Akubandlululi. Ngakho-ke kungaba ngumuntu othile emndenini wakho noma emsebenzini wakho. Noma mhlawumbe nguwe.
UGabe Deem akakwazanga ukukuthola, futhi akakwazanga ukuthola ukuthi kungani.
A ukubukeka kahle indoda kuma-20s akhe, akafushane ukunakwa kusuka abesifazane abakhangayo. Akayona isizungu. Akukho lutho olukhathazayo ngaye. Uyazethemba futhi uyaxoxa, kancane komngane empeleni. “Kepha impi yami yaqala eyami iminyaka emusha," uthi. “Ukuqala kwami ukuya ocansini ngamaphikseli kwaqala ukukhipha idrayivu yami yabesifazane bangempela — futhi ngiqonde ukuthi bangabantu besifazane abahle. Akukho lutho emhlabeni wangempela olungangivula futhi ngavele ngaphuma. ”
U-Deem wayazi ukungasebenzi kwakhe kwe-erectile kwakungeyona Inkinga ngokomzimba; wayengathola ukwakheka esebenzisa ezocansi, akunankinga. Kwakungekhona ukukhathazeka kokusebenza. Akubanga umbuzo wesinye sezimbangela ezivame kakhulu ezilimaza amadoda njengoba ekhula, njengethonya elibi lesifo sikashukela noma isifo senhliziyo. Kwakuyinsizwa, indoda elungile. Kepha, lapho ehlole izinkundla eziku-inthanethi futhi ethola izinkulungwane zamadoda anenkinga efanayo, futhi ikakhulukazi ecashunwe imbangela yalokho, wathatha inselelo yommangalelwa oyedwa futhi wathola ukuthi akakwazanga ukushaya indlwabu ngaphandle izithombe zocansi. Iminyaka yokusebenzisa i-porn-wayeqala ukuyithola eneminyaka eyisishiyagalombili futhi i-12 yayine-inthanethi eshesha kakhulu - yayiphinde yakha kabusha inethiwekhi yayo ye-neural phakathi neminyaka yayo yokwakha esezingeni eliphezulu kakhulu.
“Ngihlanye kabusha ubuchopho bami kanye nemishini yokuzijabulisa ngendlela eyishumi,” kuchaza uDem, obuye abe ngumkhankaso wezwi wokuqwashisa kangcono ngomlutha wezocansi ngophawu lwayo lweRe-Boot Nation. “Mina nabangane bami besiyizingane ezinobuchwepheshe futhi asinamahloni ngokuphelele ekusebenziseni kwethu ezocansi. Kwakuyingxenye nje ejwayelekile yempilo yentsha, into okhula nayo 'njengomdabu wedijithali'. Kepha kwaba yisikhathi lapho ngathola khona ukuthi kunemiphumela emibi engasetshenziswa yokusebenzisa izithombe zobulili ezingcolile. Kodwa akekho noyedwa obejwayelekile obekhuluma ngakho. ”
UDemem uyachaza: “Ngihlanye kabusha ubuchopho bami kanye nemishini yokuzijabulisa ngendlela eyishumi.
Okwamanje abekho. Ingxenye yenkinga ukuthi, ngenkathi kuye kwaba khona ezinye izifundo ze-40 ngomthelela wokusebenza okujwayelekile kobulili kusetshenziswa i-porn ejwayelekile ngokushaya indlwabu-ngokuvamile ngesimo salokho okubizwa ngokuthi yi-PIED (i-porn-indedu erectile dysfunction) noma i-PIDE ( i-ejaculation ebambezelekile ye-porn) - kuhlala kungaziwa phakathi kwezazi zezengqondo ukuthi ngabe kunenkinga ngempela lapha, noma, uma ikhona, ukuthi iyini ngempela.
