Namhlanje lusuku lwembali kakhulu kum, kuba ndibethe iintsuku ezingama-365 zokungakhathali kwe-porn .. okwesihlandlo sesithathu. Ndiza kukuxelela abantu malunga nezinto endikhe ndadlula kuzo kunye nezinto ezisezilapha kunye nam. Ukuba awuyifundanga iposti yam yokuqala apha ( https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/9-years-of-ups-and-downs-of-fighting-pmo.236118/ ), qiniseka ukuba uyifunde kuqala! Kulungile, siza kuqhubeka.
Iminyaka emithandathu yokuqala (2010-2016)
Ndaqala ukwazi imifanekiso engamanyala kuba ndandisemncinci. Malunga ne-2010 xa izixhobo zokuqala ze-Android zaziphuma, ndabona intengiso ye-sexy kwimagazini ekwi-intanethi. Kulapho ndaye ndadityaniswa khona ngokujonga loo nto izihlandlo ezimbalwa ndingaqondi ukuba ndibanjiwe. Khange ndiqonde ukuba ndikhe ndaba likhoboka lamanyala. Ngelo xesha ke ndawela enzulwini ye-PMO yokulutha.
Ndiyakhumbula ukuba ndaqala ukujonga izinto ezingamanyala kwi-intanethi, ndikhangela amaphephancwadi abantu abadala, ndikhangela iphonografi kwi-intanethi, ndaza ndaqala ukuphulula amalungu esini. Xa ndandiqala ukuphulula amalungu esini, ndaziva ndoyikeka ngokwenene! Ingathi ngowona "mntu" ndakhe ndenza ebomini bam bonke! … Kanti ndilikhoboka lolo lonwabo. Ndichitha iintsuku ndijonga iphonografi kwaye ndiphulula amalungu esini rhoqo. Ndingahlala ndiphulula amalungu esini kathathu ngeveki, kwaye ndiya "kugula" ukuba andiziphulula amalungu esini ixesha elithile. Ndihleli ndifuna ukuyeka, kodwa andikwazi. Kwakungathi andinakukwazi ukubalekela umlutha we-PMO, inetyhefu kwaye ixoxa ngexesha elinye.
Ndiphantse ndibone yonke into ekwi-intanethi, ndithetha ukuba iwebhusayithi iyamanyala. Ndizibonile izinto ezithambileyo nezirhabaxa. Ezi vidiyo zitshintshe ngokwenene indlela endibona ngayo malunga nabasetyhini kunye nesondo. Ngokukodwa kwizinto ezinzima zandifundisa ukuba abafazi babonakala bekunandipha ukuphathwa kakubi njengezinto zesondo. Ndandisoloko ndibona ngale ndlela, njengoko ndandidla ngokuba nohlobo lomfazi. Bendihlala ndichaza abantu basetyhini njengesiphumo sotywala. Xa ujonga iphonografi, ngekhe ujonge ividiyo enye kuphela. Uza kubona iziqwengana ezimbalwa ezinezinto ezintsha kuyo. Yile ndlela ndihamba ngayo ukusuka ekuboneni iphonografi ethambileyo ukuya kwi-hardcore porn.
Ndandinobomi obubi kakhulu ekuhlaleni. Ndiza kuhlala kude nabantu, ndingazixhomi nabantu, ndizihlukanise noluntu ngenxa nje yokuphulula amalungu esini kunye nokubukela iphonografi. Kum, kwakwanelisa ngokwaneleyo ukwenza ezo zinto. Andikaze ndithandane nomntu ebomini bam, ndityumza nje amantombazana kwaye bahlala bendala heheehe. Kungenxa yokuba ndinamathele kakhulu kwi-porn kwaye yandenza ndonqena ukunxibelelana kunye nokudibana nabantu. Ixhala kunye nohlaselo lokuhlaselwa lwalusele lukhona ngaphambi kokuba ndiqalise ukuba likhoboka lam ngenxa yokuba ndinomnyhadala owenzakalisayo. Ke, i-PMO + ixhala langaphambili kunye nohlaselo = boom! buphazamise ubomi boluntu! Ndihlala ndiphepha kunxibelelwano lwasentlalweni, ndizama ukuzikholisa ekhaya.
