Njengabo bonke abathintekayo kwezocansi, izingxoxo zikaPeter Saddington namakhasimende akhe ziyimfihlo futhi angeke aphule ithemba labo ngokukhuluma ngabo. Izindaba zeklayenti zakhe ziphefumulelwe nje ngomsebenzi ayewenzile nabantu abasha ngaphezu kweminyaka yakhe njengomhlengikazi.
Ngikhuluma nabantu ngezimfihlo zabo ezisondelene kakhulu kepha abazi lutho ngami - futhi kufanele kube njalo.
Ngingumuthi wezocansi, ngakho-ke abantu beza kimi ukuze basize nakho konke okuvela ukungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile kuya ubulili obubuhlungu kuya i-vaginismus, isimo esenza ubulili buqine lapho kutholakala ukungena. Uma iklayenti ingibuza ukuthi 'Ushadile?' Ngizobatshela ukuthi nginguye, ngoba kuyoba yinto engavamile ukuyifihla kodwa, ngaphezu kwalokho, ngigcina izinto ezisebenzayo. Ngikhuluma nalaba bantu njengomuthi, hhayi njengomngane. Ngokusobala, ukwakha isibopho namanye amaklayenti kodwa konke kuyingxenye yenqubo yokubasiza ukuba banqobe izinkinga zabo.
Emtholampilo engisebenza kuwo, amakamelo okwelashwa afana namakamelo okuhlala endlini lapho kungahlali khona umuntu. Kunezihlalo ezintathu ezintofontofo - esisodwa kimi nezimbili zamakhasimende. Anginazo izithombe zomndeni noma ama-trinkets wami obala, okungisiza ukuthi ngiqhelelane.
Ngibona imibhangqwana nabantu ngabanye - abangaba ngabantu abangashadile noma othile onomlingani ofuna ukwelulekwa yedwa. Eminyakeni embalwa eyedlule, indoda eneminyaka engu-29 ubudala okuthiwa uRob yeza izongibona yodwa ngoba yayizizwa ikhathazekile ngokusebenza kwayo nentombi yayo entsha, enolwazi. Wayengafuni ukumfaka ekwelashweni ngoba wayenamahloni ngokuzizwa ngaleyo ndlela.
Phakathi neseshini, ngabuza uRob ukuthi ukungabi nalutho kungamenza abone uKelly noma yikuphi okuhlukile, uma izindima zishintshwa. Yiqiniso, ngokushesha waqala ukubona ukuthi akubaluleke kangakanani, futhi wamcela ukuba amjoyine. Ngokushesha nje lapho uKelly eqala ukuthatha ingxenye, ukuzethemba kukaRob kwabuya. Into eyenza umehluko kwakuwukuthi uthembekile mayelana nezinkathazo zakhe kunokuba azame ukwenza sengathi wayazi okungaphezu kwalokho akwenza ngempela.
Amaklayenti ami avame ukufika kuma-20 azo ngasekuqaleni kwe-40 kodwa abantu abasha abesabi ukufuna ukwelashwa ngokocansi njengoba ungase ulindele. Eqinisweni, ngibone ukwanda kwenani lamaklayenti amancane eza ukuzobona iminyaka engaphezu kwe-15 ngenza umsebenzi, kanye nenani labantu abadala kakhulu abangena manje ubuhlobo obusha kamuva ekuphileni.
Izinkinga zocansi zincane kakhulu manje futhi ngenxa yalokho imiphumela ye-porn futhi shintsha ukulindela okuphathelene nobulili, ngicabanga ukuthi abantu babhekene nezinhlobo ezahlukene zezinkinga futhi beza ngokumelene nabo abancane. Nginezinkampani ezincane ezineminyaka eyisithupha yobudala ezaza kuzongibona ngezindaba ezivela ezikhathazayo mayelana nokulahlekelwa ukulungiswa kwabo ukudideka mayelana nobulili babo. Futhi ngokusho kuka-Relate, inhlangano engiyisebenzelayo, ngaphezu kwe-42% yabantu abaya emitholampilo yezocansi kwelinye lamaziko abo ku-2018 babengaphansi kwe-35.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi lwesilinganiso, isivakashi sami esidala besineminyaka engama-89. Leyo bekuyindoda ebisenobudlelwano obusha iminyaka embalwa. Ngeshwa, nokho, yena nomlingani wakhe omusha babenzima ukuya ocansini. Bebeye ku-GP ndawonye kodwa bezwe sengathi udokotela uthukile ukuthi basaya ocansini eminyakeni yabo. Okuyikho, okwakungelona usizo nakancane - ngakho beza ukuzongibona.
Abantu abaningi abafuna ukwelashwa ngokocansi sebevele bazamile ukuya kudokotela. Imvamisa, bafuna nje ithuba lokukhuluma ngokuningiliziwe ngenkinga nomuntu. Iningi labantu linovalo - eminye imibhangqwana icabanga nokuthi kufanele ikhombise izingqinamba zayo zocansi egumbini eliphambi kwami. Lokho kusobala ukuthi akunjalo!
