Ngaba Ukuthanda Ngokwezesondo? (2012)

Lixesha lokuba sahlule 'inkcubeko yesini' kwizinto ezinokubuyiselwa 'kwizinto zesondo'

Ubungqina obuninzi bezenzululwazi buxhasa uluvo lokuba imvelaphi yenkanuko yesini ayizizo ezenkcubeko kodwa yinto ezalwe nayo. -ULeon F. Seltzer

Iingxelo ezinjalo zilahlekisa abantu ukuba zonke izithambeko zesondo zenziwe zilinganayo kwaye aziguquki. Oku nje akuyonyaniso. 

Ewe, izitho zangasese zihlala zivutha ngaphandle kokuyalela. Kunjalo baphandi ba bonise ukuba izilwanyana zinokumiselwa (kwaye ngamanye amaxesha kuhlengahlengiswa) ukulungisa utshintsho lwazo ngokwesini ngokukhululeka. Nangona abantu baye bakwazi ukunyusa okanye ukukhusela ukulungiswa kweepenile okanye ukuphambana nesisu kwisibhabhu xa kunikwa inkxaso yokuxhasa imali kunye / okanye ingxelo yokufundisa.

Enyanisweni, ininzi lethu lithetha ngokuthe ngqo ngokubhekiselele kwizinto ezithandwa nguzo zesondo (njengoko zichasene nezo zesini). Iibhokhwe zeplastiki. Inyaniso Sisoloko siqeqesha ubuchopho bethu-Ngenanto okanye inxaxheba yethu. Sinokukhetha ukuphepha, ukuphishekela, nokuyeka ukuphishekela, ukuphazamisa ukuba imeko yethu yesithandwa sezesondo ngokucacileyo.

Umzekelo, abaninzi abasebenzisi abancinci be-intanethi be-Internet imeko yabo yesini kwii-pixels-ezinje ukuba zingavuselelwa ngabantu abanokuba ngamaqabane (kwixhala labo). Batshintsha ngokunzulu iimpendulo zabo zesondo ngaphakathi kwiindlela ookhokho bethu ababenokufumana ukuba nzima ukuziqonda (kuba ookhokho bethu babengenakho ukufikelela kumzobo wenoveli ye-erotic cues on a click). Le nto yokuziphatha kakubi ngokwesini kubasebenzisi be-Intanethi akubonakali ngathi kuphandiwe konke konke, ke "uninzi lophando lwenzululwazi" aluchanekanga ngoku.

Isiphakamiso sokuba iminqweno yesondo ingahlaziywa ngokukodwa akuyiyo nje ingcali. Inkompo yindoda ingahlawuliswa ukhetha umlingani wesini esinye ngokubamba i-dopamine yakhe. Kwaye ayithathi thuba lide. Abaphandi bajoba umlinganiso oyindoda kunye ne-dopamine agonist (iyeza elilinganisa i-dopamine), emva koko bambeka ehokweni nenye indoda. Ezi mpuku zimbini zaxhoma kunye usuku. (I-dopamine agonist iphumile kwinkqubo malunga nosuku olunye.) Abaphandi baphinda le 2 amaxesha ngaphezulu, iintsuku ezi-4 ngokwahlukeneyo.

Kwiintsuku ezimbalwa emva koko, indoda eyabuyiselwayo yahlolwa. Ngaphandle kwe-dopamine agonist kwinkqubo yakhe, wafakwa kwisigodlo kunye nomyeni wakhe wesibini kunye nomnye umlwanyana (khumbula ukuba i-dopamine yayingaphumi kwenkqubo yakhe). Cinga ukuba yiyiphi ipiliti eyayijika kuyo? Wabonisa impendulo eninzi kumhlobo wakhe. Kuyathakazelisa ukuba ukuba u-buddy wayeyinkwenkwe yinkqonkqo echanekileyo kwaye wabonisa nje intlalo yoluntu.

Nangona kunjalo, kwaye ngokungummangaliso, ukuba umhlobo wayengumlinganiso onamava ngokwabelana ngesondo, intombi enyulu ebonakalisiweyo ibonakalisile ukunyuka okungaphezulu, uphando ngakumbi ngesini, kunye nokucela okufana nabasetyhini-ngokuchasene nokuziphatha okuqhelekileyo kokunyuka kwamadoda. Abaphandi bagxininise ukuba i-rat eyindoda ephathwayo yayingeyo-gay, njengoko engazange azame ukunyusa enye i-rat. Nangona kunjalo wayetshintshile. (Ngaba obu bubungqina bokuba abantu abadala banokuyiphembelela ngokulula indlela yokuziphatha kwabantwana ngokwesini?)

