Emva komzabalazo weminyaka emi-6, ngokunyaniseka kuyandixaka ukuba kutheni iphonografi iyinxalenye yenkcubeko eyaziwayo

Ndiqala ukufumanisa iphonografi xa ndandineminyaka eyi-12. Kwaqala xa ndagqiba kwelokuba ndijonge imifanekiso yamantombazana ahamba ze kwimifanekiso kaGoogle ngaphandle kokufuna ukwazi. Emva kwamaxesha ambalwa ndisenza oku, ndaye ndaqhubeka nokujonga izinto ezinzima. Andizange ndinyuke ngokwenyani ndisuka apha, andikaze ndenze nto inqabileyo, kodwa imikhwa yam iyenzakalisa impilo yam yesondo.

Oku kwaqala ixesha eliyiminyaka emalunga nemithathu apho bendinokuzinkcinkca nge-porn kwiintsuku ezimbalwa ngexesha ngaphambi kokuba ndizive ndinetyala kwaye ndiyeke iinyanga ezininzi (kanye ndahamba phantse iinyanga ezilithoba ndingenazo). Ukuqala okokuqala ukubukela iphonografi, ndaziva ndinomnqweno wokuyeka ngokupheleleyo kuba ndingumKristu onzulu kwaye ke ndiyazi ukuba sisono. Nangona kunjalo, umnqweno woononophala uphumelele ngokuphindaphindiweyo.

Ndandikhuselekile ngokwenene ekukhuleni kwam kangangokuba andizange ndiyiqonde into yokuba ukuphulula amalungu esini ndade ndaphantse ndaneminyaka eli-14. Ndiyakhumbula imvakalelo eyahlukileyo yokungoneliseki ngelixa ndibukele (kuba bendingathambisi enye ngaphandle) kodwa ndingaze ndibeke zimbini kunye ezimbini kude kube kamva.

Malunga nonyaka emva kokuba ndifunde malunga ne-masturbation, ndafumana ividiyo ye-porn endandiyithanda kakhulu ndaza ndagqiba kwelokuba ndiye kuyo. Oku kutshintshe ngokupheleleyo ubudlelwane bam noononophelo njengoko ngoku ndiba ngumsebenzisi onyanzelekileyo. Ngaphezulu kweminyaka eliqela ndaye ndatshintsha ukusuka ekuyisebenziseni kancinci ukuya ekubalekeleni kuyo phantse yonke imihla. Kwakhona iimvakalelo zam zokuba netyala ngayo zitshintshe kakhulu.

Ndandihlala ndiziva ukuba iphonografi yayingalunganga ngokuziphatha kodwa ndakhe ndaziva ndizisola ngokubukela. Kwakulula kum ukuba ndithathe isigqibo sokuyeka ixesha elide kodwa ngokulula ngokulinganayo ukubuyela ngaphakathi.

Nje ukuba ndiqale ukukroba kuyo rhoqo, bendisoloko ndiziva ndinetyala kakhulu emva kokuba ndigqibile kuba ndaziva ngathi ukubeka i-masturbation nge-porn kwenza isono esibi ngakumbi kunokubukela iphonografi. Ekugqibeleni, ityala ndaziva ndikhula kakhulu kangangokuba ndiziva ngathi ndiyinto encinci emva kweentsuku ze-PMO kwaye ndalila kaninzi ngayo. Ngasihlandlo sithile ndacinga ukuba andinakuyeka, ubomi abunakufaneleka nokuba buphila.

Imihla ngemihla yaba luhlobo lwedabi lemihla ngemihla phakathi kwam kunye neminqweno yam endaphulukana nayo ndiphinda phinda phantse iminyaka emithathu. Oku kuyinyani entlokweni yam kwaye amaxesha amaninzi ndazixelela ukuba kufuneka ndamkele nje ukuba ndiya kuhlala ndilikhoboka le-porn ngonaphakade kwaye andinakuze ndiyilungise. Nangona kunjalo, iimvakalelo ezinamandla zokuzisola ezinxulunyaniswa nokucacisa kwam isithuba kwandenza ndaziva ndinyanzelekile ukuba ndizame ndiyeke.

Ndisoloko ndizama ukuyeka iphonografi kunye nokuhlambalaza kunye kuba bobabini babesono engqondweni yam. Ndisebenzise izibonelelo ezininzi ezahlukileyo zokundinceda ndiphule iziyobisi. Bendihlala ndithandaza rhoqo kwaye ndikwafumana inkuthazo kwi-NoFap subreddit nakwi-YourBrainonPorn. Ndifumene ii-block block kwaye ndazama ukuzilolonga ngengqondo kodwa akukho nto yakha yasebenza ngokusisigxina.

Ngaphandle kwayo yonke imizamo, bendingafumani ndawo kwaye eyona bendikhe ndayigcina yayiziintsuku ze-25 (ndandifane ndadlula kwi-4). Ndandiziva ngathi andinalo ngokwaneleyo ukuzilawula ukuyeka i-PMOing kwaye ndaziva ngathi ndiyimpumelelo xa kuthelekiswa nabantu endifunde ngabo kwiiforum abaye bakwazi ukuyeka ngokusisigxina okanye ubuncinci bahlala ixesha elide.

