Ukuzilibazisa kwanamuhla okukhahlela inkanuko kungadala izimpawu eziyindida
Abantu abaningi, ngaphandle kobulili, basebenzisa kakhulu izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ze-Intanethi zanamuhla, izinketho ze-inthanethi zocansi namathoyizi ocansi. Eqinisweni, lowo muntu omusha othandana naye mhlawumbe naye.
Ukuhlolwa ngokobulili akusona isizathu sokuhlazeka, kodwa noma ucabanga ukuthi ukugqugquzela izinto ezenzakalelayo kungumqondo omuhle, kubheka ukuqaphela imiphumela emibi eminye imibhangqwana ebika. Uma kungenjalo, ungase ukhohlwe ukukhathazeka okungenalindelekile kobudlelwane, futhi ugcine uzibeka ngecala lokuthile okungahambisani nawe, ubulili bakho, noma ubuchwepheshe bakho phakathi kwamashidi.
Ukuvuselela okuhambisanayo kungase kube nokushaya amacilongo
Uyakholelwa ukuthi, "Abantu ngeke baphendukele ocansini lwe-inthanethi / lwe-Intanethi uma bengakwazi ukuya ocansini kakhulu njengoba befuna nomunye umuntu we-libido eyanele?" Mhlawumbe lokho kwake kwaba yiqiniso. Akusekho. Iqiniso elinempandla selivele liyizinto ze imizila yamahlaya. Kodwa-ke kungakhathaza lapho umlingani wakho ekhetha ukugqugquzela okwenziwayo noma ngabe usukulungele futhi uzimisele ukumjabulisa.
Kusho umngani wesilisa mayelana nosuku lwakamuva, "Okungenani ngingathanda ukuthi anginike ithuba ngaphambi kokuthi akhiphe isidlidliza." Nanku umbono wabesifazane:
Ngibhekwa njengobukeka kahle, ngizigcina ngiwumqemane, futhi ngibukeka ngimncane kakhulu kuneminyaka yami. Ngangivame ukungakhathazeki lapho umyeni wami ebuka i-porn ngoba ngiyayithanda nami, kwesinye isikhathi. Kepha manje angakhetha ukuyibuka ngemuva kwami. Angiyitholi. Ngifuna ukwenza zonke lezo zinto kumavidiyo naye kepha angamane aqhume nje. Nginesizungu futhi nginesibindi. Ngikhathele ukungabe ngisaya ocansini nomuntu kangangokuthi ngicabanga ngokucabanga ukushiya. Usevuseleleke kakhulu futhi akasakwazi ukuya ocansini njalo. Angikwazi ukuphila impilo engenabulili.
Kungani umuntu angathanda ukulala ngobulili kumlingani wangempela? Ngoba intsha yayo ehlala njalo, noma ukudlidliza okungaphezu kwamuntu, kwenza kube lula kakhulu ukuphakama kwezidakamizwa ukuthi akekho oshade naye ojwayelekile ongafanelana. Nakuba iphakethe eliphezulu elikhiqizwayo alikho ngokujulile ukufeza as ubulili nawe, kungaba ngaphezulu kucindezela ngaphansi kwezimo ezithile.
Ukuze uqonde ukuthi lesi simo esiyinqaba, nesayensi-fictionish sivela kanjani, udinga ukwazi kancane nge-neurochemistry yendlela yesifiso sobuchopho nokuthi sisebenza kanjani ixhumana nezinsizakusebenza zanamuhla zokukhuthaza ucansi. Ngokufushane, ividiyo ngayinye entsha, ukuzingela isithombe esiphelele, ubuciko bokudlala ngocansi, ukuhlangana kwe-inthanethi ngocansi, futhi ucansi lwakho lomlomo olwesabekayo lonke lukhipha i-neurotransmitter ebizwa nge-dopamine. Kuyinto "Uyitholile!" i-neurochemical ngemuva kwazo zonke izidakamizwa. Indoda eyodwa ichaze ukuthi i-porn ye-Intanethi ibuthinta kanjani ubuchopho bayo:
Ukushesha kwe-dopamine kuhlanya nge-porn ye-Intanethi. Kumane kweqise ubuchopho futhi ucime ngaphandle kokuthi wenze noma yini. Kungumuzwa odakayo kakhulu.