Into enomdla kukuba, iigundane zabasetyhini azinakubekwa ngolu hlobo-kuphela ngamadoda. Kwakhona, kwiintsuku ezingama-45 emva kokuba lonke uvavanyo lokuyekisa luyekile, imeko yesini eyenziweyo yayinyukile kwaye abesilisa babengenakukhetha abahlobo babo. Ngaba oku kuyanceda ukucacisa ukuba kutheni, emva kwabasebenzisi be-porn yeka ukuqinisa iifestile zabo kunye ne-dopamine-raising child-pornography, bahlala bebika ukuba zabo Ukutshatyalaliswa kweentlobo zoonwabo?

Sifundo? Amanqanaba aphezulu e-dopamine angakwazi ukubuyisela amandla ubuchopho ngokutsha kwaye atshintshe iminqweno yesondo. (Ngoku kutshanje, baphandi ba bonise imeko leyo eneenaliti eziphindaphindiweyo ze-oxytocin kunye nokuhlala ndawonye kubangele ukuba amadoda abonise ukuthanda amanye amadoda kwiintsuku ezininzi kamva-nokuba anikwe abantu ababhinqileyo abamkelayo ngaxeshanye.)

Ngokufanayo, ukuqhubeka kokusebenzisa iphonografi akunakutshintsha imeko yakho yesini, kodwa yona unako utshintshe uhlobo luni loononophala olukuvuyisa. Abasebenzisi bezentlupheko ababenomdla (ukubonakaliswa kwe-dopamine ephantsi) ukukhangela nantoni na eya kubeka i-dopamine. Xa beyifumana, i-dopamine spikes, kunye nenkqubo yokubuyiselwa kwakhona impendulo yabo yesondo sele iqalile. Ukuba bahlala behlaziya i-new genre, ubuchopho bubuqhetseba buguqula izicwangciso zabo zesondo, ezikhokelela ekungazinikanga, kwaye zihlala ziphazamisayo, zitshintshe kwiintlobo zoononophelo ezenza ukuba kunzima, okanye kungenakwenzeka, ukufikelela kwinqumle kwizinto ezithandwa ngaphambili.

Okwangoku, ibango elingenasiseko lokuba ukhetho lwe-porn "luzelwe" kunokuba "luyinkcubeko" lukwahoya umzimba omkhulu ubungqina beenkcubeko ezininzi malunga nezenzo zesini zesondo. Isazi sengqondo seKrk Witherspoon sichaza:

Ibinzana lesondo kwihlabathi liphela kwaye lonke ixesha liyazazi iintlobo ezininzi zeemvume esele zithathelwe ingqalelo njenge "ziqhelekileyo" kwenye indawo. … Okubonwa njengesiqhelo kuhlala kunento enkulu yokufunda (yokondla), hayi ukumiselwa kwangaphambili (kwendalo). Umzekelo, uninzi lwabaphuli-mthetho ngokwesondo endibavavanyayo ngokwabo baziswa ngesondo njengabantwana-nokuba nabanye abantwana okanye nabantu abadala. Abanye, ewe, banokuchazwa kwangaphambili ngokwendalo.

Ukusetyenziswa kwe-Intanethi kwi-Intanethi kunokuba yinto "eqhelekileyo" kwinkcubeko yethu okwangoku, kodwa kufuneka silumke malunga nokucinga ukuba izinto esizithandayo ezibonisa amanyala "azalwanga" okanye "azinakuchazeka."

Ukungahlawuliseki ngokuchaseneyo

Kwimeko yabasebenzisi be-porn, ichanekile ngakumbi ukucinga ngokwe- "irreversible" ngokuchasene "nokubuyela umva." Ukunikwa ixesha elaneleyo, okanye ukubonakaliswa ngexesha lokuzivavanya, umlutha ozinzileyo nako kukhokelela ekukhethweni okungenakuphikiswa, ubuncinane kwabanye abantu. Kwakhona, ngaphambili kwakumzekelo wokukhangela-umzekelo obonakalayo, okanye ongenakuguquguquka, kuya kuba.

Nangona kunjalo, "imeko yesondo eguqulweyo" yeyona nkcazo inokwenzeka ngamava uninzi lwabasebenzisi be-porn / abathandi banamhlanje. Bahlala bechaza ukunyuka kokuya kunzima nangakumbi ekuvuseleleni okugqithileyo. Ukuba ukuthanda kwabo endaweni yoko bekungaguquguquki, bebeya kufumana ngokukhawuleza "okufanelekileyo" kwabo kwaye banamathele kulo ngokungenasiphelo. Endaweni yokuba uninzi lubike ngokunzulu, ngokukhawuleza okukhawulezayo, utshintsho kwindlela yokuziphatha kunye nokusebenza. Njengokuba kunjalo, ukuthanda ezesondo kutshintsha ngokukhawuleza. Omnye obukeleyo wathi:

