Ubulili bungenye yezindlela ezicacisa kakhulu zokusondelana phakathi kwabantu ababili. Uzikhumula ube nqunu, ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, futhi uveze izingxenye zakho ezijule kakhulu. Kodwa-ke, lapho isibopho nomlingani wakho sinqamuka, usala usengozini embhedeni, futhi ungaphendukela kuzithombe ezingcolile - hhayi ngothando, kepha ukuzanelisa ngocansi okumsulwa.
Ukusebenzisa izithombe ezingcolile zobulili ukuze ubeke ubulili empilweni yangempela kufana nokusebenzisa izidakamizwa ezithinta isifiso sokuba nesondlo, noma uxhumano olujulile. Uma izithombe zobulili ezingcolile zisetshenziselwa isikhathi eside, kungase kube yindlela kuphela umuntu angavuswa ngayo, futhi i-orgasm ayifuni nje kuphela isifiso semvelo sokufeza.
Abanye abantu abakhulile ne-intanethi futhi abaye bakwazi ukuthola izithombe ze-pornography kusukela esemncane bahlala beyizintombi, futhi abakaze bahlangane ngokocansi noma bavusa ngaphandle kwamakhompyutha abo noma amafoni. Yiqiniso, kulula kakhulu ukuxhumana nevidiyo kukhompyutha kunokuba umuntu wangempela enezidingo nezifiso. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abantu abakwividiyo abakwazi ukuphendula kumbukeli, kungaba ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba.
Isimo esivelayo esaziwa ngokuthi "ubungqingili bezocansi" sichaza umuntu othambekele kwezocansi okuxhunyaniswe nezithombe zocansi kuphela. Ngabe ucansi lwezocansi luyindlela entsha yokuveza ubulili, noma ingabe ilebula nje elisetshenziselwa ukufihla ukwesaba ukusondelana?
I-1. Ukuphakama Kobulili Bezinsipho: Umlando Omfushane We-Porn Online
Esikhathini se-digital, akumangazi ukutholakala kwe-porn yamahhala e-intanethi kwenze kwaba lula ngabantu ukuthi balungise. Isibonelo, ku-Pornhub's Ukubuyekezwa Kwonyaka ka-2016, isiza savakashelwa izigidigidi ezingama-23; ngabantu abangama-729 ngomzuzwana, noma izigidi ezingama-64 ngosuku. Qhathanisa lokho no-1991 ngaphambi kokuzalwa kwe-Intanethi; kwakukhona omagazini bezithombe zocansi abangaphansi kuka-90 e-US, futhi manje sebekhona okungaphezu kwezikhangiso ezingcolile ze-2.5 million evinjelwe yi-CYBERsitter, isihlungi se-intanethi sangempela.
Sonke sazi amadoda amaningi kunabesifazane ababuka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile. I-2014 cwaningo in I-JAMA bathole amaphesenti angu-XNUM wabantu bonke kanye namaphesenti angu-XNUM kubo bonke abesifazane abheka i-porn okungenani kanye ngenyanga. Leli gaba lobulili likhona ngoba isiko esivela e-US sibonakala senza kube lula futhi samukelekile ukuba amadoda adle i-porno, futhi lokhu kwandisa amathuba okudalula ukusetshenziswa.
Abacwaningi abaningana baye bafaka umbono: amadoda asebenza kanzima ekubukeni izithombe zobulili ezingcolile.
Ubuchopho bamadoda buhlelelwe ukuvusa okulula, okusho ukuthi noma nini lapho bebona ithuba locansi, bakulungele. Encwadini, Imicabango Engamabhiliyoni Amabhiliyoni, abalobi u-Oi Ogas no-Sai Gaddam babika ukuthi izinhlobo eziningi zesilisa zinezintambo zokuvuswa. Lokhu kusiza ukuthi kungani i-porn amateur ithandwa kakhulu; kufaka hlangana amarekhodi weqiniso nobujamo godu. Ngakho-ke, i-porn yamahhala e-intanethi inikeza indawo enhle yokuthola amathuba okuba amadoda asebenze ngendlela ebonakalayo.
