By UDorothy Hayden LCSW 04/28/16
Injabulo enkulu yezocansi njengokuphunyuka ekuhlangenwe nakho kwangaphakathi okungafuneki.
Ukulandela iphethini elisungulwe kahle ezinye izindlela ezingaba yinkinga nokuziphatha (ukugembula, ukuyothenga, ukudla, ukuphuza nokusebenzisa izinto), indawo entsha yokuzibandakanya kwezocansi esekelwe kubuchwepheshe be-Intanethi idale enye inselelo kubantu nakubantu emphakathini. Njengokunye ukuziphatha, iningi labantu abaziphathisa “nge-cyber sex” (izithombe zocansi, ukushaya indlwabu bukhoma, ukuthumela imibhalo yezocansi, i-inthanethi yezithombe zocansi ezisebenzayo, njll.) Benza njalo ngezikhathi ezithile, ukuthola ukuthi le misebenzi iyiziphazamiso ezijabulisa ekugcineni ayenelisi njengokuxhumana okusondelana kakhudlwana. Kwabanye, noma kunjalo, amandla okuzibandakanya ezenzweni ze-cybersexual ngokungabizi futhi ngokungaziwa kunamandla okulimaza izimpilo futhi konakalise ubudlelwano bangempela obufana nezinye izindlela zokulutha. UDorothy Hayden ubesebenza nokuphoqelela ezocansi cishe isikhathi eside njengoba beselokhu bekhona. Lapha, wethula ucwaningo lwecala oluqokomisa amandla amaningi we-paradigm… Richard Juman, PsyD
Ngenkathi uSteve efika esifundweni sakhe sokuqala nami, wayephethwe kabi futhi enesisindo. Ehlome ikhanda phansi, akazange angibuke ngamehlo, futhi, lapho ehleli esihlalweni, wayengaphakathi futhi engenalutho angalusho. Ugcine ngokuxhumana ukuthi usethole ukwehliswa isithunzi emsebenzini wakhe nokuthi unkosikazi wakhe wayefake isehlukaniso. Ubebonakala ecindezelekile kakhulu ngalokhu kulahleka.
USteve ubike ukuthi wake wazitika ngotshwala nezidakamizwa kodwa ngenxa yengozi enkulu emsebenzini, wayeka ukusebenzisa izinto. Kodwa-ke, ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ezilandelayo, wathola ukuthi izifiso zakhe zokushaya indlwabu ziyanda. Uthole ukuthi uma engazifezi lezi zinhloso, uzohlala “enenkani” usuku lonke futhi ngeke akwazi ukugxila emsebenzini wakhe noma anake umkakhe uma ekhuluma naye. Wayehlala ematasa ngemicabango yakhe yezocansi.
USteve wazizwa engaphili futhi engenalutho, engenamandla, intshisekelo, noma umthamo wokuzijabulisa. Ukuphela kwento eyamnika umuzwa wokuphila kwakuwukuhlangana ngokocansi. Ezinyangeni eziningi ngemuva kokuba umkakhe ememezele ukuthi useyahamba, wathola ukuthi imicabango nemizwa yakhe yezocansi nokuziphatha kocansi kuye ngokuya kukhulu. Wabona ukuthi uma engazange enze indlwabu, wayezohlala “emangele” usuku lonke, obezomenza azizwe angakhululekile, angacasuki futhi anganeliseki.
Ngokushesha nje, uSteve wabona ukuthi izithombe zobulili ezingcolile zazanele ukuba zimjabulise. Ukusetshenziswa Kwakhe kwamadivayisi edijithali ukufezekisa ukukhuthaza ezocansi kuyakhuphuka. Uthole ukuthi ukuvalelwa emicabangweni nemicikilisho eyandulela isenzo sokuya ocansini kwakuyimpoqo njengesenzo sangempela sobulili, mhlawumbe futhi kube njalo. Ukuphakama kwakhe ngokomzwelo kwakumele kusetshenziswe usesho olwenziwe ngcono lwe-dopamine, ukulanda, ukuxoxa, ukuthumela imiyalezo, ukuthumelelana imiyalezo yocansi nezinye izindlela zokuziphatha ezenzelwe ezocansi. Yonke ividiyo entsha, isithombe, umdlalo, noma umuntu ukhiphe i-dopamine ethe xaxa, emsiza ukuthi alondoloze izinkathi ezinde zenjabulo kukho konke ukubukeka kwakhe, ukusesha, ukumcabanga nokwenza okulindelekile.
