Ingcaphuno ebalulekile:
Ngisize futhi imibhangqwana eminingi ibhekana nezinkinga ezisebenzayo kwezocansi ezivelile kusukela ekuvuseleleni ekuvuseleleni ngokushesha nasekuvuseleleni ekuboniseni okushukumisayo okubonakalayo okuhamba ngokushesha, kushiya umuntu engakwazi ukuvuswa noma ukufinyelela i-orgasm ocansini lwabo oluhlanganyelwe.
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Enye yezinto engizikhumbulayo engangikhumbula ukuthi ngihlala ebhavini ekhaya lethu ngo-1960 e-Stokes Valley; isigodi esincane esimanzi ezintabeni ezimbozwe gorse phakathi kweUpper Hutt neLower Hutt, enyakatho yeWellington. Mina, ngineminyaka engaba ngu-4 noma 5 kwesinye isiphetho, udadewethu omdala kwelinye icala futhi umfowethu omncane ophakathi. Umama emi phezu kwethu, ephethe isipinashi sakhe, emnwebe umunwe, ethi: “Uma ungayeki ukudlala le nto nokwenza kubenzima, kuzokuwa!” Kungazelelwe kwenzeka kimi, LOKHO okumele ukuba kwenzeke kimi.
Eminyakeni embalwa kamuva ngathola into engajwayelekile, ebukeka njengesaucer elele esihlalweni sokugezela. Lapho ngigijimela ekhishini ngiyobika lokhu kuhlaselwa kukaMama, ngatshelwa ukuthi angisiwula futhi empeleni, lapho ngigibela ephaseji lokuphinda ngihlole, bekunyamalala.
Dlulela phambili eminye iminyaka embalwa futhi ngiphakathi nendawo, ngibuka ifilimu ekhuluma ngokuzala noMama ebusuku bamantombazane, kulandele ukuhamba okude buthule baye ekhaya. Ngemuva konyaka noma emibili udadewethu wadlulisa incwadi yakhe mayelana nezikhathi, eyakhishwa nguJohnson & Johnson, abakhiqizi bamaphaphu ahlanzekile. Njengonjiniyela wephuzile, ngibe nesikhathi sokujwayela lowo mbono nokulangazela kwami amabele ekugcineni ukuthi kuhlume. Ngefomu lesihlanu, uthisha wami webhayoloji wathola unkosikazi wakhe ukuba asifundise isifundo esisodwa ngokuzala, ngokusobala engenandaba nokuthi wayesimodela ngani ngokungabikho kwakhe.
Akumangazi-ke ukuthi, lapho ngithola izithombe ezingcolile ngangingazi ukuthi ngizokwenzenjani. Umama nobaba babenobisi lweminyaka emithathu kusukela ngineminyaka engu-14 ubudala, okwanginikeza ukufinyelela okulungele inyanga nenyanga kuye Playboy futhi Penthouse. Ukuvuka kodwa kuphazamise ngasikhathi sinye, bengikhathazeka ngazo zonke izindlela engangingabukeki ngazo njengamantombazane ezithombeni nokuthi ngabe ngihloselwe ukwenza into enjalo noma cha. Umama akazange; okuwukuphela kwento ayeke wayigqoka kwakuyindebe yezindebe futhi ngangimbuka ehlehlisa phezulu amatilayini ayethungelwe engutsheni yakhe entsha eyenziwe ngombala ohlaza okwesibhakabhaka, ukuphawula kwakubukeka sengathi kuyi-tarty. Ngabe ngihloselwe ukukhetha phakathi kokuba intombazane enhle nentombazane emnandi? Ngokulinganayo noma mhlawumbe okubaluleke kakhulu, babefuna ini abafana?