Kungcwelisiwe I-DSM, ibhayibheli elihlaziya njalo le-diagnostic of psychiatry, ngokwesibonelo, alikazobona umlutha wezocansi, yize amanye amaphuzu ezibalulekile enza kanjalo. Ngonyaka owedlule i-World Health Organisation yathatha isinyathelo sokuqinisekisa lesi simo ngokugcina seyibona ukuthi lokhu kuziphatha kocansi okuphoqelekile njengenkinga yengqondo, kepha yathinta umbono wayo wokuthi ngabe lokho kufaka phakathi umlutha yini ngokugembula noma ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa. Impela, kukhona impikiswano eqhubekayo yokuthi ngabe lokhu kuhlobene yini ngokuphelele nokulutha, kunokuphoqelelwa ukuphoqelelwa, ukudweba uhlobo lokuhlukanisa kuphela udokotela ongase aluthole futhi alusebenzisi neze usizo lwabantu abadinga usizo.
"Empeleni, izwe lokusebenza kwengqondo nokusebenza kwengqondo manje selikuqala ukuthatha ngokungathi sína 'umlutha' we-porn," kuphawula uDkt Claudia Herbert, udokotela wezifo zengqondo nomqondisi ophethe we-Oxford Development Center e-UK. "Sazi kakhulu ngomthelela ongemuhle ongaba khona kanye nobukhulu benkinga, uma kunemboni enkulu kakhulu [ye-porn] eqhuba, kungenzeka ibe nkulu. Sithola ukuthi kuya ngokuthi uhlanganyele kangakanani ne-porn. Kodwa noma ngabe ubheka [ngokuqhubekayo] kuphela futhi ungazibandakanyi ngokomzimba kungabonakala sengathi kulimaza ingqondo. Yehlisa ukucabanga okucacile, yakha umphumela wokuphuma esilinganisweni. Uthola izimpawu zokuhoxa njengobuhlungu bekhanda, ukungazethembi, ukukhathazeka. Lokhu kubucayi. ”
Ngobufakazi obungaqondakali, uDemem uthi kunempikiswano encane ngomqondo wokuthi kunenkinga enkulu lapho engagudluzwanga, asindiswe odokotela abasebenza ngengqondo abambalwa abhekene nezimo zesishoshovu kanye nezishoshovu, njengaye, amavidiyo wakhe we-YouTube athole amakhulu ezinkulungwane ukubukwa. Futhi njengoba umthelela ekukhuleni, ubuchopho obuningi bentsha epulasitiki buhlala isikhathi eside futhi buqine kakhulu kunalokho, yithi, ebuchosheni obuphakathi kweminyaka yobudala obuthola nge-Intanethi i-Internet ngocansi kodwa bengakhuli nayo, kuyinkinga ebonakala kwabaningi impela (yize kukude) kuthinta abesilisa abasebasha. Njengoba izizukulwane ezizayo zizobe, ngamadivayisi ezithandane nawo, manje futhi nokufinyelela okufanayo kwe-porn, kubukeka njengenkinga edinga ukusonjululwa maduze kunokuba kuthiwe kamuva. Imiphumela emiphakathini ngokuphelele ingahle ibe yimbi.
