Ndiza kulishwankathela ibali lam. Ndaqala ukufakela xa ndifunda ukuba ndine-cum, eyayineminyaka eli-13 ubudala. Ndayifaka yonke imihla yobomi bam kwaye xa abazali bam bebengekho kwaye ndinendawo kum ndingahlala ngaphezulu kwamaxesha ama-5 ngokuhlwa.
Ngokukhawuleza kum ukuba ndikwiminyaka ye-20, ndafumana indawo yam kwaye umhlobo wandazisa ngesayithi elithile le-tube. Ndithandana namantombazana kwaye ubukhulu becala ndiza kuthi ndibeke umndilili kube kanye okanye kabini ngeveki. Ndinepad yam kwaye ndibetha amantombazana ahlukeneyo ngalo lonke ixesha kwaye iphonografi yayingengombandela kuba andijongi kangako.
Ke xa ndaguquka kwi-25, ndaqala ngee-hookers nangona bendihlala ndinamaphupha angaphezulu kwamantombi endandiwabona. Kancinci ukusetyenziswa kwe-porn kwakugqitha ukulala kwam neentombi zangempela. Ngaphakathi bendikhe ndathandana namantombazana amane kakhulu (hayi ngaxeshanye) kodwa iphonografu yaya isiba mandundu ngakumbi.
Ukukhawuleza ukuya kwiminyaka engama-28 ubudala kum, ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kwe-porn kuye kwaba nentombi ezinzileyo endisakwaziyo ukulala naye kodwa izicelo zam ziye zanda. Ukuhamba ngesiqhelo kathathu ngemini yonke imihla. Ifakwe rhoqo ekuseni kwaye ndiza kufika emsebenzini yonke imihla. Ndikwazile ukuzisebenzela ukuya kwindawo elungileyo emsebenzini kuba phakathi kwe-24 kunye ne-27 yeminyaka ubudala khange ndibukele manyala kakhulu (ayisiyiyo kwaphela endinokuyikhumbula) kwaye bendigxile kwikhondo lam.
Ndiqale ukuphulukana ne-shit, ndigqibile emsebenzini, inkungu yengqondo… ilizwi elixineneyo, andikwazi ukwenza intetho phambi kwezihlwele zabantu (eyayiyimfuneko yomsebenzi wam). Yenyuka ukuya kufikelela kumndilili malunga namaxesha ama-5 ngosuku. Intombi yam yahlala nam, nangona i-ED iqalile. Ngexesha lokumbona bendiya kuba ndifake ubuncinci kathathu ngaloo mini kucacile ukuba umdla wam wesini wawusenziwa nge-0 ngelo xesha nangona ndandinentombi eshushu kakhulu eyayimncinci kunam.
Ke, ngandlela thile ndakhubeka kolu bomvu kuba umntu othile wayehlekisa ngalo kwenye i-sub. Ndaye ndaya kwi-yourbrainonporn nakwiwebhusayithi ezisebenza ngomlomo. Okokuqala ngqa, ndivumile ukuba ndinengxaki kwaye kubaluleke ngakumbi ukuba lo mkhwa ube neziphumo ezibi.
Ndaya kwinani elingenakubalwa le-1 okanye ye-2 yemihla "yemigca" kwaye ndaphinda ndabuya amaxesha amaninzi kunokuba ndikhumbula. Ndaziva ngathi ndingenathemba kwaphela. Ndifundile kumabali abantu kwaye ndaqonda ukuba ndimbi kakhulu kune-99/100 fapstronauts. Oku kwaqhubeka ixesha elide. Ndaphinda ndabuya ngomhla we-1 okanye i-2 okanye i-3 ukuba ndinethamsanqa.
Funda ibali likaGabe kwaye ndibone iividiyo zakhe, ndiqale ukuzifundisa ngokufunda iincwadi ezinconyelwe ngabavuseleli abaphumeleleyo. Lonke ixesha lokuphinda ubuye yonke imihla ngemihla. Ndiza kupompa kwaye ndiye kwi-2 okanye kwi-3 day streak kwaye ndenze i-cocky BOOM! ukubuyela umva emva kokubuyela umva emva kokuphinda ubuye. Ndandinengxaki yokudakumba kodwa ndisaqhubeka nokufunda onke amabali akho kunye neencwadi (xa ndandingafaki into eyayingaqhelekanga).
Ke into eyenzekileyo kwiintsuku ze-188 ezidlulileyo, bendisiya kwenye i-nofap "run" kwaye andiqinisekanga ukuba kanye kanye ndicofe ntoni kodwa ndiyazazi iiakhawunti zokuphathwa gadalala kwiiseti ze-porn kunye neGabe kunye ne-nofap kunye nezinye iisayithi ezichaziweyo kunye neencwadi endizifundileyo zonke badlale eyabo indima. Ndiyakhumbula ukuba ngumhla we-4 kwaye ndifuna ukuthumela kwi-nofap kodwa andizange ndilinge ukuphinda ndiphinde ndibuye.