Ngeshwa, i-dopamine eningi kakhulu ingaphazamisa impendulo yengqondo ye-dopamine, ishiye umlingani kungekudala ezizwa ekhungathekile, ekhathazekile-futhi elangazelela okunye ukumfakelwa kwe-dopamine ngezindlela ezisheshayo, ezibhedayo. Kuleso simo somqondo, nokuhlangana okuthandana kakhulu kungabonakala njengomsebenzi. I-porn ye-Intanethi noma isidlidlizi, noma kunjalo, izonikeza ukulungiswa kwe-dopamine okudlulayo ngokushaya kwenhliziyo. Kokubili amathoyizi we-porn nocansi anamandla okubhala ngaphezulu izindlela ezijwayelekile zokuya ocansini ebuchosheni. Lokhu kusho ukuthi kudedelwa yonke i-dopamine, ikhipha ubuchopho obuthile enjabulweni (ukunciphisa ukuzwela ku-dopamine).
Uyabona inkinga? Esimweni esinjalo, ukusetshenziswa okuqhutshwa yi-dopamine kokuvuselelwa kokuzenzela akukhombisi wena noma uthando lwakho olukhulu.
Futhi empeleni, njengoba UDavid Rothbart uyachaza, ucansi lwezinkanyezi ezingcolile lungacisha. Kungangena endleleni yokunambitha izipho ezondlayo zocansi oluhlukanisiwe: ukuthinta kothando, iphunga lezinkanuko, nobungane. Iphuzu eliyinhloko: Abathandi abahle banamuhla bangashaya udonga olwalungaqondakali kokhokho babo: Oshade naye kungenzeka ukuthi usuthiswe ngokuphelele ngokobulili — kepha nokho usafuna ukukhuthazeka okunamandla kokunciphisa izifiso ezivela ekucasukeni kwe-dopamine — ngenkathi umi ngandlela thile ungenakuzisiza.
Ukungabi nokuphendula ngokobulili ngesikhathi socansi kuvamile
Abesifazane baqala ukubika ukuthi lesi sidlidliza kanye / noma ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn kwenza ukuba abantu bangahambisani nesimo sengqondo esivamile.
Angikholwanga ukuthi isidlidlizi sami siwenze ngempumelelo kangakanani umsebenzi. Isebenze kahle kakhulu. Kungakapheli nenyanga, ngangingasakwazi ukwenza i-orgasm nesoka lami, futhi ezinyangeni ezimbalwa emva kwalokho, angibange ngisakwazi ukukwenza ngesandla sami. Ngazama kanye ukushaya indlwabu [i-porn] kanye. Ukukhuthazeka kwakukhulu kangangokuba ngafika ngaphansi komzuzu owodwa (hhayi neze njengokuphila kwangempela!). Ubulili bempilo yangempela abusoze bakwazi ukulinganisa lokho. Uma ngiqala ukusebenzisa i-porn ye-Intanethi njalo, ngizogcina sengingomunye walabo bantu abangasakwazi ukuvula ngaphandle kwayo.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, amadoda amaningi abika ukuthi i-intanethi ingxoxo ye-porn futhi bukhoma kungaba kancane kancane zabo ukuzwela. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo lwamuva lwase-Italy lwaluqinisekisa ukuthi ukusetshenziswa kobulili obuyingozi kulandela ukukhulelwa kwamandla okuvuthwa (i-anorexia yocansi) ezinsizweni. Umphumela owodwa wokunciphisa ukuzwela kobuchopho enjabulweni yizinkinga zokusebenza kocansi (kwesinye isikhathi ezifihliwe njengesidingo sentsha noma ukuvuselela ngamandla ngokucindezela okungaphezulu kunalokho okwenziwa umzimba kungaletha ngokuphepha njalo).