“Abantu engisebenza nabo bahlukahlukene kakhulu. Iqiniso ngukuthi noma ngubani angahlakulela umlutha wezocansi — noma yimuphi ubudala, abesilisa noma abesifazane, noma kuvame ukuba yinkinga yabesilisa; lezo ezikhulele kwi-Intanethi nalezo ezingazange. Beza nezindaba eziningi ezahlukahlukene, ”kusho uNowa Church, umbhali I-Wack: Inomlutha we-Porn Internet futhi manje umqeqeshi kulabo ababhekene nezinkinga zocansi ezihlobene nezocansi. “Abanye abanakho lokho ongakubiza ngokuthi umlutha we-porn kodwa ngokuqinisekile banenkinga yezocansi eye yabangelwa ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezithombe zobulili. Abanye kusobala ukuthi banomlutha. Bazabalaza ukuyeka ezocansi ngisho nangemva kokuba zidale izinkinga zobulili futhi kwezinye izikhathi zacekela phansi ubuhlobo babo. ”
Kunzima ukumangala kulokhu lapho lolu daba lushiwo ngamakhaza kanzima. "I-porn ayinamkhawulo, ayipheli, i-24 / 7, noma ngabe ukuphi. Awudingi ukubheka into efanayo kabili. Ukubonakaliswa kwe-porn kushintshe kakhulu, "kukhombisa uDkt Robert Weiss, oyi-CEO ye-Searching Integrity kanye nochwepheshe waseCalifornia ezimweni zokuziphatha zocansi eziphoqelekile kule minyaka edlule ye-25. “Uthatha noma yini evuselelayo futhi uyenze ifinyeleleke futhi abantu abaningi bazabalaze. Ngabe amandla okubuka i-porn amahora we-10 aqonde akwenze kanjani ebuchosheni abakhulayo? Ingxenye yenkinga ukuthi, kuze kube yilapho kwenziwa ucwaningo olwengeziwe — njengoba senza eminyakeni emibili ezayo — asikaqondi ukuthi sisebenzelani lapha. Asazi uma [abantu abayimilutha ye-porn] bedinga iBand-Aid noma isibhedlela. ”
Ngendlela i-porn esebenza ngayo — okubonakalayo, ukuvusa inkanuko yezocansi, okuholela ekuthini i-dopamine hit engena i-orgasm-kuyacaca ukuthi kungani kungaba umlutha, noma ngabe odokotela behluleka ukuzibuza ukuthi ngabe buyawushintsha yini umqondo ubuchopho ngendlela efanayo umuthi uyakwenza. Sinezintambo ezinzima ukuthola ukudla nobulili njengezindaba zokusinda (kwezinhlobo okungenani). “Futhi uma uhlanganisa okuqukethwe okuvusayo— i-porn — ne-etha umlutha wokulethwa kwe-inthanethi — uthola lokho okubizwa ngokuthi yi-synergistic amplation. Umphumela uba mkhulu kakhulu, ”kuchaza uDkt David Greenfield, umsunguli weCentre for Internet and Technology Addiction e-Connecticut, e-US, uprofesa osiza ngokusebenza kwengqondo e-University of Connecticut School of Medicine futhi ongomunye wososayensi bokuqala ukwenza omkhulu isilinganiselo sokutafutheka kwe-inthanethi ye- (pre Wi-Fi) ye-Intanethi.
“Abanye abanakho ongakubiza ngokuthi umlutha wezocansi kepha ngokuqinisekile banenkinga yezocansi eye yabangelwa ukusetshenziswa kocansi. Ngokusobala abanye banomlutha. ”
“Izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ziyimilutha ngoba ziyavusa,” uyanezela. "Sekuyiminyaka engu-20,000-plus. Kukhona izithombe zocansi ze-hieroglyphic. Kepha kuhlale kuthuthukiswa ngayo yonke imidiya emisha, kusuka ekuphrintweni kuya kwizithombe ezinyakazayo kuya kuma-CD, ama-DVD ne-Intanethi. I-porn bekulokhu kusetshenziswa phambili ubuchwepheshe. ”
Ngakho-ke kungani emkhakheni wezokwelapha ugxile ekululeleni umlutha kangaka uxwaya ukuvuma umlutha we-porn? Ngokwengxenye, ubala, kungenxa yokukhohlisa okuhle okwakudala. "Ezindaweni eziningi emhlabeni, e-US ngokwesibonelo, ucansi luseyigama elingcolile," kusho yena. “Kusekhona ihlazo le-Victorian, elihlanzayo lokushaya indlwabu yize sisebenzisa ubulili ukuthengisa yonke into, njengesisekelo sokuzijabulisa. Uma ubiza umuntu ngokuthi 'wanker', okusho idiot, kusho okuthile ngendlela esizizwa ngayo ngokushaya indlwabu. Unokwamukela ukwedlula lokhu kwezocansi namahloni ngakho ngasikhathi sinye futhi lokho kudala ukuphambana. ”
Okwesibili, kanti uphuzo oludakayo kanye nokuluthwa yizidakamizwa manje sekuyamukelwa njengezici zemvelo ze-neuro-biology, lesi stigmas esidala esake sakhathaza zombili lezi zimo-ukuthi abanale nkinga bamane bathanda ukuthamba, benolunye uhlobo lokushoda kobuntu-basaqhubeka nesithunzi ngenxa yocansi oluphoqelelayo abasebenzisi. Ukuvuma ukuziphatha kusabonakala kwabanye njengokuvumela.
