature, socializing and beneficial stressors like cold showers: http://yourbrainonporn.com/cold-showers Also, if you're fantasizing a lot, read this: What about fantasizing during a reboot?

Thanks I appreciate the advice but right now I'm still in a flat line and I have basically no sex drive so I'm not worried about a relapse. In fact I know I'm not going to relapse again even once I'm out of the flatline. Porn has just negatively impacted my life too much for me togo back

ghgvjvjvjvj

I relapsed earlier today and it is killing me. I really didn't think I would ever go back. I popped adderall yesterday and its like a pmo trigger to me. I took adderall because I had to write a paper and after I wrote the paper I slept for an hour woke up and pmo'd...I literally never felt more disgusting in my life.

ghgvjvjvjvj

So I'm only six days in unfortunately, if I hadn't relapsed on may 4th I would be on day 72 right now...this fucking sucks. All I want to do is go back in time and not relapse. For the last week my dick has been completely dead and I just regret relapsing so much. I really never thought I'd relapse. I thought I was stronger than that.

ghgvjvjvjvj