Abazala ababili bahlushwa ukungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile iminyaka. Lapho ekugcineni bevulelana izifuba, konke kwashintsha. Manje basemkhankasweni wokusiza abanye
UMarie-Claire Chappet
NgeSonto ngoFebhuwari 14 2021, iThe Sunday Times
Ungakwazi ukuyivusa? ” akuwona umbuzo engihlala ngiwabuza abangane bami besilisa. Eqinisweni, le ndaba ayikaze ivele. Ukubuza indoda ngokusebenza kwayo kwe-erectile ngu-no-no, i-taboo, umbulali wengxoxo.
Ngakho-ke bekungavamile ukuzithola ngikwikholi yevidiyo nabesilisa ababili abakhangayo, abazethembayo, abayizinkulungwane zeminyaka, abazala babo u-Angus Barge, 30, noXander Gilbert, 31, bengitshela ngamahloni ngokungasebenzi kahle kwabo kwe-erectile (ED). Isikhathi eside bobabili bahlupheka buthule, bengazi ukuthi omunye ubhekana nesimo esifanayo. Njalo lapho befuna kwi-inthanethi babekhungatheka ngenxa yokushoda kwemininingwane etholakalayo yokusiza izinsizwa ezinjengazo. Abazwanga ukuthi kwakuyinkinga enkulu ngokwanele yezokwelapha ukuya kudokotela hhayi inkinga eyedlulele ngokwanele yokubona umelaphi.
"Ngangineminyaka engama-27 lapho ngiqala ukuba nenkinga," kusho uBarge. “Ngiye ekhaya nentombazane ngobunye ubusuku akwenzekanga lutho. Ngivele ngiyibeke phansi ukuze ngiphuze, kodwa-ke ngakusasa ekuseni ayiphindanga yasebenza. Bengicabanga ukuthi kukhathaza kakhulu, kepha ngazama ukungakuvumeli kungikhathaze. Ngemuva kwesonto ngahamba naye usuku futhi kwenzeka lapho ngisangulukile. Ngikhumbula nje ngesaba kakhulu, ngingazi ukuthi kwenzekeni. ”
Kwathi ngolunye usuku u-2018 uBarge wayesohambweni olude lwemoto nomzala wakhe. Isikhathi sizwakale silungile ukuthi avume. “Angazi ukuthi kungani! Kube ngesinye sezikhathi lapho wazi khona ukuthi umlomo wakho uyahamba futhi uyazibuza ukuthi kungani ukhuluma. ” Okulandele yilokho akubiza ngokuthi "ukuthula okude kunakho konke empilweni yami", kuze kube uGilbert uphendule ngokuthi: "Nami futhi." Ngesikhathi bepaka imoto ekupheleni kohambo, babehlanganyele konke mayelana no-ED wabo okwase kuyiminyaka bengakwazi ukukhuluma ngakho. "Ngokushesha sabona ukuthi sifuna ukugqugquzela abanye abafana ukuba bavulekele nalokhu."
Baqala ukufunda izifundo zemfundo. Oyedwa, waseKing's College London, ulinganiselwa ukuthi kuze kube uhhafu wamadoda angaphansi kweminyaka engama-50 ahlushwe yi-ED. Amanani aphindwe ngaphezu kokuphindwe kabili kule minyaka engama-25 edlule. Izizathu zaleli fomu "ziyinkimbinkimbi yewebhu yezimbangela", kusho uPeter Saddington, umeluleki wezocansi nobudlelwano eRelate. “Ukuphuza kakhulu utshwala, ukukhetha indlela yokuphila, ukukhuluphala. Sikhulise kakhulu, nezimoto nokukhululeka kwempilo yanamuhla, nokuzivocavoca umzimba kubaluleke kakhulu. Ikhipha ama-endorphin, akhuthaza ubulili obufanele. ” I-ED nayo iba yinkinga yamadoda amancane - amaphesenti angama-30 azoyithola ngaphambi kokuba abe neminyaka engama-30 kanti amakota amathathu amadoda ahluphekayo ngeke elashwe.
Izinombolo ziyakhathaza ngoba lesi simo singaba ngaphezu kwesithiyo socansi kuphela. "Kungasebenza njengesibikezelo sokutholakala kwezinkinga ezisemqoka njenge-testosterone ephansi, ukuphazamiseka kwemithambo yegazi, isifo sikashukela noma isifo senhliziyo," kuchaza udokotela wezifo zengqondo uSarah Calvert. "Uma uhlushwa yi-ED, kubalulekile ukuthi okokuqala uyohlolwa ngodokotela."
