Ndiza kuvakala ngathi yi-geezer endala, kodwa ndiyakhumbula xa bekukho ngaphantsi kwe-2k fapstronauts apha kwaye uza kubona ingxelo yeentsuku ezingama-90 mhlawumbi kube kanye ngeveki. Ngoku ziqhelekile ndaphantse ndacinga ngokungathumeli eyam (kwaye ungandivi kakubi, ndicinga ukuba yinto emangalisayo ukuba baninzi ngoku) kodwa ndenza isithembiso kum xa ndiqala le nto ndiza kuyithumela ibali lam xa ndiyenzile, ke ngoku siyahamba.
Ukuthi ndinengxaki yoononophala kunokuba yinto ephantsi. Makhe ndihambe ngosuku oluphakathi ngaphambi kokuba ndifumane i-nofap, kwaye ndixinekile. Ialam yam ibingavumi ukundivusela umsebenzi kwaye bendizobamba ifowuni yam ukuyicima. Emva koko ndalala ebhedini imizuzu engama-20 ukuya kwengama-30 ngelixa ndisebenzisa iphonografi kwifowuni yam ngaphambi kokuba ndivuke Ukuba khange ndibaleke emva kwexesha bendiya kuthi gqi kwikhompyuter yam kwenye imizuzu engama-20 ukuya kwengama-30 ngaphambi kokuba ndiphume. Emsebenzini bendidla ngokuthatha ikhefu lamanyala kwifowuni yam kwigumbi lokuhlambela okanye kwiibhentshi ezingaphambili ukuze ndihlukane nosuku. Emva koko ndibuyela ekhaya. Ndihlala nentombi yam kwaye usebenza ngaphambilana kwemini kunam ndiye ndimlinde ayokulala kwaye ke ibizakuba yimifanekiso engamanyala de ndade ndalala. Ukuba ebephume ebaleka ndingahlala ekhaya ne-porn. Ukuba ebephumile edolophini iintsuku ezimbalwa oko bekuthetha ukuba lixesha le-festile ye-porn engayeki.
Uyazi ukuba yintoni eyona nto ibuhlungu ngayo yonke le nto? Ukuba ubundibuzile ngelo xesha ukuba ndinengxaki ne-porn ngendandihlekile. Ngendikuxelele ukuba iphonografi yinto ebendiyisebenzisa ngamanye amaxesha njengaye nawuphi na umntu oqhelekileyo. Bendingaboni ngxaki yam. Ewe ngethamsanqa yafika imini apho ndandingasenakuyihoya. Kwenzekile ndabona ikhonkco kwi-r / nofap ivela kwenye i-subreddit kwaye ndeza apha okokuqala ndicinga ukuba ndiza kubona nje ukuba "abo" bantu babesithini. Ewe besele ndiza kufumanisa ukuba mna bekunjalo omnye waba "bantu". Ndacofa ikhonkco kwiBongo yakho kwi-Porn ndaza ndaqala ukufunda kwaye yayingathi yibhombu yeathom yaya entlokweni yam. Khange ndiphinde ndizifihle kuyo. Idibanise iziqwenga ezininzi kangangokuba bendicinga ukuba azihambelani. Ekugqibeleni ndayamkela into yokuba ndinengxaki. Khange ndichithe xesha. Ndagqiba kwelokuba ndiyeke i-PMO kwangalo mhla.