Yilokungaziwa okungaziwa ukuthi kunikezwa yi-porn yamahhala e-intanethi eye yabangela ukukhushulwa kwabantu abaningi abakhombisayo njengocansi ocansini.
"Ithuba lokuphuma ku-inthanethi ngaphandle komsebenzi ongaba khona, ukuba sengozini, ukusondelana, nokuxhumana nabanye kungakhanga kwabanye," Christene Lozano, umshayeli welayisensi womndeni kanye nomhlengikazi womndeni, uchwepheshe wezokwelapha eziqinisekisiwe, nomsunguli weMeraki Counseling e-Glendora, eCalifornia, etshela Daily Medical.
Ngokucabangela amadoda ngokuvamile amathuba okusebenzisa izithombe zobulili ezingcolile, lokhu kwandisa amathuba abo okukhomba ukuthi yizicansi ezingcolile ngaphandle kwabesifazane.
Ubungqingili buyahluka kwezinye izindlela zokuya ocansini ngoba kuyindlela yokuziphatha efundwayo engenamsebenzi wokuxhuma nokuxhumeka komuntu. Ukubuka njalo izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kungakhuphula amandla okuba ocansini, kusho uLozano, njengoba umbukeli ehlukumeza ubuchopho nomzimba wabo ukuphendula isimo se-porn esikhuthaza ngokweqile. Noma yini eyeqiwe, isetshenziswe ngokweqile, futhi ihlukunyeziwe, ingadala umlutha.
Mayelana amaphesenti amahlanu kuya kwangu-8 labantu abadala, ukusetshenziswa kocansi kungashintsha ekuziphatheni komlutha.
I-2. Ubunono bakho ku-Porn: Kuningi Kangakanani?
Izifundo eziningana zibonise ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn rewire ubuchopho, ukuguqula isakhiwo nokusebenza kwayo, futhi kwandiswe ukuziphatha komlutha wokuba umlutha. I-Dopamine, i-neurotransmitter, iba yikhulu kakhulu lapho ubheka izithombe ezingcolile, ukhiqiza impendulo ye-dopaminergic. Lona yi-neurotransmitter ekunika isifiso sokuzijabulisa, njengoba amazinga e-dopamine ephakama ekuphenduleni ukulindela nokulindela.
Ukujwayela ukusebenzisa i-porn njengokuwukuphela komthombo wenjabulo yocansi kungasinciphisa isikhungo semivuzo yobuchopho. Ku-2014 cwaningo, eshicilelwe ku I-JAMA Psychiatry, Abaphenyi baseJalimane benza ukuskena kobuchopho kubabukeli bezithombe ezingcolile. Bathole izinga lezinguquko ebuchosheni elihambisana nenani le-porn umuntu alibukayo. Lokhu kusho ukuthi lapho bebuka kakhulu, ukwehla komsebenzi bekusezikhungweni zabo zemiklomelo yobuchopho ngemuva kokuthi izithombe zocansi zikhanyiswe esikrinini.
Ubuchopho buqala ukudinga i-dopamine engaphezulu isikhathi ngasinye esilandelayo lapho ibuka i-porn ukuze izwe imiphumela yayo. Kwesinye isikhathi, ingqondo "ingaguga", emisa ukukhiqizwa kwe-dopamine, futhi ishiye umbukeli efuna okuningi ngaphandle kokukwazi ukukufinyelela. Lokhu kungaholela ekutheni umuntu abuke izithombe ezingcolile zobulili ezingaphezulu ukuze aphindaphinde “okuphezulu” okufanayo ababenakho okokuqala.
Yile ndlela indlela ubuchopho bomlutha wezithombe zobulili ezingcolile buvame ukufaniswa neyomuthi oyingozi noma odakwa. Ucwaningo lwe-2014 Cambridge University olushicilelwe encwadini I-PLOS ONE wathola i-ventral striatum - isakhiwo sobuchopho esibamba iqhaza esikhungweni somvuzo wobuchopho, aka indlela yakhe yokuzijabulisa - ekhanyiswe lapho umlutha wotshwala ebona isithombe sesiphuzo. Ezingxenyeni zobulili ezingcolile, lolu cwaningo lwathola okufanayo umsebenzi wobuchopho: ababukeli babefuna izithombe ezingaphezulu, kepha abazange bazijabulele kakhulu.