Omunye wamakhasimende ami omncane kunomfana oneminyaka engu-17 owayenenkathazo ngokulungiswa kwakhe. Yena nentombi yakhe bebelokhu bezama ukwenza ucansi futhi wayilahlekile. Ekugcineni baqhekeka futhi wasola ngecala lakhe. Wayezama ukugoba okwejwayelekile futhi ehlisa izinzwa zakhe ngokuphuza utshwala kodwa akukho lutho olwenzile futhi wayengazi ukuthi benzeni. Manje, kwakukhona nentombazane eyayithandana naye ekilasini lakhe, owayebonakala sengathi uyamthanda, kodwa wayesaba ukuhamba ngemva kwalokho okwenzekile.
Ube eseGP yakhe ukucela iseluleko futhi watshelwa ukuthi usemusha futhi inkinga izozikhandla. Ngenkathi ekhona, wabona i-leaflet mayelana ukuphathwa kocansi futhi nginqume ukukunika ithuba. Lapho eza ezongibona ukuze ahlolwe okokuqala, ngangibona ukuthi wayethukile - wayebomvu ngokukhanyayo ebusweni sonke isikhathi!
Yonke iseshini yokwelapha ngocansi ihlukile futhi, kulokhu, umsebenzi esasiwenza wawuyiningi lokufundisa ngezocansi. Sibheke imidwebo ye-anatomical futhi sikhuluma ngokuthi uthola kanjani futhi ugcine ukulungiswa. Ngamsiza ukuba aqonde ukuthi, kuye, kwakungukukhathazeka okwakudala inkinga.
Ngamnika umsebenzi wesikole ukuze ngithole i-erection bese ngilahlekelwa kathathu ngokulandelana ukuze ngisize inkolelo yakhe ukuthi angayithola. Kancane kancane, waqala ukuzizwa ethembele kakhulu, futhi kwathatha izikhathi ezingu-7 kuphela ukuze kuxazululwe inkinga yakhe. Cishe ngemva kwenyanga eseqedile ukwelashwa, wangena esikhungweni futhi washiya inothi encane ethi wayephuma nale ntombazane evela ekilasini lakhe manje, nokuthi wacabanga ukuthi bazokwazi ukuya ocansini maduzane.
Ngaphambi kokuba ngiphakamise, ngasebenza esikoleni sokuhlala sabantwana abanezidingo ezikhethekile zemfundo. Ngangibona ukuthi ukucindezeleka ukuthola isikole esinembile nokukwenza kahle ingane yabo kugqoka ubuhlobo bomshado, futhi ngangifisa sengathi ngingenza okuningi ukuze ngiwasekele. Ngichitha iminyaka emibili ukuqeqesha njengomeluleki womlingani eceleni komsebenzi wami usuku, ngaphambi kokuhamba isikhathi esigcwele.
Ngesikhathi ngisiza imibhangqwana ngezindaba zabo zobudlelwane, ngezinye izikhathi kwacaca ukuthi izinkinga zabo kwakuyizocansi, kanye nomzwelo. Ngakho-ke, nganquma ukuqeqesha ngocansi ukuze ngibasize kuzo zonke izigaba.
Omunye umbhangqwana engiwubone ngemva nje kokuba ngifaneleke njengomculi wezocansi, owayenesibopho esinamandla ngokomzwelo kodwa odinga usizo ngokuphila kwabo ngokobulili, kwakunguMat no-Alex, ababesekuqaleni kwe-20 kanye ne-30 yokuqala.
Esikhathini sethu sokuqala, bobabili babebonakala benamahloni, bejika ezihlalweni zabo futhi begwema ukuphendula imibuzo yami. Babenqikaza ukukhuluma nami ngezinto eziveza ucansi obala, njengobulili bendunu, futhi babebonakala bekhathazekile ukuthi ngeke ngibamukele ngoba babeyizitabane. Ngangizingela inkinga ingahle isuselwe ekwakhiweni, ngakho-ke ngiyilethe ngidlulisa - bengifuna ukubazisa ukuthi kulungile ukukhuluma ngocansi ngendlela evulekile nethembekile.
Izinkinga ze-Erectile kanye ejaculation ngaphambi kwesikhathi yizizathu ezivame kakhulu ukuthi amadoda eze kimi angibona. Ebudlelwaneni be-gay, lapho kungase kube khona ukulindela bobabili abalingani ukuba babe nokuphazamiseka, kungaba nengcindezi engaphezulu yokwenza. Nakuba, ngesibhangqwana esithandana nabesilisa nabesifazane, akukho lutho lomuntu ozoqhathanisa ngokuqondile nomzuzwana, okungenani.