USteve ubike ukuthi angachitha amahora amaningi ezizwa ekhululeke kakhulu ngaphandle kokuvuswa umzimba noma ukuzilolonga. Ukusesha kwakhe ividiyo, isithombe noma umlingani wakhe ngokuphelele kwamgcina engenamuntu futhi ephazamisekile ezintweni eziza kuqala empilweni, ubudlelwano nokuzibophezela kwempilo ngokuphumelelayo njenge-heroin, i-cocaine, noma enye into eguqula isimo. I-cybersex empeleni "yayiyisidakamizwa sakhe sokuzikhethela."
Ngemuva konyaka elashwa, uSteve wavuma ukuya emhlanganweni we-Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA). Wathola induduzo lapho, azi ukuthi akuyena yedwa emhlabeni owaziphatha ngalezo zindlela zokuziphatha zocansi. Wazizwa esekelwa futhi ebaluleke ngendlela ayengakaze abe nayo ngaphambili empilweni yakhe. Ngokokuqala ngqa, wazizwa sengathi ungowendawo ethile. Waqala ukuba nomuzwa wokuthi angakhuluma nabantu nokuthi abantu bangahlanganyela naye. Okubaluleke kakhulu, wabika, wayefunda ukuthi angaba kanjani futhi azizwe enethezekile ezimweni zenhlalo.
Vele, lokhu kwathinta ukuphathwa kwakhe. Saqala ukwenza ukuhlaziywa kwezindleko / inzuzo yezenzo zakhe zocansi.
Ngalesi sikhathi, uSteve wenze impumelelo enkulu. Ukuphikwa kwakhe ukwaphuka, wawubona kahle umonakalo ayenze kuye nakulabo abasondele kuye. Lokhu kufaka phakathi:
- Ukuhlukaniswa nabangane nomndeni / ukuncipha ukusondelana nomlingani ozibophezele
- Ukwethemba ukuthembeka ebudlelwaneni bakho
- Ukukhuphula amandla okuxineka empilweni
- Ukulahleka kwemali etholwayo ngenxa yokudilizwa emsebenzini kanye nokulahleka komsebenzi okungenzeka
- Ozakwethu balahlekelwa ukuzethemba nokuzihlonipha ngokwehluleka "ukuphila" ngezithombe ezingcolile zobulili ezingcolile
- Ukungazinaki ngokomzwelo izingane
- Ukungasebenzi ngocansi (i-erectile dysfunction)
- Ukulahleka kwesifiso ezintweni zokuzilibazisa neminye imisebenzi enempilo
- Ukuzidelela ngenxa yokuswela ukulala nokuzivocavoca
Umlando Wempilo
USteve wayengowokuqala ezinganeni ezintathu, nodadewabo abancane abathathu. Ngaphambi kokuba azalwe, umama wakhe waphathwa kabi yisisu ezinyangeni ezinhlanu. USteve uchaze unina “njengenkohliso” —wayimfihlo futhi emema umzuzwana futhi wenqabe okulandelayo. Wakhonza uSteve. Wayengumbala weso lakhe owayengenakwenza okubi. Kodwa-ke, wayenezindinganiso eziqondile, futhi lapho ehluleka ukuhlangana nazo wayezomtshela ngenhlamba ukuthi uyenyanya, unomsindo futhi uyaqholosha futhi amthumele egumbini lakhe amahora amaningi ekugcineni.
USteve ukhumbule ukuthi umama wakhe wayenesimo esibi “ngamadoda” futhi wayevame ukukhononda ngokuthi “bayizilwane” - ezinolaka, zilukhuni futhi zinentshisekelo yezocansi kuphela. Wayevame ukugxila phambi kukaSteve, futhi ashiye umnyango wokulala uvulekile ngaphambi kokulala. Lapho esaba, wayevame ukulala embhedeni nabazali bakhe. Lokhu kwaqhubeka kuze kube yilapho uyise eshiya umndeni lapho eneminyaka eyi-12. Wakhumbula ukuthi wayelele embhedeni wakhe futhi yena egqoke ingubo yobusuku obukhanyayo. USteve ubike ukuthi ubehlala enemicabango yocansi ngunina.
