Ndithatha isigqibo sokwabelana ngebali lam apha ukuze ndivakalise umbulelo wam ngokuziyeka iintsuku ezingama-50 ngoku. Andiziboni ndiphumelele ngokucacileyo, kodwa ndicinga ukuba yeyakho apha ngandlela thile.
Isilumkiso se-Trigger: Andiyi kuchaza iinkcukacha malunga nokuzifakela, kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ndiza kuchaza "ukusetha" kunye nokulungiswa kweeseshoni zam ukugxininisa ubunzulu bengxaki. Ngoko ukuba uvakalelwa kukuba unokuphenjelelwa yile nto khawuyeke ukufunda. Ndiza kuzama ukuyigcina njenge-SFW kangangoko kunokwenzeka.
Ubukhoboka bam be-PMO baqala kwiminyaka emininzi eyadlulayo nangona kunjalo kuthatha ixesha elininzi ukuphuhlisa ngokupheleleyo iikinks ezithile. Mhlawumbi ukutenxa kwam okokuqala yaba "yi-panties fetish" eyakhula ngokukhawuleza ukuba "yi-cross dressing". Ndenze oku iminyaka emininzi kwaye kwinxalenye yobomi bam bendiphethe ibhegi enkulu yokuthenga ezaliswe yimpahla yangaphantsi yabasetyhini kunye nempahla yangaphantsi. Ikakhulu ithengwe into ebiweyo ezivenkileni okanye kubafazi bokwenyani. Nangona kufuneka ndiyifihle andizange ndiyithathe njengento eyingozi. Yinto nje emsulwa.
Kodwa indenza ndicinge. Ngaba ndiyi gay? Ngaba ndidlulile? Nokuba ndithe ndathandana namantombazana ndaziva ndingaqinisekanga ngesazisi sam ngokwesondo. Ngaphandle kwayo ndiye ndiphuhlise amanye amakhubalo afana nehentai, iiboya kunye nezoophilia. Andizange ndishiye nayiphi na kwezi kinks ndiye ndahlala ndizityhala ebomini bam ukusukela ebutsheni bam.
Ndaye ndafumanisa igqirhakazi. Yandisa ngokufanelekileyo i-cross-dressing yam kwaye yaqala ukuwela nzulu ngakumbi kule vortex. Iividiyo ze-Hypno, i-faproulettes (yintoni into embi!) Kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo zonke iithoyi zesondo, iimpahla kunye nezixhobo.
Noko bendikwi relationship i still continued with this. Ndandijonge phambili kumaxesha apho ndindedwa ndize ndenze yonke into ecekisekayo. Nanini na xa ndifika ekhaya ngaphambi kwe-SO yam i-PMOed de wafika ekhaya. Ewe bekufuneka ndilandele umkhondo kwishedyuli yakhe kwaye ndimjonge ukuba angatyhilwa. Kwakuphambene kwaye kuthotywa isidima. Ndaqalisa ukuphelelwa ngumdla kwisini. Sahlukana izihlandlo eziliqela ngenxa yoko. (Andizange ndiqonde ukuba kungenxa yayo - bendicinga ukuba ndifuna indawo yokuzibonakalisa, kodwa eneneni yonke into ebendiyifuna yayikukufap).
Ndivule iakhawunti yebhanki ngeminqweno yam emdaka kwaye inyanga nenyanga ndithumela i-x % yomvuzo wam apho kuphela ukuze ndiyichithe kwizinto zokudlala ngesondo kunye nezixhobo zokunxiba ezinqamlezayo. Xa i-SO yam ihambile iveki okanye kunjalo ndiye ndakwazi ukuchitha iveki yonke kwiseshoni ye-PMO engaqhelekanga. Uthenge iimpahla, iithoyi, izinto zokuthambisa, wachitha iintsuku kwimpahla yangaphantsi yabasetyhini, wenza uqeqesho losisi, i-enemas, ukuthotywa. Uyinike igama. Ndandidla ngokuba ngumdlakazeko kangangeentsuku ezininzi ukuze ndiphumle, maxa wambi ndisebenzisa iziyobisi. Xa ziphela ezi sessions I felt like I crap. Ndandizonyanya mna, ndalahla yonke loo nto ndandichitha imali yam kuyo, ndachitha iveki yonke kwaye akukho nto ndiyenzayo ngaphandle kwe-orgasm enye. Ndandiyingxubakaxaka. Yaye ndandikhangele phambili kuyo ngochulumanco! Yintoni isidenge.