Kwakucatshangwa ukuthi leyo mizamo yami yokuqala yokwenza ucansi yayingabukeki, ingafundile futhi ingenelisi. Ngabe izingane zethu zinolwazi olungcono manje ngo-2020 kunasekwedlule leminyaka? Abanye bazoba njalo kepha nginovalo lokuthi abaningi abasekho, ngakho-ke angimanganga neze lapho ngithola imiphumela ikhishwe ngumcwaningi mabhuku wethu omkhulu, uDavid Shanks, ocwaningweni lwakamuva lwehhovisi lakhe kubantu abasha kanye nezithombe zocansi. Lolu cwaningo olubalulekile luveze ukuthi, ngenkathi abantu bethu abasha befuna ukwazi ukukhuluma nabantu abadala ngalokho abakubonayo ukusiza ukuyicubungula, iningi alikhulumi nabazali babo, uma benikezwe ukubuka porn. Unecala nehlazo kuqhuba ukubuka kwabo ngaphansi komhlaba, kwamantombazane ngezinga elikhulu kakhulu kunabafana, ngenxa yenqubo ephansi kabili abahlangabezana nayo. Inkinga yabo iyaqhubeka: kanjani ukuba ngocansi kepha kuhlonishwe.
Ucwaningo luphinde lwathola ukuthi, ngoba i-porn itholakala kalula kumadivaysi ezinkulungwane izingane kanye nabantu abasha - noma okungenani abangane babo - ukufinyelela kuzo, sekuyinto ejwayelekile. Intsha ibike uhlobo lokwazi ukuthi akuyona ubulili bangempela kepha, noma kunjalo, ukuthi ibumba ukucabanga kwabo. Banikezwe amandla okucindezela kontanga, izingxoxo ezijulile ziveze ukuthi, noma bazi ukuthi ubulili bocansi abulona ucansi lwangempela, kujwayelekile ngentsha ukwenza lokho abakubonile ku-porn ngoba becabanga ukuthi yilokho uzakwabo azokufuna noma lindela. Bayakuvuma ukuthi banelukuluku lokwazi futhi bafuna ukufunda ngezocansi nobulili babo, banama-hormone ocansi agcwele imizimba yabo, ngakho-ke i-porn nayo iba lula usizo lokuvusa indlwabu nokushaya indlwabu, kanye nethuluzi lokufunda elizenzakalelayo.
Ingabe yile ndlela esifuna izingane zethu zifunde ngayo ngocansi? Ukuhlonza nokuqonda lokho abakuthandayo ngocansi kususelwa kuluphi uhlobo lwezinto zocansi abazikhanyisela? Impendulo evela kimi futhi ngithemba ukuthi iningi labantu bethu, cha cha.
Kunokuningi kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bezocansi kanye nobudlelwano obuhlanganyelwe kunalokho okungavezwa noma iyiphi ividiyo ngenhloso esetshenziswayo yokuthengisa. Empeleni, ngibonile imibhangqwana eminingi engenawo amakhono abalulekile wokuhlobene nabantu abaningi kakhulu abazizwa kabi ngomzimba noma “ukusebenza” ngokungafani nalokho abakubone online. Ngaphezu kwalokho, izithombe zocansi zivame ukufanekisa “ukwenza”; ukusebenzisa umlingani, kunokuba ubakhathalele. Lapho kubikwa ukuthi kube nokulimaza, ngisho nokuhlukumeza, kuvame ukwenziwa imodeli yokufunda kusukela ekuvezweni kwe-porn okungakaze kuthathwe futhi kubhekwane nako ngempumelelo.
Ngisize futhi imibhangqwana eminingi ibhekana nezinkinga ezisebenzayo kwezocansi ezivelile kusukela ekuvuseleleni ekuvuseleleni ngokushesha nasekuvuseleleni ekuboniseni okushukumisayo okubonakalayo okuhamba ngokushesha, kushiya umuntu engakwazi ukuvuswa noma ukufinyelela i-orgasm ocansini lwabo oluhlanganyelwe. Umbono wami uqobo mayelana ne-porn ye-general ukuthi, kufana nokudla notshwala, akuwona umkhiqizo wokuthi uyisebenzisa kanjani - yize kunjalo kukhona imikhiqizo ethile kulezi zigaba ezintathu ezandisa impilo kunenye. Isiphetho sami esivela emashumini amathathu wesipiliyoni sobuchwepheshe kufanele kube ukuthi izithombe zocansi kumane nje akuyona uthisha omuhle.
