Ungabe ubamba iqhaza ezinkingeni zakho ekamelweni?
10 uJan 2019
Uma uhlangabezana nesipelingi esomile ekamelweni, awuwedwa. Futhi, qagela ini? Into ebangela lokhu kupela kungenzeka kube lula ukuyilungisa. Uma nje ungekho “njengojabule” ngakho sex njengoba ubulokhu ukhona, ezinye izici ezimangazayo zingase zibe ezokudlala ezingase zibe yingozi ekuphileni kwakho kocansi. Ngokudabukisayo, isikhathi esincane kakhulu phakathi kwamashidi nomngane wakho ovame ukuholela ekunciphiseni kwesinye sezici ezijabulisayo kakhulu zokuba nobuhlobo obujabulisayo nobunempilo.
Kunezizathu ezihlukahlukene zokuthi kungani ungase ube "nesomiso sezocansi," namanje eziningi zalezi zizathu zixhumene, ngandlela-thile, ezindabeni zokuzihlonipha. Ngamanye amazwi, kunezinto ongahle wazi ukuthi lokho kungabangela ukuzethemba okuphansi, futhi ukuzethemba okuphansi kungabangela izinkinga ezinkulu ekamelweni lokulala..
Uma ungaqedi isikhathi esanele sokulala nocansi noma "ukuzijabulisa," kungaholela ekukhungathekeni, intukuthelo, intukuthelo, ukukhathazeka, kanye / noma ukucindezeleka - izici ezingakusiza ngaphandle kwesimo socansi.
Izindaba ezinhle ungakwazi ukuthuthukisa ikhwalithi yokuphila kwakho ngokobulili ngokumane ubone ukuthi yini ebangela ukuba ihlale ingathathi hlangothi.
Lokhu kungakho ukuthi impilo yakho yobulili ihlupheka:
Ukubuka i-Porn nomlingani wakho
Kuvamile emibhangqwaneni, ikakhulukazi yesikhathi eside, ukubuka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kanye nethemba lokuthi "lizophucula" ukuphila kwabo ngokocansi. Kodwa, ngokumangazayo, kungase kube nomthelela ohlukile, ikakhulukazi uma ungakulungele kahle ukufakwa kwawo empilweni yakho. Futhi, nakuba izithombe ezingcolile zingase zibe "isixazululo" sezibhangqwana ezithile, kwabanye, zingabangela izinkinga ezinkulu eziphuma ekamelweni. I-Porn ingakha ukulindela okungenangqondo. Futhi, masibe qotho, ubukele umlingani wakho ukuba avuke omunye umuntu noma into enye kungaba nzima - kanzima ngempela.
Ngaphezulu kwalokho, ukubukela izithombe zocansi, ngisho nomlingani wakho, kungadala noma kudambise izinkinga zokuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi ezifana ne-porn-induced ukungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile futhi ejaculation ngaphambi kwesikhathi. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kungabangela ukuzethemba okuphansi nokuzethemba, uma ngengozi wena noma umlingani wakho ulindele ukuba "ulinganise" kulokho akubonayo esibukweni. Ngenxa yalokho, ungakwazi ukwandisa ingozi yakho yokuthuthukisa ukusebenza ukukhathazeka noma ukukhathazeka lapho ucabanga ukuthi uya ocansini.
Futhi, kuyilapho iningi licabanga ukuthi i-porn kuphela ibangela izinkinga kubantu, okungeke kube kude neqiniso. Eqinisweni, ukubheka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kungaholela ezindabeni zobulili kwabesifazane abafana ne-low sex drive, i-orgasmic disorder, noma ukungakwazi ukuvuswa. Ngakho-ke, uma unquma ukungeza izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ekuphileni kwakho, yiba nomqondo ongenangqondo futhi unciphise ukuthi uchitha isikhathi esingakanani ezweni eliyinkimbinkimbi, ngakho-ke ungakwazi ukugxilisa ingqondo yangempela.
Ukulutha komakhalekhukhwini
Lokhu kungahle kumangale, kodwa i-electronics yakho ingabangela izinkinga ngaphansi kwamashidi. Ngokuqondile, ama-smartphones, amaphilisi, ngisho namathelevishini ayelokhu engena egumbini lokulala, ebangela zonke izinkinga. Eqinisweni, sekuye kwaba nzima nakakhulu ukuthi imibhangqwana ibeke amafoni abo - ngisho nalapho bezama ukusondelana. Abantu baye baba nemilutha kakhulu kwi-electronics yabo ukuthi abanye bayabheka ngisho naso ngesikhathi sokuqala - futhi ngemuva kokulandela ucansi.
Bese kuthi-ke kube khona abantu, abaphuthuma ocansini ukuze bakwazi ukubuyela kwi-movie, i-sitcom, igeyimu yevidiyo, ukubhala imiyalezo, ukushaya izingcingo, ingosi yezocansi, kanye / noma imisebenzi yezokuxhumana abebehlanganyela kuyo. Kwabaningi, lezi "zinto" ziye kubaluleke kakhulu kunokukhuluma nabanye - mathupha. Futhi kubaluleke kakhulu kunoku "xhuma" nomlingani ngokuya ocansini noma ngokuhlangana nje. Siya “nqanyulwa” komunye nomunye. Futhi, ngenxa yalokho, asizwani nozwela, uqobo, futhi sineqiniso kwabanye abantu.