Okwesithathu, "kunobunzima bokuthi nge-porn kuthatha isikhathi eside ukwakha umlutha, mhlawumbe amashumi eminyaka ngaphambi kokuthi iqale ukuphazamisa impilo yakho," kusho uGreenfield, obona ukuthi kungathatha enye iminyaka engu-10 ngaphambi kokuluthwa ngokocansi — okufana nevidiyo ukulutha kwegeyimu kucwaningwa ngendlela efanayo-kumukelwa ngokusemthethweni yi I-DSM. "Uma usebenzisa i-cocaine futhi ingenawo umthelela omubi, ingabe unayo umlutha? Ngingasho okufanayo nezithombe zocansi. Uma usebenzisa izithombe ezingcolile nsuku zonke futhi kungawuthinti umsebenzi wakho, umndeni wakho, ubudlelwano bakho noma ukukunikeza uhlobo oluthile lokungaziphathi kahle ngokocansi, ke wonke amandla kuwe. Ngivame ukubona abantu uma sekuvele kunethonya elingathandeki. ”
Bese kuba nendaba yokuthi uchwepheshe angawusingatha kanjani umlutha onjalo. Ukusika isiphuzo noma izidakamizwa yinto eyodwa; Impilo esebenzayo ngokugcwele kungenzeka. “Kepha wenza kanjani uma wenza ucansi?” Kubuza uGreenfield. "Umfundisa kanjani umuntu ukuthi aphathe umlutha wakhe kodwa aqhubeke nokuba yisihlobo sobulili?"
URob Watt, umqondisi we-Innfortree Therapy, okuwukuphela kwendlela enza ngayo izinto eziphathelene nezocansi eziluthayo emgwaqweni odumile waseLondon uHarley Street, uyavuma: inhloso akuyona mayelana nokukhuthaza ukungazithibi kodwa ukwakha isimo sengqondo esifanele ngokobulili. “Umlutha usho ukuthi uma umlutha uhlala ungumlutha, kodwa akulona iqiniso ngocansi noma ngokudla. Okucacayo nokho ukuthi umlutha we-porn uyinkinga enkulu; abantu bayibuka amahora amaningi. Kepha kuncane ngesilinganiso kangangoba nemiphumela. Amadoda amaningi akhona phambi kwesikrini eshaya eyodwa futhi abe nesikhathi esihle; akuyona inkinga kubo. Iningi labantu libukela ama-porn futhi anginankinga nalokho.
Watt uyanezela: “Abantu engikhuluma ngabo bafisa kakhulu, mhlawumbe kungenzeka bazibulale. “Bazithola beshaya indlwabu emsebenzini. Eqinisweni, abavame ukuzethula beyokwelashwa bengabanjiwe, imvamisa umlingani wabo, eba nemiphumela emibi kakhulu ebudlelwaneni babo, nomuntu ophathina naye uyibona njalo njengendlela yokukhaphela, ikakhulukazi uma enikezwe lo mbono wothando ongenangqondo esinawo ukuthi umlingani kufanele akwazi ukwanelisa zonke izidingo zethu. Sidinga ukwazisa ukuthi kunezizukulwane ezintsha eza manje lapho okuhlangenwe nakho kangempela kwezocansi okunamandla we-hyper-ngamandla emidlalo, okukhona kuyo ukuqamba ne-porn. Cishe asikude kangako ukuba yinkinga enkulu kangako kwabanye besifazane njengoba kwenzeka nakwabesilisa abathile. ”
"Umfundisa kanjani umuntu ukuthi aphathe umlutha wakhe kodwa aqhubeke nokuba yisihlobo sobulili?"