Amanda Pasciucco, umshado onelayisensi nomthandi womndeni, ochwepheshe bezocansi eziqinisekisiwe, nomlobi we I-Playtime: Hhayi nje ngezingane, uyavuma ukuthi abantu abanobulili obubulili abazibiza ngeso lengqondo basengozini yokulutha izidakamizwa ezingcolile.
"Abantu abathandana nabobulili obufanayo babhekana nayo yonke injabulo yabo yezocansi ngokuzihlukanisa kunokuba babelane," esho etshela Daily Medical.
Kodwa-ke, lokhu akusho ukuthi bonke abantu abajabulela izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kuyizicansi ezingcolile.
U-Pasciucco weluleka ukuthi kufanele uqiniseke ukuthi i-porn akusona kuphela isitolo socansi. Esikhundleni salokho, ungasakaza ukugxila kwakho ekucabangeni kanye nokushaya indlwabu ngokufaka amafantasti ngombono wakho ngaphandle kokubuka noma yiluphi uhlobo lwe-porn.
I-Porn ingasiza ekuhloleni izifiso zobulili, kodwa ukusetshenziswa okungenampilo kungaba nomphumela omubi ebuchosheni.
Inkinga akuyona i-porn, yindlela okhetha ukuyisebenzisa.
I-3. Ukukhetha i-Porn Sex Over Sex IRL: Masking Insecurities
Abantu abanobulili obungcolile bayavuma ukuthi bahamba ekubukeni i-porn esikhundleni sokulala nomuntu. Kamuva cwaningo okwethulwa eMhlanganweni Wezobuchwepheshe Wonyaka we-112th we-American Urological Association othole okuqukethwe okubukelwe i-X kungashiya amadoda akakwazi ukuthola i-erection nabalingani bangempela bokuphila. Ngaphezu kwalokho, cishe amaphesenti amane wamadoda avumile ukuthi bakhetha ukushaya indlwabu ngokuya ocansini komunye umuntu.
Izithombe zobulili ezingcolile azikaze zitholakale kalula njengamanje, futhi amadoda amaningi abona ukunxenxa nje kokuthi "uchofoze igundane" ukuze bazivulele khona manjalo - akudingeki ukubikezela kwangaphambili. Amasayithi akalwe nge-X afana ne-PornHub akuvumela ukuthi wenze i-porn ihambisane nokunambitheka kwakho, ikunikeze inketho yokushintsha okuthandayo kokubuka, njengokuphakama, umbala wezinwele, ubuhlanga, ubudala, nezinto abazithandayo nabangazithandi embhedeni. Abangqingili babheka ucansi njengomzamo, kanti ubulili bodwa phambi kwesikrini abuthathi mzamo, ngaphandle kokukhipha ibhulukwe lakho.
Kodwa-ke, kungaphezu kokulula okuheha abanye besilisa nabesifazane. Abasebenzisi be-Porn bazokugwema ngamabomu ukubhekana nokukhathazeka kokukhuluma nomlingani kanye nokwenqatshwa kokwenqatshwa. Bancamela ukufihla ukuphepha kwabo ngokwenza ucansi emakamelweni abo okulala - bebodwa.
"Ngeshwa, eminyakeni yami yokwelashwa ngokocansi, ukukhathazeka nokwesaba ukwenqatshwa kuholele ekutheni abantu bazibonakalise njengabantu abanobungqingili," kusho uPasciucco.
Ku-2013 esihlokweni ngoba Catalog Catalog, UMarcus Jackson, ozibiza ngokobulili ngokobulili, wabhala:
"Uma kungadingeka ngibe nelinye noma elinye impilo yami yonke, bengizokhetha izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kunocansi lwangempela noma yiluphi usuku."
UJackson uvumile inkolelo edumile yokuthi ucansi lwempilo yangempela lungaholela kwezothando, ukuxhumana, ukusondelana nothando. Kepha kuye, ngesibindi wathi ubelungile ngaphandle kothando - yize ake wathandana eminyakeni embalwa eyedlule. UJackson uchaza ukuthi ubethandana nxazonke, kepha bonke bagcina beshiye, hhayi ngokuzikhethela kwakhe.