Ukungasebenzi kahle kwe-Erectile ngesikhathi sokukopisha sekuyinsakavukela kubasebenzisi abasebenzisa i-porn esindayo kangangokuba amadoda ezinkundleni aqale ukwelulekana ukuthi kuyinto ejwayelekile ukuthi udinga ukukhuthazwa ngamandla kwezandla kanye ne-porn ye-Intanethi ukugcina ukwakhiwa. (Akunjalo, nalabo abayeka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ngokuvamile alulame amandla abo.)
Ngangivame ukuba nobuhlobo bobulili obuphilile nomkami ngize ngibe nomlutha wezocansi nokushaya indlwabu. Bengicabanga ukuthi ngingathola okungcono kunayo yonke imihlaba yomibili kodwa ekugcineni kwangifica. Manje ngibhekene nezinkinga zokungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile futhi kungqubuzana ngempela nengqondo yami kanye nodokotela, okutholakala maphakathi nendawo okuholela kokuhlangenwe nakho okuyihlazo.
Omunye umfana:
Ngineminyaka engamashumi amabili nantathu futhi nginenkinga yokuthola nokugcina ukulungiswa nabalingani bobulili kusukela ngangiqala ukubheka izithombe ezingcolile cishe nsuku zonke eminyakeni eyisithupha edlule. Ngiye kumaGP ahlukahlukene ngapha nangapha futhi ngitshelwe njalo ukuthi anginayo inkinga yangempela.
Ukuphuza okungahambi kahle kungaholela engozini engaphephile
Nayi indaba yendoda eyodwa:
Ngangihlala ngiya ocansini ngomyalo (wami), kepha eminyakeni yamuva nje ngibuke i-porn kakhulu. Manje nginezinkinga zokwakhiwa. Kunamantombazane amaningana abengalala nami, kodwa kuphela ngamakhondomu (kufanele kanjalo). Ngenyanga edlule, ngazama ukuya ocansini. Wenze konke abengakwenza maqondana ne-foreplay, kepha ekugcineni wakhungatheka wangivumela ukuthi ngingene ngaphakathi kwakhe ngaphandle kwekhondomu. Ngesinye isikhathi kuye, ukulungiswa kwami kwaqala ukuqina. Wabe esezizwa kabi futhi wangikhipha kuye. “Alikho ikhondomu,” kusho yena, “akukho ucansi.” Kungikhombisile ukuthi lapho ngiphelelwe ithemba ngokwanele noma ngubani angahlanganyela ekuziphatheni okuyingozi kwezocansi. Lokhu akulungile.
Endleleni egodukayo, ngakhala impela. Lobobulili bungadala ubungane nentombazane ebesiyidinga, into ebesingakaze sibe nayo isikhashana. Ngabe bekusihlanganisile. Njengoba ngibhala ngibona umkhuba. Intombi nokushaya indlwabu kepha azikho izithombe zobulili ezingcolile: ama-erections. Intombi nokushaya indlwabu ezithombeni zobulili ezingcolile: ama-erections abuthakathaka nocansi olungaphephile.
A Ucwaningo lwe-2002 kubike ukuthi abakwa-32% abasebenzisi abakhondomu abancane babe nezinkinga zokulungisa ezibangelwa ukusetshenziswa okungaphephile. Ngu 2006, isibalo sasikhuphuke kuma-37%. Ingabe ukwanda kokusebenzisa kabi izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kwaba isici? Kungenzeka yini kube yisici esiyingozi ukukhuphuka okungekho emthethweni emphakathini wama-gay?
Yini ngempela ebangela ukungezwani kobudlelwano?