Ngemuva kweminyaka emibili yocwaningo olwenziwe ngabazala, bayeka imisebenzi yabo eDolobheni kwathi, ehlobo lika-2020, basungula iMojo, iwebhusayithi enikeza izeluleko eziphelele nosizo olusebenzayo emadodeni ane-ED. Lesi siza sinezingcweti ezingaphezu kwezingama-50, kusuka kuma-physiotherapists ezempilo yezitho zangasese kanye nabelaphi abasebenza ngokobulili obufanayo kuya kochwepheshe bezengqondo nabahlengikazi.
"Esinye sezikhathi zokuqala ngaya ocansini kwaba yintombazane engabona ukuthi inolwazi oluningi kunami," kusho uGilbert. “Ngangisemusha futhi ngangicabanga ukuthi, KULUNGILE, kufanele ngenze uhlelo olumnandi lapha. Ngazizwa sengathi uyazi ukuthi kwenzekani kanti angazi. Bengicabanga ukuthi kufanele 'ngenze' bese, empeleni, kwenzeka okuphambene ngokuphelele… ”
Lokhu okuhlangenwe nakho ngokocansi kwasekuqaleni kwaba okwakhayo. "Udaba lwahlala kimi iminyaka ngemuva kwalokho - kwaphela iminyaka engamashumi amabili," usho kanje. “Kwenze ukuphola nokungena ebudlelwaneni kube nzima kakhulu ngoba umcabango uhlala ukhona: kuthiwani uma kwenzeka futhi? Uzizwa wehlulekile ekuqaleni kobudlelwano futhi uzizwe unengcindezi yokwenza. ”
UGilbert usebenzisa igama elithi "enza" izikhathi ezingenakubalwa - bobabili bayakwenza. Akumangazi. Sivame ukuqonda ukuthi ucansi lusezingeni eliphansi “lokwenza” komuntu, kube sengathi uthola ukukhokhiswa okuphezulu kanti abesifazane bayisenzo sokusekelwa. Lokho isihogo sengcindezi enkulu.
Kunzima ukuthola inkinga efanayo kwabesifazane. Namuhla abesifazane bakhuluma ngokusobala, futhi ngaphandle kwamahloni, ngama-orgasms, noma ngabe kuvame ukungabi khona kwawo. ULily Allen ucula ngabo, uPhoebe Waller-Bridge ubhala ngabo, iziqeshana eziphelele zeNetflix zizinikele kubo. I-ED isengumbhalo. "Ugcwele ukwesaba ukuthi umyalezo uzophuma ongeke ukwazi ukuwenza," kusho uBarge, "ukuthi ungumuntu omncane, umuntu obuthakathaka ngandlela thile."
Kuthathe iminyaka ngemuva kokuba izinkinga zakhe zivele okokuqala kuBarge ukuze afunde ukuthi kwenzakalani ngempela lapho. Ngesikhathi eqeqeshelwa umjaho wamabhayisikili eminyakeni emithathu eyedlule, wayegaye imithambo yegazi esithweni sakhe sangasese. Emasontweni ayi-12 okuthathiwe ukulungisa, kuguquke kwasuka odabeni lwezinto eziphilayo kuya kokungokwengqondo. “Ngibe nenkinga njalo isikhathi esingangonyaka ngemuva kokulimala kokuqala - ukulimala kwengqondo kwenzekile. Yize imithambo yegazi iselaphekile, ibitshale imbewu yokungabaza engqondweni yami. ”
Ingabe uBarge waphinde wayibona le ntokazi? "Er ... cha." Ushintsha ngokungahambi kahle esihlalweni sakhe, okokuqala engxoxweni yethu ukuthi ubonakale enamahloni. “Ngicabanga ukuthi ukuzikhusela kuyangena. Ungena ezindizeni zokulwa noma zokulwa: ungafuna ukuhlala ukhombise ukuthi ungakwenza, noma ungafuni ukuphinde umbone, ngoba unamahloni kakhulu, wesaba kakhulu kuzoqhubeka kwenzeka. ”
Ngizizwa ngosuku lwakhe olubi, hhayi okungenani ngoba, eminyakeni eyedlule, ngazithola ngisesimweni sakhe nomlingani wami wangaphambilini. Kungishiye ngicabanga ukuthi abesifazane abaningi bazizwa kanjani ngalowo mzuzu: yini okufanele ngiyisho emhlabeni ukuyenza ibe ngcono? Imvamisa kuhlanganiswa no: yimi? "Abesilisa nabesifazane bobabili basho into engalungile okwamanje," kusho uBarge. “Abesilisa bazama ukuzivikela ngokuthi akukaze kwenzeke phambilini. Kodwa ngeshwa lokho kwenza abesifazane babone sengathi yiphutha labo esikhundleni salokho. ”