Izingxoxo zabazali nge-porn zivame ukunconywa ukuba zize ngemuva kwemfundo eyisisekelo yezocansi, evame ukubizwa ngokuthi “inkulumo yobulili”, evame ukwenzeka ebuntwaneni noma phakathi kweminyaka, uma kwenzeka. Umbono wami ukuthi akugcini lapho sekwephuze kakhulu kepha ukuthi sihlose “ukukhuluma” okukodwa kuwukubukela phansi into edingekayo.
Indlela enhle nebonakalayo phambili yokuthi sisa imfundo yezocansi kusukela ekuzalweni kuya phambili. Ilukuluku ngomzimba wakho liphilile futhi liwumbala. Bukela ukugqama kobuso bosana njengoba bethola ukuthi lesi sandla esijika phambi kwabo kungokwabo, ngaphansi kolawulo lwabo. Qaphela ukuzimisela kwabo uma uzama ukubuyisa i-flannel kubo njengoba benza umsebenzi onamandla kakhulu wokugeza izitho zabo zangasese, ngoba sebethole ukuthi kuzwakala kukuhle kangakanani. Isikhathi sokugeza nokugqoka kuyithuba elihle lokuqamba izingxenye zomzimba. Izingane ezithole umyalezo wabazali wokuthi imizimba yazo nelukuluku lazo zilungile zizohola abazali kulokho abafuna ukwazi. Abanye bazoyiveza ngokubuza imibuzo, abanye bahlole, abanye bayenze yomibili.
Noma yimuphi umzali ozizwa ekhathazekile njengoba eza ekhuluma “ngezitho zangasese”, qiniseka; lokho kuyathuthuka ngokuzijwayeza. Ezinsukwini zami zokuqala zokwelulekwa ngangivame ukugxuma lapho kufanele ukuthi amagama athi “penis” noma “ukushaya indlwabu”. Angijwayele nje ukusho lawo magama, ngisho nowesifazane ohlanganyelwe ebuntwaneni obunengane nomuntu wesilisa! Njengoba ngibhala lokhu ngiyazibuza, ngabe bengikakhululeka noma ngijwayele ukusho ukuthi i-clitoris, i-vulva, i-vagina? Angiboni. Manje, enkampanini ethile, ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi lawo magama akhipha ulimi lwami kalula nje.
Njengoba bekhula kunamathuba amaningi okufundisa izingane ngobumfihlo, inhlonipho, injabulo kanye nemvume. Lezi zingxoxo azidingi futhi akufanele zilinde isikhathi sobusha. Ngaleyo ndlela lapho sekuyisikhathi sokukhuluma ngomsebenzi wezocansi okwenziwayo, imiqondo iyajwayeleka futhi nezindlela zokuxhumana namakhono wokuzisebenzisa, konke kusungulwe kahle. Ube ngumuntu ohamba naye ephephile kunoma yimiphi imibuzo noma ukukhathazeka futhi namagugu nolwazi oluyisisekelo sokuthuthukisa ulwazi lwezocansi kusendaweni. Kukhona imihlahlandlela ebalulekile yokuxoxisana ngamathuluzi we-porn namanye ahlobene nolwazi on i-classifiedoffice.govt.nz , kanye nemibiko enemininingwane yocwaningo ngalesi sihloko.
