30 yillik PMO dan so'ng - hayotimda birinchi marta jinsiy aloqa paytida erektsiya qildim

82 kun - bu e'lon qilish g'alati raqam, ammo men bugun katta marraga erishdim. Tezkor fon. Men ajrashganman va birinchi sevgilimga (va birinchi jinsiy sherigimga) uylandim. Bu o'n yildan ko'proq davom etdi va PMO meni deyarli jinsiy hayotga olib kelmasligini sabab bo'lganini tan olishdan uyalaman.

Ajrashish faqat PMO tufayli emas edi, ammo men sizga aytishim mumkinki, jinsiy hayotsiz munosabatlar yomon munosabatlar, davr.

Ajrashganimdan so'ng, men ko'plab o'zgarishlarni boshdan kechirdim, shu jumladan juda ko'p vazn yo'qotish, ishimni, mashinamni, qarashimni va hamma narsani o'zgartirdim. Ammo men PMO-ni o'zgartirmadim, garchi nikoh bo'yicha maslahatchi menga pornografiyaga qaram ekanligimni to'g'ri aytgan bo'lsa ham (men tashlanish sababini ko'rmadim - menda GF yo'q edi va bu juda tasalli edi).

Ajrashganidan bir yil o'tgach, men tezda chiroyli g'amxo'r qiz bilan uchrashdim va siz allaqachon bu voqeani taxmin qilishingiz mumkin - men uni ko'tarolmadim. Va xuddi turmush qurganim kabi, hay-haylay boshlaganim kabi, men shunchaki buzilib qoldim va bu qiz men jinsiy aloqadan tashqari ajoyib yigit ekanligim bilan yashashga majbur bo'ladi.

U bizni juda yaxshi qo'llab-quvvatladi va mening muammolarimni "ko'rib chiqamiz" dedi va bu meni o'zimning savolim haqida o'ylashga majbur qildi. Taxminan bir yil oldin menga qanday muammo bo'lganligi to'g'risida oldindan ma'lumot berilganligi sababli, men bu haqda o'qishni boshladim, ushbu forum, YBOP va boshqa saytlarni topdim. Bir kuni men ta'tilda bo'lganimda va ko'chaga chiqish o'rniga noutbukda pornografiyani tomosha qilmoqchi edim va o'zim zavqlanardim, bu meni urdi - bu muammo edi. Men to'xtashim kerak edi.

O'sha kun 82 kun oldin bo'lgan va men onanizm va orgazm kabi narsalarni mukammal bajarganimdan faxrlanaman. Men pornografiyada bir necha kundan keyin takrorlanayotganimni aytishdan g'ururlanmayman - odatda bir necha daqiqali bikini / yumshoq yadro, lekin men uning hali ham noto'g'ri ekanligini bilaman. Bu men hali ham kurashayotgan jang.

Biroq, hech bo'lmaganda men uchun nofap bu echimning asosiy usuli bo'lib tuyuladi, chunki men o'lganim sababli, desensitizatsiyaga duch kelganman - men PIV yoki BJ dan hech narsa sezmadim yoki qo'limdan boshqa narsani sezmadim. Mening qo'limni butunlay yo'q qilish orqali men o'zimni sekin his qila olaman (juda sekin, lekin albatta).

Taxminan 45 kun ichida men PIEDning ketishini aniq his qildim, ammo bu hali ham mukammal emas edi. Men o'sha paytda o'zimning GF-ga o'zimning muammoim haqida gapirib berdim, bu erda munozara uchun yana bir narsa; hech bo'lmaganda mening ahvolimda unga gapirish juda foydali bo'ldi, shunda u meni yaxshilashimga yordam berish uchun nima qilish kerakligini tushunadi.

Va tunnel oxiridagi nurga erishish uchun - bu umid qilamanki bu faqat BIRINChI yorug'lik - bugun ertalab men uni PIV paytida ushlab turishga muvaffaq bo'ldim, shuning uchun hayotimda birinchi marta (va men 30 yoshga kirganman ) Men qizga orgazmni aynan shu narsadan berdim. Bundan tashqari, men o'zimni juda ko'p his qildim (shubhasiz, men kirib, davom eta olganim uchun), lekin hali ham to'liq qayta yuklanishimdan oldin borishim kerak.