"Siluleka ukuthi 'ngizwa ...' izitatimende, kunokuba sisho konke njengokuyiqiniso," kusho uGilbert. “'Ngizizwa nginovalo' noma 'ngizizwa ngididekile', kunokuqamba amanga noma ukuzenza sengathi akukuhluphi uma kwenzeka. Kwabesifazane kumayelana nokuqonda, kepha futhi nokusebenzisa izitatimende ze- 'Ngizizwa'. 'Ngibona sengathi yimi' into evamile ukwesaba - kodwa leyo ezokuphela ngokushesha lapho nikhulumela obala. ”
Ungase ucabange ukuthi iBarge, ikakhulukazi, ibizokwazi ukukhuluma nge-ED. Umama wakhe, uDkt Amanda Barge, ungumelaphi wezocansi futhi manje uphakathi kwalabo chwepheshe abasiza amadoda kaMojo. Kodwa naleyo ngxoxo yaba nzima. Isimo seBarges sifana ngendlela engajwayelekile nesisekelo sehlaya elishisa izikhotha leNetflix Imfundo Ngobulili. Kulolu hlelo, umfana osemusha, u-Otis Milburn, ukhathazekile kabuhlungu maqondana nendaba yamantombazane nezocansi, futhi akakwazi ukushaya indlwabu, iqiniso alifihla kunina - owelapha ngocansi - odlalwa nguGillian Anderson.
Ukungafuni kukaBarge ukusebenzisa uchwepheshe wakhe wasendlini kwashintsha noMojo. Uthi: “Ngicabanga ukuthi wazizwa ethinteka kakhulu lapho ngimtshela. "Wayejabule kakhulu futhi ngazizwa ngithembele ekugcineni." Ubudlelwano babo bukhululekile kulezi zinsuku. "Nganginomsebenzisi ongitshele ukuthi uyalithanda izwi lowesifazane owenza izifundo zokushaya indlwabu," kusho uBarge. “Wayengumama wami.” Ubomvu. "Bekufanele ngabe uyibonile imihlobiso yezocansi ezungeze indlu yami ikhula."
UDkt Barge ngokwakhe uyaziqhenya ngempumelelo yendodana yakhe, ikakhulukazi ngesibindi sakhe lapho ebhekene nesihloko esinjalo. "Siphila ezweni elingajwayelekile, lapho enye yezinkinga ezijwayeleke kakhulu nezijwayelekile indoda ebhekana nayo empilweni yayo yezocansi nayo iyenza izizwe isizungu futhi iyodwa," esho. "UMojo uyadingeka kakhulu."
Njengoba ngikhuluma nabachwepheshe abaningi ngaphakathi, kuvela izingqikithi ezivamile. Kukhona ukuntuleka kwemfundo eqinile yezocansi ezikoleni, kanye nokushoda kolwazi, nokusabalala kolwazi olungaziwa, ku-inthanethi. Emehlweni abo kunokushoda okukhulu kwezinsizakusebenza ezitholakalayo.
Uma uthayipha "usizo ngokungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile" kwinjini yokusesha, uthola inqwaba yemiphumela edidayo futhi ephikisanayo, yonke iminyaniswa yizikhangiso ezingapheli zeViagra. "Okwenziwa yile mikhankaso [yokwenziwa kwemithi] ukufaka abafana abancane emjikelezweni wokuthembela," kusho uGilbert. “IViagra isiza kuphela ekugelezeni kwegazi, ngeke ifinyelele emsukeni wenkinga, okuvamise ukuthi kube ngokwengqondo. Ngakho-ke sithola abasebenzisi bethi bazizwa bephukile ngoba 'neViagra ayisebenzi'. ” Lokho kungazizwa kubi kakhulu kunehlazo lokuqala.
Ubulungu bonyaka wonke bukaMojo buzokubuyisela emuva ngo- £ 4.17 ngenyanga. Ithebhulethi eyodwa ye-Viagra ibiza cishe u- £ 5. Kubasunguli, ukuphuma kwepilisi kuyindlela elula yokulahlekisa, futhi leyo abazizwa beqinile ukuthi akufanele ithembele kuyo. Ngabe kufana nokuthatha ibuprofen yezinhlungu ezingapheli emuva lapho mhlawumbe udinga ukubona i-chiropractor? "Impela," kusho uBarge. "Umzila weViagra - kimi awuzizwa ulungile."