Ndingowesini esahlukileyo. Kule mihla, amadoda nabafazi endilala nabo benza izinto ezihambelana kakhulu nezenzo zoononografi kunokuba babelane ngesondo. Izinto kwiminyaka elishumi eyadlulayo zazahlukile. Kutshanje, umntu obhinqileyo ebendilele naye ubuze ukuba ndiyafuna na ukwenza isondo ezimpundu kuye. Andikaze ndikonwabele (kunye namadoda okanye abafazi) ke ndiye ndala kwaye waphantse wabonakala ekhululekile, ngokungathi yayiyinto eqhelekileyo ekulindelwe ngabafazi. Kwakhona kuthatha ngonaphakade ukuba amadoda amaninzi afikelele kuvuthondaba kule mihla. Isithandwa sam sokugqibela sinengxaki yokulibazisa ukulibazisa kwaye wayengumsebenzisi we-porn onzima kakhulu.

Omnye umfana wachaza ukunyuka kwakhe kubekho okungekho mthethweni:

Ndaqala ukubheka iifoto, rhoqo, malunga neminyaka emihlanu edlulileyo. Okokuqala zaye abafazi abahle, emva koko i-HC ye-porn, emva koko ukufakwa okungaqhelekanga, emva koko abagqithisi, emva koko abagxeki, emva koko ii-hermaphrodites, emva koko i-porn yabakwishumi elivisayo, emva koko iimodeli ezincinci kunye nentolongo ngoku (kungekudala iza kuhamba). Njengoko iminyaka idlulile ndaba nomdla omncinci kumdlalo wokuphulula amalungu esini kwaye ngakumbi nangakumbi ndinomdla ekuphandeni "izinto ezintsha". Ukuya esiphelweni, andikwazi kuhlala kwikhompyuter ngaphandle kokukhangela. Andikaze ndicinge ngokude ndichukumise nabani na okanye ndingenise imfihlo yakhe nabani na (bonke abantwana bam kunye nabanye banokukungqina oko). Ukujonga emva, andiboni ukuba kwenzeka njani ukuba ndingazi nto ngokungazie ukuba ndineengxaki.

Ukuqonda okungcono kwengqondo yeplastiki, umlutha kunye nendlela yokuguqula izinto ezinjalo kubalulekile-hleze sivalelwe abasebenzisi abanobugqwetha abanjengama-pedophiles kunokuba baphathwe ngenxa yokuzilahla ngesondo kunye / okanye ukuxilonga. Ukuqwashisa ngokubanzi ngomngcipheko wokudibanisa ngesondo kunokukhuthaza abantu abaninzi ukuba bafunde malunga nokukhetha kwabo baze bafune uncedo ngaphambili. Phawula amava la madoda amathathu:

Abancinci - Xa ndisebenzisa i-porn ngalo lonke ixesha ndisiya kwizinto ezigabadeleyo nangakumbi. Kum yayingamantombazana amancinci. Ukususela kwiminyaka eli-10 ukuya kweli-16 ubudala - hentai, iimodeli, CP; Kwakungenamsebenzi, ndiyayithanda. Andinakuze ndiphuphe ndenza nantoni na nabo. Nangona kunjalo, bendisoloko ndiziva ndingonwabanga xa ndibangqongile (kubandakanya nomtshana wam) kuba bendinengxaki enkulu yokubahlula kwiingcinga zam zesini zamantombazana amancinci. Ukusukela ukuyeka iphonografi, incasa yam kwabasetyhini sele ikhule ngakumbi kwaye yaphuhliswa. Bendihlala ndijonga abantu basetyhini abanama-boobs amakhulu kwaye ndicinga 'Meh, too great,' kodwa mva nje bendicinga 'Ooh… Boobies.' Sele iiveki okoko ndakhangela intombazana encinci kwaye ndacinga ngayo njengomtsalane ngokwesondo. TL; DR: Ndicinga ukuba ukunciphisa i-masturbation kwi-intanethi ye-intanethi kunokunceda ukulungisa i-ephebophilia / pedophilia yam.

Iinyawo - Ngokuthe ngcembe waba likhoboka le-porn-fetish fetish kwaye ekugqibeleni akakwazanga ukuyifumana ngesondo lokwenyani. Awunalo nofifi lokuba ihlazo elinjani. Emva koko ndangena kwimeko apho andinakujonga khona iphonografi kwinyanga enesiqingatha, kwaye andinakubetha. Kwiiveki ze-6 kamva, ndandivusa i-rock-solid erections kwaye isondo sasifana neentsuku ezindala kwakhona !!