Ndandinomvandedwa kakhulu, ndingaxakekisi, ndingashukumi. Khange ndenze kakuhle esikolweni, bendibetha (hayi kakhulu) kwizifundo ezifuna ukucinga njengezibalo kunye nesayensi. I-PMO indenze ndonqena kangangokuba bendingenaso nesizathu sokufunda, ukufezekisa izinto ezintle, ukuba nenjongo kwaye ndiyenze ngenxa ye-porn kunye ne-masturbation. Andikhumbuli ukuba ndichithe ixesha elingakanani kwi-PMO. Ndichithe ixesha elininzi lokukhula nje nge-porn kunye ne-masturbation. Enye yezona zinto ndizisola ngazo ebomini.
Ndaziva ngathi andinakubaleka iphonografi, ndazama amaxesha amaninzi ngeli xesha kodwa bendisoloko ndigqibezela ukusilela OKANYE ukubheda kwinqanaba lokuphambana. Ndifuna nyani ukuyeka iphonografi kodwa ndandididekile ndilahlekile. Bendingazi ukuba iqonga elinje likho.
Ukunyuka kwaye kwakhona ukuwa (ngo-2016 ukuya nge-24 kaJuni wama-2018)
Ekuqaleni kuka-2016, ndaye ndagula sisifo esasimandundu kwaye kwafuneka ndisiwe esibhedlele. Bendiphumle ekhaya ngeentsuku ezisixhenxe. Andinamandla okwenza nantoni na, kubandakanya ukuphulula amalungu esini kunye nokubukela iphonografi. Ndaphumla ngokwenene kwaye okokuqala, andizange ndikwazi ukuphulula iintloko ngeentsuku ezisixhenxe. Ndiva kamnandi kwaye ndiziva ngathi kukho utshintsho ngaphakathi kum. Ke, ndagqiba kwelokuba ndenze i-Nofap! Ewe, uNofap.
Malunga neenyanga ezi-5 zokuqala ukuqala kwakhona, emva kokufumana ixesha elifutshane, amaza amaninzi okudakumba, amaphupha amanzi, iminqweno engaqhelekanga yokubuyela, "ukugula kwengqondo", ndiziva ngathi kukho into etshintsha ngaphakathi kum. Ndaba lula (inkungu yengqondo), ndazimisela ngakumbi, ukukhulisa ukuzithemba kunye nothando, ndonwabise ngakumbi abantu. Ndiqale ukukwazi ukwenza izibalo kwaye ndalukhupha uvavanyo! Ndiqale kwi-ace kwisifundo ngasinye esikolweni kwaye ndaziva ngathi ndinguthixo!
Ngeli xesha, ndaqala ukutshintsha izimvo zam malunga nabasetyhini kunye nezesondo. Ndaqala ukuhlonipha abafazi ngendlela abayiyo, ndaqala ukuxabisa isondo kwaye ndazama ukunxulumana nabanye abantu. Ndaye ndaba nobungane kuye wonke umntu kwaye ndafumana ingqalelo engakumbi kumantombazana kwaye ndinokwenza idraph ngothando kumantombazana. Andikaze ndibelulo lukhulu, ndacinga njalo. Into ebitshintsha ngokukhawuleza okukhulu. Uxinzelelo kunye nohlaselo lokuhlaselwa lukhona nangoku. Kodwa bebehambile phakathi ku-2017. Ndingaphila ubomi obonwabisayo ngaphandle kwe-PMO, kwaye ndiqale ngokwakha ubomi bam.
Ndaye ndonyulwa njengomongameli wemanyano yabafundi esikolweni, ndiqala ukunxulumana nabantu, ndizimanya nabantu abadala nabancinci, ndisakha isikolo sethu ukuze sibe yindawo ebhetele. Ndiye ndaqala nokufunda kwizifundo ezahlukeneyo ezinje ngefilosofi, ubumoya, ezembali, ezengqondo kunye nolwimi lwasemzini. Ndiqalile ukufunda iilwimi. Ndiphumelele ukhuphiswano oluthile kwimbali naseJamani.
Kakhulu kwilifa, ngoJuni 24th 2018 ndenze into yobudenge. Emva kweminyaka emibini enesiqingatha yokusebenza nzima, ndoyisakele kakhulu. Ndacinga ukuba ndomelele ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndingabona izinto ezingamanyala, ke ngegama lokufuna ukwazi ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndenze uphando ngobuhenyu kwiwebhu. Ndiqale ukubona imifanekiso emininzi ehamba ze kwiwebhu kuba andazi ukuba lide kangakanani, mhlawumbi iyure okanye ezimbini kwaye ndaqala ukuziva ndothukile emva koko.