“Ngesinye isikhathi, bonke bafuna ukungishiya. Futhi lelo phuzu lihlala liza ngasikhathi sinye; cishe ngemuva kwemizuzwana engama-37 ngiqale ukucabanga ukuthi singathola okuthile 'kwangempela.' ”
Uyavuma nge-porn, kulula nje, ngoba kususa ingcindezi eza nokuqoma - ukukhathazeka ukuthi ngabe umuntu uyakuthanda noma cha; uma uza ngamandla kakhulu noma awunamandla anele; noma ulinde futhi unethemba lokuthi lowo muntu uzokuthumelela imiyalezo noma akufonele, noma uma ezobuyisa umbhalo wakho noma ucingo. Ubungqingili bukaJackson buqhutshwa ukwesaba ukuba sengozini futhi ukusondelana futhi. Njengasendabeni yakhe, ukutholakala kocansi kuyenze yabangqingili akudingeki benze konke okusemandleni abo ukuhlangana nabanye abantu futhi baxhumane ngokuseduze.
UPasciucco uyanezela: “Akudingeki bazibeke esimweni esingakhululeki sokwakha ukuzethemba kwabo ukuze baphume futhi bacele abanye ukuthi baxhumane kakhulu nabo. Kubenza bazinyezele, bakhathazeke, besabe futhi benqatshelwe. ”
Ngokuvamile, uma othile ezwa ubuhlungu, ehlulelwa, noma enqatshelwe ebuhlotsheni bobulili, lokhu kungenza njengesisulu sokusebenzisa izithombe ze-inthanethi esikhundleni sokuzibeka khona futhi.
Lokhu kungcono kunjengoba ukugwema ukusondelana, futhi kungase kubangelwe ngenxa yokungabi nobungane ebuntwaneni.
I-4. Ukubantwana Kwabangela Ku-Pornosexuality
Ukuhlonza njengobungqingili kungaba uphawu lokufihla ukuphepha kwakho okungavela ebuntwaneni. Kukhona ukuxilongwa ku-DSM-V okubizwa ngokuthi “isifo sokunamathisela okusebenzayo“, Isimo lapho ingane ithola ukunakekelwa budedengu, futhi ingakhi ubuhlobo obusondelene ngokomzwelo nabanakekeli bayo abayinhloko - imvamisa omama - ngaphambi kweminyaka yobudala emihlanu.
Psychotherapists, njengaye UDkt. Fran Walfish, kholwa ukuthi lokhu kungabangela ubulili bobulili obungcolile, bumise ngemuva kokusondelana.
"Abanye balaba bantu, hhayi bonke, abangenabo ubudlelwano obubumbene, obubuyisanayo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, bangaziveza njengabobulili obufanayo, ngoba abakwazi ukubekezelela noma ukubekezelela ukusondelana ngokomzwelo nothandekayo ekubeni bengakaze babe nakho," uWalfish, uBeverly Umndeni waseHills nobudlelwano bezifo zengqondo, umbhali we Umzali Oziqaphelayo, kanye nenkanyezi, Ibhokisi lezocansi ku-WE TV, utshele Daily Medical.
Umuntu ocansila ngokocansi ogibela endlini yokugezela ukuze azikhulule yena ubona njengesifiso sobulili, futhi uqeqesha umzimba wakhe ukuba uthathe imizwa engathandeki ngokugwema ukusondelana, futhi ugijime.
“Bancishwa impendulo kamama efudumele, evumelekile; baswele okunamathiselwe, ”kusho uWalfish.
Ngakho-ke, kuthiwani ngalabo abasebudlelwaneni, abake befuna ukulala nabo nabalingani babo, kodwa manje bathanda i-porn?
I-5. Ukuziphatha Ngocansi Ngobudlelwane
Kunezimbhangqwana eziye zabhekana nobulili bobulili obucansi ebuhlotsheni babo. Abesifazane abaningana bazovuma ukuthi isoka noma umyeni wabo ulahlekelwe isithakazelo sokulala ocansini, kodwa usenaso isifiso sokushaya indlwabu efonini. Encwadini, Umfazi oshaywe ngocansi, umlobi uMichele Weiner Davis unikeza ukubheka okuthakazelisayo inkinga ekhulayo emphakathini: ubulili be-intanethi nokuzicabangela ngokobulili njengengxenye yocansi lomshado, noma ubulili be-IRL.