Abasetyhini - andizange ndicinge ukuba ndiza kuba neentlobano zesini eziqhelekileyo. Ndandihlala ndicinga ukuba ubuchopho bam bunzima nje ukuba buvulwe kuphela ngumfazi wam obhinqileyo, ngokufanayo nendlela umfana ongathandana naye anokuvulwa ngayo ngumqhagi, kwaye akanakukuxabisa ukulala nomntu obhinqileyo. Andizange ndiyazi ukuba umntwana endicinga ukuba unzima ngaphakathi kwam, kwakuyimiphumo yokujonga i-porn. Kwakusisihogo endasenzayo. Ngoku, ngemini ye-91 engamanyala / i-masturbation, ndakwazi ukuphumelela ngesondo kunye ne-3 amantombazana ahlukeneyo kule mpelaveki, ukuhlangana ngokwesondo okona yeyona yanelisayo. Ukuhlangana kwamva kwezesondo kwandise ukuzithemba kwam ngokwesondo, kwaye kususe nakuphi na ukuthandabuza endikhe ndakwenza malunga nokusebenza kwenkqubo yokuqalisa kwakhona.

Ukhetho lokuziphatha ngokwesondo (iqhubekile)

Umyalezo oqhelekileyo othi "isini sethu asinakuchukunyiswa kukhetho lwethu" ngumyalezo onobungozi. Enye into, ngokufihlakeleyo kuthetha ukuba ukwenzakala ngokwesini kwabantwana abancinci okanye abantu abadala / abantwana ngokwesondo akunabungozi, njengoko kungenakuguqula indlela yethu yokuziphatha ngokwesondo. Inokwenzeka kangakanani le nto ukuba iyinyani-ngakumbi xa sinikwe uburhabaxa beengqondo zethu ngexesha leefestile eziphambili zophuhliso lwezesondo? (Jonga oku iphepha lwakamuva malunga nomvuzo wesondo nokukhethwa kunye neposi yethu Kutheni akufanele ukuba uJohnyny Watch Porn xa ethanda?) Emva koko, iinkokhwe zamadoda ezixoxwe ngaphambili lahlekelwa yizintandokazi zesini kunye nabo kwiintsuku ezingama-45 ngaphandle kokusetyenziswa kweziyobisi nokuziphatha.

Kuyacaca ukuba abanye abantu banesini sabo esikwimeko engahambelaniyo ngeziganeko ezingaphaya kolawulo lwabo. Umntu ongaphantsi komntwana omdala unokwenzeka, kodwa qwalasela eli bali Ubungqina Obuguqula:

URobert Stoller, MD, ugqirha wezengqondo waseCalifornia… wenza udliwanondlebe nabantu ababesebenzisa i-hardcore sadomasochism, ethi ibangele iintlungu zokwenene enyameni, wafumanisa ukuba abathathi-nxaxheba be-mesochistic bonke babenezifo ezibi emzimbeni njengabantwana kwaye befumana unyango oluqhelekileyo, oloyikisayo nolubuhlungu.

Eminye iminqweno yesondo iyabuyiselwa ngokucacileyo. Inqakrazo ukuyeka ukuqinisa (ukugquma) kwizinto ezingathandekiyo, kunye nokuyeka ukuziphatha kwanomdla wokudibanisa. Ngaloo ndlela, abantu bayazifumanisa ukuba iimfuno ezingathandekiyo ziphela emva koko, zithi, inyanga ezintathu ukuya ezintandathu. Isazi sengqondo uNorman Doidge ubhala:

Ngokubhekisele kwizigulane [ezifumana ukufunwa kweefestile ezingafunekiyo], abaninzi banako ukuhamba bebanda abandayo xa beqonda ingxaki kunye nendlela ababeyixhasa ngayo iplastiki. Bafumanisa ekugqibeleni ukuba bakhangwa kwakhona kubayeni babo. Akukho namnye kula madoda ayenobuntu obunomlingo okanye ubunzima bokubantwana, kwaye xa beqonda into eyenzekayo kubo, bayeka ukusebenzisa iikhompyutheni zabo ithuba lokunciphisa amanethiwekhi abo engxaki, kunye nesondlo sabo sezonxephezelo.

Kakade i-plasticity iyahluka. I-Doidge iyahlula abantu abanjalo abanezigulane ezingaphantsi kweplastiki:

Unyango lwabo lwezinto zesondo ezafunyanwa emva koko ebomini zazilula kakhulu kunokuba kwizigulane, ekuhlaleni kwazo [ukuphuhliswa], zafumana ukhetho lweentlobo zesini zobunzima. Nangona kunjalo ezinye zala madoda zakwazi, njengama-A., ukutshintsha uhlobo lwazo lwezocansi, ngenxa yokuba imithetho efanayo ye-neuroplasticity evumela ukuba sibe neengxaki zengxaki ivumela ukuba, kunyango olunzulu, ukufumana abatsha, abaphilileyo kunye Kwezinye iimeko, nokuba silahlekelwe bethu abadala, abakhathazayo. Ingqondo-okanye-yokulahlekelwa ingqondo, nokuba yintoni apho umnqweno wesondo kunye noluthando oluchaphazelekayo.