Ubaba kaSteve wayeyindoda enomusa, ezwela futhi ecindezelekile lapho eqinile, kepha lapho ephuzile, wayephuphuma izwi futhi enolaka. Ngesikhathi uSteve wayeneminyaka emithathu ubudala, ubaba wakhe wayeqabukela ephapheme. Ngaphezu kwalokho, wayehlukumeza wonke umndeni ngesikhathi ephuza, kepha wayemphatha kabi kakhulu uSteve. Ngezikhathi ezithile, ubengasho ukuthi ukuzalwa kukaSteve bekungahlelwanga futhi kungafunwa. USteve waphawula ukuthi ubaba wakhe “wayehlale enza isiqiniseko sokuthi ngiyazi ukuthi yini isitshulu.”
Ubaba kaSteve washiya umndeni lapho uSteve eneminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye ubudala. USteve wazizwa elahliwe futhi wesaba ukuthi ubaba wakhe ngeke esabuya, kodwa ngasikhathi sinye futhi wesaba ukuthi uzobuya azobadubula bonke. Wazizwa futhi enesibopho sokuchitheka komshado wabazali bakhe.
Inqubo Yomtholampilo
Isipiliyoni sikaSteve sokuphikisana naye sasinzima, sabona amahloni lapho ubulili bamnika khona impumuzo kuphela. Ubehlulekile wukuphila ngokuvumelana nokulindelwe ngabazali bakhe kuye futhi wehluleka nokuphila njengokwakhe. Ukuhlala emndenini lapho wayekhulekelwa khona izithombe noma ehlanjalazwa, ihlazo lakhe lase lenziwa laba ngaphakathi, okungukuthi, yingxenye ebalulekile yobunikazi bakhe.
Wayenamahloni okuqala ngokuhlala nomndeni wakhe futhi ehlazekile umlutha wakhe. Njalo lapho enza i-orgasm, wayesala namahloni nokuzizonda. Kuyihlazo ukungakwazi ukulawula indlela oziphethe ngayo yize wenza umzamo omuhle kakhulu.
Ukuzethemba okuphansi kukaSteve kanye nokuzithemba kwakhe, kususelwa emqondweni wakhe wokuthi uyise wayengamfuni futhi engamazisi, ngokwengxenye ekuphenduleni kukanina okungaqondakali nobudlova kuye futhi ngokwengxenye ekuhlukaneni kwakhe futhi kwesinye isikhathi nokuzizwa kahle. Umama kaHarold wayenza nzima umsebenzi kaSteve wokuthuthukisa ubuntu besilisa ngokuhlonipha uyise, egxeka uSteve ngenkathi enza njengoyise futhi ehlonipha amadoda ngokujwayelekile.
Ukuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe ngohlelo lwe12-Step kusize ukwehlisa lelo hlazo, futhi uzwela nokuqonda engamnika kona nakho kwasiza ekwehliseni ihlazo lakhe.
Ukwelashwa kwehlukaniswe “ushintsho lokuqala” nokushintshwa kwe- “oda lesibili”. Ushintsho lwe- “oda lokuqala” lwenzelwe ukuletha isimilo sakhe. Wathunyelwa ukuyohlolwa ngqondo ukuthi azolanda izinkinga zokuphazamiseka kwengqondo okuphathelene nokuziphatha emzimbeni. Udokotela wamfaka kumthamo ophansi weProzac, hhayi okokuphazamiseka kwemizwa, kodwa ukuze amsize aphathe izinkanuko zakhe zocansi.
Sibe sesisungula umbuso we-Cognitive-Behaisheral wokusungula uhlelo lokuvimbela ukubuyela emuva. Ubhale uchungechunge lwe “trigger” - okwenzeka ngaphandle nangaphandle ngaphambi kokulingiswa kwakhe kwezocansi. Wafunda ukungasondeli ezimweni ezisengozini enkulu. Kwaqalwa namasu ahlukile okubhekana nalolo nalelo qhinga. Izindlela zokuphatha izifiso nezifiso zaxoxwa ke. Wabona izifiso nemicabango njengezibonakaliso zosizi lwangaphakathi. Angabheka kalula futhi ahumushe isimo sakhe sangaphakathi, kunokuba amane abaphendule ngesenzo somzimba. Ngaphezu kwalokho, sixoxe ngezindlela angazisebenzisa ukushiyeka futhi abuyele emuva.
Izinguquko zokuziphatha ezilula zabekwa. Ushintshe i-smartphone yakhe abe yiselula ejwayelekile. Ikhompyutha yafakwa egumbini lomndeni. Isihlungi esusa izinto ezi-erotic sifakwa ekhompyutheni. Ufake inkontileka yomndeni esekwe emndenini. Lapho kufanele asebenzise ikhompyutha, wazikhawulela ngezikhathi ezithile lapho ebheka ama-imeyili akhe nokuthi anjalo.