Ndingahamba iiveki kunye neenyanga ngaphandle kokufaka, kodwa ndachitha ixesha lam elininzi lokucinga ngako. Ndandikade ndikholelwa ukuba yindlela endiyiyo. Oko ndonakele mdaka. Ndavuma ndizobanje. Ukuba ndizakutshata intombazana, ndibe nabantwana kwaye ndizimele kwigumbi lokuhlambela ukuze ndifake ifap. Ukuba ndiza kuchitha ubomi bam bonke ndixoka.
Ndazama ukuyeka izihlandlo ezininzi. Kodwa ndandikholelwa ukuba andinako ngoko ndandisoloko ndisilela. Bendikhangela izizathu zokungaphumeleli kwaye ndiza kuhlala ndizifumana. Ndandingenathemba kwaphela.
Kodwa ngenye imini… andiqinisekanga ukuba yenzeke njani kanye le nto. Yayizizinto ezininzi ezincinci. Ndacela i-GF yam, ndaqalisa ukwenza ishishini lam, sahamba ixesha elithile, saya kwizifundo zomaqabane, ndaqalisa ukuzibuza ngoThixo… Ndenze mhlawumbi 3 days ndindedwa emva koko ndabhalisa apha. Ndidibene nabafana apha abandincedileyo ukuba ndiqonde i-kinks zam kwaye okona kubaluleke kakhulu bandicacisela ukuba andikophukanga ngokungaguqukiyo kwaye yonke loo manyala yenziwe ngamanyala. Ndinethemba. Kwaye yaba yindawo yokuqhawula. Ndandikholelwa ukuba ndiyakwazi ukuyoyisa kwaye ndingaphila ubomi obuqhelekileyo.
Ndaziva ndikhululeke ngendlela engathethekiyo. Emva kweminyaka emininzi kangaka yokuphelelwa lithemba nokuthotywa! Konke oku kwenza kube lula ngendlela engakholelekiyo ukuyeka. Ndisazibuza ukuba kutheni ndiyenze ixesha elide kangaka? Wonder why bendisisidenge ngendlela engathethekiyo.
Ubomi bam buziva buzalisekile kwaye ndonwabile ngoku. Ndiyonwabela eyona nto ilula ehlabathini. Ukucula kweentaka, iikati zasesitalatweni, imithi iyadubula. Kwakhona ndiziva ndiphucuka ngendlela emangalisayo kubomi bam bezesondo. Asenzi uthando rhoqo, mhlawumbi nangaphantsi kunangaphambili, kodwa isenzo ngasinye sikhulu kwaye siyanelisa. Ngenene ndiziva unxibelelwano olunzulu kunakuqala.
Ndikwanalo nexesha elingakumbi kunye nokuzithemba kokugxila kumsebenzi wam nakwizinto endizithandayo. Ndaphinda ndaqala ukubhala emva kweminyaka emininzi kangaka (kwishumi elivisayo ndandiyimbongi), kukuzonwabisa nje nakubantu endibathandayo.
Sele kudlule nje iintsuku ezingama-50, kodwa yabutshintsha ubomi bam ngaphezu kokuba butshintshile kwiminyaka. Ndiziva ndonwabile kwaye ndizithemba ngakumbi. Ndiziva ndisiba ngumntu ongcono.
Ndiyathemba ukuba ibali lam linokuba luncedo kwabanye kwaye ndiyavuya ukuba ndingabelana nawe ngalo. Enkosi kuye nabani na ofunde yonke le nto, ulungile.
Ndibanqwenelela okuhle nonke
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