Iingcali ziyakunqwenela ukuchasisa uvavanyo lokugqibela de ukuba umthengi avunyelwe ukuthatha i-hiatus ende ekugqithiseni ukufunwa kwezesondo ezingafunekiyo, nokuba ngaba ngoononopopayi, ukukhangela, okanye umcabango. Ukuba ubuchule bubonakalisa ukungaguquki, ke unikezelo ngoncedo olusisiseko sokwamkela, okanye mhlawumbi ukulawula ubomi.

Ukuphilisa iimpawu zokulutha okanye ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kwe-porn ayisiyiyo "indlela yokunyanga kwakhona"

Okwangoku, kukho iingcali zezesondo ezaziwayo ezonyula ukuba umntu othile ucatshukiswa kukuthanda iphonografi (nokuba ezo zibonise kuphela emva kokusebenzisa iphonografi kakhulu) akanakwenza nto ngazo… okanye uya kuba "esenza unyango lokuphindisela. ” Ukukhusela Ukwaziswa ngezesondo kwiprogram yokwehliswayo yinjongo efanelekileyo, kodwa akukho mgaqo ukuwuphandle ngokuxhamla ukuxhatshazwa ngokwesini kunye nokuthanda izinto zesondo. Ezi zihlandlo zivame ukuba zingathandabuxhamli nolwalamano olusisiseko kunye ne-transitory, i-dopamine-agonist yenza ukuba iinqununu zesini kunye neenkwenkwezi zesondo zixutywe ngazo.

Okubuhlungu kukuba, le mfundiso ithi, “zonke iinkanuko zesini azalwa nazo” ikhokelela kubuxoki ekungekho namnye onokuze abuye ikhona isantya ngesini ngaphandle komonakalo ongenakucatshangelwa kwi-ID yakhe yesondo. Kwakhona kukhokelela ekukholweni okusasazeka ukuba ukuba ulwabelana ngesondo do morph, kufuneka batshintshele kwicala elinye kuphela: ulungelelwaniso olusondeleyo kunye nesazisi sokwenene sesini kunye "neminqweno enzulu." Oko kukuthi, ukuba ukuthanda kwakho ngokwesondo kuqala ukutshintsha, ukhetho olukuphela kwalo kukuqhubeka ujikeleza ngakumbi (ukuba likhoboka lamanye amaxesha), kwinkolelo yokuba umntu uhlala esondela kwisiseko esingaguqukiyo sesini-kunye nokuzaliseka okungapheliyo.

Nangona kunjalo njengoko sele sibonile, ukuthanda izinto ezithandekayo ngokwesondo kuhlala kukhokelela ukwanda (unyamezelo) kunokuzaliseka. Oku kuye kwenzeka nakutata wesini sale mihla, uAlfred C. Kinsey:

Kwakukho into ebuhlungu ngendlela uKinsey awayesondela ngayo kwisini, hayi kubomi bakhe babucala kuphela kodwa kuphando lwakhe. Kuzo zombini ezi ndawo, wayeya enyanzeleka ngakumbi, njengendoda eyayilikhoboka lomngcipheko wokuthatha. Ukubaleka ngokwesondo kwigumbi lakhe eliphezulu [izenzo zesadomasochistic kunye nabathandi bakhe abangamadoda] yayiyimpembelelo yezopolitiko. … Ukanti akazange anele nje ukuya ngqo ekwenzeni ezi seshoni kodwa wongeza nobungozi ngokwenza irekhodi elibonakalayo. (Biography: Alfred C. Kinsey nguJH Jones)

Nantsi into eyathethwa nguKinsey ngokwakhe, ngokusekwe kumava akhe:

Tshela abahlobo bakho abahlukumezayo ukuba baqaphele. Umzimba womntu ulungisa ngokukhawuleza kwaye amanqanaba akwazi ukukhula ngokukhawuleza.

Ingabe iKinsey ingayilumkisa abanye abafuna ukuvuselela ngokugqithiseleyo ukuba wayekholelwa ukuba uvale kwi-identity yakhe yesini? Mhlawumbi akunjalo-ingakumbi ukuba wahlalutya uphando olutsha nje nge-neuroplasticity kunye neuroscience ye-addiction, kwaye yaqwalasela ukubaluleka kwimeko yakhe.