Vele, lokho okulingisayo kuyo yonke iminyaka yokukhula kwezingane zakho kuzoba nomthelela omkhulu kakhulu kunalokho okushoyo. Uma wenza ku-whānau yakho isiko lokuxoxisana ngokukhululekile, kwesinye isikhathi kuyodingeka uzwe imibono ehlukile kakhulu kuleyo ongafisa ukuyidlulisela kubantu bakho abasha. Kepha uma ungakhombisi intshisekelo nokuhlonipha imibono yabo, kungani bezolalela futhi bacabangele okwakho? Futhi uma usola ezinye zezinkolelo noma ukukhetha kwabo, kungani bezokuza kuwe lapho bedidekile noma bekhathazwa yilokho abakubonile noma ababonile? Kunezindlela zokukhombisa ukukhathazeka okugwema ukubheca.
Ababelethi bangasizwa ngokuqakathekileko emsebenzini wabo ukusiza abantwababo ukuthi bakhulise ubunjalo babo nokuzithemba. Izikole zethu zigunyazwe ukuthi zinikeze amahora angama-12-15 wemfundo yezocansi ngonyaka kusuka ebuntwaneni kuze kube sekupheleni kwesikole samabanga aphezulu. Kuyadabukisa ukuthi leli zinga lemfundo libonakala lenzeka ezikoleni ezimbalwa, kepha lapho sonke othisha siqeqeshiwe futhi sinikezwe amandla okufaka ulwazi lokuya ocansini ezifundweni zabo, sizokuba elinye igxathu ekusizeni bonke abantu abasha ukuba nokuqonda okusobala nokwenziwe kahle. yeminye imiqondo eyisisekelo. Lapho sebeba ngabazali bahlinzekelwa umsebenzi. Ngikholwa ngokweqiniso ukuthi, sindawonye, singazilungiselela izingane zethu noma yini abazoyithola ngocansi kanye nezocansi empilweni yabo yonke.
Kancane, ngidinga ukuphetha ngenothi yokuqwashisa. Izingane ezingazilungiselele ezivezwa ku-porn zilingana nokuhlukumezeka ngokocansi. Bangakhathazeka noma bahlupheke kakhulu ngenxa yalokho abakubonayo, ngayo yonke imiphumela yokulimala okuthe xaxa kanye nokuba khona kwezinkinga eziphathelene nezocansi zabantu abadala ezichazwe ngenhla. Izingane ezisetshenziselwa ukuxoxa ngezindaba zocansi nabazali ziningi kakhulu ezibika ngokuchayeka okunjalo futhi zithole usizo oludingayo ukucubungula futhi zixazulule ukusabela kwazo. Abazali / whānau nabanye abanakekeli abathanda ukuvikela izingane kanye nentsha bangafunda isifinyezo esiphelele sokuziphatha okujwayelekile kobulili eqenjini ngalinye leminyaka, lapho bezokhathazeka ngokuziphatha kobulili nokuthi yisiphi isinyathelo okufanele basithathe ngokunukubeza izingane ngokocansi encwadini engiyihlelile enesihloko Mahhala. Lezi zathuthukiswa yisazi samazwe aphesheya UToni Cavanagh Johnson.
Ngenkathi yokuqamba leyo ncwadi, ekusebenzeni kwami njengososayensi wezengqondo nasempilweni yami uqobo, umyalezo ofanayo uvela ngokusobala nangokuphindaphindekayo: ukuvuleleka nokwethembeka kubalulekile kubo bonke ubudlelwano, futhi ikakhulukazi labo esinabo nezingane kanye nentsha yethu. Uma wenza ikhaya lakho libe yindawo ephephile lapho izingane zingaxoxa khona ngokubonile ku-inthanethi ngaphandle kokwesaba noma amahloni, izici ezicashile zobulili ezingcolile zizolahlekelwa amandla.
URobyn Salisbury ngudokotela wezifo zengqondo odokotela, umlobi ojwayelekile wamaphephandaba wangeSonto nomhleli we Kumahhala Ukuba Izingane: Ukuvimbela ukuhlukunyezwa kwezingane ngokocansi e-Aotearoa / NZ.
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