Umzamo wam wokuqala yayingumzabalazo wokwenene, kodwa wawukhanyisa ngokumangalisayo. Ekugqibeleni ndikhululekile ekubanjweni koononophelo ndaqala ukucinga ngezinto ezichanekileyo. Ndaqala ukuyibona imikhwa yam njengoko injalo. Iindawo endihlala ndihlala kuzo yayizezomsebenzisi ezinegalelo kumxholo othetha ukuba bekuhlala kukho ukubonwa okungamanyala. Qho xa ndisiya apho ibinokundilindela into entsha nenomdla. Ukuqokelela kwam kwakuyinto ehlekisayo. Hayi ngobukhulu (nangona yayiyi-200GB eqinileyo) kodwa ngokweenkcukacha. Ndandinomdla kakhulu. Yonke ifayile eyodwa kwingqokelela yamawaka yabizwa ngokufanelekileyo kwaye yahlelwa kwifolda ngokweempawu zayo. Andifuni nokucinga malunga nexesha endilichithe kule nto. Ewe andikaze ngokwenene khangela kumanyala ekuqokeleleni kwam. Yayingeyongxaki leyo. Ndihlala ndifuna ukuphuma ndiye kufumana iphonografi entsha ukongeza kwiqoqo lam. Amathumbu am ngokuqinisekileyo aba mandundu ngakumbi. Ngokunyanisekileyo ndineentloni zokungena kuyo-nditsho nakubantu abangaziwayo abangaziyo abaya kuqonda.
Kwakukho into yokugqibela ebalulekileyo ekufuneka ndijongane nayo. Ndandihleli nentombi yam ixesha elide kwaye ndiyayithanda, kodwa sasikhula kancinci kancinci phakathi kwethu kwaye ndandingafuni ukujongana nayo. Iphonografi yandinika indlela yokuphuma. Xa ndandijonga iphonografi ndaziva ndonwabile. Kwakungafuneki ukuba ndicinge ngeengxaki zam zobudlelwane kwaye ndandinokwenza nje ngathi azikho. Esi yayisesona sipho sikhulu sodwa andinike sona. Kwandinyanzela ukuba ndijongane nezi ngxaki kunye naye kwaye sakwazi ukuzisombulula. Ndingatsho ngaphandle kwamathandabuzo ukuba ubudlelwane bethu bungcono ngoku kunakuqala.
Umzamo wam wokuqala ndiwenze i-44 imihla yexinzelelo ngaphambi kokuba ndophule, kodwa ngoko nangoko ndaziqokelela ndaphinda ndabuya nenye i-40. Le ibiyimeko apho ndandixolelanisa nentombi yam ngenene kwaye ndenze impazamo enkulu yokucinga ukuba ndaphiliswa, ndiye ndacinga ukuba iza kukwenza ntoni i-porn encinci? Ndiye ndabuya umva, ndaphinda ndabuya nzima. Kuthathe zonke iiyure ze-48 ukusuka kwi-vanilla ukuya kwiziphelo eziphezulu. I-Alcoholics ayinakuze ibe nesiselo esinye. Iziyobisi ezingamanyala azikhe zijonge nje incinci.
Ukusuka apha yayiluchungechunge olude lokubuyela umva. Inyanga enye kwi-porn, inyanga enye kwi-nofap, hlamba kwaye uphinde uphinde. Inyani yayiyeyona nto kanye endandizimisele ukuyenza. Ndizenzile nje ndizibona ndibophelelekile. Kwathi ngenye imini yandifikela. Kwakungunyaka we-1 ngokuchanekileyo ukususela kumzamo wokuqala. Ndabeka isigqibo sam sokuba akukho nto iza kundinqanda ngeli xesha, kwaye ngoku ndikwi-90 kwiintsuku kamva.
Ke nditshintshe njani? Andisazifihli kwiingxaki zam. Andenzi ngathi azikho. Ndiyabamkela ngenxa yale nto bayiyo kwaye ndifumana amandla okuboyisa. Ndilwela ukuphila ubomi endifuna ukubuphila. Ndijonge amantshontsho amdibanisa kwaye ndawabona ngenxa yezinto ezingenangqondo. Ndinokuqonda okungcono ukuba ndingubani.
Ukuba ufuna isimilo sokususa kule okanye kwi-TL; DR, yile: nofap imalunga nokuzilawula, ukubonakalisa ngokwakho, kunye nokuziphucula. Yimfazwe oyilwayo yonke imihla yobomi bakho, kodwa inye apho uloyiso lonke longeza umfutho kolandelayo. Ungaze uyeke.
Kwaye okokugqibela, enkosi kakhulu kwaba bantu. Ndinetyala kakhulu.
LINK - Emva konyaka ongaphezulu konyaka wokuzama ndiye ndawenza kwi-90.
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