Yiziphi izimpawu othumela umlingani wakho?
Shaywa ngumcibisholo kaCupid! Kuzwakala kukuhle ukuthi ungafuna isibopho esihlala njalo, uqinisekile ukuthi uthando luzonigcina niqhaqhazela nobabazekayo impilo yonke. Yize kunjalo uCupid ungumuntu onamahloni, noma kunalokho i-ajenda yezinto eziphilayo azenzayo azikhuthazi uthando oluhlala njalo.
Umcibisholo kaCupid ungowokuqala ochungechungeni lwemithambo yegazi engxenyeni yokuqala yobuchopho bakho eyaziwa ngokuthi uhlelo lwe-limbic. Uhlelo lwakho lwe-limbic lunamandla amakhulu, futhi lunentambo efanelekile, ukuthi kwesinye isikhathi luyigubuzele ngokuphelele ingqondo yakho ehluzekile. Thatha i-ajenda yayo yokukhwelana, isibonelo. Inhloso yawo ukunxusa (1) ukuthandana neziqhumane ezinganaki eziqhubela isidoda iqanda, (2) isibopho eside ngokwanele ukuthandana nanoma iyiphi ingane ukuze babe nabanakekeli ababili, (3) ukhathele ngumlingani wakho , bese (4) siqala ukuqalaza sifuna esisha. Ngamafuphi, kukuqhubela ekubeni uzikhohlise — noma ngabe uyakwenza noma cha. Lokhu kuthuthukisa ukuhlukahluka kofuzo lwenzalo, futhi uma kukhula okuhlukahlukene, amathuba ezakhi zofuzo angcono okuhamba ngomkhumbi aye esikhathini esizayo. Awunangqondo, kepha uyasebenza.
Kuthiwani uma ufuna ukukhipha i-Cupid futhi uhlale ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside ngokuzwana? Ngemuva kwakho konke, ukwaneliseka ngokuba nomfazi oyedwa akusiwo umqondo omubi, ngoba ubungane obuseduze, obuthembekile buvikela impilo engokwengqondo nengokomzimba futhi abanakekeli ababili bathuthukisa amathuba enhlalakahle yezingane. Umuzi owodwa nawo ushibhile ukuwunakekela kunemibili, futhi ukuziyenga uqobo kungabiza.
Ungakhuluma kanjani noCupid? Okungukuthi, ungayilawula kanjani ingxenye yakudala yobuchopho bakho ekuqondisweni kwemiphumela oyifunayo? Kuyinkinga, ngoba lesi sifunda esidala sobuchopho sandulela ubuchopho bomuntu (i-neo-cortex) ngezigidi zeminyaka. Akugijimi ngokomqondo. Kungakho ungeke ukwazi ukusebenzisa amandla akho ukuziphoqa ukuthi uthandane noma uhlale othandweni.
Uhlelo lwakho lwe-limbic run on subconscious cues, okuwukuthi, izimilo ezithumela izibonakaliso ezidlula ubuchopho bakho obunengqondo futhi zibangele izimpendulo ezizenzakalelayo. Ngokuqonda ukuthi iziphi izisekelo ezikucindezelayo, ungahola izithandani zakho ngokunembe kakhulu nangokuxabana okungaphakathi.
Ukuziphatha okuletha amasiginali anamandla kakhulu wobudlelwano bakho obuseduze kungakumangaza. Isibonelo, ukukhwelana kokuhlanya (ucansi olushisayo, ama-orgasms amaningi) okuholela ekusuthisweni ngokocansi (ukuthi "sengiqedile!" Umuzwa) kudlala ngqo kuhlelo lukaCupid. Ukwehlisa i-dopamine (ngemuva kokuqhuma okumnandi kwe-neurochemical of orgasm) kutshela uhlelo lwakho lwe-limbic, “Umsebenzi wokuvundisa wenziwe lapha; isikhathi sokuthola lo oshade naye angakhangi kangako futhi aphendule ngokulangazelela kunoma ngubani ongaba umlingani oxoxa naye. Ososayensi bayasazi lesi senzakalo njenge I-Coolidge Effect. Amaphesenti ayisishiyagalolunye nesikhombisa azo zonke izinhlobo zezilwane ezincelisayo asebenzisa uthando lwawo luphila ngokuphelele kulesi siginali.
Njengesilwane esincelisayo esingajwayelekile esibopha ngababili, ungahle wephuze ukubona ukuthi le "pedal" yokukhwelana ivame ukuhlukanisa izithandwa. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi unezinye izinhlelo ezimbili ohlelweni lwakho lwe-limbic, nazo ezinomthelela kwezothando. Ngamazinga ahlukahlukene lezi zinhlelo zimboza okuyisisekelo kohlelo lwakho "lokukhwela, nokuya ekhaya".
Owokuqala yi-cocktail ye-honeymoon. Abathandi abasha bathambekele ekukhiqizeni i-booster shot yesikhashana ye-neurochemistry evusa amadlingozi. Le cocktail eyinhloko (yokwanda kokukhula kwemizwa, i-dopamine, i-norepinephrine, i-serotonin ephansi, kanye nokulungiswa kwamazinga e-testosterone) kuveza ukuthatheka ngisho nokuthanda ngokweqile. Isikhathi esithile, ifiphaza umyalezo othi "qhubekela phambili" noma ngabe ubhekene nobulili obuningi kanye nemizwa engalawuleki evame ukubhekana nabathandi abasha. (Okuningi kulokhu kuphakama nokuphansi kokuthunyelwe okuzayo.)