Ha, bu biroz maqtanchoq xabar, lekin men boshqalarning maqtanchoqlik haqidagi xabarlarini o'qishni yoqtirardim, chunki ularning muvaffaqiyati mening muvaffaqiyatimga umid bag'ishladi. Hali ham boradigan yo'llarim bor, lekin agar sayohatimning fikrlarini umumlashtirsam:

  • Uzoq vaqtdan beri PMO nikohi ichkaridan ichkariga kirib ketishiga sabab bo'lgan
  • Nihoyat, uch oy oldin o'zimning qaramligimga duch keldi va 100% nofap (chekka yoki mastit) ustida yaxshi edi, lekin pornografik jihatdan juda ham yaxshi emas (juda qisqargan, ammo pornografiya emas)
  • Barcha tafsilotlarni yangi qiz do'sti bilan o'rtoqlashdi. Shuning uchun men qayta ishga tushirish bilan bir vaqtda "oson" rejimni qayta ulayman.
  • 45 kun ichida juda oz miqdorda PIED (ba'zi ishlash xavotirlari bilan almashtirilgan)
  • PIV 82 kun ichida bajarilishi mumkin edi
  • Mening orgazmsiz 90 kundan ortiq vaqt o'tdi va men portlamayman, shuning uchun bu hamma bolalar uchun kerak emas

82 kundan keyin NOIVni bajarish uchun hech qachon PIVni bajarishga qodir bo'lmagan PMO odatiga ega bo'lgan. Reboot, albatta, to'liq emas, balki juda ko'p davom etmoqda va qurbonliklarga arziydi

Hurmatli foydalanuvchi - 82 kunlik post - tunnel oxirida chiroq bor!

by halihangarxonan1


 

YANGILASH - Taxminan to'rt oydan keyin men odat bo'lib qolayapman

Mening to'rt oylik nofap yilligim bir necha kun ilgari. Mening hozirgi qiz do'stim bilan uchrashganimdan bir oy o'tgach, bu tuyalarni sindirib tashlagan somonga aylandi. U shunchalik shirin va tushunarli edi va men uni juda yomon his qildim, lekin amalga oshira olmadim va hayotimda ilk marotaba faqat uning uchun emas, o'zim uchun yaxshiroq bo'lishni xohlayotganimni aytdim. Keyin dasturni o'qib chiqdim, o'qidim, o'qidim va qaror qabul qildim.