Lokhu "ukukhishwa" kuye kwaqala nokuthinta ukuphila kwethu kobulili nokuthandana ubudlelwano. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuvimbela i-elekthronikhi ekuthathweni nasekubangela izinkinga ekamelweni lokugqoka ukuzisusa kuyo - ikakhulukazi ngesikhathi socansi nemisebenzi yezocansi. Beka isikhathi sokusebenzisa i-elekthronikhi bese ubabeka kude kuze kube lusuku olulandelayo. Sebenzisa lesi sikhathi ukuze wazi futhi - ngokomzwelo nangokwesini, sebenzisa isikhathi ndawonye, futhi udale izinkumbulo ezihlala njalo.
Ukushintsha izindawo
Lokhu kungenzeka ukuthi awuzange uhambe engqondweni yakho, kodwa shintsha izindawo ngesikhathi socansi kungabangela izinkinga ekuphileni kwakho kocansi. Eminye imibhangqwana ikholelwa ukuthi uma "isishintsha" nomlingani ovame ukubamba iqhaza lomuntu othobelayo, futhi umlingani ovame ukuzithoba ethatha indima yocala; izobusa umlilo emiphakathini yabo yesondo. Futhi, kwabanye kuyoba, kodwa kwabanye, ngeke. Eqinisweni, kungabangela izinkinga noma ezibi kakhulu ekamelweni. Kanjani? Ngokumenza omunye umlingani azizwe engavikelekile noma engaqiniseki ngesikhathi socansi.
Uma usujwayele ukuba ngumlingani ovelele ebuhlotsheni, kodwa ikakhulukazi ngesikhathi socansi, kungenza uzizwe "ngaphandle kwendawo" noma ungakhululekile, okungahle kuthinte impilo yakho yocansi. Ukuphinda futhi, lokhu kungaholela ekuziphatheni kokuzihlonipha nokuzethemba-ngaphakathi nangaphandle kwekamelo lokulala. Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuthi ushintshe "izindima" odlalayo ngesikhathi foreplay noma ucansi; qinisekisa ukuthi bobabili bisebhodi nalo. Futhi, uma umlingani oyedwa engabonakali kahle ngombono noma umsebenzi - yeka futhi ubuyekeze esikhathini esizayo. Khumbula, bobabili abalingani kufanele bazizwe bekhululekile futhi bezethemba ngesikhathi bezocansi, uma kungenjalo, ekugcineni kuzoholela ekufutheni futhi ucansi oluncane kakhulu.
Okokugcina, esinye sezici eziyinhloko ezingabangela izinkinga ekamelweni lokulala kuyinto ephansi yokuzihlonipha. Njengoba kukhulunywe ngenhla, ikakhulukazi yonke imigwaqo iqala noma iholele ekuzihloneleni. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi uma unesizotha esincane, ngokujwayelekile, sizohlunga phakathi kokuphila kwakho kobulili nobuhlobo bakho, uma ungayikhulumi.
Isibonelo, uma ungajabuli ngokubukeka kwakho, isimo sezezimali, ukusebenza komsebenzi, noma ngisho nobuhlobo, kungangena empilweni yakho kwezinye izindawo, njengokuphila kwakho kocansi. Ngokuqondile, kungathinta imvamisa kanye nekhwalithi yobulili onayo ngokukwenza uzizwe ungaphephile futhi ungaqiniseki kule ndawo. Ehlangothini lwe-flip, ukushayela ucansi oluphansi kungaholela ekukhathazeni, futhi imizwa yokunganaki nokuziphendulela.
Uma le mizwa ivela kaningi ngokwanele, ingaholela ekuzethembeni okuphansi ekamelweni. Umphumela wokugcina? Imizwa ebuhlungu, izingqinamba zobudlelwano nokuncipha kocansi. Ngakho-ke, uma ungazizwa sengathi "uyalingana," sebenzela ukukhulisa ukuzethemba kwakho futhi wamukele ukuthi umlingani wakho ubengeke abe nawe uma ungenjalo!
Ngokufigqiwe…
Iqiniso ukuthi sonke senza izinto ezingase zilimaze impilo yethu yesondo. Ezinye zalezi zinto zicacile futhi ezinye zazo azicacile. Ezinye zilawulwa futhi ezinye azilawulwa kakhulu. Futhi, ezinye ziyizinto ezimbi kakhulu. Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ungathuthukisa okwenzeka ekamelweni. Isinyathelo sokuqala sibheka kanzima ekuphileni kwakho kocansi. Ingabe unenkinga futhi uma kunjalo, yini engabangela? Ukuthembeka wena nomlingani wakho kuyisihluthulelo sokuthuthukisa ubulili - nobuhlobo bakho. Uma usuqaphela ngokugcwele ukuthi yini ebangela inkinga, ungayilungisa. Futhi, ngosizo nokusekelwa, ukuphila kwakho kobulili kuyoba kangcono ngisho nangaphambili!
UDkt. RY Langham ubamba i-Master of Science emshadweni nomuthi wokwelashwa komndeni kanye ne-Ph.D. emqondweni wengqondo yomndeni. Usebenza njengomxhumanisi ochwepheshe we-the Phakathi Kliniki Yethu, ehlinzeka ngohlelo lwe-sex-therapy lwezinhlelo ze-inthanethi zamadoda namabhangqwana abhekana ne-ejaculation ngaphambi kwesikhathi.
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