Mina noSteve sabe sesixoxa isikhathi eside ngobudlelwano bakhe nemizwa yakhe, ngoba imizwa engemihle ihlala isetshenziswa njengendawo yokwenza umdlalo. Ukwelashwa obekugxile ekufundeni ukubekezelela imizwa engemihle ngaphandle kokusebenzisa ucansi ukuzikhulula. Ukwazi ukuthi ungamelana kanjani ngempumelelo nemizwa eqinile kubalulekile ekuzithibeni ngokobulili. Ukubhekana nenkinga yokwanelisa ngokushesha kwaxoxwa ngakho.
Ingxenye ebucayi yoHlelo Lokuvimbela Ukubuyela emuva isebenza ekuqapheleni nasekuphikiseni ukuhlanekezelwa kwengqondo. Imilutha yezocansi inemibonakaliso eminingi ekhonjiwe ngabo, ngabesifazane nangokobulili. Ngicele uSteve ukuthi abhale phansi lokho acabanga ukuthi kungokwakhe bese ebhala eceleni kwabo enye indlela, engaba nengqondo yokuthi kufanele afunde izikhathi ezimbalwa ngesonto.
Ngenxa yokuthi uSteve wayehlaliswe kude isikhathi eside kangaka, sasebenza ngamakhono okuxhumana ayisisekelo futhi wavuma ukwenza izifundo zokuziqhenya. Yomibili le misebenzi yamenza wakhululeka kakhulu emhlabeni nabantu.
Ukululekwa kwezithandani
Enye yezinto ezenze ukuthi uSteve aphathwe kabi ngukuthi wayesongelwa ngumkakhe ngesehlukaniso. Yize ubudlelwano babo babungasasebenzi emuva kweminyaka yokuziphatha kwakhe umlutha, ubesamthanda futhi efuna kakhulu ukuba empilweni yakhe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uSara yena wayekade edwengulwa yizenzo zikaSteve. Ukuchitha kwakhe isikhathi esiningi kangaka emgodini ongaphansi kokuzibandakanya ocansini “ophambukayo” kwamenza wazizwa enesizungu, enganakwa, engabalulekile futhi enganakwa. Ukuzethemba kwakhe kwahlupheka, azi ukuthi umyeni wakhe ukhetha ukuchitha isikhathi sakhe phambi kwesikrini sekhompyutha enkampanini yomuntu omnandi ongeke ancintisane naye.
Wezwa enamahloni ajulile ngenxa yalokho obekuqhubeka emndenini, ekhuphuka ngokuthi ubemanqikanqika ukukhuluma nomuntu ngalesi simo noma imizwa yakhe ngakho ngoba efuna ukuvikela uSteve ekuhlazisweni kwalesi simo.
Inhlanganisela yokuchithwa, ukulinyazwa, ukukhashelwa kanye nokulahlekelwa ukuzithemba kubeka isigaba sokuthi uSara aqale ukuganana nenye indoda. Izinhloso zakhe zombili kwakuwukusekela ukuzethemba kwakhe ngokobulili nokuziphindisela kuS Steve ngokumkhaphela. USara akazange aqhubeke nokuthandana isikhathi eside, noma kunjalo, ngoba wayezizwa ezinikele kuSteve.
Ukulingisa kukaSteve kube nomthelela omubi empilweni yezocansi yombhangqwana. USara, enomuzwa wokuthi 'akazilinganisi' nabesifazane bakhe abathandekayo, wasebenza ukuze azenze akhange kakhulu futhi waqala uthando oluvamisile kaningi kunangendlela enza ngayo ngaphambili. Ugqoke izingubo ezi-sexy ayecabanga ukuthi uSteve angathanda. Kwesinye isikhathi, uSara wenza isenzo sokuya ocansini ayithola inyanyekile ngoba ecabanga ukuthi kuzomjabulisa lokho. Wenza konke okusemandleni ukumncenga ukuthi 'akadingi' ukubheka labo "abanye besifazane."
