Inkcazo efanelekileyo:
Ndincede izibini ezininzi ukuba zijongane neengxaki ezisebenzayo zesondo ezithe zavela ekubeni zilungisiwe ngokukhawuleza kwaye zivuseleleka ekukhuthazeni imbonakalo eshukumayo eshiyekayo, ishiya umntu lowo engakwazi ukuvuswa okanye ukufikelela kwi-orgasm kwisini sabo abasebenzisanayo.
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Enye yeenkumbulo zam zokuqala kukuhlala ebhafini kwikhaya lethu ngo-1960 kwiDolophu yaseStokes; ilali encinci efumileyo yeendlwana ezigutyungelwe gorse phakathi kweUpper Hutt neLower Hutt, emantla eWellington. Me, ndineminyaka emalunga ne-4 okanye 5 kwelinye icala, udadewethu omdala kwelinye icala kunye nomfowethu omncinci ophakathi. Umama emi phezu kwethu, ephethe inkinki yakhe, etyhola umnwe kumninawa wam, esithi: "Ukuba awuyeki ukudlala ngale nto nokwenza nzima, iya kuwa!" Ngequbuliso yenzekile kum, YIBO eyenzekileyo kum.
Kwiminyaka embalwa kamva ndafumanisa into engaqhelekanga, ebhabha ngesosi emile kwisitulo segumbi lokuhlambela. Xa sibaleka saya ekhitshini ukuya kunika ingxelo ngokuhlaselwa kukaMama, ndaxelelwa ukuba mabangangabinangqondo kwaye xa ndandingena kwiholo eyayiphantsi ukuze ndiyijonge kwakhona, ibilahlekile.
Qhubeka uye phambili eminye iminyaka embalwa kwaye ndiphakathi, ndibukele ifilimu malunga nokuzala noMama ngobusuku bamantombazana, kulandelwa kukukhwela kuthe cwaka ukugoduka. Kunyaka okanye emibini kamva udadewethu wayedlulisa incwadi yakhe malunga namaxesha, aveliswa nguJohnson & Johnson, abavelisi bamanwele acocekileyo. Njengomphuhlisi osekuhambeni kwexesha, bendinalo ixesha lokuziqhelanisa naloo mbono kunye nokulangazelela kwam amabele ekugqibeleni ukuba ahlume. Kwifomu yesihlanu, utitshala wam webhayoloji wacela umfazi wakhe ukuba asifundise isifundo esinye malunga nokuzala, kubonakala ukuba akayikhathalelanga into awayesibonisa yona ngokungabikho kwakhe.
Akumangalisi ke, ngokuqinisekileyo, ukuba xa ndafumanisa iphonografi ndingazi ukuba ndenze ntoni. Umama noTata babenobisi lweminyaka emithathu ukusuka xa ndandineminyaka eli-14 ubudala, bandinika ukufikelela ngokuchanekileyo kwinyanga nenyanga ukuya playboy kwaye Penthouse. Ukuvuka kodwa kwangaxeshanye kuphazamise, bendinexhala ngazo zonke iindlela NDINGAJONGI njengamantombazana kwimifanekiso nokuba ndenzelwe ukwenza into enjalo okanye hayi. Umama akazange; Owona msebenzi wokwakha wawunxibe yayilindebe yomlomo kwaye ndimbukele esusa i-navy top yokuthunga awayeyithungile kwisinxibo sakhe esenziwe sombala esiluhlaza, ebonisa ukuba kwakubonakala ngathi yinto entle. Ngaba ndenzelwa ukuba ndikhethe phakathi kokuba yintombazana elungileyo nentombazana emnandi? Ngokulinganayo okanye mhlawumbi ngokubaluleke ngakumbi, babefuna ntoni amakhwenkwe?