Ukungafuni ukuphatha abaxhasi ngokubhekiselele ekuqondeni kwengqondo yeplastiki kuyabanika. Baye badikibala ekufumaneni ukuba bazisa ukuziphatha kwabo ngokwesondo kunye ne-overconsumption.

Ukuziphendukela kwemvelo kuqhutyelwa ngesondo (ukudluliselwa kweengqimba)

Njengomphandi UJames G. Pfaus ukhankanya, ukuphelelana okupheleleyo kwisigqibo sethu sezesondo akunakwenzeka, njengoko bekuya kuba yintlekeleko enkulu:

Uxinzelelo lwendaleko luguqula iindleko kunye nezibonelelo zayo nayiphi na indlela yokuziphatha, kunye namava ngomvuzo (kwaye mhlawumbi isohlwayo) kugcina umyinge weendleko-zenzuzo. … Lo mlinganiselo ungatshintsha kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo zokusingqongileyo, ngamanye amaxesha ngokukhawuleza nangokupheleleyo. Abo bangafunda ukuphendula emva kotshintsho ngequbuliso… bayakubakhupha kwakhona abo bangafundiyo.

U-Pfaus ubonakalisile ukuba isini esincancisayo sinokubekwa kwivumba, isambatho kunye nendawo ekhethwe ngumphandi (nokuba livumba lenyama ebolayo). Ngaphaya koko, kokukhona amava ezesondo esomelela ngakumbi kwi-neural wiring.

ULalumière noQuinsey (1998) babike ukuvuswa komzimba ngokusemthethweni kwindoda engqingiliyo emfanekisweni wesifazane okhangayo, ongeyena odibeneyo kunye nevidiyo ebonisa ukuxhatshazwa kwezesondo. Iqela elilawulayo elifumana ukufikelela kwisithombe yedwa (ngaphandle kwevidiyo) ibonise ukuhlala [esikhundleni].

Ngamanye amazwi, playboy kwakudlula ukuzizonwabisa; i-hardcore video uqeqesho lobuchopho. Abanye abasebenzisi, olu qeqesho lobuchopho lukhokelela utshintsho olunxulumene neziyobisi ekhangela amandla kunye nokulungiselela umntu ukuba aqhubeke nokuphinda ukuziphatha-kungekhona ngenxa yokuba uyayithanda okanye ngenxa yokuba ivela kwisithakazelo sayo sesondo-kodwa ngenxa yokuba ingqondo yakhe ineendlela ezi-hyper-sensitised zolu hlobo "lwexabiso" lomvuzo. (Unyango olubonakalayo alunakusebenza kuba endaweni yokuhlala, uya kufumana ulungelelwaniso-ngoko ukuqinisa iindlela ezingafunekiyo engqondweni yakhe).

Ingqondo yamammalia ihlanganisela ingxaki, kuba ngokuqhelekileyo kulula ukuwela engapheliyo kunokuba ikwenza ukuxhathisa izilingo ezixhokonxa ngenxa yokumodareyitha. Ukanti iingqondo zethu zigcina ezinye iiplastiki ngokungenammiselo. Ukuba abenzanga njalo, iziyobisi azinakuphila. (Bahlala besenza.)

isiphelo

Ukuqonda komntu ngesini sayo bekude kugqwethwa kukungavisisani okungapheliyo phakathi kwabaziphethe kakuhle, abantu ababhinqileyo kunye nokuzimisela okwahlukileyo ngokwesini. Ingxolo yabo iyasiphambukisa ekubeni siphande ngokupheleleyo ngesondo-kunye nokhetho. Ukuqonda indlela iplastiki kunye neemeko zesimo sezocwangciso ezisebenza ngayo abantu ziza kutyhila ingozi yokukhuthaza ku zombini ukunyanzeliswa nokugqithisa.

Ndiyabulela kwisayensi yakutshanje kunye namava aphumeleleyo kubasebenzisi bezononono ekuguquleni ukuthanda izinto zesondo, uluntu lukulungele ukuqonda ubulili balo ngokwembono yesayensi. Lixesha lokuba uthathe umhlalaphantsi kwimeme ethi, "Izinto endizikhethileyo zokuphulula amalungu esini zihlala zibubungqina besazisi sam."

Zombini iimodeli zezilwanyana kunye namava abantu (namhlanje nakwimbali) zisibonisa ukuba uninzi lwethu do izimo zesini zesimo, nangona kunjalo kaninzi ngaphandle kwenjongo yokwenza njalo. Okanye iplastiki kufuneka ibe yindlela enye-ndlela ngokubhekiselele kwindlela engaphezulu. Iminqweno yethu yokukhetha.

I-Neuroscience inokubonelela ngomhlaba oqinileyo esingawusebenzela kuwo sonke ukukhulisa inkululeko yokwenyani yomnqweno wesini somntu. Iya kuba bubuyatha ukungabutyesheli ubungqina ukuze ubambelele kwinkomo engcwele "yeencasa zesondo ezingaguqukiyo."