Maye, ngicabanga ukuthi ukukhahlela i-neurochemistry yakho kushaqeka, ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi cishe luzophela kungakapheli iminyaka emibili. Njengoba igqoka, imicabango yakho yomunye nomunye ingashintshana isikhashana ngemuva komqondo. Omunye umyeni wazibonela ngale ndlela:
Sizoya ocansini imizuzu eyishumi nanhlanu. Ngemuva kwalokho ngiyobe ngikhononda isonto lonke. Ngemuva kwalokho ngizoba mnandi njengezinyosi njengoba ngiphinde ngabuyela emuva.
Nakhu ukushintshaniswa okuvela kwiforamu edumile:
Indoda: Umkami uphenduka inondindwa enkulu kwesinye isikhathi ekuseni ngemuva kobusuku bobulili obukhulu kakhulu. Ngikhuluma ngama-orgasms amaningi kanye neseshini yamahora angu-2-3. Futhi ngakusasa ngingu-anti-Christ!
Owesifazane: Lokhu kwenzeka nakimi! Ngivuka ekuseni ngemuva kobusuku obuhle nomyeni wami othandekayo futhi ngizizwe nginjengomalume ovela esihogweni kwesinye isikhathi. . . ucasukile futhi unenhliziyo enhle. Imvamisa nginguhlobo lwegal. Izinto zizizwa zingcono lapho ama-orgasms esakazeka kakhulu. Ngokwami ngibonile ukwehla okuphawulekayo ekukhangeni kwami nemizwa efudumele efudumele ngakwami lapho u- "O" ehlala njalo, njalo.
Ukushintsha kwemizwelo kanjena, noma ngabe kumafomu amancane (kungasaphathwa ukuqagela abakukhuthazayo), kungacima ukucwazimula ebudlelwaneni, kwenze bobabili abalingani bazibuze ukuthi bangangcono yini nomuntu omusha. Vele, iningi lethu alazi ukuthi ukushintshwa okucashile ekwenziweni kwamakhemikhali emvelo kuyasithonya, ngakho-ke sithambekele ekulinganiseni imizwa yethu ngokukhomba emaphutheni esiwabonayo komunye nomunye.
Izindaba ezimnandi ukuthi nabantu banolunye uhlelo olunganciphisa ivolumu yohlelo lwethu "qhubeka". Kodwa-ke, yethu ukubopha “Unyawo” lusebenza kuphela uma siletha izinkomba eziqonde kahle kanye nobuningi obulungile.
The Ukuziphatha esibonakalisa Cupid ukusigcina siboshiwe yimisebenzi efana nokuthintana isikhumba nesikhumba, ukubukana emehlweni, ukuqabulana ngezindebe nolimi, imisindo engenamazwi yokwaneliseka nobumnandi, ukuphulula ngenhloso yokududuza, ukuthinta nokumunca izingono / amabele, ukuciba noma ukugonana ukuthula, ukubeka isandla esizolisayo esithweni sangasese sesithandwa sethu, ukuhlangana ngobumnene, njalonjalo.
Lokhu kuziphatha kukhuluma ngqo nengxenye kuphela yobuchopho bethu engathandana, noma ihlale othandweni. Banikeza umyalezo ongaqondakali wokuthi “Qinisa lesi sibopho esingokomzwelo.” Ngokusobala, lezi zinkomba zisebenza ngoba zitholakala kokuncelisayo okuyisisekelo izindlela zokunamathisela ezinakekela izingane lokho kwasenza sathandana nabazali bethu, futhi okusivumela ukuba sithandane nezingane zethu. Kuyiqiniso, izintambo zibukeka zihluke kakhulu phakathi kwabathandi kunalokho ezikwenzayo phakathi kwezinsana nabanakekeli, kepha zonke zijikeleza ukuthinta nokuxhumeka okuphanayo.
Kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi izinkomba zokubopha zikhombisa kuphela uhlelo lwe-limbic ngempumelelo lapho zenzeka cishe nsuku zonke. Noma umzuzwana noma emibili ingawenza lo msebenzi, kepha izimfanelo zokuzibopha azisebenzi kahle uma imibhangqwana izisebenzisa kakhulu, noma kuphela ekufinyeleleni umvuthwandaba.
Ukuziphatha okuhlanganayo akufani ne-foreplay. Bona thulisa izinhlelo zezinzwa zabathandi (ikakhulukazi, i-amygdala). Ngokuphambene nalokho, i-foreplay yakhelwe ukukhiqiza ukungezwani kwezocansi. I-Foreplay ihlose imigomo; ukuziphatha okuhlanganisayo akunjalo. (Ukuya ocansini ngokumangazayo, ngobumnene ngaphandle kwe-orgasm kungaba yindlela enamandla yokuhlanganisa. Amasiko ahlukahlukene kuwo wonke umlando akhubeke kule ndlela futhi ayinika amagama ahlukile. Okuningi kokuthunyelwe okuzayo.)
Ngakho-ke, ukhuluma kanjani neC Cupid? Sebenzisa ubuchopho bakho obunengqondo ukucindezela izisekelo ze yakho Ukukhetha ukuletha amasignali athile ngokuqondile engxenyeni yokuqala yobuchopho bakho. Ngale ndlela ungahola noma yimiphi imiphumela oyifunayo othandweni lwakho. Uma ufuna ubudlelwane besikhathi eside, gxila ekuziphatheni kwansuku zonke, okuthembisayo (kufaka phakathi ukuzitika ngocansi), futhi unqande ukuqeda isifiso sakho sobulili. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ufuna inzuzo empilweni yakho yothando, phishekela ukwaneliseka kwezocansi ngokusebenzisa ama-orgasms ajwayelekile kakhulu.
[Mayelana nezithombe ezikule ndatshana: Itimu eyintandokazi yabadwebi bakudala kwakungu-Aphrodite (Uthando) ovusa imizwa ka-Eros.]
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