Kokubili isidingo esifihliwe sokuvuselela okwenziwe lapho i-dopamine isabela futhi ukungabi nokuqaphela ukuthi ukugqugquzelwa kobulili obuqeda ukuhlukumezeka ngokocansi kungabangela abalingani ukuba benze imibono engalungile mayelana nokuthi yini edala ukuhlukunyezwa kobuhlobo.
Sengiqalile ukukhuluma ne-ex yami futhi. Sibe nengxoxo enhle mayelana nokulutha kwami kocansi. Wayengazi ukuthi nginenkinga. Nami angizange. Ubalule indlela ebengibonakala ngikude ngayo ocansini, futhi ngachaza ukuthi bekungekhona ngoba bengingenandaba naye ngokocansi kodwa ngoba bengikhuthazwe kakhulu ukuthi bekuzodingeka ukuthi agijime ngezinyawo zakhe, amunce ihhashi futhi ngilungiselela [transsexual] ukuze ngikhuthazwe ngesikhathi socansi naye. Kungenza ngicabange kabusha bonke ubuhlobo. Ngaleso sikhathi ngangicabanga ukuthi izinkinga zethu kwakuyiphutha lakhe lonke ngenxa yokuphazamiseka kwengqondo yakhe [ukuthi ngangikude ngoba ngangithandana], kanti imikhuba yami yayiyimbangela enkulu.
Omunye umuntu:
Ehlobo eledlule ngangena ebudlelwaneni ebengicabanga ukuthi buzophela ekuziphatheni kwami kwe-PMO. Esikhundleni salokho, kwaphela izinyanga eziyisithupha kuphela. Izinyanga ezimbalwa zokuqala zazizinhle; Bengingabukeli i-porn noma ukushaya indlwabu. Kodwa ngazithola ngibuyela ku-PMO lapho singekho ndawonye, noma ngobusuku lapho sasingayi ocansini. Bengingacabangi ukuthi lokhu kuzolimaza ubuhlobo bethu bobulili noma ubudlelwane ngaleso sikhathi. Kepha kwenzekile. Ngaqala ukuphelelwa wuthando ngaye ngokocansi yize ngokomzimba eyinhlobo yami. Lokhu indlela wesaba ukuphuma kimi!
Ekugcineni, nangu owesifazane ephawula ngezinyanga ezithathe umlingani wakhe ukubuyisa umsebenzi ojwayelekile:
Inqubo yethu yokuphulukisa ibe yinto eyisimangaliso. Ngithi "wethu" ngoba ukuba nomlutha we-porn osalulama nakanjani kuyinto ehlanganyelwe. Njengoba noma yimuphi owesifazane engasola, kungenzeka kusebenze ezinye izindawo ezingaboni lapho kukhulunywa ngokungazethembi kwakhe nakwakhe. Ukubhekana ngqo nalokhu kwesaba NJENGOBA BAKHONA kusemqoka, futhi angikwazi ukweqisa ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani lokhu.
Kulabo besilisa ngaphandle lapho abakwesabayo babulale ipipi lakho ngokuhle ngokushaya indlwabu ngokufutheka: Ungesabi. Iyabuya ngempela. Unkulunkulu omuhle uyabuya yini. Ufunga ukuthi “ngenze ipipi lakhe laba likhulu noma okuthize,” futhi yebo, kuyisimanga esikhulu nesicindezelayo. Njengokubabazeka njengoba ukumuzwa ethi kungenza kwami, kumane kungumkhiqizo wobulili obuhle nokuzwela okubuyiselwe. Iminyaka yomonakalo manje iguqulwe.
Ukuvuselelwa kocansi ngokweqile kuduna ukuziphatha okujwayelekile kokukhwelana kwabantu ngezindlela isiko lethu elingakavunywa ngalo kabanzi, kepha empeleni ezingabikezelwa ngokunikezwa ukuzwela kobuchopho bomuntu ukugqugquzela. Ngakho-ke uma ubudlelwano bakho buhluleka ngenxa yokuzijabulisa okuvusa inkanuko kwanamuhla (futhi awukakulungeli zama okuthile okusha), choko ukuze ukwazi ukuzwa-futhi ungangabazi ukuheha kwakho.