(Qaphela: Esi sithuba si Inxalenye yesibini yempendulo kuthotho lukaSeltzer on Billion Iingcinga Ezimbi.)

Bona kwakhona -

Umbuzo obalulekileyo

Uhanjiswe ngu-radoA ngo-Tue, 01 / 15 / 2013

Molweni nonke,

Ndisandula ukubhalisa apha kodwa ndiyayazi le ndawo ixesha elide kwaye ndifunde amanqaku amaninzi kunye namazwana amalungu kule ndawo nakwisayikholoji-namhlanje. Ndicinga ukuba umsebenzi wakho ubaluleke kakhulu kwaye uluncedo kuba kunyanzelekile ukuba ufumane olu lwazi ebantwini, ngakumbi kwizizukulwana ezincinci.
Kodwa ngokwaneleyo ukubetha malunga nehlathi.
Into ebendizibuza yona ukusukela oko ndifunda amanqaku malunga nezinto ezithandwayo zokuziphatha (endiye ndazifumana ngokwam) zezi:

kwenzeka njani ukuba nangona abaninzi abasebenzisi abanobugqwetha abathintekayo bafumana ukutshintsha ngokuthe ngcembe kwintando yesondo kunye nokwanda kwezinto ezinzima, ezahlukeneyo zeepolulu ziya kwiintlobo ezahlukeneyo zesisu?

Ngaba oko akubonisi ukuba ngaphandle kwendima ye-porn engathandabuzekiyo okanye umlutha we-porn odlala kule nkqubo, ukuba kufanele kubekho uhlobo oluthile olubangela ukuba abantu bathambekele kwiintlobo ezithile? Kutheni umzekelo abanye abantu beqala ukubukela iividiyo kunye namantombazana amancinci kwaye abanye baye kwi-bdsm kunye nezinto ezinxulumene noko?

Ukusuka kumava am buqu ndinokuthi ndaye ndaya ekubukeni izinto ezingakumbi nangakumbi zobufazi kodwa nokuba ndibukela manyala kangakanani andinakuze ndicinge ngokuya ebantwaneni okanye abafazi abagqithisileyo ngokomzekelo (akukho tyala kuye nabani na). Ezo zinto azindijikeleli nakancinci.

Ngaba loo nto ayiyithandi impikiswano yokuba olo thando alubonakali ndawo (okanye kule meko kukusetyenziswa gwenxa kwe-porn) kodwa kunokuba babonakalise utyekelo lwangaphakathi lomntu? Okanye ingachazwa njani?

Ndiyayixabisa kakhulu impendulo!
Ndiyakubulela kwangaphambili!

Imibuzo emihle

phendulwa ngeTue, 01 / 15 / 2013

Ukwabelana ngesondo kwabantu "kunokwazi" kunokuba iingcali ziqaphele. Kukwakhona neefestile ezibalulekileyo zophuhliso, apho imibutho ifaka iingcingo phezulu “nzulu” (kwaye ibonakalise ukuba neenkani ngakumbi ukutshintsha).

Abanye bakubuntwana, kwaye baba ziinkumbulo ezingacacanga (abazi). Umzekelo, ukuba ukubetha ngandlel 'ithile kubangele ukuba umntu aphendule ngendlela evuselela inkanuko, kuye kwabekwa isiseko. (Ndicinga ukuba ugqirha wezifo zengqondo uNorman Doidge uxoxa ngalo mzekelo kwincwadi yakhe Ubungqina Obuguqula, ngokubanzi ukususela kweso sahluko.)

Emva koko kuza ubusuku kunye nezinto zonke ezinkumbulo ezikhunjulwayo zifumana amandla, kunye nokuqiniswa kwimeko nganye edibeneyo, nokuba ingahambelani, ivuke.

Emva koko kuza ukuphulula amalungu esini kunye nemibutho yamazwe aphakame kakhulu. Kulapho ke i-noveli ye-porn ekhuthaza ngokungaqhelekanga inokuthi iqale ukuthanda izinto zokuziphatha. Njengoko ukungafuneki kubeka ngaphakathi, ingqondo ifuna i-dopamine ngakumbi ngobunewunewu, ukufuna, ukothusa, ukuthintela, i-kinkier, njl. Kungekudala umntu akanakufikelela kukhetho lwantlandlolo. Kuyothusa kakhulu, kodwa kuhlala kugqitywa ngokumisa yonke imifanekiso engamanyala.