Esihogweni, kwakhona… (nge-24 kaJuni 2018- ngoku (nge-24 kaJuni ka-2019 ngokokubhala))
Emva kophando lwam olungaqhelekanga, ndaqala ukuziva ndothukile kwaye bendiqala ukuhlaselwa yi-dopamine. Xa ndandiza kulala, ndaziva ukukhawuleza okukhulu kwe-dopamine kwingqondo yam, ukuphazamisa isakhiwo sayo kwaye kwandenza ndothuka. Intliziyo yam ibibetha ngokukhawuleza, bendibila, kwaye nangaliphi na ixesha xa ndivala amehlo ndibanemibono yemifanekiso engamanyala / ii-vids (kwaye bendiziva) endikhe ndazibona ngaphambili ngendlela ekhawulezayo, engaqhelekanga, ethembekileyo- ngokungathi ukwi-LSD. Andizange ndoyike ngaphambili. Utyando lwe-dopamine lwaluyinyani kwaye lwaloyikisa, andikwazi ukulala iiyure ezininzi ndiqonda ukuba bendilele iyure enye okanye ezimbini KODWA bendikwazi ukwenza izinto ngokwesiqhelo imini yonke. Ukunyuswa kwe-dopamine kwandinika amandla amaninzi okwenza izinto.
Ndaqala ukudakumba ngokukhawuleza. Ndacinezelwa kakhulu. Yayililitye kum eli, ke ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndibuyele kuyo yonke imini yokubuyela umva. Ayisiyosuku olunye ngokwenene kuba kukujikeleza nje kohambo! Endaweni yokukhalaza nokukhumbula malunga nendlela endandilunge ngayo, ndaqala ukuzenza njengesihloko sovavanyo. Ndiziphonononge iimpawu endikhe ndazifumana kunyaka olandelayo.
Ngokubanzi, kwiinyanga ezintathu zokuqala ndiye ndajamelana namaza amaninzi exinzelelo lwexeshana, unxunguphalo, ukungalali, ukungonwabi kunye nokukhawuleza. Ndikwanokuziva ukwehla konxibelelwano lwasentlalweni kunye nomnqweno wokuhlala kude nabantu. Ndivakalelwa kukuba isiphumo sokuhlaselwa kwe-dopamine kuyingozi kakhulu kwaye kuyingozi. Ayindibulali kwinto yonke, kuba ndizibonile iindlela endinokukhula ngazo nentlungu. Ndizifungile ukuba ngekhe ndiphinde ndihleleke kwakhona, nangona ndigcine umgama omde. Isifundo kuni bafana.
Kwiinyanga ze-6 ne-7, ezinye zeempawu ziye zaphela. Khange ndibenangxaki yokulala, bendingenawo amaza oxinzelelo olude (amafutshane ebesekhona), ndaphinda ndaphinda ndagxila kunye namandla am ngokwenza umthambo. Ndaqala ukwenza umthambo yonke imihla. Kwaye ndiyaqonda ukuba kungakanani ukuzilolonga kunokwenza ukuba siqalise kwakhona ngokukhawuleza okukhulu ecaleni kweNofap.
Uxinzelelo lusekhona kude kube ngoku, ndingena kwimithambo yam ngalo lonke ixesha ndibona into evuselela inkanuko yesini. Ndicinga ukuba xa ndibona ukuba kangangexesha elithile ndingafumana uloyiko (isithuba esibuhlungu) ndiye ndathintela ngokupheleleyo kwi-PMO. Impazamo yam enkulu ekuqaliseni kokugqibela yayikukuba, bendisabukele iphonografi kodwa ndingaphantsi. Ndandiyeka kuphela ukuphulula amalungu esini ngokupheleleyo, hayi bobabini u-P kunye no-M ngokupheleleyo.