Ngempela, uWatt uthi ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn okuphoqayo kuvame ukuba nezimpande ekulimazeni kwengane - hhayi ngempela ukuthi kuyingozi enkulu, mhlawumbe akuyona into ebuhlungu umuntu azi ngayo, kepha izinkinga zengqondo zibangelwa ukushiywa kwezidingo ezithile ngenkathi zisakhula. Sikwenza kanjani lokhu? Ngokutholela lezo zinto ezingashintsha isimo ngaso leso sikhathi — ukuthanda ukudla noma i-orgasm. Ukwenza umuntu akholwe kunikeza umbono wokulawula impilo yomuntu ngoba yilokho umuntu afuna ukukwenza.
Kepha i-dopamine hit ihlala isikhathi esifushane futhi-ngokungafani ne-endorphin ephezulu ngokuzivocavoca noma ukuxhumana nemvelo-ayikeneliswa. Inoveli iba ebalulekile. Amanani okubekezelela ayenyuka. Ukuxhomekeka komzimba kuyakhula. Ukusondelana nomuntu wangempela kuqala ukubukeka, ngokuqhathanisa, kuyisicefe, kufana nokusebenza kanzima. Abahlushwa bayayeka ukubona abantu bangempela njengobulili. I-Porn iba injabulo yenyama ebenza bagcine kusuka enjabulweni engokomoya ecebile etholakala ebudlelwaneni.
Shono-ke ukuthi ukusombulula izingqinamba ezingezansi kwemizwa enjalo akuwona umsebenzi osheshayo. Yebo, indlela yokuphoqelela eyisisekelo ingahle ime emavikini, kusho uWatts, kepha ukubhekana nezimbangela zayo eziyisisekelo kungathatha iminyaka. "Angicabangi ukuthi ikhambi kumane kutshele umuntu ophethwe yile ndlela yokuziphatha ephoqelekile ukuthi angathinti amapipi abo eminyakeni elandelayo ye-12," egcizelela.
"I-Porn yayingakaze ibe yinkinga yokuziphatha noma yenkolo ... Ngavele ngayeka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ukuze ngiphinde ngilale nentombi yami."
URobert Weiss omnyama futhi mhlophe ngokwengeziwe ngalesi simo. "Kwabaningi, kuwumbuzo wokubeka phansi ezocansi futhi uzinikele emisebenzini eqinisekisa impilo-ukujoyina ikwaya noma yini," kuphetha yena. “Kukulo hlobo lwento lapho [abagulayo] beqala ukujabulisa abantu futhi. Kuyisivumelwano sonke noma lutho. Kodwa empeleni laba bantu bathola ukuthi abafuni ukubuyela ezingcolile. ”
Ngokufanayo, isixazululo seBandla kanye nesikaDeem yilesi, ngokufana neseluleko se-'12 Isinyathelo 'esinikezwe utshwala noma imilutha yezidakamizwa, ukuya kumakhaza lapho kuziwa ekujaheni inkukhu: kusukela manje, ukunqotshwa okuphelele, uma kungenjalo ekuthinteni ipipi lomuntu noma ocansini ubudlelwano nomunye umuntu, bese okungenani kusuka ku-porn. “Kimi, i-porn bekungakaze kube yindaba yokuziphatha noma engokwenkolo. Angiyena owenqabela i-porn futhi anginacala ngabantu abayibukayo. Ngivele ngashiya i-porn ukuze ngikwazi ukulala nentombi yami futhi, yilokho kuphela, ”kusho uDem, oqale ukuthola ukuthi inkonzo yakhe evamile yokuzibandakanya ocansini iqale ukubuyiselwa emuva kwezinyanga ezintathu ngemuva kokuyeka — isikhathi esingajwayelekile inkinobho yokusetha kabusha — ukululama ngokuphelele emva kwezinyanga eziyisishiyagalolunye.