Yayiqikeleleke ke apho ukuba izinto zam zokuqala zesondo zazingafezekanga, zazingafundanga kwaye zingonelisi. Ngaba abantwana bethu banolwazi olungcono ngoku ngo-2020 kunakwinkulungwane edlulileyo? Abanye bazakuba njalo kodwa ndisoyika ukuba uninzi alunjalo, ngenxa yoko andikhange ndimangaliswe kukufumanisa iziphumo zikhutshiwe ngumongameli wethu omkhulu, uDavid Shanks, kuphando lwakutsha nje lweofisi yakhe kubantu abancinci kunye nemifanekiso yamanyala. Olu phononongo lubalulekileyo lubonise ukuba, ngelixa abantu bethu abancinci bafuna ukwazi ukuthetha nabantu abadala ngento abayibonayo ukunceda ukuyiphumeza, uninzi abathethi nabazali babo, benikwe ithuba lokujonga iphonografi. Ityala kunye nehlazo liqhuba ukujonga kwazo phantsi komhlaba, kumantombazana ukuya kwinqanaba elikhulu ngakumbi kunabafana, ngenxa yomgangatho ophindwe kabini abasadibana nawo. Ingxaki yabo ihlala iqhubeka: indlela yokuba iselfowuni ibe ihlonitshwa.
Olu phando luye lwafumanisa ukuba, ngenxa yokuba i-porn ifikeleleka ngokulula ngezixhobo abantwana kunye nabantu abancinci - okanye ubuncinci abahlobo babo - banokufikelela, sele iqhelekile. Ulutsha luxelile uhlobo lokwazi ukuba ayisiyo eyokwabelana ngesondo yokwenyani kodwa, nangona kunjalo, ukuba luyayila indlela abacinga ngayo. Banikwe amandla engcinezelo yoontanga, udliwanondlebe olunzulu lubonisa ukuba, nangona besazi ukuba isini esingesosokwabelana ngesondo ayisiyokwabelana ngesondo lokwenyani, yinto eqhelekileyo kulutsha ukuba benze izinto abazibonileyo kwimifanekiso engamanyala ngenxa yokuba becinga ukuba yiyo into eza kufuna iqabane labo okanye lindela. Bayayamkela into yokuba banomdla wokufunda malunga nokwabelana ngesondo kunye nokuba neentlobano zesini, banesifo esineehomoni zesini ezijikeleze imizimba yabo, ke ngoko i-porn nayo iyinto elula yokuvuselela inkanuko kunye nezixhobo zokuphulula amalungu esini, kunye nesixhobo sokufunda esingapheliyo.
Ngaba le yindlela esifuna ukuba abantwana bethu bafunde ngesondo? Ukuchonga nokuqonda ukuthanda kwabo ukuba babelane ngesondo ngokusekelwe kuluphi uhlobo lwezinto ezingamanyala abazijongayo? Impendulo evela kum kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba uninzi lwabemi bethu, hayi hayi.
Ininzi into eyokwabelana ngesondo kunye nokwabelana ngesondo ngokungaphezulu kunokuba kuboniswe yiyo nayiphi na ividiyo enenjongo yokuthengisa ekhuthazayo. Ngokwenyani, ndibone abantu abaninzi abatshatileyo abangenazo izakhono ezibaluleke kakhulu zokunxulumana nabantu abaninzi abazivayo ngemizimba yabo okanye "ukusebenza" ngokungafaniyo nabakubonileyo kwi-Intanethi. Ngaphezu koko, iphonografi ihlala ibonisa imodeli "eyenziwe ku"; ukusebenzisa iqabane, kunokuba ubakhathalele. Xa kusenzakaliswa ingxelo eyenzakalisayo, nokuba iyaphatha gadalala, ihlala imodareyitha ekufundeni ukuboniswa kwi-porn engazange ichongwe
Ndincede izibini ezininzi ukuba zijongane neengxaki ezisebenzayo zesondo ezithe zavela ekubeni zilungisiwe ngokukhawuleza kwaye zivuseleleka ekukhuthazeni imbonakalo eshukumayo eshiyekayo, ishiya umntu lowo engakwazi ukuvuswa okanye ukufikelela kwi-orgasm kwisini sabo abasebenzisanayo. Uluvo lwam lobuqu malunga ne-porn ehambelanayo yile, olufana nokutya kunye notywala, ayisiyiyo imveliso kakhulu ngendlela oyisebenzisa ngayo-nangona kunjalo kukho ezinye iimveliso kudidi ngalunye kwezi zintathu zobomi ezenza ngcono kunezinye. Ukuququnjelwa kwam kumashumi amathathu amava obuchwephesha kufuneka kukuba iphonografi ayisiyo titshala olungileyo.