Lokho uSara akakuzwisisanga ukuthi akekho umuntu ofayo ongaphila ngokuphila “koke okukhohlisayo” —isimo sokuthuthuka se-dopamine, esivuswe kakhulu ukuthi umlutha wobulili ungena lapho enza isenzo esingahambisani kangako nezocansi. ngowesifazane wangempela. Umuntu ophila ngokoqobo akasoze ancintisana neqanjiwe. Ubuye futhi angaqondi ukuthi ubenganasibopho ngalesi simo, ukuthi isimo sikaSteve sivela ekuhlukumezeni ebuntwaneni nokuthi wayephethe amanxeba asemoyeni naye ngaphambi kokuhlangana naye.
Ekwelashweni, uSara udlulisele emuva ukuthi kwakungekhona ukuziphatha kobulili okwamzwisa ubuhlungu kanye namanga nezimfihlo ezazizungeze le ndlela yokuziphatha. Kwakungenxa yokuthi wayengazi ukuthi angakwazi yini ukuthethelela. Wayengabaza ukuthi angaphinde amthembe.
Kwaphela iminyaka, uSteve emtshela ukuthi "uyahlanya" uma esola okuthile. Wayedinga ukwamukela ukuthi ayimbanga inkinga nokuthi wayengeke akwazi ukuyilawula.
Iminyaka eminingana, uSara, njengabesifazane abaningi ngaphambi kwakhe, wakhathazeka kakhulu “ngokuhlola” umlingani wakhe; uhlola kaninginingi okushayela kanzima ekhompyutheni, ama-Smartphones, imibhalo, amavidiyo, ama-webcam, ama-imeyili, njll. ukubona ukuthi uyalingisa yini. Uthe uzizwa ehlanya lapho enza lokhu, kodwa uqhubeke nokuzama ukuthola ukulawula okungaphezulu kwesimo azizwa engenamandla ngaso.
USara wavuma ukuqala ukuya kuS-anon, uhlelo lwe-12-step lwabalingani bemilutha yezocansi lapho ahlangana khona nabesifazane abakwazile ukumxhasa nokumzwela. Ngaso leso sikhathi, waqala ukwelashwa nodokotela engimdlulisela kuye, ngenkathi bobabili beqhubeka nokwelashwa kwemibhangqwana.
Psychodynamics
Ngonyaka owodwa ngemuva kokuqala ukwelashwa, uSteve wamemezela ukuthi uyayekisa ukwelashwa. Ngamkhuthaza ukuthi akhulume ngalokho okuholele kulesi sinqumo. Ukuphenya kwethu kuveze umbono wakhe wokuthi ngizojeza futhi ngihlaze yena ngokuthi "wehlulekile" ngemuva kokuqiniseka ngaye. Umsebenzi owengeziwe wakhombisa ubudlelwano phakathi kwale mpikiswano nehlazo likaSteve ngokuwa kwakhe ngenxa yokubabekelwa umdlandla nangokudinga kwakhe usizo, umhawu wakhe nokungicasukela kwami, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okubalulekile ngokomzwelo kwengane nabazali bakhe bobabili. Ukukwazi kukaSteve ukuxoxa ngalezi zinto endaweni ephephile kumenze wangibona ngincane njengesiqhwaga futhi ngangiba ngumeluleki ozinzile nozinzile ongase amsize aphume ebudloveni manje aseyazi ukuthi yimpilo yakhe yangaphakathi.
Imiphumela Yokwelashwa
Njengoba ukwelashwa kuqhubekile, uSteve waqala ukuqaphela ukuthi lezi zingxabano eziphathelene nokulala ngokobulili okwakungezansi, akuzona okwakubheka ngempela, ngoba abengeke banelise noma bahlangabezane nezidingo zakhe zokuxhumana okuseduze.
Ukwelashwa bese kuthathe ithuba lokubhekana nomonakalo odaleke ebudlelwaneni bakhe nabazali bakhe. Sibheke ngokuphelele imilayezo ayifaka ngaphakathi njengengane eyayithinta inhlalakahle yakhe njengomuntu omdala. Ezinye zazo kwakungu:
- Wayengekho omuhle ngokwanele, engathandeki futhi wayengewona
- Wabhekene nosongo lokulahlwa, ukunganaki nokungafuni
- Ukuphelela kwabazali
Ngemuva kokuthi sithole imilayezo ebalulekile ebaluleke kakhulu eyayithola, wahamba nenqubo yokulila empilweni yakhe eyabangelwa yimilayezo. Njengoba esemdala, wayinselele ngokuyisimanga imiyalezo ngemiyalezo emisha eyabonisa ukuthi iyabalulekile. Okubaluleke kakhulu, ubuyisele "ihloni elibolekiwe." Bobabili abazali bakhe babenemiphefumulo enobungozi benesizotha sokuzihlonipha kanye nehlazo abalinikeza uSteve. USteve wenza isinqumo sokuthi ihlazo alilona; kwakungenxa yabazali bakhe futhi wabuyisela lapho bekukhona-kubazali bakhe.