<--break->” src=”https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/spacer.gif” title=”<--break-->“>It has not been without its bumps. I’ve been completely free of fap — no edging, no masturbation — but not pornfree. I’ve learned that its not because I am not satisfied looking at my girl, but its because of the novelty of seeing something new.</p><p>My main symptom was terrible PIED; while I was married for over a decade (to my first girlfriend and only sexual partner ever) I can’t say I ever successfully had PIV sex. I just assumed I was ‘broken’ at sex and that the PMO cycle was not the problem.</p><p>During the divorce I saw a counselor who told me I was addicted to porn, but I was going through a LOT of things and chose to ignore it, thinking whats the problem with PMO when you don’t have anyone. Looking back it was so stupid, but in my own defence, I was able to lose a LOT of weight and change my attitude towards women even before I quit PMO.</p><p>At around the 30 day mark of the program I told my girlfriend what I was going through. She was supportive and I stuck with ‘easy’ mode in the sense I still had sexual activity, just didn’t O, and still had PIED issues. At around the 90 day mark I for the first time in my life had PIV sex where I gave her an orgasm, and a few days later, I actually had an O inside a woman for the first time EVER. It was such a different experience that I didn’t even know it was happening till it was done.</p><p>Suffice to say I felt pretty good (even though like any one who is having first time sex, it was sooo quick). Then I think I fell into a flatline, or something happened. For the next two weeks I couldn’t get it up at all, and I was despondent. I felt like I did in my first relationship, that I was broken. But unlike last time, I felt horrible because I wanted to be better, because I know myself and my girlfriend deserve a normal sex life.</p><p>If one thing I’ve learned as a side effect of giving up PMO is that your emotions pour out of you like no one’s business. And this weekend after some progress in the right direction a few things happened that led me down a deep, dark path of self doubt. I can say honestly I never thought about relapsing, but I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel.</p><p>I also read the forums and we all know that in addition to the success stories we have stories of struggle, and there was a post yesterday that was something like “I just want to cry”. And I’m a typical guy, was told never to cry, and then you add on PMO which masks our emotions, I never cried. But I just cried about where I am, and cried in front of my girlfriend, just because the emotions were pouring out and I wasn’t bottling it up anymore and I wasn’t resorting to fap either.</p><p>As someone who PMOed for 30+ years and didn’t cry for 30+ years I can say that both things are definitely wrong. I can only wish someone I trusted had told me this. I can’t say that crying on its own felt better, but confronting my emotions, my insecurities, my fears, with someone I trusted was a big step of the process.</p><p>So after being reassured that my girlfriend and I would work on it as a team, and us talking over some things that normal couples do (such as being more expressive during sex over what we like, etc) we tried again the next couple of days. The next day, I was able to have PIV sex and have an O (so yes, the second time in my life inside a woman). Since I was aware of the sensation I was able to actually delay the O for a few minutes, but still not enough for my GF to O. The day after, I can say that it was a normal (still brief) sexual encounter .. I brought my GF to O and then I O afterwards.</p><p>In any regular life this is not something to write home about, because the sex was just ‘normal’. But after all this time, being normal is all I want. I now have regular issues – having to time my and my GF O, different sexual libidos, etc. And I’m not completely out of the woods. I am still so insecure about this and know that doubt will come into my mind again.</p><p>But I only know one thing — PMO is no longer an option. I just can’t do it anymore. One last aside. A couple of days ago my GF and I watched the movie Thanks for Sharing. That movie is about sex addiction but there’s a LOT in common with our problems (as porn and masturbation addiction are often also problems of sex addicts). My GF told me after watching it she felt a lot more understanding of the journey I was going through. Since she was sitting next to me she also said I was sweating a lot through the movie. I believe that was because it was uncomfortably accurate. So we had some more serious and frank discussions about the addiction and the recovery process.</p><p>I told her that while I’ve been tempted to fap I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to fail you guys online, fail the fellow soldiers in the nofap war, fail her, or fail myself. I think about all of those folks I’d let down if I fap and then I don’t. I told her the truth that I’ve had much more difficulty with porn and that I want to give it up for good too. And then she asked me, very sweetly, to give that up for her too. And you know, I’m glad she asked me. Some guys might take it poorly (like the Don Jon character did in that movie) but I know she did it because she loves me and now every time I’m tempted to click a link I don’t want to let her down.</p><p>tl;dr After four months with some severe ups and downs, many of them emotional, am able to have normal sex with all the normal issues that normal people have. The reboot isn’t complete but the journey is the ONLY option I have.</p><hr><p> </p><p><strong>UPDATE2  <a class=- Siz yana qaytib kelishingiz mumkin (porno tufayli ajrashgan)

Shunday qilib, men butun umr porno bilan bog'liq katta muammolarga duch keldim. Mening eng yaqin do'stim u bilan o'rta maktabda tanishtirdi va men juda zerikarli, eskirgan bola edim, shuning uchun 1200 bod modemimdan GIF yuklab olish uchun soatlab vaqt sarflaganimni va uni otamdan yashirganimni eslayman (yon izoh: ota-onam menga aytmoqchi nima uchun ishlamayotganligini hech qachon tushuntirmasdan, uning yomonligi. Shuningdek, siz bolalaringiz sizdan ko'ra aqlli deb o'ylashingiz kerak - agar ular sizga ma'qul kelmaydigan ishni qilishni xohlasalar, ular buni qilishadi).