Kutshanje, ndiye ndabuya ebuKristwini kwaye andisadibanisi ukuphulula amalungu esini kunye naziphi na iziphumo ezibi ukuba nje kwenziwa ngokumodareyitha. Ndandisoloko ndivakalelwa kukuba izinto ezimbi zokuphulula amalungu esini zihlala zigxininiswa kwiiforamu zeNoFap ngokuqinisekileyo ziyinzululwazi kodwa zichongiwe ngaloo mbono ngenxa yokuchasa kwam isenzo ngokuziphatha.

Emva kokuba i-mindset yam malunga nokuphulula amalungu esini itshintshile, ndaya ndisiya ndiyeka ukubona iphonografi ngaphandle kokuphulula amalungu esini ukuze ibe yeyona njongo ifikelelekayo. Ndenze iinzame ezinzulu zokumisa emva kokuba ii-coronavirus lockdowns ziphunyeziwe kwaye emva kwemizamo yamashumi amabini ekugqibeleni ndikwazile ukuya kwiintsuku ze-90 ngaphandle koononophelo okokuqala ukusukela oko ndandiqala ukuphuma.

Ekuqaleni kwinqanaba lam, ndandisadibanisa iminqweno yesondo kunye neminqweno yokubukela iphonografi. Ndidinga ukumilisela ngokukhawuleza iibhlokhi zesayithi ngaphambi kokuba ndiqale ukukhahlela ngaphandle koko ndiza kuphanda ngokuqinisekileyo izinto.

Ngokubanzi, bendinokuba neengcinga zesondo eziqhelekileyo ixesha elininzi, kodwa ngenxa yesizathu esithile, xa ndayeka ukuphuma, ekuphela kwento eyayinokundiguqula yayikukucinga nje uhlobo olunye lwe-porn endandihlala ndibukele. Ke, ndenze umgudu wokuphepha ukucinga ngayo nantoni na xa ndiphulula amalungu esini.

Emva kweeveki ezintandathu okanye kunjalo, ndiye ndaphawula ukuba xa ndibaleka, andisaziva sisidingo sokubukela iphonografi ukuze ndihambe. Iingcinga zesini se-vanilla endandihlala ndizifikelela ngelixa ndiphulula amalungu esini kwaye kwakungekho mfuneko yokuba ndisebenzise iibhloksi zesayithi ukuthintela ukubuyela umva. Oku kwakungumqondiso wokuba andizange ndidibanise nokuxhamla noononophala kwakhona. Nje ukuba ndiyifumene le nto, yeza novakalelo olukhulu lokukhululeka. Andizange ndive ukuba kude kude noononophelo kuba ndaqala ukuyijonga.

Njengoko besenditshilo ngaphambili, andisakhethi ukungazibukeli iphonografi ngenxa yezizathu zonqulo. Endaweni yoko, ndenza njalo ngenxa yeziphumo eziyingozi zemithambo-luvo ezinxulunyaniswa nokusetyenziswa kwesiqhelo. Ubungqina benzululwazi obuchasene nesenzo sokuziphatha ngokwesini buxakekile kwaye buyandothusa ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba kutheni amanyala eyinxalenye eyamkelekileyo yenkcubeko. Ndiziva ngathi baninzi, abasebenzisi abaninzi be-porn bafuna ukuyeka kodwa bangenzi mzamo wokwenyani kuba bakhokelwa ukuba bakholelwe kukuziphatha okuqhelekileyo.

Ukongeza, ndibona iphonografi kwimeko yokuthandana njengohlobo lokukhohlisa ngokwasemzimbeni nokuba alubandakanyi isini sokwenyani. Nangona ndingenayo intombi, ndiyazi ukuba ukuba ndingene kubudlelwane ngelixa ndiqhubeka nokusebenzisa iphonografi, ngekhe ndikwazi ukuhlala phantsi.

Okokugqibela, ngokuchasene nemvakalelo eqhelekileyo endiyibonayo kwizithuba kule ndawo kunye neNoFap, andicingi ukuba ukuyeka iphonografi kuya kulungisa naziphi na ezinye iingxaki ebomini bakho. Ngokuqinisekileyo akukho nto ndiyenzileyo. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba unamandla kunye nokuzimisela ukuyeka into enjengomlutha njengoononophala, uqinisekile ukuba isihogo sinakho ngaphakathi kuwe ukuthatha amanyathelo anzima ukuphucula ubomi bakho ngezinye iindlela.

Damn, xa ujonga ngasemva le post iye yaba ngu-hella ixesha elide. Ndinezinto ezininzi zokuthetha malunga namava am adlulileyo kunye noononophelo kunye neengqondo kunye nenkqubo endiyisebenzisayo ukuyinqoba kodwa andizange ndifune ukuba iposi libe lixesha elide kwaye liqhube. Ukuba ufikelele apha kwaye usafunda, ndinombulelo ongazenzisiyo kuba nabaphulaphuli njengoko ndingazange ndibenama-cojones ekwabelaneni ngawo le nkalo yobomi bam naye nabani na endimaziyo buqu.

Lilonke, ndonwabile ukuba ekugqibeleni ndide ndafikelela kweli nqanaba liphezulu. Emva kokufumanisa i-subreddits yokubuyisa ama-porn, bendihlala ndizixelela ukuba ndingafikelela kwiintsuku ze-90, ndiza kwenza iposti ichaza amava am kunye nalo naliphi na icebiso endinalo. Ngokunyaniseka, yinto enqabileyo ukuba ekugqibeleni ube kwesi sikhundla.