Esikhundleni salokho isiza sinikeza izikhathi zokwelulekwa komuntu ngamunye, amavidiyo wokuqeqesha, ukuzindla okucabangayo kanye ne-CBT egxile enkingeni. Iphinde ifundise ngokuzivocavoca okuhlukahlukene ukukhuphula izinga lengcindezi yabasebenzisi abavame ukuzifaka ngokwabo. Umuntu ukhuthaza abasebenzisi ukuthi bajwayele ipipi labo - ukuthi bakubeka kanjani lokhu? - isimo sayo sokuphumula, ngaleyo ndlela sinciphise amandla aso okubangela ukucindezeleka noma izincazelo ezingezinhle.
Isayithi libuye lifundise ukuzivocavoca kukaKegel - yebo, madoda, nani kufanele nicabange ngokuqinisa iphansi lenu. Kwamanye amadoda, noma kunjalo, ubuthakathaka kule ndawo bungaba nezimpande ezingokwengqondo kanye nezomzimba. Uma imbangela eyisisekelo ye-ED yakho ingokwengqondo, kungenzeka ukuthi uphethwe "yipansi le-pelvic elithathiwe", lapho kunganconywa khona ukwelashwa okwedlula ukuzivocavoca umzimba, okungenza ngokwako isimo sibe sibi kakhulu.
“Indlela umuntu aziqonda futhi aziphathe ngayo kanye nobunzima bezocansi kuyisici esiyinhloko sendlela abhekana ngayo nayo,” kuchaza omunye wochwepheshe bendawo kaMojo, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo uDkt Roberta Babb. “Ingqondo inobudlelwano obungajwayelekile nobunamandla nomzimba. Izithiyo ezingokwengqondo nezingokomzwelo ezifaka isandla ekwenzekeni kwe-ED zingabandakanya noma yini kusukela ekucindezelekeni nasekukhathaleleni kuye ekuzenyezeni ngokweqile. ”
Umlingani wakhe waseMojo uSilva Neves, owelapha ubungqingili nobudlelwano, uthi kunezinhlobo ezimbili ze-ED: zomhlaba (izimbangela zezinto eziphilayo ezifana nemithambo yegazi echotshoziwe kaBarge kanye nezinye izingqinamba zezempilo) nesimo. "Uma izinkinga zokwakhiwa 'zisesimweni', okusho ukuthi zenzeka ezimweni ezithile hhayi ezinye, kungenzeka ukuthi zingezengqondo," esho. “Ngokujwayelekile la madoda azobika izinkinga zokumiswa nomuntu ozibandakanya naye ocansini kodwa angazishayi indlwabu eyedwa. Lokhu kukhombisa inkinga ngokukhathazeka ngokocansi, ngokwesaba ukuthi ngeke babe ngabathandi abenele kumlingani wabo. ” Izingqinamba zomhlaba wonke kufanele zibonwe yi-GP noma uchwepheshe, kepha izingqinamba zesimo zidinga ukwelashwa okwengeziwe, usizo lwezengqondo.
Indlela yokubhekana nalokhu, kusho uNves, ukwenza ucansi lungabi “maphakathi nepipi”. Indoda eholayo kufanele ibe ngumfundi ongaphansi. "Ukufunda ukugxila kokwenza injabulo kunokugxila ekusebenzeni kuyisihluthulelo sokwakhiwa okungcono," esho. "Amadoda kufanele akhumbule ukuthi ezinye izitho zomzimba zingasetshenziswa ukunikela nokuthola injabulo."
Enye yezinsizakalo ezibaluleke kakhulu kule ndawo yikhono layo lokuhlinzeka ngokuxilongwa okukude - okuthile okwenza kube nobungozi bokubhebhetheka futhi, okubaluleke kakhulu, ukuthi kube nobuntu. Amadoda amaningi awajwayele ukuxoxa ngomhlaba ophakathi phakathi kwezinkinga zomzimba nezengqondo nochwepheshe. “Amadoda awakhulumi nodokotela nganoma yini,” kusho uBarge. “Futhi asikhulumi sodwa noma sithululelane izifuba ngendlela abesifazane abenza ngayo. Lokho kuholela ezinkingeni eziningi ngaphezu kokungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile. Amadoda angaqedwa ngokuphelele ngodaba olufana nalolu. Kubenza bazizwe bebodwa. ”
Ababhalisile abaningi abancane beMojo bacaphuna ukukhathazeka okubangelwe ukulindelwa okungenangqondo kwezocansi ezitholakala ngokukhululekile nalokho uGilbert akuchaza ngokuthi "yimakethe elahlwayo" yezinhlelo zokusebenza zokuphola. “Uhlala uzizwa sengathi usemncintiswaneni,” usho ngokuthandana online. "Kunale ngcindezi yokuthi uqhathaniswa nomunye umuntu."