Ngibekele uMat no-Alex umsebenzi othinta inhliziyo ukukhipha ingcindezi ebuhlotsheni obuseduze. Umlingani ngamunye bekufanele athinte omunye isigamu sehora - ahlole imizimba yabo futhi athole ukuthi yini ebanikeze injabulo. Babenqunu kodwa bengavunyelwe ukuthintana izitho zangasese zomunye nomunye - akukhulunywa ngokudlala ngaphambili, kepha kunalokho bagxile emizweni.
Ekugcineni, baqhubekela phambili ekuthinteni yonke indawo futhi baqonde indlela yokuvuselelana, ngaphambi kokwakha ukungenelela. Bafaka umzamo omkhulu futhi baphatha lezi zifundo njengobusuku bemini, ngamakhandlela nomculo wothando. Ngokujabulisayo, ukuthembela kukaMat kwanda ngokushesha.
Ngemva kwamasonto ama-15 yokwelashwa, uMat no-Alex babe nobulili obufaka ingqondo. Emasontweni ambalwa kamuva, bangitshela ukuthi ucansi lusebenza njalo. Babuyela emuva ukungibona futhi izinyanga ezintathu emva kokuba ukwelashwa kuphele isikhathi sokulandela, futhi babethandana ngempela. Bangitshela ukuthi bashada! Kwaba nomuzwa omuhle kakhulu ukuzwa ukuthi bajabula futhi benza kahle.
Abangane bami bathola umsebenzi wami uthakazelisa. Abantu banesithakazelo uma ubatshela ukuthi ungumeluleki - kepha kukhona uhlobo oluhlukile lokuphamba uma uthi ungumelaphi wezocansi! Abanye abangane ngeke bakhulume nganoma yini ephathelene nezocansi futhi bangakhululeki nxazonke. Kodwa-ke, abanye bangitshela ngenjabulo ngezinkinga zabo zocansi. Abanye abangane bangibuze ukuthi bangangibona yini ngokomsebenzi, ngoba bazizwa benokuzethemba okukhulu ukukhuluma nomuntu abamaziyo kodwa kuye kwadingeka ngibenqabe. Kubalulekile ukuthi ngingahambi nomsebenzi wami ngiye nawo ekhaya futhi awukwazi ukuba nobudlelwano bezokwelapha nomngane noma ilungu lomndeni.
Ngokuvamile, izinkinga zocansi zihlobene nokuhlukunyezwa okudlule ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi noma ukuhlukumeza. Elinye iklayenti lesifazane, elalilwa ne-vaginismus, lalizwile ukuthi umama walo ucishe wafa ngenkathi ebeletha umfowabo omncane. Esikhathini sethu sesibili, senze lokho engikubiza ngokuthi 'ukuthatha umlando', lapho ngibuza khona iklayenti mayelana nobuntwana babo, imvelaphi yomndeni wabo kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo kokuqala kwezocansi. UMary wangitshela ngalolo sizi nokuthi, njengentombazanyana, wayezwile umama wakhe ememeza nezinye izihlobo zakhe bekhuluma ngendlela angahluleka ngayo.
Ukusiza uMariya ukuba anqobe izinkinga zakhe ezungeze ukungena, senze okuningi Ukwelapha Ukuziphatha Okucabangelayo (CBT), okuyinto ehlola ukusabela kwethu okuzenzakalelayo ezintweni. Ngamfundisa ukuba aphumule imisipha yakhe yomzimba, futhi amkhuthaze ukuba azame ukuzitholela ngokusebenzisa lokho okubizwa ngokuthi abaqeqeshi. Lezizinto ezibushelelezi, ezibunjiwe ezizenzekelayo eziza ngobukhulu obuhlukene futhi zisiza othile ukuba ajwayele ukufaka into ebesini.
Ukube angizange ngifunde ukuhlukanisa kahle kusenesikhathi, bengingeke ngisinde kulo msebenzi. Ngizwa izindaba ezithile ezinzima nezikhathazayo. Kufanele ngikwazi ukubeka lezo zinto eceleni ngoba uma kungenjalo bengizophumelela - ukuzizwa ngidabukile noma ngidabukele iklayenti akusizi.
Kepha kuwo wonke umzuzu odabukisayo, kukhona abajabulayo futhi. Kwesinye isikhathi, ngithola imiyalezo namakhadi avela emibhangqwaneni ngemuva kokuphela kokwelashwa bethi, 'Siyabonga ngalo lonke usizo lwakho - sikhulelwe!' Eqinisweni, kunombhangqwana owodwa engithola ikhadi leposi lonyaka kuwo, ngisho nangemva kweminyaka eyi-12, ungazisa ukuthi baqhuba kanjani. Baqamba enye yezingane zabo ngegama lami, okwakuwudumo olukhulu!
Ngandlela-thile, ngoba ungayitholi imali enkulu yokwenza lo msebenzi, kuzomele kube esinye isizathu sokwenza kwakho. Ukubona abantu abasebenzisa iseluleko sakho bese baqala ukuguqula impilo yabo kungumzwelo omangalisayo.
Njengoba utshele uNatasha Preskey
Ubulili ku-Couch buyatholakala manje I-BBC iPlayer
;