Ndikhe ndalingwa ngamaxesha amaninzi ukuba ndivele ndijonge ngokukhawuleza ezinye zeeforamu zam zangaphambilini ze-porn ukuze ndibone ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni kwihlabathi le-porn kodwa ngandlela-thile ndaxhathisa, ndibuyele ejimini ndaya esitolo seencwadi ukuze ndifumane ezinye iincwadi ezinomdla kwaye ezinye zifumaneka kuhlobo lwam.
Phakathi komhla we-5 kunye ne-10, ndikhumbule yonke into endiyithandayo ukuyenza. Iphuli yokudlala, ukuqokelela kunye nokufunda iincwadi ezihlekisayo! Ukuchitha ixesha nabahlobo kunye nosapho! Kwaye okokuqala kwinto endiziva ngathi ingunaphakade ngekhe ndilinde ukuba ndithandane nentombi yam. Sabelana ngesondo kwaye ndahlala nzima, kunzima kakhulu, ndandikonwabela kakhulu kwaye okwesihlandlo sokuqala sakha senza uthando kwaye akufuneki senze i-shit eyayiza kundigcina ndinzima (bendimfuna ukuba athethe njengamdaka nyhani ukuhlala kunzima ngesizathu esithile ngaphambili).
Ngexesha leentsuku 1 ukuya kuthi ga kwi-20, bendiphupha ngeenkwenkwezi ze-porn ... Ndandididekile kwaye ndikhumbula ukulala ebhedini ndihlaselwa zizo zonke ezi ngcinga nemibono, ndaziva kanye ngendlela uEwan McGreggor aboniswe ngayo eTrainspotting apho wayechacha khona ekuphatheni gadalala kwe-heroin, NGOKUQINISEKILEYO kanjalo. Bendihlukumezekile ingakumbi ngokuhlwa nasekuseni kodwa bendihlala ndizixelela ukuba “uyagula kwaye uza kuba ngcono, le nto ihlala ikho ngonaphakade”…
Tsiba uye phambili ukuya-kumhla wama-20, akukho mifanekiso, akukho buvila kusasa… kuphela ngamandla, kuphela kum ndibuye ndibenoburharha kwakhona. Ilizwi lam lalomelele kakhulu kwaye ndinokuthetha nabantu ngaphandle kokuthintitha, AKUKHO STUTTER kwaye bendingenalo ixhala xa ndibonisa abantu emsebenzini kwakhona. Ndandihlala ndilungile namantombazana kodwa ndacinga ukuba kungenxa yokuba ndandingumntu onobuqhetseba kangangokuba kwinqanaba endandililandela amantombazana ndandiza kudibana nabambalwa. Ndaziva ndingekho isidingo sokukhohlisa intombi yam, okokuqala yayanele, ndandingafuni nokumngcatsha kunye nokuqhubela phambili kwamanye amantombazana kwaba nzima kakhulu kwaye kunzima kodwa okwangoku andinguye umntu olala ngesondo ngekhe uthi hayi kwinto enomngxunya.
Xa ndibona iintsuku eziyi-188 ecaleni kwebheji yam ndingakholelwa. Ukusukela kwezi ntsuku ze-188 ndithathe ngaphezulu kwe-10kg's, ndinokubaleka i-24 km ngaphandle koxinzelelo olukhulu, andikatshayi gwayi (ingxaki yam ye-PMO yayihamba kunye necuba njengoko ndanditshaya ngelixa ndingu-PMO'ing). Andizange ndikwazi ukwenza i-PMO ngaphandle kokutshaya kunye nesiqingatha sexesha ndandisela xa i-PMO'ing kunye nokutshaya. Impilo yam yenze i-180 iyonke, andidinwa lonke ixesha kwaye inkungu yengqondo ihambile ngokupheleleyo.
Enkosi kuye wonke umntu othumele ibali lakhe apha, amehlo am aphuma iinyembezi xa ndicinga ngendlela endikude ngayo emva kweentsuku ezili-188. Abantu bayayihlekisa ngale nkqutyana kodwa yadlala indima enkulu ekusindiseni ubomi bam kwaye yandenza ndonwaba nyani okokuqala ebomini obungunaphakade. Ndiyaphila ngoku andisindi nje.
Ungayenza, ndithembe. Ndandiyeyona meko imbi kakhulu kwaye ukuba ndingayenza, nawe ungayenza.
I-188 yeentsuku, ndacinga ukuba yayingelo tyala elingenathemba. Kodwa ndilapha.
by redditcarl
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