Esahlukweni sesihlanu, uDavis uchaza indlela izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kanye nokushaya indlwabu kungabangela ibanga lobulili phakathi kwemibhangqwana. Amadoda angase abonwe yi-porn kokubili ku-intanethi naku-intanethi, kuyilapho abesifazane abaningi bengakwazi ukuqonda ukuthi kungani amadoda abo ethanda ukushaya indlwabu ngaphandle kokulala nabo. Lapho kukhona umbhangqwana ophethe i-gap isifiso, kukhona umbhangqwana onenkinga yobuhlobo.
Ukuphakama kwezidakamizwa zobulili ezingcolile ebuhlotsheni ngokuvamile kubangelwa ukuphazamiseka kokukhulumisana, kusho uWalfish.
"Isikhukhukazi ngokushesha ucansi luyahamba luyanyamalala, futhi lokho kungesona sizathu esengeziwe sokuchaza ukuthi kungani ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo kubaluleke kakhulu emisebenzini yobulili," kusho yena.
Ngaphandle kokusondelana, umlingani ngamunye angaba nesizungu kakhulu kulokhu okuhlangenwe nakho, ngakho-ke isihloko sencwadi Umfazi oshaywe ngocansi.
A 2016 cwaningo okwethulwa emhlanganweni we-111th waminyaka yonke we-American Sociological Association okutholile ukubuka ukubuka izithombe ezingcolile kungathinta kabi imibhangqwana eshadile ejabulisayo. Izazi zezenhlalakahle zaseNyuvesi yase-Oklahoma zathi ukusetshenziswa kwamavidiyo omdala kwaphindaphinda kwandisa ingozi yokuhlukanisa imibhangqwana eyayingenayo inkolo, esanda kushada, noma ejabule emshadweni wayo. Lezi zinkinga zaziphakeme phakathi kwabantu abadala abasha.
Ngokumangazayo, abaseMelika abancane bathambekele ekubukeni izithombe ezingcolile kaningi kunabaseMelika asebekhulile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abantu aseMelika basebekhulile bavame ukuba nemishado eqinile ngoba bevame ukuvuthwa ngokweqile, ukusimama ngokwezezimali, futhi kungenzeka ukuthi banesikhathi esiningi sokutshala imali ebuhlotsheni, ngokusho kwabacwaningi.
"Ngakho-ke, besicabanga ukuthi kunengqondo ngokuphelele ukuthi umthelela wokusetshenziswa kwezithombe zobulili ezingcolile esehlukanisweni uzobuthaka ngokuguga," kusho bona.
Kepha, lokhu akusho ukuthi ukubukela i-porn akulungile ebudlelwaneni - ngokulinganisela. Ngaphambilini cwaningo eshicilelwe ku I-Archives yokuziphatha ngokocansi bathola ukubuka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ngokulinganisela kwaholela kokubili amadoda nabesifazane ukuba babike ukuthi banesimo esiningi esithinta ucansi kanye nemicabango yokuphila ngocansi kanye nobulili obuhlukile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, abacwaningi bathola ukuthi amavidiyo angama-hardcore, ikakhulukazi umbono wabo ngocansi wawuba njalo.
Abashadile abazithola bengathokozi nemikhuba yabo engcolile bangase bazuze ekufuneni ukwelashwa uma befuna ukuyenza.
I-6. Ukuphathwa Kwezicansi: Ingabe Kusebenza?
Ebusweni, ukugwema ukusondelana akubonakali njengesimo esibucayi sempilo yengqondo, kodwa nokho, sinomthelela omkhulu emgangathweni wakho wokuphila, ukukhiqiza, nenjabulo enkulu. Ukwelapha lokhu kungabikho kokusondelana kungasiza abantu ukuba bahole ukuphila okujabulisayo nokwanelisayo ngaphakathi nangaphandle kwekamelo lokulala. Kodwa-ke, ukwelashwa kusebenza kuphela kubantu abafuna ukushintsha izifiso zabo zobulili, hhayi labo abajabulayo ngokuthandwa kwabo ngokobulili.