USteve wathinteka nomqondo wokuthethelela umndeni wakhe. Wabona ukuthethelelwa njengento ayezenzele yona ngoba ukuphila ngokucasuka kwakubuhlungu kakhulu. Lokhu kuboniswa lapho ehambela khona. Ukuvakashelwa kwakumfushane futhi ukuxhumana kwakhe nabo kwakunokuthula futhi kungathukutheli. Wayemukele njengabantu abangalungile abawenza konke okusemandleni abo ukuze bamzalile.
Eminyakeni emithathu emva kokuqala ukwelashwa, uSteve wenze izinguquko ezinkulu empilweni yakhe. Waqhubeka nokuthola ukwelapha futhi wasebenza uhlelo olusebenzayo ku-Addicts Sex engaziwa. Wayenenethiwekhi yabangane abesekela futhi wahlakulela izinto ezintsha zokuzilibazisa. Wasebenzisa njalo. Yena noSara benza kahle. Babambelela ku "inkontileka yokukhathazeka" eyayiqukethe uhlu lokuziphatha ayezokwenza. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, wamkhombisa ukuthi uzophinde athembeke.
USteve wayesenalo izifiso, kodwa wayesezithole amakhono okubhekana nawo. Ngezikhathi ezimbalwa, waphela. Kodwa-ke, ngenxa yomsebenzi wokuvimbela ukuphindaphindiwe esasiwenzile, akazange aphinde abuyele emuva futhi waqonda ukuthi ukulahlekelwa kusho ukuthi kufanele enze izinguquko ezithile ohlelweni lwakhe lokubuyisela emuva.
Ukuzethemba kwakhe kwavuka. Wayengeke abe yisisulu sokuzihlambalaza nokuhlazeka. Wayenethezekile lapho ekhona khona. Ngokuzibandakanya kwakhe ohlelweni lwakhe lwe-12, wayeneliseke lokuba yilungu lomphakathi onakekelayo nokusiza abanye.
Ngosizo lwezokwelapha, umbono wakhe ngokuphila ushintshile. Wathutha ekubeni ngumuntu omdala, onomlando owabheka abanye ngokuthi "izinto ezidinga ukwaneliseka" ukuwazisa njengabantu ngabanye abanesidingo, imicabango kanye nemizwa yabo eyedwa. Wafunda ukuba ngumlaleli omuhle futhi abe nomzwelo. Ngenxa yalokho, wakhula ukwaneliseka kokuba nenethiwekhi yabangane abasondelene nabasekelayo, kubandakanya futhi ikakhulukazi, umkakhe.
Ngeziphakamiso zomshado, ukufutheka kanye nentukuthelo bebekwe ngemuva kwabo futhi, ngokusebenzisa izindlela zabo zokwelapha ezihlukene, bafunda ukuba "ababambisene" ekwelapheni. Bathi ngabanye ukuthi baye bahlangabezana nezinkinga zabo, bajabulela ubudlelwane obujulile, obucebile futhi obucansi.
Isiphetho
Uthando nobulili ziyingxenye yesimo somuntu futhi, ngaleyo ndlela, ziyizindaba zokukhathazeka umphakathi womtholampilo. Kubalulekile ukuthi thina abasebenza nomphakathi wezempilo, ikakhulukazi abasha, bazi kangcono imiphumela yokuthi ubuchwepheshe bedijithali bubhekene nobulili bomuntu.
UDorothy Hayden, uLCSW, uyisimo sengqondo sokuzimela emzimbeni waseManhattan. Ngeminyaka ye-20 ubelokhu ephathwa ngokucindezela ucansi kanye nabalingani babo. Ubhale izihloko ze-40 mayelana nokulutha kocansi (www.sextreatment.com) futhi uye wabhala incwadi ethi "Ukubuyiswa Kwemithi Yonke Yezocansi - Umhlahlandlela Wezokwelapha". UNksz Hayden uxoxwa yi-HBO, "20 / 20" no-Anderson "360" mayelana nomthelela we-cybersex kumphakathi.
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