Ukuba uyayithanda isayensi, nantsi inqaku lejenali eligqwesileyo ngumphandi (gay) olandelela impembelelo yezigaba ezahlukeneyo zokumiswa kukhetho lwesondo kamva. Pfaus_Sexual_Reward_2012.pdf Le yindawo entsha ngokwenene-kwaye ayithandwa ngabantu abaninzi bezesondo kunye nabanye abanyangi abanemodeli yokuba ukuthanda ezesondo kuhlala kuzalwa. Ixesha. UPfaus ukhankanya ukuba ukunganyaniseki ngokupheleleyo iya kuba sisicwangciso esilahlekileyo sendaleko. Abasasazi abaphumeleleyo bemfuza baya kuba nakho ukuziqhelanisa nemores / inkuthazo entsha.

Umbuzo onomdla kakhulu ngowoku: Uninzi kangakanani ukhetho oluye lusetyenziswe ngayo? Oku kunokuxhomekeka kwizinto ezininzi:

  • Ingqondo eyodwa eyahlukileyo (ezinye zenziwe ngeplastiki kunezinye),
  • iminyaka yakho
  • xa kwakhiwa iqumrhu,
  • ukuba lukhulu kangakanani,
  • indlela onokungahambisani nayo ngokungaqhubeki ukuphuma kuyo,
  • ukuba unesiqhelo kangakanani ngokuchitha ixesha lakho kunye nesikhombiso sakho do ufuna ukubuyela kwi-rewire, nakwezinye.

Ingqondo yakho yavela ngokuchumisa njengeyona nto iphambili, ke ukuba awuqhubeki usiya (okanye ucinga ngento) ongafuni ukuyibamba ngocingo, ekugqibeleni uninzi lweengqondo luya kuqala ukujonga kwenye indawo, kwaye ukuba akukho nto ishushu, Iimpawu ze "vanilla" ngokuthe ngcembe ziqala ukujonga ngakumbi. Ngokucacileyo, oku akwenzeki ngobusuku obunye. Iingqondo ziiplastiki, hayi "ulwelo." Omnye umfana wachaza into aphikisana nayo:

Ndicinga ukuba abo bethu abangazange (okanye phantse bangaze) baphumelele ngokwesini kunye nobudlelwane kufuneka baqhubeke nenkqubo yokubuyela umva kunye nabafazi bokwenyani. Ukuqalisa kwakhona [ukuyeka iphonografi / ukuphulula amalungu esini] kuyinto efana nokuguqula kwakhona i-hard drive ukucima intsholongwane, kodwa ungabinayo inkqubo entsha yokuyibuyisela. Ayisiyiyo kuphela indlela esisabela ngayo kwizinto ezibonakalayo, kodwa unxibelelwano kunye novakalelo lwecala lokunxibelelana nabasetyhini bokwenyani. Ndikwinqanaba zero xa kufikwa koku… ndisezantsi kunoziro, nyani.

Kwaye kwabanye abantu, kusenokwenzeka ukuba umbutho ongafunekiyo wawusekuqaleni kakhulu, okanye umlutha ubunzulu kakhulu, ukubuyisela. Ke ukwamkelwa kunye nokumodareyitha kukhetho. Kodwa kunokuba ngumvuzo omkhulu, okanye ubuncinci kwimfundo, ukuqhubela phambili into oyifunayo kwiinyanga ezithile, kwaye ubone ukuba loluphi utshintsho olwenzekayo. Kwakhona, imicimbi engqinelanayo. Abafana ngamanye amaxesha bayamangaliswa ziishifti abazifumanayo.

Ngaphambi kokubhala Ngaba Ukuthanda Ngokwezesondo? sa sibhala Unokumthemba uYohson wakho?, ongayifumana umdla.

Kukwahlawula ukuqonda umahluko phakathi "kovuselelo" kunye "nokungafuneki." Eyesibini iphilisa ngokukhawuleza kunokuqala. Esi sizathu sokuba isini esiqhelekileyo siya kubakho ixesha elide ngaphambi kokuba ulahlekelwe ngumtsalane wakho kwii-"hot-wired cices". Banokuthatha ixesha elide ukuba babune. Nali inqaku elilungileyo elinengcaphuno evela kubafana abaninzi bethetha ngendlela evakalelwa ngayo xa ekugqibeleni beziva "iindlela ezenziwayo" zibuthathaka kwaye zanyamalala. Kutheni Ndifumana Unobomi Obunomdla Kunokuba Ngumlingani?

Ngamanye amagama, nokuba usana olo luxhomekeke umzuzwana, oko akuthethi ukuba nguwe. Inokuba yindlela nje eqaqadekileyo yengqondo, eya kudinga iinyanga okanye iminyaka embalwa ukuba buthathaka.

Yabelana ngamava akho njengoko uya phambili. Inceda wonke umntu osebenza kwimingeni efanayo.