Kunamasayithi amathathu wezithombe zocansi athola ithrafikhi yomhlaba wonke kune-Amazon noma iNetflix. Kunenkambo ephelele kuMojo enikezelwe kuyo, echazwa njengokubuka ukuphayona ekuxhumaneni phakathi kocansi ne-ED, ukuhlola ukuthi ukuthembela ezithombeni ezingcolile zobulili kuthinta ukungasebenzi komzimba uma kukhulunywa ngocansi lwangempela.
USarah Calvert ubone enkambisweni yakhe ukuthi lokhu kuncika kungahamba ngendlela ethile ekuchazeni ukuqhuma kwe-ED eminyakeni yamuva. "Kunezindlela ezimbili zokuvuka, ubuchopho nomzimba," esho. "Ukuphendula izidingo zakho zocansi ngokuyinhloko ngobuchopho - izithombe zobulili ezingcolile eziku-inthanethi, ngokwesibonelo - kungahumusha ekungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile lapho wenza ucansi nomlingani wakho ngoba umzimba ungalahlazeka. Ukuvuka kwethu ngokocansi kungahle kube nesimo sokuphendula ngendlela engahumushela kahle ocansini olungelona olwe-digi. ”
"Kodwa angicabangi ukuthi kufanele sisebenzise idemon ngokocansi," kusho uBarge. "Kuyinkinga kuphela uma unobudlelwano obungenampilo nayo." Akuyona imbangela yodwa ye-ED, "kepha i-porn idala okulindelwe okungenangqondo kokuthi ngubani okufanele ulale naye, ukuthi umzimba wakho nepipi lakho kufanele libukeke kanjani, kufanele uhlale isikhathi esingakanani - futhi - ungalithola ngokushesha phezulu. ”
Abasebenzisi bangabelana ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo esithangamini somphakathi saseMojo, iningi labo okokuqala ngqa. Iminyaka yobudala isukela ku-16 kuye ku-60. "Besinomsebenzisi kwabangama-30 wakhe owavele wakhihla isililo ngesikhathi somqeqeshi ngoba sasingabantu bokuqala ayekade evulele yena ngalokhu," kusho uBarge. “Sekuphele iminyaka engaphezu kwengu-19 ukuhlupheka buthule. Siphinde saba nomntwana oneminyaka engu-XNUMX obengakaqali ukwakheka eminyakeni emibili ngenxa yokuhlukana okubi. Futhi, besingabantu bokuqala ayeke wabatshela futhi manje, ngenxa yokukhuluma ngakho nokuthola usizo, usenama-erections futhi. Lowo ngumyalezo oyinhloko ngempela. Inamandla ngempela ukukhuluma ngayo. ”
UBarge manje usengumeluleki oqinisekisiwe oqhuba amaseshini esizeni, njengoGilbert, oshiya ingxoxo yethu imizuzu eyishumi ngaphambi kwesikhathi "ukufundisa isikhathi sokuqeqesha".
"Sike saba nezimbila zithutha namazwana angajwayelekile avela kozakwethu bakudala eDolobheni," kusho uBarge. "Izintombi ezimbalwa ebezikade zithandana nazo sezivele zathi ukusho izinto ezimbalwa ezihluphayo." Kunjani ukuphola ngenkathi sixoxa esidlangalaleni ngempumelelo yezimpawu zakho, ngiyabuza. Ngenkathi uGilbert esebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside, uBarge wayengashadile kuze kube muva nje, futhi usesezinsizeni zokuphola ngenkathi uMojo ethula.
“Ukuqoma ukutshela umuntu ukuthi unenkampani esebenza kabi ngabantu bekungamnandi. Ngikuthokozele, ”esho emamatheka. "Ngokweqiniso, ngicabanga ukuthi amantombazane amaningi athakazile ukubona ukuthi umkhiqizo uyasebenza".
- 11.7 abayizigidi ezingu abesilisa base-UK balinganiselwa ukuthi babhekane nokungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile, kanti abayizigidi ezi-2.5 sebeyeke ucansi ngenxa yalokho
- 50% kwabesilisa abangaphansi kweminyaka engama-50 balinganiselwa ukuthi bahlupheke ngenxa yokungasebenzi kahle kwe-erectile, ngokocwaningo lwango-2019
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