NgoJanuwari 2019, ndiye ndaphuhlisa i-HOCD okanye i-OCD yobufanasini. Ngokusisiseko, kufana nokucinga ukuba ulifanasini kodwa akunjalo. Ndijonge kumfanekiso wendoda enesiqingatha kwaye ngequbuliso ndaphantse ndafumana ulwakhiwo. Ndandisoyika kakhulu kwaye ndicinga, "wtf man u gay?" Amaxesha amaninzi. I-HOCD ikhubaza kakhulu, nokuba sele iinyanga ezi-6, isavakalelwa ngathi ilapha. Iingcinga ezingafunekiyo eziphindaphindayo, ukuqinisekiswa okungabalekiyo (ukujonga abafazi / amadoda ukubona ukuba awutsalanga / awutsali, ujonge kwi-intanethi malunga nokuziphatha kwam, ndizama ukungavuswa ingakumbi xa ubona amadoda, yeka ukwenza izinto / izijekulo ukuba ndiqhele ukwenza nje kuba ndibabona 'njenge-gay-ish', njl.) bebendibulala kutshanje. Ndiyazi ukuba andingumlingani kodwa ingqondo kunye nomzimba wam ucinga ukuba ndinguye. Kukhubaza kakhulu, kukhubaza ngakumbi kunokuqalisa kwakhona ndicinga. Ukuba ukhe waqubisana ne-HOCD, nceda undazise kwizimvo ngendlela yokulwa le nto.
Kwinyanga yesi-8, ye-9, ye-10 ndingaziva ngcono kakhulu xa bebonke. Azisekho iimpawu ngaphandle koxinzelelo, amaza amafutshane oxinzelelo (ubukhulu becala abangelwa yi-HOCD), kunye ne-HOCD. Ndiziva ndibhetele kakhulu kuyo yonke into ngokwenza uNofap. Ukuphela kwesikolo, ndithweswe isidanga njengevatedictorian.
Kwi-10, ye-11, kwiinyanga ezili-12 sele ndiziva bhetele. Azikho ezinye iimpawu ngaphandle koxinzelelo, uxinzelelo, kunye ne-HOCD. I-HOCD sisifo esitsha endisilwayo ngoku, kwaye kancinci kancinci ukuba ngcono.
Phelisa
Ngalo mhla ukhethekileyo, ndikhumbula olu suku lubuhlungu oluye lwandibhangisa ngelifa lam elixabisekileyo. Ndifuna nje ukuthetha, ukuba ukuyeka uonobumba kunzima, kwaye kuya kuhlala kunzima. Kodwa ayinakwenzeka. Ngokoluvo lwam, ukwenza iNofap akwanelanga. Kuya kufuneka utshintshe indlela ophila ngayo. Zama ukwenza imithambo, ukutya ukutya okusempilweni, ukwenza izinto ezisebenzayo ezilungileyo, ukuhlala nabantu, ukucamngca, ukufunda izakhono ezintsha apha endleleni. Ukuyeka i-porn kuya kuba nzima, ke zilungiseleleni izinto ezimbi kunye nezona zilungileyo apha endleleni. Kuya kubakho amaxesha apho uziva ufuna ukuyeka, kunye namaxesha apho uziva unamandla, ofana noThixo.
Ngexesha leNofap, bendinokuziva zininzi izinto ezingummangaliso endingazange ndicinge ukuba ndinokuba nazo. Olu tshintsho lwenze ukuba ndiqiniseke ukuba iNofap iya kuba sesona sigqibo sihle kakhulu eninokusenza. Ndidlulile kukudakumba okufutshane, ukukhala, unxunguphalo, ukungakhuthazi, ubuzaza, nditsho nemvakalelo yokuzibulala kule minyaka ili-9 idlulileyo. Bendinazo iingcinga zokuzibulala ngoba i just gave up. Ndixelele kwaye ndacela kuThixo amatyeli ambalwa ukuba athabathe ubomi bam, kodwa akazange. Undinike ithuba lesibini lokuba ndiphinde ndakhe ubomi bam. Ndiye ndaphinda ndabakha ubomi bam, kancinci. Ndithembisile ukungazibulali, nokuba inyani iya kuba njani. Ndizimisele kakhulu kwaye ndenziwa lukhuni ngenxa yobomi bam bangaphambili obumnyama ukuze ndiye ndaba ngumntu omtsha ohlala enqwenela ubomi obutsha, obungcono.
Zihlobo zam, sanukuncama nje okwangoku. Ungakulibali ukubandezeleka kakhulu, ukufumana okuninzi. Ndilahlekelwe yeyam, kwaye ndiza kuyibuyisa! Yenza eyakho!
Ndazise kumagqabantshintshi ukuba nawuphi na kuni unombuzo ngokubhekisele kwimpumelelo ibali okanye nantoni na eyenye. Enkosi kakhulu (ndilila kwaye ndinemvakalelo ngoku bcs ukubhala oku kwandithatha isibindi kakhulu kwaye ndikhumbula imihla emibi).
LINK - Ibali lam leentsuku ezingama-365 zeNofap (Intambo ende)
By Umnyama
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