"Uma ngibuzwa ngamanye amadoda ukuthi enzeni, leso seluleko sami: vele ungabi kude ne-porn kuze kube nini uma ufuna impilo yangempela yocansi, uma efuna uthando ebudlelwaneni kanye nazo zonke ezinye izinto abantu abazithola zigcwaliseka futhi zinesidingo ngokomzwelo . Wonke umuntu ufuna ukuxhumana okuxakile ngeke kuze kukunikeze, ”kusho uDem. “Kepha ukuyeka akulula. Kufana nokuzama ukuyeka ukudla okungenamsoco lapho usebenza eWalmart. I-porn ayaziwa, iyabiza futhi iyatholakala. ”
"Uma ngibuzwa amanye amadoda ukuthi ngenzenjani, leso iseluleko sami: vele uhlale kude nezithombe ezingcolile kuze kube phakade uma befuna impilo yangempela yocansi, uma befuna uthando ebudlelwaneni nazo zonke ezinye izinto abantu abazithola zanelisa futhi zidingeka ngokomzwelo . ”
Tshela lokho eSontweni. Ezinyangeni eziyisithupha ekubeni ehlanzekile, ubudlelwano bakhe baphela ngaphansi kobunzima futhi ekuqaleni lokhu kwaveza ukuzimisela ukuthi, yize manje ebhekene nesikhathi esinzima ngokomzwelo, wayengeke abuyele ku-porn. "Kepha ngagcina ukubuyela emuva, bese ngiphinda ngiphumile ngocansi inyanga eyodwa noma ezimbili, bese ngiqala kabusha futhi-futhi lokhu kwaba ngisho nangemva kokuba sengibhale le ncwadi ngalolo daba," kuhleka uChurch, oncoma wathi kunokwenza, kunjalo) ukuthola ukwakheka nesiyalo, kucace kumanani ofuna ukuphila ngawo, ukuzibekela imithetho ethile, ukuchitha isikhathi uqhubeka neminye imisebenzi ofuna ukuyenza. “Ngisenaso isifiso. Akungikhathazi. Kepha angicabangi ukuthi ungakhululeka ngakho. Ukugcabha kuholela ekubuyeleni emuva. Akusebenzi ukusetshenziswa kobulili okungcolile ukubuyisa ukungasebenzi, ”egcizelela.
Ngabe kukhona yini okungenziwa ukubhekana nalolu daba ezimpandeni ngaphambi kokuba kufinyelele eqophelweni lapho amaJoans asanda ngokwengeziwe azithola ethintwa ngokungafanele e-vortex emnyama yokuzikhethela kwe-cyber yokuzikhethela? Kukhona izingcingo zama-Smartphones ukuthi zenzelwe ukuthi zilungiswe ngohlobo oluthile lokuhlunga ukuvimba abasebenzisi abaneminyaka engaphansi ukuthi bangene ku-porn, yize kunjalo, kukhona ukwamukelwa okubanzi kokuthi ukuhlunga okunjalo kungahle kuhlukaniswe ngokushesha. Futhi lokho akusizi neze kubantu abadala. Ngale kwalokho, kuphikisana noDem, sidinga imfundo engcono kakhulu yocansi yabantwana besikole kanye nabantu abadala ngokufanayo ukuze okungenani siqonde isimo se-neuro-sobuchopho bethu obusetshenziswa lapho sisebenzisa i-porn ngokweqile.
"Umkhakha [wezifo zengqondo] usuba ngcono [ekubhekaneni nalolu daba] kodwa kuningi okusamele sikuthole," kusho iSonto. "Angicabangi ukuthi sesibonile isibalo senkinga okwamanje." Kodwa into eyodwa icacile, sibheka u-Weiss: "Sisezingeni lokuthi manje sekuyisikhathi sokuba abantu bayeke ukusho ukuthi 'umlutha we-porn? Leyo yinto? '”
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