Ukukhula kobufakazi besayense yomjikelezo we-post-orgasm oqhubekayo (izifundo)
Izifundo ekuqhekekeni phakathi kobulili nezidakamizwa ebuchosheni
UPDATES
- Ukuxilongwa okusemthethweni? Umbhalo wezokwelapha wezokwelapha osetshenziswa kakhulu emhlabeni, I-International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), iqukethe ukuxilongwa okusha efanelekile ukulutha izidakamizwa: "Ukucindezeleka Ngokuziphatha Ngokwemvelo. "(I-2018)
- Ukulutha kobulili / ucansi? Leli khasi libala Ucwaningo lwe-39 lwe-neuroscience (I-MRI, i-FMRI, i-EEG, i-neuropsychological, i-hormonal). Banikeza ukusekela okuqinile ngesimodeli sokulutha kwezidakamizwa njengoba iziphumo zabo zibuyisa ukutholakala kwezinzwa ezibikiwe ezifundweni zokulutha izidakamizwa.
- Imibono yangempela yezobuchwepheshe ekubhekaneni nocansi / ucansi? Lolu hlu luqukethe Ukubuyekezwa kwezincwadi ezingama-16 zakamuva nezincazelo ngezinye zezazi eziphezulu zezinzwa emhlabeni. Bonke basekela imodeli yokulutha.
- Izimpawu zokulutha umlutha nokukhula kwezinto ezimbi kakhulu? Ngaphezulu kwezifundo ze-30 zokubika okutholakele okuhambisana nokwanda kokusetshenziswa kocansi (ukubekezelelana), ukujwayela i-porn, kanye nezimpawu zokuhoxa (zonke izimpawu nezimpawu ezihlobene nokulutha).
- Ukubheka iphuzu lokukhuluma elingasekelwa ukuthi "isifiso sobulili esiphakeme" sichaza ukulahla ucansi noma ukulutha ngokobulili: Okungenani izifundo ze-25 zikhohlisa isimangalo sokuthi ubulili nemilutha ye-porn "banesifiso esiphakeme sobulili"
- Izinkinga zobulili nezinkinga zobulili? Lolu hlu luqukethe izifundo ze-26 ezixhumanisa ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn / ukubheja kocansi ezinkingeni zobulili kanye nokuvusa okuncane ezenzweni zobulili. I fiziqu ze-5 ezingekho ohlwini zibonisa ibangela, njengoba abahlanganyeli beqede ukusetshenziswa kwezingcolile kanye nokuphulukisa okungavamile kocansi.
- Imiphumela yocansi ebuhlotsheni? Ucwaningo oluseduze lwe-60 luxhumanisa ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn kuya ekungeneni kocansi nokuzaneliseka komndeni. (Njengoba sifana nathi konke Izifundo ezibandakanya abesilisa ziye zabika ukusetshenziswa okuningi kocansi okuxhunyiwe abampofu ubulili noma ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano.)
- Ukusebenzisa i-Porn kuthinta impilo engokomzwelo nengqondo? Izifundo ezingaphezu kwe-55 zixhumanisa ukusetshenziswa kocansi nezimpofu ezingokwengqondo-ezingokomzwelo nemiphumela empofu yokuqonda.
- Ukusebenzisa i-Porn kuthinta izinkolelo, isimo sengqondo nokuziphatha? Hlola izifundo ngabanye - ngaphezu kokuqukethwe kwe-25 ukuxilongwa kwe-porn ukuze "isimo sengqondo esingafani" kubesifazane kanye nokubukwa kobulili - noma isifinyeto kusuka kulolu cwaningo lwe-2016 meta: Imidiya nezocansi: Umbuso woPhando lwezobuciko, i-1995-2015.
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