Ke, ndilapha. I-3 enkulu kwinkwenkwezi yam, iintsuku ezingama-90 ngaphandle kokusebenzisa iphonografi kwaye umntu omtsha usebenzisa ikhompyuter okwangoku. Ndiziva njani? Endaweni yesiqhelo kwaye yile ndlela ndifaneleke ngayo Kwakunzima ekuqaleni kwasekuqaleni ngelixa wayeqhele ukutshintsha komzimba kunye notshintsho lwengqondo. Kwakunjengokuphinda ufike ebusheni kwakhona ngaphandle kweli xesha, andizange ndiyilungiselele ingqondo yam "yobutsha" kwi-pornography. Nangona kunjalo, amava aba lula njengoko ndandiqhubeka ngokuhamba kweentsuku ngelixa ukwazi kakuhle ukuba yintoni injongo yam yokuyeka i-porn ngeendlela ezilungileyo.
Nangona kunjalo, zikho ezinye iindlela ezandincedayo ukuba ndinyamezele kwaye ndiphumelele ngaphandle kokuzimisela ngamandla. Ukususela oko ndafumanisa iReddit ecaleni kunye / r / NoFap ngoMeyi 2013, ndaqala ukuqaphela ukuba ndinengxaki engaphaya kolwazi lwam ngeloxesha. Kwakukho ukungaphumeleli okuninzi kunye nexesha elininzi xa ndimane ndinikela kwaye ndinyusa kwaye ndihlehlisa ukubuyela kwam kude kamva. (Oko kusenokuthetha ukuba soze.) Kuphela ndade ndafumanisa iphonografi apho ndenza inkqubela phambili ebonakalayo. Sukundenza impazamo, bekukho inani labantu aboncedo kwiNoFap kodwa iphonografi ijolise kakhulu kwingxaki yokwenyani esele ikho ngelixa eyokuqala ibonakala ingacacanga kwaye ivulekile ukutolikwa. Ke ndiyabulela kuni nonke iiposta ezizinikeleyo ezingamanyala, amanye amagama akho abe lukhuthazo kum.
Enye into ebalulekileyo eyandincedayo kukuba kwangaxeshanye ibeyeyona nto yandonakalisayo: ukuhlala ndedwa. Yayiyinto yam eyodwa kwaye inokubangela kuphela ukuba ndiyithethe le nto ngesibindi. Ukufika kwam ndivaliwe ngamantombazana okanye xa ndiziva ndinesithukuthezi ngenxa yokuba ndingenabahlobo abasondeleyo, ndaguqukela kwi-porn engazange yandilahla. Zindithathe ixesha elide ukuba ndizibike kwaye ndiqhubeke nokuqhubeka ebomini ngaphandle kwezi zinto. Ngamanye amaxesha bendicinga ngokuzibulala kodwa ndiye ndazixelela ukuba: "Nokuba abanye abadingi, ndizakuhlala ndizidinga kuba ndim kuphela umntu ozisa utshintsho olukhulu ebomini bam." Ndiyakholelwa ukuba ihambelana kakuhle nesicatshulwa sikaCarl Jung: "Isiqingatha sokuqala sobomi sizinikele ekwenziweni kwe-ego esempilweni, isiqingatha sesibini singena ngaphakathi siyiyeke." Ndiqhubela phambili kwisiqingatha sam sokuqala.
Okokugqibela kodwa akukho nto iphambili, eyona nto indincedileyo ukuba ndiphumelele ngelixa ndinento yokwenza ne-porn ngumculo. Kwakunyaka ophelileyo apho ndagqiba ekubeni yimvumi. Kudala ndafuna ukudlala umculo okoko ndachukumisa ipiyano okokuqala. Ndivakalelwa kukuba ndingabeka amandla am apho kufanelekileyo kwaye inika injongo ebomini bam ngelixa iphonografi indiphanga.
Ngakumbi nangakumbi, ndiziva ngathi i-porn ayizange ibekho ebomini bam. Ndingcono kakhulu ngolu hlobo kunoko xa ndichithe iiyure ezininzi ukuba ndimphulula isini kwimifanekiso engamanyala.
by ElizaMoya
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