UPasciucco, othi uthole impumelelo engamaphesenti ayi-100 yabantu noma imibhangqwana efuna ukunqoba le nkinga, uyavuma ukuthi konke kuncike ekuzimiseleni kwesiguli ukuphumelela.
"Ngibe nenhlanhla yokuthi wonke umuntu ongene emnyango wami ufuna okuthile ngaphandle kokuqhubeka nokuba ngocansi," kusho yena.
Uma kungena umlingani oyedwa, futhi efuna oshade naye ukuba "ayeke ukuba ocansini," uPasciucco uyavuma ukuthi angaba nezinga eliphansi lokuphumelela.
Ekwelashweni, uPasciucco wabelana ngalokho abadlula ngakho umehluko kumazinga esifiso phakathi kwabo bobabili abalingani. Bakhuluma ngezindlela okudingeka ukuthi kuhlangatshezwane nazo zombili izidingo nokuthi kulimaza kangakanani umlingani ozizwa enqatshiwe ngoba "behlulwa" yi-pornstar.
"Uma laba bobabili befuna ukuhlala ndawonye, kufanele sithole indlela yokuthi bazwakalise uthando nezifiso zocansi ngandlela thile okuvumayo," kusho yena.
Ukwelashwa kungaphumelela uma kunesifiso sokuyenza isebenze.
7. Ezocansi: Ngabe Ngumkhuba Olandelayo 'Olandelayo'?
Ubungqingili abuyona inkanuko yobulili engafaniswa nokukhonjwa njengokuqondile, ubungqingili noma ubungqingili. Kulokhu, ubumnandi bezocansi abususelwa kumuntu “wangempela” ubuso nobuso, kodwa kunalokho ngeqiniso elibonakalayo. Abangqingili bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi baxhumene nabanye, nge-platonically, kepha kungaba khona isithiyo kulokhu kuxhumana uma bekhetha i-porn njengobudlelwano babo obuyinhloko bezocansi.
Ukubuka izithombe ezingcolile kuyindlela ewusizo yokuhlola nokufunda ngezifiso zobulili, kodwa ukulinganisela kuyisihluthulelo. Okuncane kakhulu kunoma yini engayenza ukulinganisela, futhi ihlambalaza umzimba wakho nobuchopho, okwenza ube nesifiso ngaphezulu. Umqondo wokushintsha ubulili i-IRL ngezingubo zobulili ezingcolile ubonisa ukungabi nobuhlobo obuseduze kanye nokwesaba okukhulu.
ULawrence Siegel, isazi sezocansi sezempilo kanye nomxhumanisi wezemfundo kwezocansi Izikhungo zokwelashwa ngokocansi zanamuhla, ukholelwa ukuthi izidakamizwa zobulili ezingcolile azibonakali okwenziwe ngempela. Usikisela ukuthi abazimisele nje ukushiya ukuphepha nokujwayela indawo yabo yokunethezeka ukuze bafune ukuxhumana kwabantu.
"Njengoba konke ukuzithokozisa ngokocansi ukuzithokozisa, akukaze bafunde izinhlobo zamakhono omphakathi ukuze bakhe ubudlelwane obunempilo nobuhlobo obuseduze," etshela Daily Medical.
Kukhona izinkinga ezithinta ukusondelana ezibangelwa ukuhlukunyezwa okuqala, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kusebuntwaneni, noma ubudlelwane bokuthandana kwangaphambili, obuseduze kamuva uma kusongelwa ngokomzwelo kokusondelana kubonakala. Noma kunjalo, nsuku zonke, abantu bahlangana ndawonye, bakha ubungane nokubambisana ukuze bahlangane empilweni.
Ukuhamba nqunu embhedeni, emzimbeni nangokomzwelo, kungangethusa, ikakhulukazi ngoba usengozini kakhulu, kepha lokhu akusho ukuthi kufanele uyeke ukukwenza.
UWalfish uchaza ukuthi lelebuli “entsha” izala ukudideka emphakathini.
"Mhlawumbe ucansi lunomqondo omubi kumuntu kunokusho ukuthi, 'Ngiyisithandwa phobe.'”
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