Iingxoxo zabazali malunga ne-porn ziyacetyiswa ukuba zize emva kwemfundo esisiseko yesondo, ebizwa ngokuba "yincoko yesini", edla ngokwenzeka ebuntwaneni okanye phakathi kweminyaka, ukuba kunjalo. Uluvo lwam yeyokuba ayisiyiyo kuphela emva kwexesha kodwa eyokujolisa "kwintetho" ebaluleke kakhulu kukujongela kude oko kufunwayo.
Eyona ndlela icacileyo necacileyo yokuqhubekeka kukuba sisasaza imfundo yezesondo ukusuka ekuzalweni ukuya phambili. Umnqweno wokwazi ngomzimba wakho usempilweni kwaye uhleli ngaphakathi. Jonga imbonakalo yobuso bosana xa ifumanisa ukuba isandla esijika phambi kwabo sesabo, siphantsi kolawulo lwabo. Qaphela ukuzimisela kwabo ukuba uzama ukubuyisa isikhululo kubo njengoko besenza umsebenzi onamandla wokuhlamba izitho zabo zangasese, kuba bayifumene indlela esivakalelwa ngayo. Ixesha lokuhlamba kunye nokunxiba lithuba elihle lokuba amagama amalungu omzimba. Abantwana abafumene umyalezo wokuba ngumzali ukuba imizimba yabo kunye nelukuluku labo lilungile baya kukhokelela abazali kwinto abafuna ukuyazi. Abanye baya kuyiveza ngokubuza imibuzo, abanye baphonononge, abanye bayayenza yomibini.
Nawuphi na umzali oziva engonwabanga njengoko eza kuthetha malunga “namalungu abucala”, qiniseka; oko kuphucuka ngokuziqhelanisa. Kwiintsuku zam zokuqala zokucetyiswa bendidla ngoku stutter xa kufuneka nditsho amagama athi “penis” okanye “masturbation”. Andiqhelanga ukuthetha amazwi anje, nokuba ngumfazi ongenaqabane owabelana ngesondo nomntwana oyindoda! Xa ndibhala le nto ndiyazibuza, ngaba bendikhe ndonwaba ngakumbi okanye ndiqhelene nokuthetha into ethi clitoris, vulva, vagina? Andiyiqondi. Ngoku, kwenye inkampani, ndiqinisekile ukuba la magama akhupha ulwimi lwam ngokulula.
Njengoko bekhula kukho amathuba amaninzi okufundisa abantwana malunga nokuba ngasese, intlonipho, ulonwabo kunye nemvume. Ezi ngxoxo azidingeki kwaye akufuneki zilinde ixesha lokufikisa. Ngale ndlela xa ilixesha lokuthetha malunga nokwabelana ngesondo isiseko sokwenziwa, iikhonsepthi ziqhelekile kunye neendlela zonxibelelwano kunye nezakhono zokuzisebenzisa, zonke zimi kakuhle. Uye waba ngumntu okhuselekileyo wokuya emntwini kuyo nayiphi na imibuzo okanye iinkxalabo kunye namaxabiso kunye nesiseko solwazi lokuphuhlisa ulwazi lokujonga amanyala asendaweni. Kukho izikhokelo ezixabisekileyo zokuxoxa malunga ne-porn kunye nezixhobo ezinxulumene noko kunye nolwazi kwi ucwecwe.govt.nz , kunye neengxelo ezineenkcukacha zophando ngesi sihloko.