Mening porno bilan bo'lgan munosabatlarim ayollar bilan bo'lgan har qanday haqiqiy munosabatlardan oldinroq bo'lgan. Bu ayollarga qanday munosabatda bo'lishimga ta'sir qilmadi, lekin SEXga qanday munosabatda bo'lishimga ta'sir qildi. Va xulosa shuki, men haqiqiy jinsiy aloqaning ko'tarilish va tushishidan ko'ra, hukmsiz va talabga binoan jinsiy aloqani afzal ko'raman.

Shunday qilib, men nikohdan oldin "jinsiy aloqada bo'lish" haqida hech qanday ma'lumotga ega bo'lmaganimda, u qanchalik yomon bo'lganini va deyarli darhol pornografiyaga qaytganimni eslayman. Nikoh kechasida jinsiy aloqada bo'lmaganman, keyin o'n to'rt yil davomida men (hozirgi sobiq) xotinim bilan haftalik jinsiy aloqada bo'lish kechamdan qo'rqardim, bunga yo'l qo'ymaslik uchun bahona topib, keyin boshqa xonaga borib, ba'zi narsalarni topishni xohlardim porno to jack off.

Garchi bu mening munosabatlarimdagi yagona muammo bo'lmasa-da, o'yladimki, bu uning katta qismi edi - ehtimol 90%. Va bu hatto jinsiy aloqaning etishmasligi emas, balki haqiqatan ham yaqinlikning yo'qligi edi. O'sha paytda men (hozirgi sobiq) xotinim ajrashishni so'raganida, men polda edim, hozir nima uchun u jahannamni u qadar kutdi, nega men bunga yo'l qo'ydim deb o'ylayman.

Shunday qilib, ajrashish jarayonida men pornografiya bilan bog'liq muammolarni to'g'ri tashxis qilgan nikoh bo'yicha maslahatchi ko'rdim. Ammo men hali ham buni e'tiborsiz qoldirdim, ayniqsa, yigirma yil ichida birinchi marta yangi turmush qurmaganligim va pornografiya men butun hayotimni bilgan eng qulay narsa edi.

Va keyin men mukammal qiz bilan tanishdim va biz jinsiy aloqada bo'ldik. Va bu juda asabiylashdi. Bu yana yomon ketdi. Ammo bu safar men shunchaki "shunday" deb o'ylamoqchi emas edim. Men nima bo'lganini tushunib etishim kerak edi, chunki men sobiq xotinim bilan "agar sevgingiz bo'lsa, jinsiy aloqa shart emas" yoki shunga o'xshash biron bir axmoqlik haqida o'ylagan edim. Men endi baxtli, to'laqonli jinsiy hayotni uzoq muddatli munosabatlar uchun talab ekanligini bilar edim.

O'shanda men nofap va pornfree forumlarni uchratdim va xuddi men kabi odamlar haqidagi ba'zi hikoyalarni o'qidim. Va bu uzoq vaqt davomida relapslar bo'lgan yo'l edi, lekin men qariyb bir yildan beri pornografiya va fapdan voz kechishga harakat qilaman. Hozirgi qiz do'stim mening muammomni biladi va qo'llab-quvvatladi.

Men ikkalasidan ham voz kechishga urinib ko'rganimdan beri, men juda yaxshi jinsiy aloqa qildim (hech qanday tarzda mukammal emas) va u bilan orgazm qila oldim (men hech qachon sobiq xotinim bilan bunday qilmaganman). Va uzoq va qisqa - men yana shug'ullanaman, bu safar rejaning bir qismi sifatida porno va fapsiz sog'lom jinsiy hayot.

tl; dr Yigirma yilga yaqin birinchi munosabatlar PMOga qaramlik tufayli ichkaridan chirindi va ajralishga olib keldi. PMO-dan voz kechganidan keyin uni o'zgartirib, yangi munosabatlarni o'rnatishga qodir edi (** Men qiziqaman **).

Shunday ekan, siz o'zingiz kabi his qiladigan insonlar uchun past darajadadir, ko'pchiligimiz u erda bo'ldik. Qaerda bo'lishingizdan qat'iy nazar uni atrofga burishingiz mumkin.