Ewe, into oyimodeli kuyo yonke iminyaka yokukhula kwabantwana bakho iya kuba nefuthe elingaphezulu kwento oyithethayo. Xa usenza kwi-whānau yakho inkcubeko yengxoxo evulelekileyo, ngamanye amaxesha kuya kufuneka uve izimvo ezihluke kakhulu kwezo unokubanqwenela ukuzidlulisela kubantu bakho abancinci. Kodwa ukuba awubonakalisi mdla kwaye uhlonele izimvo zabo, kutheni beya kumamela baqwalasele eyakho? Kwaye ukuba ugxeka ezinye zeenkolelo okanye ukhetho lwabo, kutheni bezakuza kuwe xa bedidekile okanye bekhathazwa zizinto abazibonileyo okanye abazibonileyo? Kukho iindlela zokubonisa inkxalabo ekuthintela ukungcungcutheka.
Abazali banokuncedwa ngokuxabisekileyo emsebenzini wabo ukuze bancede abantwana babo bakhulise ukuzazi kwabo ngokwesini kunye nokuzithemba. Izikolo zethu zigunyazisiwe ukubonelela ngemfundo eyi-12-15 yeesondo ngeminyaka ukusukela ebuntwaneni kude kube sekupheleni kwesekondari. Ngelishwa eli nqanaba lemfundo libonakala lisenzeka kwizikolo ezimbalwa, kodwa xa sinokuthi bonke ootitshala baqeqeshiwe kwaye baxhotyiswe ngolwazi lokulufaka kwezesondo kwizifundo zabo, siya kuba lelinye inyathelo lokunceda bonke abantu abatsha ukuba babe nokuqonda okucacileyo kunye nokujikeleza kakuhle. Kwezinye zeengcinga ezisisiseko. Ke xa bathe baba ngabazali baxhotyiswa ngomsebenzi. Ndiqinisekile ukuba, xa sidibene, sinokubalungiselela abantwana bethu nantoni na abaya kuyifumana ngesondo kunye nokulalana ebomini babo.
Ngokuzithoba, kufuneka ndigqibe kwinqaku lokulumkisa. Abangalunganga abantwana abachaphazeleka kwimifanekiso engamanyala. Banokukhathazeka okanye banxunguphale kakhulu ngenxa yoko bakubonayo, ngayo yonke imiphumo yesiphumo somothuko kunye nokubakho kwengxaki yabantu abadala malunga nezesondo ezichazwe ngasentla. Abantwana abasetyenziselwa ukuxoxa ngemicimbi yokwabelana ngesondo nabazali banethuba lokuxela nakuphi na ukuvezwa okunjalo kwaye bafumane uncedo abaludingayo ukuze bacombulule ukusabela kwabo. Abazali / whānau kunye nabanye ababanonopheli abanomdla wokukhusela abantwana kunye nabantu abancinci banokufunda isishwankathelo esigcweleyo sokuziphatha okuqhelekileyo ngokwesini kwinqanaba ngalinye leminyaka, xa befanele ukuba nexhala malunga nokuziphatha ngokwesondo kunye neliphi inyathelo eliza kuthathwa malunga nokuxhatshazwa kwabantwana ngokwesondo kwincwadi endiyihleleleyo Simahla ukuba sibe ngabantwana. Ezi ziphuhliswe yingcali yamazwe aphesheya UToni Cavanagh Johnson.
Kwinkqubo yokuqulunqa loo ncwadi, ekusebenzeni kwam njengengcali yezengqondo kunye nobomi bam, umyalezo ofanayo uphuphuma ngokucacileyo nangokuphindaphindiweyo: ukuvuleleka nokunyaniseka kubalulekile kulo lonke ubudlelwane, ngakumbi abo sinabo nabantwana kunye nolutsha. Ukuba wenza ikhaya lakho libe yindawo ekhuselekileyo apho abantwana banokuthi baxoxe ngoko bakubonileyo kwi-Intanethi ngaphandle koloyiko okanye lihlazo, iinkalo ezibonisa amanyala ezingcolileyo ziya kuphulukana namandla abo.
URobyn Salisbury yingcali yengqondo yengqondo, umbhali wemihla ngemihla weCawa kunye nomhleli we Simahla ukuba sibe ngabantwana: ukuthintela ukuxhatshazwa kwabantwana ngokwesondo kwi-Aotearoa / NZ.
LINK KUNYAKA EQALA
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